deadbeat and enabler list (another thread that went off topic)

In article , teachrmama says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...

snip for length

Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on
plane
tickets and stuff, y'know.

:-/

Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in divorce
situations.

Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what the
other one *does* have.

It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what they
*think*
the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the
London
travel money from.

And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or
excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago
whose
parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child lived
with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid off
when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his apartment
and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud
find
them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school events,
but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always looked
so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off for
a
week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said they
were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her
how
Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to
Disneyland
"because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were
living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child such a
thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was
obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2
working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is
supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in court
demanding more from dad?



There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip (it
all
comes down to priorities)

No, that was the reason--mom told me later.

What a crappy person.


but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to
their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting
things
mixed up.

About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that ex's
can be
very comfortable with each other at something like a school event. Usually
they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting too much
there.

Well, you had to be there, I think. I have seen parents uncomfortable with
each other, but this was different.


I've heard it said that the NCP should pay the CS thinking of the kid and never
second guess or fight, and the CP should plan as if the CS won't be coming.
Contradictory advice of course, but it's Dr. Phil - type advice, taking into
account that one can't control everything, especially other people as well as
events. Coming from what, 20 years from now, would mean a well-adjusted kid
turned adult and parents who can be proud of what they did and how they held up.

They'd get their trip to Disney at some point if they plan for it and prioritize
for it.

Banty

In article , Bob Whiteside
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...

There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip (it
all
comes down to priorities) but they *never* should have brought CS up AT
ALL to
their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting
things
mixed up.

This whole argument is driven by gender feminist BS. If dads can afford to
take their children to Disneyland they are are called "Disneyland Dads" who
have discretionary money available to spend and give their children a false
sense of reality. But if children are told they can't go to Disneyland
because their dads don't pay CS it is the dad's fault and their Disneyland
experience is altered by their dads providing money. This is just total
sexist crap!


??

Occam's razor.

This can be explained by just plain ol' immature blaming-others crap. Very very
common across all descriptions of humans. No need to invoke gender preference.

Banty

--
[Any man that's good enough to support a child is good enough to have
custody of such child]
"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...

snip for length

Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on
plane
tickets and stuff, y'know.

:-/

Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in
divorce
situations.

Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what
the
other one *does* have.

It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what they
*think*
the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the
London
travel money from.

And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or
excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago
whose
parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child
lived
with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid
off
when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his
apartment
and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud
find
them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school
events,
but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always
looked
so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off
for
a
week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said
they
were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her
how
Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to
Disneyland
"because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were
living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child
such a
thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was
obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2
working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is
supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in
court
demanding more from dad?



There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip
(it
all
comes down to priorities)

No, that was the reason--mom told me later.

What a crappy person.


but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to
their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting
things
mixed up.

About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that ex's
can be
very comfortable with each other at something like a school event.
Usually
they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting too
much
there.

Well, you had to be there, I think. I have seen parents uncomfortable
with
each other, but this was different.


I've heard it said that the NCP should pay the CS thinking of the kid and
never
second guess or fight, and the CP should plan as if the CS won't be
coming.
Contradictory advice of course, but it's Dr. Phil - type advice, taking
into
account that one can't control everything, especially other people as well
as
events. Coming from what, 20 years from now, would mean a well-adjusted
kid
turned adult and parents who can be proud of what they did and how they
held up.

Uhuh, teaching a child that their father is nothing more than a wallet that
shows up on occasion turns out the FINEST of adults! Everyone knows that's
all fathers are good for.



They'd get their trip to Disney at some point if they plan for it and
prioritize
for it.

Banty

--
[Any man that's good enough to support a child is good enough to have
custody of such child]
"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Bob
Whiteside
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...

"His" money. Yeah, she took 'his' money to not be impovershed
anymore.
If
there were a trustee like I've been suggesting, it'd be that she
would
be
able
to save a weeks' tips and wait for the next paycheck to do that,
maybe
a
few
days later than she did, and put 'his' money directly to the rent.
Because she
no longer had to scratch to make up for - 'his money'.

I know most, by far, situations aren't like that. But time and
time
again, just
like here, I've seen that attitude in one way or another.

Although this comment is just as anecdotal as your comment, there are
lots
of events that transpire which make fathers believe their CS money is
being
misappropriated to cover the mother's personal expenses. A couple of
examples would be a mother who uses a lump sum CS payment after a CS
modification to fund her IRA. Or a mother who signs a state required
Uniform Expense Declaration under penalty of perjury showing
expenditures
at
a high-end retailer are 2/3 for the children. Or a mother who claims
she
pays her live-in boyfriend as a gardener and home maintenance person.


