Please help on conent/agreement form

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"natural_4u" wrote in message
news
Hello people,


I'm a single parent with a beautiful 10 years old daughter. I was just
wondering if anyone can help me with any ideas on preparing a
consent/agreement form. The form must have time of pick up/drop off,
contact
number, etc..

You might be thinking... if I don't trust the other person/parent why
even
let them take her for the day. Well...I'm not sure if I can give a
straight
answer... and verbal agreements just don't cut-it anymore. When I say to
bring her (my daughter) back by 5 PM , it's never on time, always 3-4
hours
late

Before we went to court it was all verbal agreements... and to make a
long
story short, 7 years ago a SIMPLE weekend stay turn into a disaster
evolving
serious legal action.

So if I serve a consent form I might not have to worry.

Thanks People!!!



At the beginning of the divorce, my ex couldn't be trusted to bring our
son
home on time. He'd deliberately bring him late or early in the attempt to
screw with my schedule. As in, if I had to work until 5pm he'd show up at
4pm and say that I was irresponsible and the like....

so, I started having him sign a paper everytime he picked up our son that
said what time he was bringing him home. The same type paper you use at a
child care place. This was all at the suggestion of my lawyer mind you.
It
soon worked, because every time he would say "You never told me what time
to
bring him home" I'd whip out the paper.

Eventually the pettiness went away and we were better able to work with
each
other with visitation (of course this was when DS was a toddler)

If you are going to do it. Be sure to not make the wording condescending.
Don't antagonize the situation. Always be mindful that your child needs
both parents.

with respect,
*bri (who isn't really proud of how me and my ex handled things early on,
but grew up and changed that quickly)


I too see nothing wrong with having the proper documentation. It saves a
lot in the long run. I've read through the thread, and can't help but think
that in your situation that it's really quite necessary. It may be wise to
ensure that both of you agree to terms of supervised visitation before
arranging a time. I really don't believe that anyone can be trusted without
having earned trust. You have the courts on your side, to help enforce the
terms of the visitation.

Good luck, I truly hope that it goes well. It's been a while, a leap of
faith never hurts, so, I hope that you will keep an open mind that you are
giving your daughter a wonderful opportunity. I hope that your ex sees that
too and doesn't blow it.

Lisa

"Betsy" wrote in message
m...
In ,
Paul Fritz typed:
"natural_4u" wrote in message
. ca...
ex-parte = From a one-sided or strongly biased point of view

I didn't know that before. I guess I should of looked it up before
calling you a dumb-ass and stuff.

Paul... I'm just saying that why all of sudden does my daughter's
mom want to start seeing her again? I know... because it's her
daughter too.. right?!

Exactly......and your daughter NEEDS both her parents.

(On a side note.........Amy Lynn should be choking on her kneecaps
right about now, she stuck her feet so far down her throat snicker
)


You know I'm just getting my life back together and I dont need
another road block. I just don't want to take any chances.

Your daughter's mother is NOT a road block...........she is half your
daughter.......and will be part of your life forever. You need to
start dealing with that fact.


The court did let me decide on the person to pick for the supervised
visitation. My daughter's mom never went for it.

Then that is her decision.

She rather not see her own
daughter than to have someone peeking over everytime she wants to
see her daughter.

Then that is her decision

I nevered ask for that supervised visitation, the judge just
decleared it.

Based on the additional information you posted, this is not
necessarily a bad thing in the short term........she needs to
reestaclish trust with the courts.


I'm not sure if you'd been burned before but its' not a good feeling.

More so than you could ever imagine.


I may be wrong, but you sound young. I would suggest that you look
up and join a local 'father's rights' group. Not that you need
it.....you are one of the lucky (and rare) ones that actually got
custody of your child. The reason to join is that you will have
access to a lot of legal information, many times lawyers
attend......you need to learn how the system works, and to make it
work effectively for you and your daughter....parental kidnapping
laws for one........but you need set parenting times to use it
effectively.

Second......never bash your ex to your daughter, and for the sake of
your daughter, and in her best interest, your ultimate goal should be
a shared parenting of your your daughter with her mother. I am not
saying that this will happen overnight, it will take time for her to
regain yours, and the courts trust. Children need both a mother and
a father, it takes that to create them, it certainly takes that to
raise them properly.

Third, realize that your daughter is a 'ward of the court' The
courts......not you, will be the ultimate decision maker for your
child......as bad as that seems, it is the fact........which is why
you need to know 'the system'

Finally, learn to be protective, not controling


Well said, Paul. You pointed out the exact same things I would have, but
more concisely than I could have. I tend to ramble on a bit, if you
hadn't
noticed.

