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"Helicopter Parenting" vs Adlerian based Parenting



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 10th 05, 02:30 AM
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Default "Helicopter Parenting" vs Adlerian based Parenting

Adlerian/Montessori Way VS. "Helicopter" Parenting:

20/20 on Oct 21, 2005 featured 'Helicopter' (i.e. Hovering) Parents:
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Health/st...1237868&page=1 (the entire
transcript can be read here)
One mother "spends an hour drafting to-do emails for her sons, checking
their grades, their bank account balances, and even using their
personal passwords to check their student email" ... In taking over,
they are sending a profound message: You are not capable
of handling your life. It's horrifying to me to hear the story that a
parent is calling a child three or four times in the morning to wake
them up in college. ... Are they planning to do that for the rest of
her life?" says Helen Johnson, author of the book, "Don't Tell Me What
to Do, Just Send Money".

Whereas, democratic/nurturing/authoritative style positive parenting
based on Adlerian psychology (by the way, this philosophy has been
around since the turn of the 20th cent.) aims to "Encourage
Responsibility & Independence, Teach Social Skills, and Build
Self-Esteem" among others.

And many of these principles can be practiced at home. This is an
excellent book online in a read-only PDF format: The Montessori Way:
An Education For Life by Tim Seldin and Paul Epstein
http://www.montessori.org/sitefiles/...essori_way.pdf

About Democratic Parenting: "Children are trained to take a problem
solving
approach to life and to view mistakes as opportunities to learn.
Encouragement
is the mainstay of this style of parenting." Alyson Schafer - You can

subscribe to her newsletter he http://www.alyson.ca/about.php

Parenting Theory:
http://www.alyson.ca/tips/parenting_...eory/index.php

Teaching Responsibility to Children:
http://www.alyson.ca/tips/parenting_...lity/index.php

There are some good positive parenting tips he
http://www.samalin.com/tips/index.html

for ex: "Encouraging Kids to be More Responsible: If you want your
child to be more independent and responsible, try not to be a
"helicopter parent". Don't do for your child what he can do for
himself. Instead of constantly "reminding" your child of what she
already knows, let consequences teach whenever possible. Example:
Don't keep reminding her to take her homework. Allow your child to
forget her homework. It's not life-threatening, and allowing the
consequences to come from the teacher is usually more helpful than
you're being responsible for what is hers."

Some Montessori principles of education:
· Learning occurs in a cooperative atmosphere marked by social
interaction and peer teaching.
· A primary goal of Montessori education is to foster competent,
responsible, adaptive citizens who are lifelong learners and problem
solvers.
· Learning takes place through the senses. Students learn by
manipulating material and interacting with others.
· These meaningful experiences are precursors to the abstract
understanding of ideas.
· The individual is considered as a whole. The physical, emotional,
social, aesthetic, spiritual, and cognitive needs and interests are
inseparable and equally important.
· Respect and caring attitudes for oneself, others, the environment,
and all life are necessary.

  #2  
Old November 10th 05, 03:05 AM
Opinions
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default "Helicopter Parenting" vs Adlerian based Parenting

Helicopter parenting may simply be a logical outcome of a
child-centered universe. It may be exacerbated by the fact that
private schooling and higher education are becoming incredibly
expensive. Hence, helicopter parents may be seen as protecting their
6-figure investment in much the same way they watch the stock market.



wrote:
Adlerian/Montessori Way VS. "Helicopter" Parenting:

20/20 on Oct 21, 2005 featured 'Helicopter' (i.e. Hovering) Parents:
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Health/st...1237868&page=1 (the entire
transcript can be read here)
One mother "spends an hour drafting to-do emails for her sons, checking
their grades, their bank account balances, and even using their
personal passwords to check their student email" ... In taking over,
they are sending a profound message: You are not capable
of handling your life. It's horrifying to me to hear the story that a
parent is calling a child three or four times in the morning to wake
them up in college. ... Are they planning to do that for the rest of
her life?" says Helen Johnson, author of the book, "Don't Tell Me What
to Do, Just Send Money".

Whereas, democratic/nurturing/authoritative style positive parenting
based on Adlerian psychology (by the way, this philosophy has been
around since the turn of the 20th cent.) aims to "Encourage
Responsibility & Independence, Teach Social Skills, and Build
Self-Esteem" among others.