Oh I have no doubt that, being as some people just fraud wherever
they
can,
this would be one of the ways. CP, or NCP, male or female. This
crap
from the
CP; an NCP working off the books (and that's *common*).

It's just this attitude that, if the custodial parent, anytime
anywhere,
shows
up looking better than hum drum, or doing anything more expensive
than a
day at
the park by him or herself or with adult friends, "that was 'MY
MONEY'
paying
for that".

And that is a sad attitude. As is the "how did you get a new car? You
must
not be paying enough child support" accusation. (I've hear that opne a
number of times)

I'm sure it can be turned around like that.

Heck, it doesnt' even have to have anything to do with CS. My sister
wanted me
to lend her money (bad idea), saying I can "afford it if you went to
England
this year".

Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on
plane
tickets and stuff, y'know.

:-/

Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in
divorce
situations.

Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what
the
other one *does* have.

It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what they
*think*
the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the
London
travel money from.

And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or
excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago
whose
parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child
lived
with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid off
when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his apartment
and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud
find
them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school events,
but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always
looked
so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off
for a
week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said they
were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her
how
Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to
Disneyland
"because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were
living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child such
a
thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was
obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2
working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is
supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in court
demanding more from dad?



There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip (it
all
comes down to priorities) but they *never* should have brought CS up AT
ALL to
their kid about that.

Classic example of the attitude of people who don't have to earn the money
they receive. I had a tenant who proclaimed "Bush is SCREWING me!" after the
feds reduced her welfare. The mentality is once you receive free cash, you
are somehow owed it indefinitely. This is EXACTLY the kind of people that
the "child support" industry is churning out.

Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting things
mixed up.

About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that ex's
can be
very comfortable with each other at something like a school event. Usually
they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting too much
there.

Bnaty

In article , Chris says...



--
[Any man that's good enough to support a child is good enough to have
custody of such child]
"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...

snip for length

Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on
plane
tickets and stuff, y'know.

:-/

Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in
divorce
situations.

Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what
the
other one *does* have.

It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what they
*think*
the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the
London
travel money from.

And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or
excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago
whose
parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child
lived
with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid
off
when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his
apartment
and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud
find
them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school
events,
but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always
looked
so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off
for
a
week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said
they
were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her
how
Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to
Disneyland
"because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were
living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child
such a
thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was
obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2
working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is
supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in
court
demanding more from dad?



There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip
(it
all
comes down to priorities)

No, that was the reason--mom told me later.

What a crappy person.


but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to
their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting
things
mixed up.

About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that ex's
can be
very comfortable with each other at something like a school event.
Usually
they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting too
much
there.

Well, you had to be there, I think. I have seen parents uncomfortable
with
each other, but this was different.


I've heard it said that the NCP should pay the CS thinking of the kid and
never
second guess or fight, and the CP should plan as if the CS won't be
coming.
Contradictory advice of course, but it's Dr. Phil - type advice, taking
into
account that one can't control everything, especially other people as well
as
events. Coming from what, 20 years from now, would mean a well-adjusted
kid
turned adult and parents who can be proud of what they did and how they
held up.

Uhuh, teaching a child that their father is nothing more than a wallet that
shows up on occasion turns out the FINEST of adults! Everyone knows that's
all fathers are good for.


The value of a father, or a mother for that matter? Parents teach *that* to
their kids by sticking around.

Banty

--
[Any man that's good enough to support a child is good enough to have
custody of such child]
"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Chris says...



--
[Any man that's good enough to support a child is good enough to have
custody of such child]
"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...

snip for length

Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent
on
plane
tickets and stuff, y'know.

:-/

Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in
divorce
situations.

Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with
what
the
other one *does* have.

It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what
they
*think*
the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the
London
travel money from.

And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or
excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years
ago
whose
parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child
lived
with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid
off
when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his
apartment
and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he
coud
find
them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school
events,
but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always
looked
so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be
off
for
a
week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said
they
were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked
her
how
Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to
Disneyland
"because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad
were
living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child
such a
thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and
was
obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had
2
working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is
supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in
court
demanding more from dad?



There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip
(it
all
comes down to priorities)

No, that was the reason--mom told me later.

What a crappy person.


but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to
their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt'
getting
things
mixed up.

About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that
ex's
can be
very comfortable with each other at something like a school event.
Usually
they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting
too
much
there.

Well, you had to be there, I think. I have seen parents uncomfortable
with
each other, but this was different.


