Should I say something?

On Thu, 24 Jul 2003 10:09:11 GMT, "Betsy"
wrote:

The other day my son was with his grandparents, and my nephew was there as
well. My brother and I both work, and it being summer, the children spend a
lot of time with Grandma and Papaw. Well apparently while they were
playing, my son (who is 12) shut my nephew (who is 7) in the closet and
wouldn't let him out. My mother made a point of telling me that had
happened when I picked my son up that evening. She also told me that my
father had "handled it." I am not sure if I should discuss this with my
son, or let it go with the talking to he got from his beloved Papaw. I
mean, I remember growing up, and the devastation I felt when my father told
me he was disappointed in what I had done. But, I am my son's parent, and
although he had been talked to, there had been no other consequences. The
other concern I have, is my brother also was told about the incident, and is
angry. I don't blame him, but he wants to discuss this with my son. My
brother said, "J knows M is afraid of closets. He knows that! Why would he
do such a thing?" I of course replied, logically I felt, "There were many
times you knew what I hated, but continually did those things just to
torment me. It's a kid thing." And even though they aren't siblings,
during the summer they are together so much, they may as well be. Anytime I
take my nephew with us anywhere they think he's my son. Anytime my brother
and I take our kids anywhere together, people assume we are a 'couple.' Of
course the are properly embarrassed when I say, "that's my brother." It's
nice having family around, other than my parents. The problem I am having
is I have the 'older' child and don't get much advice, just moral support.
And my brother refuses to think I know anything about how to handle my
nephew. I feel my brother may say something that would not be beneficial in
this situation. I have asked my brother to talk to my son about certain
things, because although he is 12 he is going through puberty, and sometimes
it's better for boys to have a 'guy' to talk to if possible. I am lucky in
that respect. But, in this respect if anyone says anything more, I feel it
should be me. But what do I say, how do I approach the issue? Or do I just
leave it alone, or tell the counselor on Friday?

Any suggestions?

He's your kid, you talk to him. I'd get a handle from him on what was
going on. You've got a couple of messages to send him. One: under no
circumstances is it okay to put his cousin in the closet, no reason is
an acceptable one. Two, if he was feeling provoked by his cousin, here
are some more effective means of dealing with it. (give examples)
Three, when such things take place, he can pretty much expect the
involved adults to be ticked off about it. His Uncle wants to talk to
him because it was his Uncle's little boy that got locked in the
closet, and his Uncle is gonna want to protect his child just like you
want to protect yours. So he can kind of expect a speech from his
Uncle.

Once you've sent these messages via the means you deem most effective
in private conversation with your son, I'd agree to let your brother
have his say as long as you're present. That keeps everyone on the
level and gives your brother a chance to do what he needs to do.

HTH

Cele

Betsy wrote in message ...


If I have something really uncomfortable, I may take you up on your offer
Dennis; but I am a nurse so most biological functions don't bother me. Of
course I believe sex is more than simply a biological function.

That's reassuring. You mean those feelings I get are normal ;-)

I have
always been open with my son in that regard, so hopefully he will feel
comfortable approching me with questions.


The questions are not the problem, it's the actions that might seem
inexplicable to to you.

Dennis

In ,
Dennis Here youreply
typed:
Betsy wrote in message ...


If I have something really uncomfortable, I may take you up on your
offer Dennis; but I am a nurse so most biological functions don't
bother me. Of course I believe sex is more than simply a biological
function.

That's reassuring. You mean those feelings I get are normal ;-)

I have
always been open with my son in that regard, so hopefully he will
feel comfortable approching me with questions.


The questions are not the problem, it's the actions that might seem
inexplicable to to you.

Dennis


Actions? You mean like...and um...and geez....that? Listen, I grew up with
two brothers, one older and one younger. I have walked in on them from time
to time by accident (or on purpose). LOL I think I know what you are
getting at, but I will certainly remember your offer. As well as the
instructions on how to pull your plonker that you gave Joelle. :-)

Betsy
--
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with
ketchup.