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#21
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Does anybody have any useful advice on how to collect a child
On Dec 10, 9:22 am, "teachrmama" wrote:
wrote in message ... On Dec 10, 1:22 am, Sarah Gray wrote: wrote : teachrmama wrote: wrote in message news:3574ed2e-87e9-4e85-ac3a-1f056953c1c1 @j20g2000hsi.googlegroups.com ... On Nov 15, 8:56 pm, Sarah Gray wrote: snip Actually, I am not particularly well off. When we go to the movies, it is only once in a while, and usually to the dollar show. I just don't think the government should be mandating "extras"; the parents in intact families are not put in jail for not buying their kids ipods. Kids don't need lots of stuff to be happy. Kids need love, understanding and (an appropriate degree of) respect. -- Sarah Gray- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Going to the movies is not something you need in order to survive. It is more practical, and cose efficent to wait for the movie to come out on DVD. $3.50 to watch a movie as many times as you want for 5 days, or $9.50 a ticket to watch a movie one time in a theater with a bunch of people you don't even know. I see now why you want your ex to "help support" your daughter. Geesh, Leda, she said she went to the dollar show. And not very often. I am sorry, but if you are saying that you need money from your ex, you should not be going to the movies, or even have the internet. Live within your means and then you won't need to depend on him for suport. She said that, now that the dad has moved out of state, he does not have the daughter half the time, and she is going to have to pay for child care. She would like the dad to contribute for the child's needs, because that will help her pay for thye now-necessary child care. I though you were of the opinion that fathers should provide for their children? Did you change your mind No I haven't. I just think that the CP needs to live within the means they have. But if "the means I have" is cut into by having to take care of *all* of our child's expenses, should that mean my daughter should go without and *only* have bare-bones basic everything because I don't make enough money to cover both of her parent's shares of her expenses, *and* have enough for extras?- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Sometimes it's a struggle to do what you have to do. My husband and I ate dry potatoe's every night for a bit over three months, no furinature in our apartment, and no television-all so that my stepdaughter did not go without. The ex was going to school full time, and working full time, and we were not going to let her not advance her education and work two full time jobs. That would have been easy, but in the long run, more expensive. Finally my husband was able to better employ himself, and now we struggle, but not near as bad as before. The ex is well employed because she has her credentials, and she owes them to us. And if she decides to be a b*tch, it will not matter that you made it possible for her to have great employment, because the CS system does not see it that way. She can decide to work part time as a waitress, and guess who the system will decide needs to take up the slack--whether it puts you back on dry potatoes or not. It's good that things are working out well in your case--but they do not always work out so well.- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - I wonder how long Sarah waited to file for child support after her ex left???? And if she decides to be a b*tch, it will not matter that you made it possible for her to have great employment, because the CS system does not see it that way. She can decide to work part time as a waitress, and guess who the system will decide needs to take up the slack--whether it puts you back on dry potatoes or not. It's good that things are working out well in your case--but they do not always work out so well. She would have a hard time to live on those wages of a waitress when she pulls down so much money from her profession, and anyhow, she can't file for an increase at this point in time because there has to be a two year timeframe in which the case was made active. Even if she wanted to be a bitch, she knows better that you cath more flies with honey than you do vith vinigar, and she loves her child, and knows her child loves the father-she would not do anything to hurt the child, I can honestly say that. Once there was a time she was only thinking about herself, but that's been different when D told her that he wanted to see his dad more. |
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Does anybody have any useful advice on how to collect a child
On Dec 10, 1:19 am, Sarah Gray wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote : "Sarah Gray" wrote in message .17.102... "Bob Whiteside" wrote in om: "Sarah Gray" wrote in message 15.33.102... wrote in Going to the movies is not something you need in order to survive. It is more practical, and cose efficent to wait for the movie to come out on DVD. $3.50 to watch a movie as many times as you want for 5 days, or $9.50 a ticket to watch a movie one time in a theater with a bunch of people you don't even know. I see now why you want your ex to "help support" your daughter. I am sorry, but if you are saying that you need money from your ex, you should not be going to the movies, or even have the internet. Live within your means and then you won't need to depend on him for suport. I live within my means. I don't see how spending three dollars on two movie tickets every few months should negate my ex-husband's responsibility towards his daughter... I am not asking for him to pay for extras! If he was taking care of his responsibilities to his daughter, maybe I wouldn't have to put off seeing movies until they were already on DVD, but playing at the dollar show. At our court date on Tuesday, I found out that he was "laid off" three weeks ago. (Of course, it was a coincidence that that happened right after he got the paperwork from the court) So right now, he's