Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?

In article ,
says...

On Dec 4, 5:00 pm, "Stephanie" wrote:
"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote in
...

many full time working parents spend so much time getting through the day,
get the day done... that they never got to know their children. Best of luck.
It is a difficult thing to work out. But YOU have the only
skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So
keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide.

You make an excellent point here. Even more that children's need for
social interaction with other children, I would argue that children
desperately need consistency. And while it is unfortunately true that
good childcare is scarce, we would always choose to raise our children
differently than other people. I believe that this is why it is so
easy to find parenting flaws within others, rather than in ourselves.
We will always be the best care providers available to our children.
But YOU have the only
skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So
keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide.
I would have to agree with this statement. Ultimately, you are the
one who your children entrust to make the best decissions for them.
And again, keep that confidence that your children look to you for
that. The best option for your family could be to leave your children
with a grandparent while you work, or to leave your child at a day
care center with other children.

My advice to parents who are seeking a child care provider for their
children, talk with the other parents of the children at the center.
Ask them about why they trust the provider or any concerns they might
have. Ask about noticing appropriate or inappropriate disciplinary
actions. Try to be as educated and informed about a program as
possible. Make sure you make strong, educated decissions that you
know with confidence that you will want to stick with. Because, from
my experience, consistency is the key to raise children that trust.

So often in discussing daycare people assume a daycare center. There are a lot
of family daycare providers out there, and they provide a smaller setting as
well as more consistency. This is the option I chose for my child, and it
worked out very well.

Banty

On Dec 5, 11:05 am, Banty wrote:
In article ,
says...









On Dec 4, 5:00 pm, "Stephanie" wrote:
"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote in
...

many full time working parents spend so much time getting through the day,
get the day done... that they never got to know their children. Best of luck.
It is a difficult thing to work out. But YOU have the only
skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So
keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide.

You make an excellent point here. Even more that children's need for
social interaction with other children, I would argue that children
desperately need consistency. And while it is unfortunately true that
good childcare is scarce, we would always choose to raise our children
differently than other people. I believe that this is why it is so
easy to find parenting flaws within others, rather than in ourselves.
We will always be the best care providers available to our children.
But YOU have the only
skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So
keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide.
I would have to agree with this statement. Ultimately, you are the
one who your children entrust to make the best decissions for them.
And again, keep that confidence that your children look to you for
that. The best option for your family could be to leave your children
with a grandparent while you work, or to leave your child at a day
care center with other children.

My advice to parents who are seeking a child care provider for their
children, talk with the other parents of the children at the center.
Ask them about why they trust the provider or any concerns they might
have. Ask about noticing appropriate or inappropriate disciplinary
actions. Try to be as educated and informed about a program as
possible. Make sure you make strong, educated decissions that you
know with confidence that you will want to stick with. Because, from
my experience, consistency is the key to raise children that trust.

So often in discussing daycare people assume a daycare center. There are a lot
of family daycare providers out there, and they provide a smaller setting as
well as more consistency. This is the option I chose for my child, and it
worked out very well.


Same here. While initially I thought a center would be better, we
ended up with a licensed in-home provider and couldn't be happier.
It's a much more 'home' style of environment, with kids of all ages
and an adult who is there consistently. Probably the only downside to
DD's development has been that having older kids who doted on her do
everything for her, she had no need to stand/walk or talk earlier ;-)

On Dec 5, 10:50 am, Barbara wrote:

snip

Let me quote from the abstracts of the articles you mentioned:

Here are a couple [of studies showing the benefits of day care].

Study Finds Major Day Care Benefits

http://www.socsci.uci.edu/~cohenp/strat/daycare.html

"Quality child care for underprivileged preschoolers produces benefits
that persist well into adulthood, according to a new study released
Thursday."


Potential Health Benefits of Child Day Care Attendance

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/en...3749692&cmd=sh...

"Despite fears that child day care attendance enhances the
transmission of infection among attending children, there are positive
aspects of the day care experience that, from the standpoint of
infectious diseases, directly and indirectly contribute to the child's
well-being. Quality child day care first requires a preadmission
physical examination and then requires that the child begin the series
of prescribed immunizations, which might not have been received if
care were provided at home by a care giver who was not knowledgeable
of available mechanisms for the prevention of disease. Once enrolled,
the child and parents can be exposed to health education, which
benefits them in terms of overall good health for the entire family."