And I tend not to be an enabler of bad behavior and cut to the root of the
problem..........unlike some of the ASSuming whiners that post here. His
initial story wasn't consistent......and I had a gut feeling, based on the
posts, that he was the father.........no matter, my feeling would have been
the same either way.


Betsy
--
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with
ketchup.

In ,
Paul Fritz typed:
"Betsy" wrote in message
m...
In ,
Paul Fritz typed:
"natural_4u" wrote in message
. ca...
ex-parte = From a one-sided or strongly biased point of view

I didn't know that before. I guess I should of looked it up before
calling you a dumb-ass and stuff.

Paul... I'm just saying that why all of sudden does my daughter's
mom want to start seeing her again? I know... because it's her
daughter too.. right?!

Exactly......and your daughter NEEDS both her parents.

(On a side note.........Amy Lynn should be choking on her kneecaps
right about now, she stuck her feet so far down her throat snicker
)


You know I'm just getting my life back together and I dont need
another road block. I just don't want to take any chances.

Your daughter's mother is NOT a road block...........she is half
your daughter.......and will be part of your life forever. You
need to start dealing with that fact.


The court did let me decide on the person to pick for the
supervised visitation. My daughter's mom never went for it.

Then that is her decision.

She rather not see her own
daughter than to have someone peeking over everytime she wants to
see her daughter.

Then that is her decision

I nevered ask for that supervised visitation, the judge just
decleared it.

Based on the additional information you posted, this is not
necessarily a bad thing in the short term........she needs to
reestaclish trust with the courts.


I'm not sure if you'd been burned before but its' not a good
feeling.

More so than you could ever imagine.


I may be wrong, but you sound young. I would suggest that you
look up and join a local 'father's rights' group. Not that you need
it.....you are one of the lucky (and rare) ones that actually got
custody of your child. The reason to join is that you will have
access to a lot of legal information, many times lawyers
attend......you need to learn how the system works, and to make it
work effectively for you and your daughter....parental kidnapping
laws for one........but you need set parenting times to use it
effectively.

Second......never bash your ex to your daughter, and for the sake of
your daughter, and in her best interest, your ultimate goal should
be a shared parenting of your your daughter with her mother. I am
not saying that this will happen overnight, it will take time for
her to regain yours, and the courts trust. Children need both a
mother and a father, it takes that to create them, it certainly
takes that to raise them properly.

Third, realize that your daughter is a 'ward of the court' The
courts......not you, will be the ultimate decision maker for your
child......as bad as that seems, it is the fact........which is why
you need to know 'the system'

Finally, learn to be protective, not controling


Well said, Paul. You pointed out the exact same things I would
have, but more concisely than I could have. I tend to ramble on a
bit, if you hadn't noticed.

And I tend not to be an enabler of bad behavior and cut to the root
of the problem..........unlike some of the ASSuming whiners that post
here. His initial story wasn't consistent......and I had a gut
feeling, based on the posts, that he was the father.........no
matter, my feeling would have been the same either way.


And I agreed with you throughout, although I didn't post because I wasn't
sure how. I am still new to this stuff, although I lurked for awhile back
several years ago, now that I saw mention of peterd in one of the posts. I
wasn't active then, and didn't really think I needed support. But I know I
have things to offer, and things to learn. I may go back to lurking at some
point. Who knows? Who cares?

Betsy (who wants to go searching for new sig lines but has no clue where to
start lol)

--
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with
ketchup.


Betsy
--
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good
with ketchup.

you are wrong!!! They denied me because the x party said in the affidavid
that she was affaid of me... I almost went to the local newpaper to
complain!


"©kat©" wrote in message
...

"natural_4u" wrote in message ...
Legal aid denied me..

I said before, legal aid cannot deny you unless you make a higher income
than x amount. That's what legal aid is for. Lower income persons who
cannot afford a lawyer straight out of the book.

I was 21 when daughter was born. I was 24-25 when all of this court thing
happend I'm now 31.

I use to think like you ..regarding your second thought, that my daughter
needs both parent. This only works if both parents are normal people. I
really don't want to bash the X but I will not let my daughter's mom come
home 3-4 AM in the morning all drunk and wake up our daughter just so her
mom can show her friends this real cute dance that our daughter can do.

I agree with you that MOST children need both parent, but not all.

Single parents like me work twice as hard to be both parents. I tell
you...lol... it's hard to be a mother figure. I have lots of fun!!!
MY mother helps out a lot too, so it's not like my daughter is not around
any mother like figure.