not supporting her at all, not even the 70 dollars a month or so that he had been.... I am just amazed at the number of mothers who believe a child's father being laid off from his job is somehow the manipulation of the father. Lay-offs are employer decisions, not father decisions. He was "laid off" a week after he threatened to quit his job to come up here and "keep dragging me in to court" with the intention of *me* losing *my* job over it. He claims he moved down there because jobs are plentiful, but he has been out of work for nearly a month? I don't buy that. Maybe he wasn't laid off. Maybe he just quit. Or maybe he is still working but telling you he was laid off. If the father is as flakey as you have described, why are you taking his statement about being laid off at face value without verifying it? I have no way of verifiying it, other than the fact that I have not recieved child support monies this month. (Automatic deductions from paycheck). For what it's worth, he told the referee he had been laid off, and I don't think he's together enough to find work without it getting garnished...- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - I would like to know why you chose such a person to father your child. If he doesn't work this must have happened at the beginning of the relationship (because as a rule of human nature, people don't change) and yet you still had a child, that you can't afford on your own. Why? Now he is gone, and I have a hard time to think that $70.00 is going to make or break you. Then, I notice in other post's, you totally down the system you yourself are so quick to use to your advantage. Why? How did you pay for child care before your ex left, and if he was the child care provider, why not let him be the CP? |
#23
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Does anybody have any useful advice on how to collect a child
wrote in message ... On Dec 10, 9:22 am, "teachrmama" wrote: wrote in message ... On Dec 10, 1:22 am, Sarah Gray wrote: wrote : teachrmama wrote: wrote in message news:3574ed2e-87e9-4e85-ac3a-1f056953c1c1 @j20g2000hsi.googlegroups.com ... On Nov 15, 8:56 pm, Sarah Gray wrote: snip Actually, I am not particularly well off. When we go to the movies, it is only once in a while, and usually to the dollar show. I just don't think the government should be mandating "extras"; the parents in intact families are not put in jail for not buying their kids ipods. Kids don't need lots of stuff to be happy. Kids need love, understanding and (an appropriate degree of) respect. -- Sarah Gray- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Going to the movies is not something you need in order to survive. It is more practical, and cose efficent to wait for the movie to come out on DVD. $3.50 to watch a movie as many times as you want for 5 days, or $9.50 a ticket to watch a movie one time in a theater with a bunch of people you don't even know. I see now why you want your ex to "help support" your daughter. Geesh, Leda, she said she went to the dollar show. And not very often. I am sorry, but if you are saying that you need money from your ex, you should not be going to the movies, or even have the internet. Live within your means and then you won't need to depend on him for suport. She said that, now that the dad has moved out of state, he does not have the daughter half the time, and she is going to have to pay for child care. She would like the dad to contribute for the child's needs, because that will help her pay for thye now-necessary child care. I though you were of the opinion that fathers should provide for their children? Did you change your mind No I haven't. I just think that the CP needs to live within the means they have. But if "the means I have" is cut into by having to take care of *all* of our child's expenses, should that mean my daughter should go without and *only* have bare-bones basic everything because I don't make enough money to cover both of her parent's shares of her expenses, *and* have enough for extras?- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Sometimes it's a struggle to do what you have to do. My husband and I ate dry potatoe's every night for a bit over three months, no furinature in our apartment, and no television-all so that my stepdaughter did not go without. The ex was going to school full time, and working full time, and we were not going to let her not advance her education and work two full time jobs. That would have been easy, but in the long run, more expensive. Finally my husband was able to better employ himself, and now we struggle, but not near as bad as before. The ex is well employed because she has her credentials, and she owes them to us. And if she decides to be a b*tch, it will not matter that you made it possible for her to have great employment, because the CS system does not see it that way. She can decide to work part time as a waitress, and guess who the system will decide needs to take up the slack--whether it puts you back on dry potatoes or not. It's good that things are working out well in your case--but they do not always work out so well.- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - I wonder how long Sarah waited to file for child support after her ex left???? My impression is that she did not want to file--she asked for a reasonable amount af assistance in providing for their child--but he refused and told her to take him to court. Even after that, she tried to talk before she filed. And she is still asking for less than a court judgement would be. And if she decides to be a b*tch, it will not matter that you made it possible for her to have great employment, because the CS system does not see it that way. She can decide to work part time as a waitress, and guess who the system will decide needs to take up the slack--whether it puts you back on dry potatoes or not. It's good that things are working out well in your case--but they do not always work out so well. She would have a hard time to live on those wages of a waitress when she pulls down so much money from her profession, and anyhow, she can't file for an increase at this point in time because there has to be a two year timeframe in which the case was made active. Even if she wanted to be a bitch, she knows better that you cath more flies with honey than you do vith vinigar, and she loves her child, and knows her child loves the father-she would not do anything to hurt the child, I can honestly say that. Once there was a time she was only thinking about herself, but that's been different when D told her that he wanted to see his dad more. You have no idea how fortunate you aer. Not everyone is treated well by the CP. Some have horror stories that you would find it terrible to live through. Count your blessings. |