How relevant are these findings to the parents in this group, most of
whom appear to be well-educated and not impoverished? Do we need
prodding by a day care center to get our kids check-ups and
immunizations? A few people have mentioned that day care may have no
ill effects or be beneficial if the mother researches the alternatives
carefully and chooses a high-quality center. Yes, but mothers
intelligent and conscientious enough to do that will probably be
better SAHMs than mothers in general, and I doubt that their children
will enjoy health or cognitive benefits from extended periods in day
care.

On Wed, 5 Dec 2007 10:44:46 -0800 (PST), Beliavsky
wrote:

On Dec 5, 10:50 am, Barbara wrote:

snip

Let me quote from the abstracts of the articles you mentioned:

Here are a couple [of studies showing the benefits of day care].

Study Finds Major Day Care Benefits

http://www.socsci.uci.edu/~cohenp/strat/daycare.html

"Quality child care for underprivileged preschoolers produces benefits
that persist well into adulthood, according to a new study released
Thursday."


Potential Health Benefits of Child Day Care Attendance

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/en...3749692&cmd=sh...

"Despite fears that child day care attendance enhances the
transmission of infection among attending children, there are positive
aspects of the day care experience that, from the standpoint of
infectious diseases, directly and indirectly contribute to the child's
well-being. Quality child day care first requires a preadmission
physical examination and then requires that the child begin the series
of prescribed immunizations, which might not have been received if
care were provided at home by a care giver who was not knowledgeable
of available mechanisms for the prevention of disease. Once enrolled,
the child and parents can be exposed to health education, which
benefits them in terms of overall good health for the entire family."

How relevant are these findings to the parents in this group, most of
whom appear to be well-educated and not impoverished?

You assume a lot. There are probably a good number of posters on this
group that live on incomes well under $30k a year. Well educated and
impoverished can go hand in hand with the failing economy,
unfortunately.

Nan

On Dec 4, 3:24 pm, Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
wrote:
I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre
for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer
relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing
her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less.

I have two kids that have both been in and are in full time care.
DD1 is now 6 years old and was put into my work's daycare at
14 months (after being home with a nanny). When our nanny
had to quit, the daycare at my work had
jsut opened a new site and had room for DD1. I think it was a
great experience for her. It's a really wonderful center (reggio
inspired)
with a very homelike feel and terrific staff. DD1 had the same primary
care giver from 14 months until 5 years old and this teacher is still
a
good friend of our family (and now an administrator at the school).
DD2
has been there since she was 3 months old (she's now 3) and has had
a similar great experience. She is currently in a mixed age preschool
room (3-5 year olds) and is absolutely thriving. We don't have
behavior
issues, we don't have sleeping issues. They both seem very happy.
The oldest is doing great in school. Her teachers have always remarked
what a terrific kid she is.


I know my daughter will benefit tremendously from being around other
children in a structured educational setting. She will be in a group
of 9 children, who are looked after by 2 teachers and one part-time
assistant.

This is a good ratio. At 22 months, my kids were in a room with 10
other 2 year olds (there abouts), 2 full time teachers and a part-time
teacher in the afternoons, usually.


I work full-time from home, and have a 9-month old here as well. He
will stay with me until he gets a spot at the daycare at 12 months.

So it's only 3 months that your oldest will be going without her
sibling? I think that'll work out great. My kids loved having each
other at the same school. There was lots of visiting between
classrooms.

The relative (whose neck I would love to wring right now) insists a
child should be kept at home until age 3.

What's so magical about 3?

I am doing this because I need to keep my job. Until now I had help
from my mother, but she leaves in a few days, after having been with
us for six months. Already a huge luxury!

What I'd love is to hear some positive stories, and if there's any
scientific backing to my relative's claims.

Well, our story is very positive. We have a high quality day care
that is close to my work and close to our home. Commute time
is minimal. DH and I swing shift a bit so I drop the kids off while
he gets to work and then he picks them up, a bit early so they
aren't there for really long days (although they are longer now that
DD1 has to be at school by 8). I've spent tons of time at the school,
in the classrooms, participating and observing and have been
thrilled with the high quality care the girls have gotten. And both
are doing really well.