I've heard it said that the NCP should pay the CS thinking of the kid
and
never
second guess or fight, and the CP should plan as if the CS won't be
coming.
Contradictory advice of course, but it's Dr. Phil - type advice, taking
into
account that one can't control everything, especially other people as
well
as
events. Coming from what, 20 years from now, would mean a
well-adjusted
kid
turned adult and parents who can be proud of what they did and how they
held up.

Uhuh, teaching a child that their father is nothing more than a wallet
that
shows up on occasion turns out the FINEST of adults! Everyone knows
that's
all fathers are good for.


The value of a father, or a mother for that matter?

No. The value of a father only.

Parents teach *that* to
their kids by sticking around.

Not sure what you are referring to, but kinda hard for a father to "stick
around" when it's against the law; dontcha think?



Banty

On Nov 15, 7:47 pm, "Chris" wrote:
--
[Any man that's good enough to support a child is good enough to have
custody of such child]"Banty" wrote in message

...



In article , teachrmama says...

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...

snip for length

Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on
plane
tickets and stuff, y'know.

:-/

Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in
divorce
situations.

Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what
the
other one *does* have.

It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what they
*think*
the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the
London
travel money from.

And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or
excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago
whose
parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child
lived
with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid
off
when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his
apartment
and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud
find
them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school
events,
but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always
looked
so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off
for
a
week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said
they
were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her
how
Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to
Disneyland
"because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were
living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child
such a
thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was
obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2
working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is
supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in
court
demanding more from dad?

There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip
(it
all
comes down to priorities)

No, that was the reason--mom told me later.

What a crappy person.

but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to
their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting
things
mixed up.

About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that ex's
can be
very comfortable with each other at something like a school event.
Usually
they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting too
much
there.

Well, you had to be there, I think. I have seen parents uncomfortable
with
each other, but this was different.

I've heard it said that the NCP should pay the CS thinking of the kid and
never
second guess or fight, and the CP should plan as if the CS won't be
coming.
Contradictory advice of course, but it's Dr. Phil - type advice, taking
into
account that one can't control everything, especially other people as well
as
events. Coming from what, 20 years from now, would mean a well-adjusted
kid
turned adult and parents who can be proud of what they did and how they

held up.

Uhuh, teaching a child that their father is nothing more than a wallet that
shows up on occasion turns out the FINEST of adults! Everyone knows that's
all fathers are good for.







They'd get their trip to Disney at some point if they plan for it and
prioritize
for it.

Banty- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

everone knows that? I didn't, my kids don't, my siblings don't or is
that not everyone?

--
[Any man that's good enough to support a child is good enough to have
custody of such child]
"Very Determined!" wrote in message
...
On Nov 15, 7:47 pm, "Chris" wrote:
--
[Any man that's good enough to support a child is good enough to have
custody of such child]"Banty" wrote in
message

...



In article , teachrmama says...

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...

snip for length

Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent
on
plane
tickets and stuff, y'know.

:-/

Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in
divorce
situations.

Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with
what
the
other one *does* have.

It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what
they
*think*
the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled
the
London
travel money from.

And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or
excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years
ago
whose
parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby.
Child
lived
with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been
laid
off
when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his
apartment
and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he
coud
find
them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school
events,
but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always
looked
so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be
off
for
a
week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said
they
were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked
her
how
Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to
Disneyland
"because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad
were
living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child
such a
thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and
was
obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that
had 2
working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support
is
supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in
court
demanding more from dad?

There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney
trip
(it
all
comes down to priorities)

No, that was the reason--mom told me later.

What a crappy person.

but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to
their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt'
getting
things
mixed up.

About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that
ex's
can be
very comfortable with each other at something like a school event.
Usually
they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting
too
much
there.

Well, you had to be there, I think. I have seen parents
uncomfortable
with
each other, but this was different.

I've heard it said that the NCP should pay the CS thinking of the kid
and
never
second guess or fight, and the CP should plan as if the CS won't be
coming.
Contradictory advice of course, but it's Dr. Phil - type advice,
taking
into
account that one can't control everything, especially other people as
well
as
events. Coming from what, 20 years from now, would mean a
well-adjusted
kid
turned adult and parents who can be proud of what they did and how
they

held up.

Uhuh, teaching a child that their father is nothing more than a wallet
that
shows up on occasion turns out the FINEST of adults! Everyone knows
that's
all fathers are good for.







They'd get their trip to Disney at some point if they plan for it and
prioritize
for it.

Banty- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

everone knows that? I didn't, my kids don't, my siblings don't or is
that not everyone?

Opps, I forgot to turn on the "sarcasm" switch.