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#22
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Name change because parent not visiting child
Dear Divorced,
I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. It wouldn't be a problem unless someone was making a big deal out of it (i.e. YOU). Heck, we have class lists for our kids, and its pretty common to have several surnames in one "family" and no one thinks anything of it (i.e., blended families, kids being raised by grandma etc. etc. ) I was well into my teens before it occured to me that my mother was born with a different name, much less that she took someone else's surname...much less that she might want to dump that name. I just don't buy that a kid could be traumatised by their birth surname. I could see it if the Dad was some notorious heinous creep with a distinctive surname that made the kid a magnet for teasing. But just because Dad is an immature jerk - nah, I can't see the purpose of trying to deliberately shut him out of kiddo's life in any way. Dad is making a mistake by not involving himself in his son's life, but take the high road, and don't do anything to give him an excuse why he's being such a schmuck. Leave the door wide open. M |
#23
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Name change because parent not visiting child
wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. |
#24
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Name change because parent not visiting child
Moon Shyne wrote: wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. |
#25
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Name change because parent not visiting child
"CasualObserver" wrote in message ups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. Nah - he abandoned these kids in exactly the same way he abandoned his kids from his first marriage (I'm ex-wife number 3) |
#26
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Name change because parent not visiting child
"CasualObserver" wrote Moon Shyne wrote: wrote Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. == Or the mother manipulated the relationship between father and child in such a bizarre manner that it became in the best interest of the children to not subject them to such hideousness. Sadly, the children may never know how much their father loved them and how broken his heart was when he had to make the decision to bow out. Just a thought. |
#27
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Name change because parent not visiting child
"Moon Shyne" wrote in message news wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Back to the point I made earlier - Why did you change your married name back to your family name? Didn't the fact you (or any other mother) changes her name back to her maiden name cause the child to want to do the same thing to be accepted by the mother? If a mother retains her married name doesn't that send a signal to the child having the same last name as their father is no big deal? If I am not reading this right I'm sure you'll let me. Then the question becomes why would a child want to use her mother's maiden name if mom is still using her married name. Doesn't that cause even more confusion for the child? Despite all the denials to the contrary, I think the mother is driving the name change process by how she deals with her own legal last name. |
#28
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Name change because parent not visiting child
Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message ups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. Nah - he abandoned these kids in exactly the same way he abandoned his kids from his first marriage (I'm ex-wife number 3) He should give up a and go for a mail order bride from the Phillipines |
#29
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Name change because parent not visiting child
"Moon Shyne" wrote in message news wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. She continues to use my family name, and when her high school pointed out that she would need to change it back to have her legal name on her diploma, she pointed out that she was using the name she wanted to have appear on her diploma. Did she graduate last year? Wow! They sure grow up fast! Is she doing ok now? |
#30
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Name change because parent not visiting child
"CasualObserver" wrote in message oups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "CasualObserver" wrote in message ups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: wrote in message ps.com... Dear Divorced, I'm mom of three. Kids don't get the adult inference of surnames. Their name is their name. It wouldn't occur to a kid that a name "belongs" to Dad, or that they could make a statement about rejecting someone by dumping a surname. That's adult logic, not kid logic. Not true. My daughter, when in the 7th grade, chose to use my family name as her last name in school - and she was absolutely making a statement about rejecting the father who disappeared from her life nearly 5 years ago. Maybe as she got older she started sounding a lot like her mother and he faded away in disgust. Nah - he abandoned these kids in exactly the same way he abandoned his kids from his first marriage (I'm ex-wife number 3) He should give up a and go for a mail order bride from the Phillipines Well, sure, if she's willing to be ex wife #4, I suppose |
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