Mary W.

On Dec 5, 2:15 pm, Nan wrote:

How relevant are these findings to the parents in this group, most of
whom appear to be well-educated and not impoverished?

You assume a lot. There are probably a good number of posters on this
group that live on incomes well under $30k a year. Well educated and
impoverished can go hand in hand with the failing economy,
unfortunately.

I read the newspaper, and an unemployment rate of 4.7% does not
indicate a failing economy. Anecdotally, the well-educated people I
know are making good money. Besides, intelligence and education matter
more than income in creating an *awareness* of what needs to be done
to keep children in good health. Making medical care affordable for
kids whose parents are "on-the-ball" does not depend on subsidizing
day care.

On Dec 4, 2:24 pm, Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
wrote:
I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre
for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer
relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing
her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less.

I know my daughter will benefit tremendously from being around other
children in a structured educational setting. She will be in a group
of 9 children, who are looked after by 2 teachers and one part-time
assistant.

I work full-time from home, and have a 9-month old here as well. He
will stay with me until he gets a spot at the daycare at 12 months.

The relative (whose neck I would love to wring right now) insists a
child should be kept at home until age 3.

I am doing this because I need to keep my job. Until now I had help
from my mother, but she leaves in a few days, after having been with
us for six months. Already a huge luxury!

What I'd love is to hear some positive stories, and if there's any
scientific backing to my relative's claims.

Sorry for the late reply but here's my experience with day care.

Both my kids were in home based day care until they are almost 2 at
which point I moved them to a montessori school. The home based day
care lady actually asked us to move the younger DD to a school
environment because the other kids in the day care weren't much of
peers for her. She was much taller and older than the other kids
(infants, mainly) and she got bored of them because they were just
babies and not responding to her much.

I remember being in the same situation you are in now. Selecting a day
care is not easy. To find "the perfect" home care, I must have called
at least 20 day care providers and visited at least 7. I wanted to
check how their house looked like, what the other kids looked like,
the ratio, whether she has any kids of her own etc. While finding a
commercial day care, it was much easier because it's easy to compare.
Besides my work has partnership with several day cares in the area. So
a team of people actually visit the day cares to make sure they are up
to our standards. So after visiting all those places and talking to
the parents who have kids in those facilities, we decided on our
school. I'm still not 100% satisfied with this school but this is the
best in this area.

Regarding the "I need to keep my job" issue.. as I said in my other
reply, I love my job. I would still work even if I didn't have to.
Though the money is nice and is the primary reason for my working, I
labored to get my two masters degrees for a reason. So relatives
trying to take me on a guilt trip won't work.

Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about your choices. Remember, you
are doing what's best for your child. Your best may be good or bad in
other people's opinions but they are just that.. opinions. Good luck.

In article ,
Beliavsky says...

On Dec 5, 10:50 am, Barbara wrote:

snip

Let me quote from the abstracts of the articles you mentioned:

Here are a couple [of studies showing the benefits of day care].

Study Finds Major Day Care Benefits

http://www.socsci.uci.edu/~cohenp/strat/daycare.html

"Quality child care for underprivileged preschoolers produces benefits
that persist well into adulthood, according to a new study released
Thursday."


Potential Health Benefits of Child Day Care Attendance

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/en...3749692&cmd=sh...

"Despite fears that child day care attendance enhances the
transmission of infection among attending children, there are positive
aspects of the day care experience that, from the standpoint of
infectious diseases, directly and indirectly contribute to the child's
well-being. Quality child day care first requires a preadmission
physical examination and then requires that the child begin the series
of prescribed immunizations, which might not have been received if
care were provided at home by a care giver who was not knowledgeable
of available mechanisms for the prevention of disease. Once enrolled,
the child and parents can be exposed to health education, which
benefits them in terms of overall good health for the entire family."

That's *one* kind of benefit, overall tending more to make some difference for
certain households, yes, most of those posting here would provide these
immunizations already. But I note how we're to pay attention to a study that
does not make SES distinctions regardint certain behavior issues (and may more
reflect lower SES issues), but quickly agree with you that, where a *benefit* is
cited, we would probably already have it covered for our SES.



