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Teaching kid not to follow the crowd



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 14th 06, 04:37 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default Teaching kid not to follow the crowd

I've got two stubborn kids, who can be relied on *not* to do something
just because everyone else does.

The other kid is showing strong tendancies of following the crowd. We
are concened about this - for instance today It was insistant that
because Sibling had told It to "get lost" during an argument, It had
to go out and get lost, to the extent of leaving the house complete with
pocket money.

The child in question is about 8yo, but we are thinking ahead to the
teenage years.

If we asked It whether they would jump off a bridge just because
everyone else did, I think if they were in a stroppy mood, they would
say yes.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can get them to resist
peer pressure when appropriate? We have several years before it gets
to be a serious issue, but I'd like to lay the groundwork now.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

  #2  
Old May 14th 06, 08:09 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default Teaching kid not to follow the crowd

Penny Gaines wrote:

I've got two stubborn kids, who can be relied on *not* to do something
just because everyone else does.

The other kid is showing strong tendancies of following the crowd. We
are concened about this - for instance today It was insistant that
because Sibling had told It to "get lost" during an argument, It had
to go out and get lost, to the extent of leaving the house complete with
pocket money.


I don't think this is following the crowd. I think this is rebellion
against older (?) siblings.

I've run away from home myself (I took my sister with me - we weren't
supposed to cross the street - I was about 5 and she was about 3 at
the time), and two of my kids have run away from home - my son when he
was in pre-school, and dd#2 when she was in 8th grade - she said that
if she did her chores and went to school we wouldn't care if she was
home or not, and so she tested this theory. She would probably have
been right, except the involved another friend, and the other parents
knew that she had been there and alerted us.

Moreover I don't know that your other kids, however stubborn they may
be will necessarily be able to resist peer pressure.

My dad tagged along with his older brother all the time - the older
brother was 3 or 4 years older. This was back in about 1911 - my dad
who would have been 7 and his brother (10 yo) and the gang had
decided they would build a cannon. They had a pipe, and they were
going to make shot for it in a furnace which they had built in a piano
box which was against the side of their parent's house. The neighbors
saw smoke coming from the box and (since this was in Colorado where a
prairie fire was a significant hazard) called the store that his
parents owned. His mom came home post haste and made them stop and
take apart the furnace and spanked them all. Then she went back to
the store and told his dad and his dad came home and spanked them too.
Then his grandfather (who was supposed to be watching them, and his
mom had given him a good few words too) spanked them.

Dad and his brother thought that getting 3 spankings in one day was
too much, and they decided that they would commit suicide and that
would make everyone sorry that they had mistreated them so badly.
They were going to cut each other's heads off with an axe. My uncle
had his head on the chopping block (they heated with wood and the boys
were quite familiar with getting and splitting wood), when my dad said
"Wait a minute. If I cut off your head, who is going to cut off my
head?" So they ran away instead. (It's a wonder my dad lived to be
an adult)

The boys gathered blankets and some food (chicken I think), and went
out into the hills and went down into an old abandoned mineshaft and
had dinner and went to sleep. When they didn't come home to dinner,
the folks started to worry and a search party went out to look for
them. At some point, one of the searchers kicked a board that was on
top of the mine shaft and it fell down and hit one of the boys who
made some sound, and then they were found.


The child in question is about 8yo, but we are thinking ahead to the
teenage years.

If we asked It whether they would jump off a bridge just because
everyone else did, I think if they were in a stroppy mood, they would
say yes.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can get them to resist
peer pressure when appropriate? We have several years before it gets
to be a serious issue, but I'd like to lay the groundwork now.


grandma Rosalie

  #3  
Old May 15th 06, 03:56 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default Teaching kid not to follow the crowd

Rosalie B. wrote:
Penny Gaines wrote:


I've got two stubborn kids, who can be relied on *not* to do something
just because everyone else does.

The other kid is showing strong tendancies of following the crowd. We
are concened about this - for instance today It was insistant that
because Sibling had told It to "get lost" during an argument, It had
to go out and get lost, to the extent of leaving the house complete with
pocket money.



I don't think this is following the crowd. I think this is rebellion
against older (?) siblings.


I agree -- each sibling is staking out a personality,
and the follow-the-crowd one wasn't taken.

I'm not sure of a suggestion to make to change this
personality, other than recognizing favorable aspects
of this younger one's personality that are distinct
from its siblings.

Scott DD 12 (Flexible) and DS 10 (completely inflexible)

  #4  
Old May 15th 06, 03:57 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default Teaching kid not to follow the crowd

I tended to be fairly obstinate and go my own way, while my sister tended to
follow the crowd. The only thing you can do is instil positive values in
your kids.

My sister was offered drugs in high school, me not until I was at uni. Both
of us refused, because of the values our parents had taught us - to value
education and know where your mind is at, not take drugs, etc. Although
tempted, my sister took a look at what was happening to the people smoking
the marijuana that was offered to her and decided that they were the most
boring people she had ever been with and she didn't want to be boring. Kids
will make decisions for the wierdest reasons!

Following the crowd is normal in a kid entering their tweens or teens. They
don't want to be different. Adults want to be different, not kids. It's what
they choose to do out of what is on offer that can be a problem. Dressing
alike and hanging out at certain places will be something most kids will go
through. The only thing you can do is teach them to choose wisely and
respect themselves and their bodies.

The 8yo running away was probably a reaction to make the sibling sorry that
they had rejected them. Maybe have a look at how they interact and how much
time you are spending with them. Do they feel rejected by others as well as
the sibling?

My sister is 6 years younger than myself. I couldn't stand to have this KID
trailing after me when I entered my teens. She "ran away" after I had
rejected her for play and mum had told her off. She felt unwanted so she
left. That she wasn't allowed to cross the street and only went around the
block in another matter!

Love your kids and teach them to love themselves and each other. My sister
and I are great friends now and some following the crowd did not hurt either
of us because we knew what to choose when faced with temptation.

"Penny Gaines" wrote in message
...
I've got two stubborn kids, who can be relied on *not* to do something
just because everyone else does.

The other kid is showing strong tendancies of following the crowd. We
are concened about this - for instance today It was insistant that
because Sibling had told It to "get lost" during an argument, It had
to go out and get lost, to the extent of leaving the house complete with
pocket money.

The child in question is about 8yo, but we are thinking ahead to the
teenage years.

If we asked It whether they would jump off a bridge just because everyone
else did, I think if they were in a stroppy mood, they would
say yes.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can get them to resist
peer pressure when appropriate? We have several years before it gets
to be a serious issue, but I'd like to lay the groundwork now.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three



 




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