And many of these principles can be practiced at home. This is an
excellent book online in a read-only PDF format: The Montessori Way:
An Education For Life by Tim Seldin and Paul Epstein
http://www.montessori.org/sitefiles/...essori_way.pdf

About Democratic Parenting: "Children are trained to take a problem
solving
approach to life and to view mistakes as opportunities to learn.
Encouragement
is the mainstay of this style of parenting." Alyson Schafer - You can

subscribe to her newsletter he http://www.alyson.ca/about.php

Parenting Theory:
http://www.alyson.ca/tips/parenting_...eory/index.php

Teaching Responsibility to Children:
http://www.alyson.ca/tips/parenting_...lity/index.php

There are some good positive parenting tips he
http://www.samalin.com/tips/index.html

for ex: "Encouraging Kids to be More Responsible: If you want your
child to be more independent and responsible, try not to be a
"helicopter parent". Don't do for your child what he can do for
himself. Instead of constantly "reminding" your child of what she
already knows, let consequences teach whenever possible. Example:
Don't keep reminding her to take her homework. Allow your child to
forget her homework. It's not life-threatening, and allowing the
consequences to come from the teacher is usually more helpful than
you're being responsible for what is hers."

Some Montessori principles of education:
· Learning occurs in a cooperative atmosphere marked by social
interaction and peer teaching.
· A primary goal of Montessori education is to foster competent,
responsible, adaptive citizens who are lifelong learners and problem
solvers.
· Learning takes place through the senses. Students learn by
manipulating material and interacting with others.
· These meaningful experiences are precursors to the abstract
understanding of ideas.
· The individual is considered as a whole. The physical, emotional,
social, aesthetic, spiritual, and cognitive needs and interests are
inseparable and equally important.
· Respect and caring attitudes for oneself, others, the environment,
and all life are necessary.


  #3  
Old November 10th 05, 04:32 AM
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default "Helicopter Parenting" vs Adlerian based Parenting


Opinions wrote:
Helicopter parenting may simply be a logical outcome of a
child-centered universe. It may be exacerbated by the fact that
private schooling and higher education are becoming incredibly
expensive. Hence, helicopter parents may be seen as protecting their
6-figure investment in much the same way they watch the stock market.


Sounds like child abuse to me, doesn't it to you?

And no, the United States is not populated by many 'child-centered
universe' folks. In fact it's quite the opposite. This is a very child
unfriendly nation...so far.

0:-

  #5  
Old November 10th 05, 11:32 PM
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default "Helicopter Parenting" vs Adlerian based Parenting


Amanda wrote:
wrote:

And no, the United States is not populated by many 'child-centered
universe' folks. In fact it's quite the opposite. This is a very child
unfriendly nation...so far.

0:-


Why do you think so?


1000 to 1500 child deaths annually at the hands of caregivers. Year
after year after year.
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/p...four.htm#child

"Number of Child Fatalities

During 2003, an estimated 1,500 children died from abuse or neglect-a
rate of 2.00 deaths per 100,000 children. During 2002, an estimated
1,400 children died from abuse or neglect.1 The national estimate was
based on data from State child welfare information systems, as well as
other data sources available to the States. The rate of 2.00 children
per 100,000 in the national population is comparable to the rate of
1.98 children per 100,000 in the national population for 2002.2"


"Fatalities by Age and Sex

More than three-quarters (78.7%) of children who were killed were
younger than 4 years of age; 10.2 percent were 4-7 years of age; 5.4
percent were 8-11 years of age; and 5.7 percent were 12-17 years of age
(figure 4-1).

The youngest children experienced the highest rates of fatalities.
Based on case-level data from 34 States, infant boys (younger than 1
year old) had a fatality rate of 17.7 deaths per 100,000 boys of the
same age.3 Infant girls (younger than 1 year old) had a fatality rate
of 14.1 deaths per 100,000 girls of the same age. Fatality rates for
both boys and girls decreased with the age of the children."

Then there is abuse and neglect.