How relevant are these findings to the parents in this group, most of
whom appear to be well-educated and not impoverished? Do we need
prodding by a day care center to get our kids check-ups and
immunizations? A few people have mentioned that day care may have no
ill effects or be beneficial if the mother researches the alternatives
carefully and chooses a high-quality center. Yes, but mothers
intelligent and conscientious enough to do that will probably be
better SAHMs than mothers in general, and I doubt that their children
will enjoy health or cognitive benefits from extended periods in day
care.

See - I don't think people are saying "put your kids in daycare it's *better*
than staying at home". Although - some people with kids that need a lot of
action *do* do that, often for just a couple of days a week. Especially as there
are fewer siblings nowdays. But I've never read here anyone saying "you should
put your kid in daycare because you might not be taking your kid to the doctor
and they'll *make* you".

We are saying that daycare is an option, amongst many options, that help make a
family work. Depending on the situation for each family.

Each option has benefits and drawbacks. Parents can team-tag to avoid daycare
but still have two incomes. I know a lot of people who do it, it's exhausting.
But benefits are there too. Extended family can help. This may be great
(family connection, etc.) or not so great (not all grandparents or aunts and
uncles are so great at childminding, there may be an overhead of family
resentments and other issues).

Since you really seem to be more concerned about societal benefits, perfectly
reasonable things like part-time work for both parents are limited by the way
benefits like health care are parcelled out only to fulltime permanent workers
(and in the U.S. that's critical). Wouldn't it be nice if there were a change
in that? But in these conservative mags it often is implicit that the only
alternative is to go back to a single income model for each family, with guess
who being always the parent dependant on the other, and with only that as a real
option if she wants childrearing to be part of what she does with her life. And
I find that unacceptable, however you want to tag that.

Banty (feminazi supreme)

Thank you all very much for this useful debate.

We spent our first two hours in daycare today - of which the first
hour together - and, after some initial shyness, my daughter joined in
happily, and by the end of it was reluctant to leave. I am quite
encouraged by her response and confident about my decision.

They offer her so much variety in the way of activities and
socialisation which I simply couldn't provide at home, so that even if
I am able to keep her with me and the baby, I would worry that she was
losing out by not being in daycare.

My concern is her (physical) health as she will inevitably go down
with something pretty soon. This was the crux of my relative's
argument - that a child under 3 is best left protected at home. Maybe
I should have said this more explicitly in my original post.

The relative is actually a life-long kindergarten teacher herself,
about to retire, so I guess she felt this entitled her to meddle in my
affairs.

On Dec 5, 11:05 am, Banty wrote:
In article ,
says...





On Dec 4, 5:00 pm, "Stephanie" wrote:
"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote in
...

many full time working parents spend so much time getting through the day,
get the day done... that they never got to know their children. Best of luck.
It is a difficult thing to work out. But YOU have the only
skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So
keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide.

You make an excellent point here. Even more that children's need for
social interaction with other children, I would argue that children
desperately need consistency. And while it is unfortunately true that
good childcare is scarce, we would always choose to raise our children
differently than other people. I believe that this is why it is so
easy to find parenting flaws within others, rather than in ourselves.
We will always be the best care providers available to our children.
But YOU have the only
skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So
keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide.
I would have to agree with this statement. Ultimately, you are the
one who your children entrust to make the best decissions for them.
And again, keep that confidence that your children look to you for
that. The best option for your family could be to leave your children
with a grandparent while you work, or to leave your child at a day
care center with other children.

My advice to parents who are seeking a child care provider for their
children, talk with the other parents of the children at the center.
Ask them about why they trust the provider or any concerns they might
have. Ask about noticing appropriate or inappropriate disciplinary
actions. Try to be as educated and informed about a program as
possible. Make sure you make strong, educated decissions that you
know with confidence that you will want to stick with. Because, from
my experience, consistency is the key to raise children that trust.

So often in discussing daycare people assume a daycare center. There are a lot
of family daycare providers out there, and they provide a smaller setting as
well as more consistency. This is the option I chose for my child, and it
worked out very well.

Banty

thank you for catching that! you make a good point