How many single dad's do you know, know how to french brad hair??? Well let
me tell you ..... you know at lease one now...me!... lol!
DAMB it took a loooong time to even make it look right.

I hope you understand my view. Like I said before... her mom blew her chance
long time ago.








"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...

"natural_4u" wrote in message
. ca...
ex-parte = From a one-sided or strongly biased point of view

I didn't know that before. I guess I should of looked it up before
calling
you a dumb-ass and stuff.

Paul... I'm just saying that why all of sudden does my daughter's mom
want
to start seeing her again? I know... because it's her daughter too..
right?!

Exactly......and your daughter NEEDS both her parents.

(On a side note.........Amy Lynn should be choking on her kneecaps right
about now, she stuck her feet so far down her throat snicker )


You know I'm just getting my life back together and I dont need another
road
block. I just don't want to take any chances.

Your daughter's mother is NOT a road block...........she is half your
daughter.......and will be part of your life forever. You need to start
dealing with that fact.


The court did let me decide on the person to pick for the supervised
visitation. My daughter's mom never went for it.

Then that is her decision.

She rather not see her own
daughter than to have someone peeking over everytime she wants to see
her
daughter.

Then that is her decision

I nevered ask for that supervised visitation, the judge just
decleared it.

Based on the additional information you posted, this is not necessarily a
bad thing in the short term........she needs to reestaclish trust with the
courts.


I'm not sure if you'd been burned before but its' not a good feeling.

More so than you could ever imagine.


I may be wrong, but you sound young. I would suggest that you look up
and
join a local 'father's rights' group. Not that you need it.....you are
one
of the lucky (and rare) ones that actually got custody of your child. The
reason to join is that you will have access to a lot of legal information,
many times lawyers attend......you need to learn how the system works, and
to make it work effectively for you and your daughter....parental
kidnapping
laws for one........but you need set parenting times to use it
effectively.

Second......never bash your ex to your daughter, and for the sake of your
daughter, and in her best interest, your ultimate goal should be a shared
parenting of your your daughter with her mother. I am not saying that
this
will happen overnight, it will take time for her to regain yours, and the
courts trust. Children need both a mother and a father, it takes that
to
create them, it certainly takes that to raise them properly.

Third, realize that your daughter is a 'ward of the court' The
courts......not you, will be the ultimate decision maker for your
child......as bad as that seems, it is the fact........which is why you
need
to know 'the system'

Finally, learn to be protective, not controling

I know how you feel KAT.

You should of seen the look on my daughter's face when her mom didn't make
it to the Chucky Cheese Party. F**K... I was choked!!!!!

I felt so god dam helpless!!!! My daughter was 6 when this happened



"©kat©" wrote in message
...
"natural_4u" wrote in message ...
ex-parte = From a one-sided or strongly biased point of view

I didn't know that before. I guess I should of looked it up before
calling
you a dumb-ass and stuff.

Paul... I'm just saying that why all of sudden does my daughter's mom
want
to start seeing her again? I know... because it's her daughter too..
right?!

You know I'm just getting my life back together and I dont need another
road
block. I just don't want to take any chances.

The court did let me decide on the person to pick for the supervised
visitation. My daughter's mom never went for it. She rather not see her
own
daughter than to have someone peeking over everytime she wants to see
her
daughter. I nevered ask for that supervised visitation, the judge just
decleared it.

I'm not sure if you'd been burned before but its' not a good feeling.

We are all single parents here, and often for a reason. (Other parent's
death, other parent leaving, single from the start, bla bla bla) so I'm
sure
it is fairly safe to say that a good majority of us here have been burned
before, and maybe some still, and of us who have been burned do know it's
not a good feeling.
I broke up with my ex right shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I
can
count on 1 hand how many times he's seen Bran, and there is no need to
count
anything when it comes to remembering his birthday and calling, emailing,
bringing presents, showing face for special events in Brans life,
remembering him at Christmas, dropping by ever to come see him and all
that.
When we go out and happen to stumble across him, he barely even looks at
me,
yet can often carry a conversation over the ****ing computer.

And as for your daughter's mother not wanting any contact at all, that's
fine. That is out of your control completely. I learned long ago you
cannot make someone want, love, see or care for someone when they don't
want
to. If it was her choice, then just accept it and move on. It seems you
have gotten to the point of moving on, yet not getting over it. In some
cases, there really is nothing you can do. You are only a human being,
just
like the rest of us, and it is not any of our places to try and change
someone else, even if it is something we believe to be right. If your
daughter's mother has no interest in seeing your daughter the way the
courts
make it, then that is her choice, and I'm not sure what the point of this
entire mess is...