" Perpetrators of Maltreatment

More than 80 percent (83.9%) of victims were abused by at least one
parent. Approximately two-fifths (40.8%) of child victims were
maltreated by their mothers acting alone; another 18.8 percent were
maltreated by their fathers acting alone; 16.9 percent were abused by
both parents.13 Victims abused by nonparental perpetrators accounted
for 13.4 percent of the total (figure 3-6). "

The one year, reported in 2003, abuse total:

" * The rate of victims for each State was based on their number of
victims divided by the State's child population,multiplied by 1,000.
* A national estimate of 906,000 child victims was derived by
multiplying the national rate of victimization of (12.4 child victims
per 1,000 children in the population) by the national child population
(73,043,506) and dividing by 1,000. The total was rounded to the
nearest 1,000."

My experience is that the number is a vast UNDER reporting of the
facts. Most abuses and abusers are never disclosed and caught. The
number of adult survivors grows and grows, and even they are reluctant
to disclose what they felt was their shame...that someone abused them
and no one found out and helped them.

Most industrialized nations provide heavily subsidized day care. We
provide....none.

Most such nations have mandatory child assessments for health and
development....we do not.

We eroticize our children. This is uncommon in other nations. Ever hear
of a 'Preteen Beauty Pagent," in other countries? It's a business here.
Remember Jon Benet?

Photos of those children will show you not just "glamour" shots, but
most obviously tarted up children dressed to provoke purient interest
in the viewer.

http://www.lubbockonline.com/news/011697/tinytots.htm
" ... There are thousands of children like JonBenet. Charles Dunn,
publisher of Pageantry magazine, estimates that, every year, beauty
pageants show off 100,000 children under the age of 12.

It's a subculture of bleached hair, blue contact lenses and false
eyelashes. Little girls sashay in sequined gowns and swimsuits,
sometimes adding a touch of striptease by removing wraparound skirts.

Parents pay entry fees of up to $500 and buy thousand-dollar gowns so
their girls can compete for 10-inch crowns, 6-foot trophies and $10,000
savings bonds. Some of the children travel with an entourage of makeup
artists, hairdressers and talent coaches.

It pays to start young. Jo-Ann Guerin, director of All Star Kids U.S.A.
Pageants, once got two entry forms from a woman with only one child.
When Guerin asked why, the woman explained she was pregnant. ... "


Children in this country suffer from severe malnutrition that is
unknown in other industrialized nations.

http://www.bread.org/hungerbasics/domestic.html
" ... # 36.3 million people-including 13 million children-live in
households that experience hunger or the risk of hunger. This
represents more than one in ten households in the United States (11.2
percent). This is an increase of 1.4 million, from 34.9, million in
2002. 1
# 3.5 percent of U.S. households experience hunger. Some people in
these households frequently skip meals or eat too little, sometimes
going without food for a whole day. 9.6 million people, including 3
million children, live in these homes.1
# 7.7 percent of U.S. households are at risk of hunger. Members of
these households have lower quality diets or must resort to seeking
emergency food because they cannot always afford the food they need.
26.6 million people, including 10.3 million children, live in these
homes. 1... "

Are you up to speed on what's happened to the Food Stamp program..a
program that serves this population including its chidlren?

And, Amada, we still make it legal in every state to assault children
and call it by another name to excuse it. Such delusional thinking
hurts children, badly. And is very child unfriendly, to say the least.

We behave as badly toward our children as some third world countries,
and worse than others of them.

Amanda


Kane

  #6  
Old November 11th 05, 12:34 AM
Doan
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default "Helicopter Parenting" vs Adlerian based Parenting



And let us not forget that we also allow tasering children as young
as SIX-YEAR OLDS. Some even defended it as SAFE!

Doan


On 10 Nov 2005 wrote:


Amanda wrote:
wrote:

And no, the United States is not populated by many 'child-centered
universe' folks. In fact it's quite the opposite. This is a very child
unfriendly nation...so far.

0:-


Why do you think so?


1000 to 1500 child deaths annually at the hands of caregivers. Year
after year after year.
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/p...four.htm#child

"Number of Child Fatalities

During 2003, an estimated 1,500 children died from abuse or neglect-a
rate of 2.00 deaths per 100,000 children. During 2002, an estimated
1,400 children died from abuse or neglect.1 The national estimate was
based on data from State child welfare information systems, as well as
other data sources available to the States. The rate of 2.00 children
per 100,000 in the national population is comparable to the rate of
1.98 children per 100,000 in the national population for 2002.2"


"Fatalities by Age and Sex

More than three-quarters (78.7%) of children who were killed were
younger than 4 years of age; 10.2 percent were 4-7 years of age; 5.4
percent were 8-11 years of age; and 5.7 percent were 12-17 years of age
(figure 4-1).