#24
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Does anybody have any useful advice on how to collect a child
wrote in message ... On Dec 9, 10:08 pm, "teachrmama" wrote: wrote in message ... teachrmama wrote: wrote in message ... On Nov 15, 8:56 pm, Sarah Gray wrote: snip Actually, I am not particularly well off. When we go to the movies, it is only once in a while, and usually to the dollar show. I just don't think the government should be mandating "extras"; the parents in intact families are not put in jail for not buying their kids ipods. Kids don't need lots of stuff to be happy. Kids need love, understanding and (an appropriate degree of) respect. -- Sarah Gray- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Going to the movies is not something you need in order to survive. It is more practical, and cose efficent to wait for the movie to come out on DVD. $3.50 to watch a movie as many times as you want for 5 days, or $9.50 a ticket to watch a movie one time in a theater with a bunch of people you don't even know. I see now why you want your ex to "help support" your daughter. Geesh, Leda, she said she went to the dollar show. And not very often. I am sorry, but if you are saying that you need money from your ex, you should not be going to the movies, or even have the internet. Live within your means and then you won't need to depend on him for suport. She said that, now that the dad has moved out of state, he does not have the daughter half the time, and she is going to have to pay for child care. She would like the dad to contribute for the child's needs, because that will help her pay for thye now-necessary child care. I though you were of the opinion that fathers should provide for their children? Did you change your mind No I haven't. I just think that the CP needs to live within the means they have. She is living in within the means she has. You seem to be talking from both directions. The father is not demonstrating any responsibility, having walked away from their 50/50 shared parenting plan. Sarah is managing with what she has, but would also like a bit of help from the dad to cover new expenses created by his walking away, such as child care. What other suggestions do you have for her?- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Make oneself more employable, or get a second job. Sometimes the only way to get something is by the sweat of ones own brow. That's why the government implemented child support. No it isn't, but you obviously don't let the facts get in your way. Sara's ex is just one of many that walk away from thier responsibilities to the children they have a 50/50 cocreateation and responsibility of. a second swing and a miss It proves my point that there is a reason the CS system exists. For all of the fathers that do want to do right, there are men like Sarah's ex. and a third swing and a miss |
#25
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Does anybody have any useful advice on how to collect a child
wrote in message ... On Dec 10, 9:19 am, "teachrmama" wrote: wrote in message ... On Dec 9, 10:08 pm, "teachrmama" wrote: wrote in message ... teachrmama wrote: wrote in message ... On Nov 15, 8:56 pm, Sarah Gray wrote: snip Actually, I am not particularly well off. When we go to the movies, it is only once in a while, and usually to the dollar show. I just don't think the government should be mandating "extras"; the parents in intact families are not put in jail for not buying their kids ipods. Kids don't need lots of stuff to be happy. Kids need love, understanding and (an appropriate degree of) respect. -- Sarah Gray- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Going to the movies is not something you need in order to survive. It is more practical, and cose efficent to wait for the movie to come out on DVD. $3.50 to watch a movie as many times as you want for 5 days, or $9.50 a ticket to watch a movie one time in a theater with a bunch of people you don't even know. I see now why you want your ex to "help support" your daughter. Geesh, Leda, she said she went to the dollar show. And not very often. I am sorry, but if you are saying that you need money from your ex, you should not be going to the movies, or even have the internet. Live within your means and then you won't need to depend on him for suport. She said that, now that the dad has moved out of state, he does not have the daughter half the time, and she is going to have to pay for child care. She would like the dad to contribute for the child's needs, because that will help her pay for thye now-necessary child care. I though you were of the opinion that fathers should provide for their children? Did you change your mind No I haven't. I just think that the CP needs to live within the means they have. She is living in within the means she has. You seem to be talking from both directions. The father is not demonstrating any responsibility, having walked away from their 50/50 shared parenting plan. Sarah is managing with what she has, but would also like a bit of help from the dad to cover new expenses created by his walking away, such as child care. What other suggestions do you have for her?- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Make oneself more employable, or get a second job. Sometimes the only way to get something is by the sweat of ones own brow. That's why the government implemented child support. Sara's ex is just one of many that walk away from thier responsibilities to the children they have a 50/50 cocreateation and responsibility of. It proves my point that there is a reason the CS system exists. For all of the fathers that do want to do right, there are men like Sarah's ex. So let the system deal with those who refuse to take on their own responsibilities--and leave the rest alone. I have no idea why you have chosen to be so hard on Sarah who, from what she has written here, is working very hard to do what is right by her child, and is asking for a minimal amount of help. She has stated that her job has great advancement potential, and that she is very fortunate to have such a job, so she IS becoming more employable just by working there. That is far, far better than some of the CPs who come through, complaining endlessly about how much they are "owed" for simply being parents to their children.- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - She has stated that her job has great advancement potential, and that she is very fortunate to have such a job, so she IS becoming more employable just by working there. That is far, far better than some of the CPs who come through, complaining endlessly about how much they are "owed" for simply being parents to their children.- I don't see where she is not complaining about the cost of raising the child, or the fact that the ex left the state. She has a recourse-she can allow her child to live with the ex and his parents until she has advanced in her job and is able to offord the essintals, and the *extras*. Just exactly why do you think that she should give up on having her child with her because her ex chose to leave the state? Why should she scrimp and barely get by every month in order to send money to him to have the joy of raising their child? HE walked away from that--not her. Why is your nose so out of joint about Sarah? |
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Does anybody have any useful advice on how to collect a child
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Does anybody have any useful advice on how to collect a child
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#29
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Does anybody have any useful advice on how to collect a child
On Dec 10, 9:27 pm, "Animal02" wrote:
wrote in message ... On Dec 9, 10:08 pm, "teachrmama" wrote: wrote in message ... teachrmama wrote: wrote in message ... On Nov 15, 8:56 pm, Sarah Gray wrote: snip Actually, I am not particularly well off. When we go to the movies, it is only once in a while, and usually to the dollar show. I just don't think the government should be mandating "extras"; the parents in intact families are not put in jail for not buying their kids ipods. Kids don't need lots of stuff to be happy. Kids need love, understanding and (an appropriate degree of) respect. -- Sarah Gray- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Going to the movies is not something you need in order to survive. It is more practical, and cose efficent to wait for the movie to come out on DVD. $3.50 to watch a movie as many times as you want for 5 days, or $9.50 a ticket to watch a movie one time in a theater with a bunch of people you don't even know. I see now why you want your ex to "help support" your daughter. Geesh, Leda, she said she went to the dollar show. And not very often. I am sorry, but if you are saying that you need money from your ex, you should not be going to the movies, or even have the internet. Live within your means and then you won't need to depend on him for suport. She said that, now that the dad has moved out of state, he does not have the daughter half the time, and she is going to have to pay for child care. She would like the dad to contribute for the child's needs, because that will help her pay for thye now-necessary child care. I though you were of the opinion that fathers should provide for their children? Did you change your mind No I haven't. I just think that the CP needs to live within the means they have. She is living in within the means she has. You seem to be talking from both directions. The father is not demonstrating any responsibility, having walked away from their 50/50 shared parenting plan. Sarah is managing with what she has, but would also like a bit of help from the dad to cover new expenses created by his walking away, such as child care. What other suggestions do you have for her?- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Make oneself more employable, or get a second job. Sometimes the only way to get something is by the sweat of ones own brow. That's why the government implemented child support. No it isn't, but you obviously don't let the facts get in your way. Sara's ex is just one of many that walk away from thier responsibilities to the children they have a 50/50 cocreateation and responsibility of. a second swing and a miss It proves my point that there is a reason the CS system exists. For all of the fathers that do want to do right, there are men like Sarah's ex. and a third swing and a miss- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - No it isn't, but you obviously don't let the facts get in your way. So you don't think child support was created as a way to get welfare recipients off of state money? That's your view, and you're entitled to it, (just like CP's are entitled to CS) Sara's ex is just one of many that walk away from thier responsibilities to the children they have a 50/50 cocreateation and responsibility of. a second swing and a miss So are you implying that fathers do not walk away from thier children, and that the number is not that great? Isn't that what fathers wan't, 50/50 shared custody in divorce cases, (not just because the child has 50/50 chromosoneal make up of both parent's), because the fathers feel that they can do just as good a job as the mothers? Stupidity is not a crime so I can't hold it against you. It proves my point that there is a reason the CS system exists. For all of the fathers that do want to do right, there are men like Sarah's ex. and a third swing and a miss So if not for the reason of people walking away from thier parental and financial responsibilities to the children, then why? Also, please go into more detail as to why you feel I am wrong, it is helpful to show why you agree or disagree with person, otherwise it's just dust in the wind. |
