deliriously tired...please help!

Here's my "male" advice...

Get your husband to help more... even if it's with things other than the
baby. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. call friends, family, etc to
come help if that doesn't work out. Even if it's just to help with
other things mentioned above.

My DW and I just got through what you're through. Once we got past the
issue with changing my DW's diet to change DD's mood, it got a million
times better. Then one night.. bam.. she slept for 12 hours (probaby
around 8-9 weeks...) She has done that every night since then.

Also, think about pumping and letting DH take some feedings, especially
1 night feeding. My DW and I split the night feedings since there were
normally 2-3 every night. But we were also exclusivley on EBM since week 2.

Pumping also gives my DW 30 minutes or so to "get away from it all" and
watch TV.

You may find that EBM is more condusive to you beeing more happy, which
makes everyone happier. Our little DD is a giggle-love box even with
the EBM.... She's definatley not missing out on any bonding, and
actually bonding with both parents which I feel is a plus!

Don't be afraid to try things... or ask for help. Even if they're not
always the most popular.

Hi, I just want to let you know you're not alone, and that it will get
better.
I may be posting some things you already know, but I didn't know all
these things in the beginning so I'm posting them here.

After your baby is a little over 11 lbs, you should get a 4hour or 5
hour stretch where the baby doesn't need a meal Until the baby is
11 lbs + they 'usually' can't handle a long stretch without food, their
blood sugar drops too low.

Remember also that a 4-5 hour stretch is considered 'sleeping through
the night' for an infant under 9-10 months of age. Don't expect an 8
hour period. It can happen, but you are really lucky if it does.

Babies have teeny tiny tummies. Breast milk is digested QUICKLY, 1-1/2
to 2-1/2 hours between meals is perfectly normal for the first few
months, and that's from the start of each nursing session, and not from
when the baby finishes. Babies may also want a 'snack' a 2 to 5 minute
nursing nibble between meals because they are thirsty, teething, or
have a stuffy nose and can't eat much in one sitting because of
breathing issues.

The best survival method I have for the early months is cosleeping
overnight or getting a bedside cosleeper if you are uncomfortable with
cosleeping or if you have a condition that would make it risky like
smoking or moderate obesity. In the meantime, nursing lying down
during the day and napping while the baby eats has been a lifesaver for
me.

I also vote that you tell the hubby to give up ski patrol for this
winter and/or board the dogs/find a doggie friend while he's gone. My
hubby is going back to Iraq this week for 12 -18 months. Finding ways
to sleep were all important.

My son is 6 months old on the 13th. In the early days he ate 10-12
times a day and flatly refused bottles and cup feeding until recently
so I couldn't give him to anyone else for a break. I cosleep overnight
and I usually nurse lying down in the afternoons. He eats 8 times a
day now with an occasional quick 2 minute nibble because it's so hot
here in Texas, and he gets thirsty. He's now a professional at dream
feeding where he stirs enough to latch on in the middle of the night
and neither one of us needs to fully wake up. He's still a slow nurser
for at least half his feeds, he takes 25 minutes in the afternoon and
evening, but he seems attached from 6:30-8:30am in the mornings.

Every baby is different, but as they get older and have bigger tummies,
you'll eventually get those bigger stretches of sleep. Just realize
they have to get to at least 11 lbs or so and 'all night' is only 4-5
hours until the end of the first year. If you are a lucky mom, and the
baby sleeps longer sooner, consider it a bonus, but make plans in the
meantime based on round the clock feedings until around 4 months of age
in a breastfed baby.

In article ,
"oregonchick" wrote:

I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings, I
think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The accumulating
exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?

Feed her in bed (even if you can't manage side-lying yet) so that both of you
can just go back to sleep. That includes during the day. If the baby isn't
sleeping in your room, move her bed in so you don't have to walk far in the
middle of the night.

If your baby suffers from wind, get a carrier of some kind (I love my
Hug-a-Bub!). She will be more comfortable upright, and your walking will rock
her to sleep just as it did in utero.