I hate to correct you but I'm a 14 hour drive West from you. :-) Still
neighbors
I use to think that legal aid lawyer cost the same as client paid lawyer...
not all!

The government will appoint you a cheap.... sorry I mean a low rate lawyer,
if you don't request a specific lawyer.
And I use to think that they (Legal Aid) CAN"T deny you... but they did to
me. Legal Aid looked at the mother's Affidavit and turned me down in a wink
of an eye. The court system was bound to make me loose this battle. I came
real close to going to the local newspaper to get funding. But I turned to
friends and family to borrow money... lots of money. I went to the yellow
pages and picked one of the first lawyer that was in the lawyer pages (the
ones with a full page ad)

My lawyer said he had seen lots of cases like mine where the mom pulls a
fast one and wins. Especially people that deal with legal aid.
Parents (mother or fathers) that do not work but have kids will just try to
win custody just so they can get more money from welfare and CCTB.
(Canadian Child Tax Benifits)

Parents like that make me sick in the stomach!!!!!!!!





"©kat©" wrote in message
...

"natural_4u" wrote in message ...

I could be wrong, but it appears you (natural_4u) are right close to home.
I'm in Edmonton. You look like you come from Calgary. Howdy, neighbour.

OK detective Paul... I don't know what an ex-parte order is but... the
other
parent NEVER appeared in court once. That looked good for me in court.

Of course it would.

I guess it doesn't hurt to tell you exactly what happened. The other
parent
did not like the fact that my daughter had my last name and that MY
parents
are still together and not alcoholics.

My son has my last name as well. That seems like a silly reason to just
abandon a child, but you never know with some people...
My parents are not alcoholics... lol

The other parent, I guess was
jealous. The other parent had told the legal aid lawyer they were
scared
of
me... that why legal aid had denied me.

The only way you can be denied legal aid, in Alberta, (which appears to be
where you are from) is if you make a certain income which would kick out
out
of being able to obtain legal aid assistance.

I had to pay for my lawyer. My
lawyer said to the judge, "My client has appeared at every court date
and
the other parents has not appeared once now the other parent has left my
client with the child"

Good for a lawyer being able to tell the truth - if it is just that.

That cheap ass legal aid lawyer was put to shame. The judge did not
hesitate
to reverse the restraining order and added a supervised visitation.

Legal aid lawyers are not cheap. The government pays for legal aid if you
cannot afford a lawyer. Many lawyers can be put to shame, but legal aid
lawyers are often the same exact lawyers you pay for. They take turns
going as paid lawyers and legal aid lawyers, if they so desire. I'm also
not sure why a judge would not hesitate to add supervised visitation if
the
other parent has done nothing but skip out on court dates.

Hey dumb-ass I almost forgot one last thing, if the other parents legal
aid
lawyer can't get a hold of their own client and left the child to me...
the
judge called it neglect and abandonment. My parents don't drink or do
drugs.
The court usually will look at each parents family background for help
on
decision making on who the child should stay with.

A lawyer is a lawyer. It doesn't matter if they work directly for a
paying
client or for a government funded client. If a judge calls what your
child's other parent did neglect and abandonment, and their lawyer could
not
contact them or they didn't show up, why on earth would the other parent
get
visitation? Supervised or not, they skipped out on court dates and
abandoned your child. The courts do not usually look at the background of
the parents' parents or family. Maybe in a few cases, but generally,
there
isn't really any reason to, except possibly in certain circumstances.
Maybe
your situation is one of those, I don't know. But there is no way that
the
courts can hold against you something like if your brother is in a
hospital
for mental disabilities, your parents are alcoholics, your sister is a
prostitute. That usually has nothing to do with anything - again, on most
occasions.

I think you are just in a different part of the world with different
rules.

As I said before, it appears we are neighbours. Please do correct me if
I'm
wrong. But if you are somewhere south, the rules are all the same across
the province.

Turtledove,

I've been wanting to here this for a long time!!!

Can you give me any samples of how an agreement form should start out? It
would be much appreciated. Feel free to e-mail me if you want... ok?


Thanks


"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"natural_4u" wrote in message
news
Hello people,


I'm a single parent with a beautiful 10 years old daughter. I was just
wondering if anyone can help me with any ideas on preparing a
consent/agreement form. The form must have time of pick up/drop off,
contact
number, etc..