The youngest children experienced the highest rates of fatalities.
Based on case-level data from 34 States, infant boys (younger than 1
year old) had a fatality rate of 17.7 deaths per 100,000 boys of the
same age.3 Infant girls (younger than 1 year old) had a fatality rate
of 14.1 deaths per 100,000 girls of the same age. Fatality rates for
both boys and girls decreased with the age of the children."

Then there is abuse and neglect.

" Perpetrators of Maltreatment

More than 80 percent (83.9%) of victims were abused by at least one
parent. Approximately two-fifths (40.8%) of child victims were
maltreated by their mothers acting alone; another 18.8 percent were
maltreated by their fathers acting alone; 16.9 percent were abused by
both parents.13 Victims abused by nonparental perpetrators accounted
for 13.4 percent of the total (figure 3-6). "

The one year, reported in 2003, abuse total:

" * The rate of victims for each State was based on their number of
victims divided by the State's child population,multiplied by 1,000.
* A national estimate of 906,000 child victims was derived by
multiplying the national rate of victimization of (12.4 child victims
per 1,000 children in the population) by the national child population
(73,043,506) and dividing by 1,000. The total was rounded to the
nearest 1,000."

My experience is that the number is a vast UNDER reporting of the
facts. Most abuses and abusers are never disclosed and caught. The
number of adult survivors grows and grows, and even they are reluctant
to disclose what they felt was their shame...that someone abused them
and no one found out and helped them.

Most industrialized nations provide heavily subsidized day care. We
provide....none.

Most such nations have mandatory child assessments for health and
development....we do not.

We eroticize our children. This is uncommon in other nations. Ever hear
of a 'Preteen Beauty Pagent," in other countries? It's a business here.
Remember Jon Benet?

Photos of those children will show you not just "glamour" shots, but
most obviously tarted up children dressed to provoke purient interest
in the viewer.

http://www.lubbockonline.com/news/011697/tinytots.htm
" ... There are thousands of children like JonBenet. Charles Dunn,
publisher of Pageantry magazine, estimates that, every year, beauty
pageants show off 100,000 children under the age of 12.

It's a subculture of bleached hair, blue contact lenses and false
eyelashes. Little girls sashay in sequined gowns and swimsuits,
sometimes adding a touch of striptease by removing wraparound skirts.

Parents pay entry fees of up to $500 and buy thousand-dollar gowns so
their girls can compete for 10-inch crowns, 6-foot trophies and $10,000
savings bonds. Some of the children travel with an entourage of makeup
artists, hairdressers and talent coaches.

It pays to start young. Jo-Ann Guerin, director of All Star Kids U.S.A.
Pageants, once got two entry forms from a woman with only one child.
When Guerin asked why, the woman explained she was pregnant. ... "


Children in this country suffer from severe malnutrition that is
unknown in other industrialized nations.

http://www.bread.org/hungerbasics/domestic.html
" ... # 36.3 million people-including 13 million children-live in
households that experience hunger or the risk of hunger. This
represents more than one in ten households in the United States (11.2
percent). This is an increase of 1.4 million, from 34.9, million in
2002. 1
# 3.5 percent of U.S. households experience hunger. Some people in
these households frequently skip meals or eat too little, sometimes
going without food for a whole day. 9.6 million people, including 3
million children, live in these homes.1
# 7.7 percent of U.S. households are at risk of hunger. Members of
these households have lower quality diets or must resort to seeking
emergency food because they cannot always afford the food they need.
26.6 million people, including 10.3 million children, live in these
homes. 1... "

Are you up to speed on what's happened to the Food Stamp program..a
program that serves this population including its chidlren?

And, Amada, we still make it legal in every state to assault children
and call it by another name to excuse it. Such delusional thinking
hurts children, badly. And is very child unfriendly, to say the least.

We behave as badly toward our children as some third world countries,
and worse than others of them.

Amanda


Kane



 




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