I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding,

If you like it, put the baby in a front carrier and walk your dogs that way
(you'll have your hands free to hang onto the dogs). Some people need to get
out of the house every day, so if it applies to you, that's how you can do it.
If you don't like walking them, or if there is a health reason not to (eg back
problems, Caesarean delivery), then delegate :-)

and between all the "kids" I feel like there
is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my
teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and feel sad that I look
so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or stretch marks that bother me,
it's the dark circles and haggard look in my face....

Wow -- you actually take a shower every day?! I didn't always manage it at
that point! This is quite normal. Remember that you've only just given birth
and your hormones are still altering, so your skin might be affected by that
as well as your fatigue. If you have any 'pamper me' items, this is the time
to use them. But I'd suggest you not waste time looking aghast at your
reflection!

I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to
start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention.
My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...

For now, focus just on hygiene, food and clothing. Get hubby to clean the
toilet, take out the rubbish, shop, cook and wash up, and do the washing. Oh
-- and bills; you need water and power and shelter! The rest can wait, or you
can ask your visitors to do things like duting and vaccuuming.

Later on, look into Flylady -- I've found her very helpful.

Please tell me this will start to get better soon.

It will! I have two children and life is pretty good.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

rfmjbs wrote:

My hubby is going back to Iraq this week for 12 -18 months.

Oh my God, that must be so hard on your family. I'll keep his safety
in my prayers.

Amy

Thanks again everyone for your support and suggestions. My husband took
care of our baby all night last night, while I slept with my 8 yr old. We
went to bed before 9 and I didn't get out of bed until almost 10! It was
heaven - I feel like a new woman. I am feeding exclusively by bottle EBM,
and that works for us. My production is still very high, and have
accumulated over 100 6oz bags of frozen bm. I wonder if now would be a good
time to cut back a little on the pumping? At any rate, it's amazing what a
good night of sleep can do for a person!

Betsy

"oregonchick" wrote in message
...
Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush.
Things seem to be healing up now.

Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired
I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband
for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless
night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now.
Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every
1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed
again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be
alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little
afraid and feeling overwhelmed.

I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings,
I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The
accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope?
I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I
feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to
shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and
feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or
stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my
face....

I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where
to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my
attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too...

Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

Betsy

oregonchick wrote:

Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm
getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for
leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night.

Been there, done that. DH went to a band
rehearsal the first time I was ever alone
with DS#1. I was petrified.

[...] Emily is 3
wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2
hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed again.

Her feeding is normal. My only suggestion
is to stay in bed with her.

I also have 2
dogs that are very demanding,

Can you hire a kid to do whatever dog stuff
needs to be done?

nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my
teeth before 11am every day.

I remember those days. DH would come home
after a normal workday and I'd still be in
the glider, not having showered, brushed
my hair, nor my teeth. In fact, not having
moved from the glider, except to get more
water and a different magazine.

I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to
start.

DS#1 is now 2.5 years old. I had one day of
clean house, but now DS#2 is 7 months old.
Yep, I've given up.

Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a
miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement!

It gets better. But, it will never get back
to "normal" again.

-- Anita --

oregonchick wrote:

Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol, and
has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this winter.
He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves to do.
It's just a volunteer position,

Well, gosh, I used to do three shows a
year, music and vocal directing community
theatre. DH and I met doing theatre, but
you know what? We both don't do shows
anymore, not with a 2.5-year-old and a
7-month-old. We will again, just not now.

-- Anita --

If it's any consolation you sound just like most people with a three
week old baby to me!! It's exhausting and seems like it will last
forever.

The best way to cope, in my opinion, is to accept that it is really
REALLY hard and make allowances for yourself. Expect the house to be a
bombsite, rest when you can, accept offers of help. You are doing a
great job. You just have to ride it out.

I know it's pretty much impossible to imagine but it won't be long
before all of the crappy bits are in the past and your memory kindly
makes it a lot more rosy.

Oh and if my husband had gone skiing when I had a three week old I
would have reacted the same way. Some things just have to go on the
back burner for a while. I don;t think you'd be at all unreasonable to
suggest he gave up hobbies until six weeks at least.

Good Luck

Judy