You might be thinking... if I don't trust the other person/parent why
even
let them take her for the day. Well...I'm not sure if I can give a
straight
answer... and verbal agreements just don't cut-it anymore. When I say to
bring her (my daughter) back by 5 PM , it's never on time, always 3-4
hours
late

Before we went to court it was all verbal agreements... and to make a
long
story short, 7 years ago a SIMPLE weekend stay turn into a disaster
evolving
serious legal action.

So if I serve a consent form I might not have to worry.

Thanks People!!!



At the beginning of the divorce, my ex couldn't be trusted to bring our
son
home on time. He'd deliberately bring him late or early in the attempt to
screw with my schedule. As in, if I had to work until 5pm he'd show up at
4pm and say that I was irresponsible and the like....

so, I started having him sign a paper everytime he picked up our son that
said what time he was bringing him home. The same type paper you use at a
child care place. This was all at the suggestion of my lawyer mind you.
It
soon worked, because every time he would say "You never told me what time
to
bring him home" I'd whip out the paper.

Eventually the pettiness went away and we were better able to work with
each
other with visitation (of course this was when DS was a toddler)

If you are going to do it. Be sure to not make the wording condescending.
Don't antagonize the situation. Always be mindful that your child needs
both parents.

with respect,
*bri (who isn't really proud of how me and my ex handled things early on,
but grew up and changed that quickly)

Thank for the support :-)


"Lisa aka Surfer" wrote in message
...

"turtledove" wrote in message
. com...

"natural_4u" wrote in message
news
Hello people,


I'm a single parent with a beautiful 10 years old daughter. I was just
wondering if anyone can help me with any ideas on preparing a
consent/agreement form. The form must have time of pick up/drop off,
contact
number, etc..

You might be thinking... if I don't trust the other person/parent why
even
let them take her for the day. Well...I'm not sure if I can give a
straight
answer... and verbal agreements just don't cut-it anymore. When I say
to
bring her (my daughter) back by 5 PM , it's never on time, always 3-4
hours
late

Before we went to court it was all verbal agreements... and to make a
long
story short, 7 years ago a SIMPLE weekend stay turn into a disaster
evolving
serious legal action.

So if I serve a consent form I might not have to worry.

Thanks People!!!



At the beginning of the divorce, my ex couldn't be trusted to bring our
son
home on time. He'd deliberately bring him late or early in the attempt
to
screw with my schedule. As in, if I had to work until 5pm he'd show up
at
4pm and say that I was irresponsible and the like....

so, I started having him sign a paper everytime he picked up our son
that
said what time he was bringing him home. The same type paper you use at
a
child care place. This was all at the suggestion of my lawyer mind you.
It
soon worked, because every time he would say "You never told me what
time
to
bring him home" I'd whip out the paper.

Eventually the pettiness went away and we were better able to work with
each
other with visitation (of course this was when DS was a toddler)

If you are going to do it. Be sure to not make the wording
condescending.
Don't antagonize the situation. Always be mindful that your child needs
both parents.

with respect,
*bri (who isn't really proud of how me and my ex handled things early
on,
but grew up and changed that quickly)


I too see nothing wrong with having the proper documentation. It saves a
lot in the long run. I've read through the thread, and can't help but
think
that in your situation that it's really quite necessary. It may be wise
to
ensure that both of you agree to terms of supervised visitation before
arranging a time. I really don't believe that anyone can be trusted
without
having earned trust. You have the courts on your side, to help enforce
the
terms of the visitation.

Good luck, I truly hope that it goes well. It's been a while, a leap of
faith never hurts, so, I hope that you will keep an open mind that you are
giving your daughter a wonderful opportunity. I hope that your ex sees
that
too and doesn't blow it.

Lisa

"natural_4u" wrote in message
. ca...
you are wrong!!! They denied me because the x party said in the affidavid
that she was affaid of me... I almost went to the local newpaper to
complain!


"©kat©" wrote in message
...

"natural_4u" wrote in message ...
Legal aid denied me..

I said before, legal aid cannot deny you unless you make a higher income
than x amount. That's what legal aid is for. Lower income persons who
cannot afford a lawyer straight out of the book.





I would complain to someone, if I were you. You cannot be denied legal aid
because someone says they're scared of you. That's just plain and stupid.
What happens to the guy who tries to rape and attack someone? In that case,
I do think it's safe to assume that the victim would indeed be terrified of
the attacker, and for obvious reasons, yet, because we all have the right to
a fair shot in the courts, and an attorney, and if you cannot get your own,
you will be assigned one - ie, legal aid, pro bono, what have you.
If this is what has happened to you, then someone is ****ing you around, or
this is not what has happened. Keep pressing, if you do require legal aid,
and can qualify, for example, you are considered low income, then there is
no way you can be denied legal assistance.