deliriously tired...please help!

Okay....so, having been there, done that - for me, the solution was to
learn to nurse lying down. It is a skill, but once you figure it out,
you can nurse baby in bed and snooze while you do it.

What happened to me with my first is that I literally almost dropped
him on the floor - he was also a very frequent nurser (every 1 1/2
hours around the clock, and slow at it, so I really only had max 1 hour
between the end of one feed and the start of another). I need a lot of
sleep at the best of times, and one bleary morning at 3 am, I was
sitting in rocking chair with baby, and I fell asleep and my arms
relaxed and I almost dropped him. So, I realized I would have to nurse
lying down.

I got some nursing books, some rolled up towels and positioning
gadgets, separate quilts for me and baby, some receiving blankets,
moved the bed, got a bed rail, and tried various things until we
figured it out, and never looked back. I didn't start out to co-sleep
but it ended up being the only way to get sufficient rest, and I did
the same thing with the next two babies we were blessed with.

I also learned that I should sleep whenever baby slept in those early
weeks. None of this "baby is finally asleep, lets run around like a nut
and do housework". If baby passes out, seize the time to lie down and
rest!! Let go of everything else for the moment and just ride this out.


Look at this as baby boot camp. It does get easier. You do get better
at it. Baby will get more predictable and go a bit longer between feeds
(although my kids remained every 2 hours at best). You do get more used
to interrupted sleep (heck, I've been a mom for 14 years now, and I
could probably count on one hand the nights I've had completely
uninterrupted sleep).

Hang in!!

Mary G.

"oregonchick" wrote in message
Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
I'm
getting loopy and emotional.

Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be alone with
the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little afraid and
feeling
overwhelmed.

That might be a good thing though Betsy. You could try and learn to nurse
lying down and/or nap when she naps during the day while everyone is gone.
If you have a fenced in yard, let the dogs outside, if not they can nap too.
;o) Maybe go back to bed with her in the morning and sleep and then in the
afternoon, you can get something done if you are feeling more refreshed.
Give yourself some time to adjust. Break things down in small chores and do
the best you can.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

oregonchick wrote:
Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
Things seem to be healing up now.

Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm
getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for
leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. I
was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now. Emily is 3
wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2
hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed again. Everyone
is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be alone with the baby
for the first time since she was born. I'm a little afraid and feeling
overwhelmed.

I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings, I
think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The accumulating
exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope? I also have 2
dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I feel like there
is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my
teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and feel sad that I look
so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or stretch marks that bother me,
it's the dark circles and haggard look in my face....

I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to
start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention.
My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...

Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

Betsy



I was a mess at 2 - 3 weeks too. Just getting over mastitis, as yet
undiagnosed thrush, lack of sleep, guilt over not cooking/cleaning,
feeling like I had to be out and about with the baby (cause I could)...
and worst of all, feeling like a crap wife! I was *consumed* with baby,
breastfeeding, excruciating nipple trauma, and to top it all off, our 4
year old Dalmatian girl, Abby, died unexpectedly when Will was 2 weeks old.

Advice:

DON'T clean, get someone else to cook, and then look after the baby for
you for 15 min while you eat in peace, (try to feed baby while dinner is
cooking - that way you won't feel bad if she cries while you eat, cause
you know she's not hungry), clean your teeth in the shower in the
morning (again, with someone else looking after the baby, after she has
been fed).

Dedicate 2 - 3 hours a day of rest in bed time, perhaps over lunch? As
someone else said, don't feel you have to sleep in this time, just lay
with your baby. (cherish this time, it is hard to just lay with a 7
month old - they are like slippery snakes!)

.... and last of all, be kind to yourself - do not feel guilty over the
things that you usually do not being done.

Jo

"oregonchick" wrote in message
...
snip
I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where
to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...


As others have said - stuff the housework! You are more important just now.

Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

Betsy


It will get better. It seems like forever at this age, but it does end
soon, and it gets so much better.

Sleep when your baby sleeps is not as easy as it sounds, but it is essential
that you try to. Try and spot your baby's longest sleep in the day, and
make it your mission to sleep (or at least rest) during that time too.

I remember feeling like such a failure when DD1 was this age as other poeple
seemed to manage just fine with their babies, and to have immaculate houses
too. Here I was, feeling like a zombie with laundry every where and the
poor dog not walked at 1pm -what was wrong with me? Things do get better.
The mantra for all things baby/child related: 'This too shall pass'

I hope you get some sleep soon,

Jacqui

oregonchick wrote:

Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol, and
has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this winter.
He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves to do.
It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to him.
Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just don't
know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the hormones
and sleep issues!

