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#1
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
Hi,
~ my 18 year old son came from overseas less than 2 months ago ~ He wanted to come to the idea that he had about "America". He occupies his mind with a great deal of hip-hop and reggaeton. ~ I had been noticing how much different his personality is from mine even before he got here, but I never expected for things to go out of control so fast so soon ~ Basically he doesn't listen to what you are trying to tell him and I am not so good at being persuasive. Just trying to make him understand that he may not go to dancing places/where they sell alcoholic beverages till he is 21 and that he is not supposed to go to school wearing his oversize earrings has been tough to me ~ Just taking about these matters to me is incredibly taxing now imagine talking about it to your own son and in a persuasive way without losing your temper/getting angry at some point ~ How do people cope with these issues? Any manuals for "instant daddies"? Thanks lbrtchx |
#2
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
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#3
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
You're an idiot, he's an adult.
The second part I kind of understand (at least the "legal" part of it), but unless you are God for Windows Vista I wonder what makes you feel like you can read a whole situation out of a statement as harsh as it may sound to you. What exactly makes you think I am an idiot I would like to know. Hey! Maybe I am by just taking the time to reply to you! ~ To me part of "being an adult" is being able to provide for yourself and being sustainably independent in a moral way. That includes having some skills/career (and unless you consider such things as gansta rapping and somehow (not even in a "smart" way) knowing where you can plug your penis to be a skill, he has none) and he hasn't even finished high school and never did in his home country in a paternalistic educational environment (Cuba) and surrounded by super caring and hyper protective family ~ To me he was just lazy kid thinking his daddy would pull him out of it in a movie like way, which in a sense, was exactly what happened ... ~ Whatever you're trying to do, it's both too late, and not even your right legally anymore. Anymore, you said?!? When do you stop being someone's mother/father? Oh, I see you are giving me a legal talk here! ~ You run the risk of losing a possible friendship with your adult son if you keep ****ing up by demanding that the people you care about be just like you!! Yes, to a certain extent I would like for him to be "like me" as you say. I have never ever ****ed up with anyone, I have always been a decent dog and when I was his age I contested a nationwide schollarship to finish graduate school in a pretigious German University, from where I graduated with high laurates ~ I love to read and code (I don't watch TV or owe moneys from any bank, we should forget about that part), but I would really be happy if he just finishes high school which he will (re)start this fall. What I am asking from him is the bare minimum ~ Believe me, I hate rap, hip-hop, and most reggae too Well, you see reggae to me is much better than rap, hip-hop and reggaeton. The thing is that some kids take this crap as some sort of ultimate truth/religion. he actually is like a 10 year old child, I have to be explainig to him he is not supposed to leave wet cloths in the closet, properly close a soda bottle or pee without leaving his mark on the toillet, yet he apparently knows all these songs ~ but it's no longer your place, if indeed it EVER was. Wrong again Mr. Opinion! I am his father. Whose place is it yours? Society's? ~ Treat him like you have to treat your adult friends in order to have any, (IF YOU EVEN DO! - I have noticed that most authoritarians are emotionally underdeveloped adult misanthropes who have no real friends!). So let me understand you, if you have friends you are emotionally developed? This idea really makes me question your smarts, that, to me would be the same as saying that some idea is true/right because it is popular. Also the mobs and politicians thrive in this culture of "friendship" ... ~ If you don't, you will lose him altogether, he will simply avoid you hereafter. I decided to reply your post because I might go back and visit how I felt years later ~ Again, becoming an instant daddy/mommy is not easy and even asking the right questions the right way is hard ~ lbrtchx |
#4
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
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#5
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
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#6
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
Dan Abel wrote:
In article . com, wrote: The second part I kind of understand (at least the "legal" part of it), but unless you are God for Windows Vista I wonder what makes you feel like you can read a whole situation out of a statement as harsh as it may sound to you. What exactly makes you think I am an idiot I would like to know. Hey! Maybe I am by just taking the time to reply to you! Could be. Of course there was no way for you to know. Steve doesn't need to know anything about your situation, he has the same canned speech for every parent. ------------------ Quite right, the issues are always the same, when I find they differ, I will tell you. ;- Steve |
#7
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
"R. Steve Walz" wrote ................................ But as another adult, you have the right to evict him, but NOT the right to violate his his human rights, OR "quiet enjoyment of the premises" as long as you permit him to live there, and like any other adult it would require 30 days written notice and maybe a formal notice to quit the premises taken out at the courthouse to remove him legally. == Not if he isn't charging him rent (or other contractural basis for his tenancy). Absent that, he can be removed at any time as an "unwanted person." |
#8
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
But as another adult, you have the right to evict him, but NOT the right to violate his his human rights, OR "quiet enjoyment of the premises" as long as you permit him to live there, and like any other adult it would require 30 days written notice and maybe a formal notice to quit the premises taken out at the courthouse to remove him legally.
~ Well, that shows clearly see you must be out of your mind. I would never EVER run him out of my apt. He has been in America for less than two months, that would be total abuse! I would never do that to him since even as difficult as he is he still doesn't have a true sense of reality in America ~ Also since you like "legal talks" let me tell you that the legalities and complexity of bringin your children from overseas are complicated by a variety of legal issues as well. For example, he may not become a burden of any kind till he becomes a citizen (in at least three years) if he does uncle Sam expediently sends the bill to you. So it is not so easy legally either ~ To teach someone to walk, you let them walk. If we tried to teach children to walk in detail by regimen, they might be ONLY halfway good at it by the time they were ten!! Experience is always the best teacher. ~ I do agree with you on that count, but still there is still "parenting" (even in a purely animal) and societal sense and there is something namely called love ~ lbrtchx |
#9
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
Gini wrote:
"R. Steve Walz" wrote ............................... But as another adult, you have the right to evict him, but NOT the right to violate his his human rights, OR "quiet enjoyment of the premises" as long as you permit him to live there, and like any other adult it would require 30 days written notice and maybe a formal notice to quit the premises taken out at the courthouse to remove him legally. == Not if he isn't charging him rent (or other contractural basis for his tenancy). Absent that, he can be removed at any time as an "unwanted person." -------------------- No. In California and most states, once a person has had unopposed residency, whether for no rent or not, they have established that as their legal residence and are protected by eviction law requirements to get them out. In law, an "unwanted person" as you say, must be immediately opposed or else they DO INDEED acquire the status of a resident and then are protected by eviction requirements. It varies by state, but some require as little as two weeks and then it requires eviction proceedings!!! Steve |
#10
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instant single parent of my 18 year old son!
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