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Does anybody have any useful advice on how to collect a child
On Dec 11, 1:36 am, Sarah Gray wrote:
wrote : On Dec 10, 1:19 am, Sarah Gray wrote: "Bob Whiteside" wrote : "Sarah Gray" wrote in message .17.102... "Bob Whiteside" wrote in om: "Sarah Gray" wrote in message 15.33.102... wrote in Going to the movies is not something you need in order to survive. It is more practical, and cose efficent to wait for the movie to come out on DVD. $3.50 to watch a movie as many times as you want for 5 days, or $9.50 a ticket to watch a movie one time in a theater with a bunch of people you don't even know. I see now why you want your ex to "help support" your daughter. I am sorry, but if you are saying that you need money from your ex, you should not be going to the movies, or even have the internet. Live within your means and then you won't need to depend on him for suport. I live within my means. I don't see how spending three dollars on two movie tickets every few months should negate my ex-husband's responsibility towards his daughter... I am not asking for him to pay for extras! If he was taking care of his responsibilities to his daughter, maybe I wouldn't have to put off seeing movies until they were already on DVD, but playing at the dollar show. At our court date on Tuesday, I found out that he was "laid off" three weeks ago. (Of course, it was a coincidence that that happened right after he got the paperwork from the court) So right now, he's not supporting her at all, not even the 70 dollars a month or so that he had been.... I am just amazed at the number of mothers who believe a child's father being laid off from his job is somehow the manipulation of the father. Lay-offs are employer decisions, not father decisions. He was "laid off" a week after he threatened to quit his job to come up here and "keep dragging me in to court" with the intention of *me* losing *my* job over it. He claims he moved down there because jobs are plentiful, but he has been out of work for nearly a month? I don't buy that. Maybe he wasn't laid off. Maybe he just quit. Or maybe he is still working but telling you he was laid off. If the father is as flakey as you have described, why are you taking his statement about being laid off at face value without verifying it? I have no way of verifiying it, other than the fact that I have not recieved child support monies this month. (Automatic deductions from paycheck). For what it's worth, he told the referee he had been laid off, and I don't think he's together enough to find work without it getting garnished...- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - I would like to know why you chose such a person to father your child. If he doesn't work this must have happened at the beginning of the relationship (because as a rule of human nature, people don't change) and yet you still had a child, that you can't afford on your own. Why? It was a decision made after the fact of conception, not before. We were living with his parents at the time; if I had lived alone with him at any point before we had our daughter, I would have gotten sick of it in a matter of months. Now he is gone, and I have a hard time to think that $70.00 is going to make or break you. Then, I notice in other post's, you totally down the system you yourself are so quick to use to your advantage. Why? If he is not contributing anything (as right now), I break even at the end of the month. Just because I think the system is ****ed up, does not mean I am not going to use it to ensure my daughter's father helps support her. How did you pay for child care before your ex left, and if he was the child care provider, why not let him be the CP? Before she was in school, she was in a daycare/preschool that he signed up for a subsidy for; it was only $30 a week, and we split that. He picked her up every day because my work schedule changed, and I could not get there by 6. My mom helps me out with that, now.- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - It was a decision made after the fact of conception, not before. We were living with his parents at the time; if I had lived alone with him at any point before we had our daughter, I would have gotten sick of it in a matter of months. So there was no indication that this guy was a mooch? You were both living with his parents, and he moved and is still living with his parents? He can't even support himself, and now you want him to support you and your child? If he is not contributing anything (as right now), I break even at the end of the month. Just because I think the system is ****ed up, does not mean I am not going to use it to ensure my daughter's father helps support her. And if he dosen't pay his child supprt, what then? You'll still be broke same as now. If your job has room for advancement, when you're making much more money, that acculmination of arrears will be a nice bonus, won't it? I just don't understand why you feel entitled to this man's money when you can apply for that subsidized child care same as before he left. Wouldn;t it give you more chld care now he is gone? I think it's about his money, because you could get assistance from elsewhere instead of beating a horse that will not pull the buggy. Before she was in school, she was in a daycare/preschool that he signed up for a subsidy for; it was only $30 a week, and we split that. He picked her up every day because my work schedule changed, and I could not get there by 6. My mom helps me out with that, now.- You don't have a problem with getting subsidy, so why not continue to do so. |
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