Plus - you are NOT being selfish. The fact of life with a new baby is
that anything a parent counts as "things I love to do" will often need
to be discarded for a while, because simply doing the "things that we
need to do" become so much more overwhelmingly difficult.
--
Cheri Stryker

Mom to DS1 - 6 yrs old
preg w/ DS2 - due in Feb

Hi Betsy,

I've never known levels of exhaustion like this before with my 5 1/2 week
old... so I identify. The only thing that saves me is that my hubby is at
home with me all of the time... and I EBM a lot of the time so that I can
nap while DH feeds Ben. Why not BF most of the time, but also keep on
pumping so your DH can feed your baby while you take a looonnnnggg nap? Ben
eats about every 3 hours now. There were 2 times that he went almost 5
hours in the past week or so... which was very exciting! I understand the
advantages of BF, but I don't think I could do it w/out pumping... which is
what I mainly do to supply BM.

What about getting a maid to help with the cleaining? We have one that
comes out every 2 weeks and it helps me from feeling too overwhelmed.

Adela

"oregonchick" wrote in message
...
Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
Things seem to be healing up now.

Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband
for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless
night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now.
Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every
1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed
again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be
alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little
afraid and feeling overwhelmed.

I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings,
I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The
accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?
I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I
feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to
shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and
feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or
stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my
face....

I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where
to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...

Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

Betsy

Hi --

Tell your husband that ski patrol is fine (I understand your feelings on
this one) but that he MUST arrange to board the dogs while he's away.
At least for another month or two, at least. (By the time your baby is
3 months old either he'll be sleeping some longer stretches, or you'll
have figured out how to get some sleep while nursing.)

Arrange for you and the baby to sleep in one room and your husband to
sleep in another place. THat way at least one of you will be getting a
good night's sleep! And then let your husband know that he's in charge
of ALL house cleaning, even cleaning up after YOU, until the baby starts
to sleep more.

At roughly 6-8 weeks of age, you realize that your baby is settling into
a nursing "schedule". You'll get some longer breaks as well as some bit
of predictability. (If your baby isn't giving you longer breaks by 8
weeks, it's okay to help the process along. By 16 weeks you should be
able to nurse only once at night. Your baby may want to nurse more
frequently than that, but if he's nursing plenty during the day and
especially during the evening, then you can take your own need for
sleep=sanity into account and figure out other ways to help your baby
sleep through the night. Sort of.)

My only other advice right now: NEVER disturb a baby at night unless
you think the baby REALLY NEEDS you. Snuffling, whuffling and little
quiet moans? Ignore them! Wait for an actual hunger cry to nurse.
(Don't wait for wailing; just an awake noise that means "hunger".
You'll figure out what that particular noise is.) The goal is to allow
your baby to stay asleep when he doesn't actually need to be fed.

I hope this makes sense.
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

I'd like to agree with the separate bedroom thing - give yourself
permission to go with that one, at least temporarily.

Over the years, there have been many periods of time when it was a
godsend for at least ONE adult in the house to be able to get some
sleep - you need at least one parent coherent, or in fit shape to go to
work. We have three kids, and between everything that goes with
babyhood, childhood illnesses, nightmares, insomnia and heaven knows
what else, there were many nights where we were very, very glad to have
extra beds. One of us was often to be found wandering at 2 AM with a
pillow under one arm, looking for a quiet place to get some shuteye
while the other held the kid fort, often in the big parental bed where
it was more convenient to look after the kid with the problem. After
all, if baby was having a bad night and wailing endlessly, or the
preschooler had flu and needed a parent standing by on clean up patrol,
or the primary grade kid was convinced there were monsters in the
closet, there was no point in BOTH Mummy and Daddy being up all night.


I mean, before we had kids, who knew??? I can totally understand why
Victorians were so fond of drugging their children to sleep with patent
medicines and alcohol. Sometimes the very best thing for both parent
AND kid would be some solid rest.

M.

Forget the housework. Just forget it. Have a dog friend come and take the
puppies out for a playdate (saved my ass during the first week or two of
mommyhood). Tomorrow, hand baby to husband, along with a bottle of
expressed milk and go to bed. Tell him not to bother you for four hours.
Three was generally what i needed at a time to feel human again.


"oregonchick" wrote in message
...
Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
Things seem to be healing up now.

Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband
for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless
night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now.
Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every
1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed
again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be
alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little
afraid and feeling overwhelmed.

I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings,
I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The
accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?
I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I
feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to
shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and
feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or
stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my
face....

I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where
to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...

Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

Betsy

"oregonchick" wrote in message
...

"Jess" wrote in message
news:cFTtf.188$Dh.119@dukeread04...

"oregonchick" wrote in message
...
Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for
a miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

Let someone else handle the dogs, and keep yelling at your husband when
he does dope things like go off skiing when you haven't had any sleep.
Right now, your four goals are to shower, eat, sleep and nurse. Let
someone else handle anything outside that.

And yes, it'll start getting better soon.

Jess

Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol,
and has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this
winter. He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves
to do. It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to
him. Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just
don't know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the
hormones and sleep issues!


thats nice of you, but its more important that he be a good husband and
parent.