Preparing a sibling for new baby - any thoughts?

DD should be 23 months when the baby is born, if all goes according to plan.
I have tried to involve her in the pregnancy process as much as possible,
but she doesn't seem interested (which is totally understandable, I think
!). But I'm just starting to get concerned that she has no understanding
whatsoever that my time will be divided soon, instead of her having me 100%.
I have got a few books about new babies, but she would rather read ones
about animals. Can anyone pass on what they did to prepare their first
child for the arrival of a 2nd?

Cathy
DD 8 Jan 03
EDD 8 Dec 04

Cathy,

This has been a concern of mine as well. Mick will be 2 1/2 when the baby
is born, but he does not seem to understand anything about mommy having a
baby. I'm going to get him a baby doll for Christmas this year so that we
can play with the baby doll together and get him used to the concept of a
baby brother. Good luck!

lisa
micksmom
27 months old
Baby boy 2 due 2-8-05

Mamma Mia wrote:
i think just talking about the baby, showing her the baby things,
reading the books if you can, it all helps. a 2 yo cannot comprehend
what it all means, i think, but somehow, they just get it!

I hope that will be the case! I'll have to get all the clothes out soon,
and hurry up and get the bassinet. Hopefully that will help.

Cathy

karlisa wrote:
Cathy,

This has been a concern of mine as well. Mick will be 2 1/2 when the
baby is born, but he does not seem to understand anything about mommy
having a baby. I'm going to get him a baby doll for Christmas this
year so that we can play with the baby doll together and get him used
to the concept of a baby brother. Good luck!

I hadn't thought about a doll. I'll have to see if the toy library has one
next time we're there. Thanks.

Cathy

Kelly wrote:
I didn't do much, actually. We talked about it in general so he knew
what was up, but I didn't make it "baby, baby, baby" day in and out.
I thought maybe I underplayed it, but when his auntie took him to the
store when we were in the hospital, Jake told the checkers all about
his new baby brother that was being born and how cute babies are and
how they will both wear jammies, etc. So, toddlers pretty much get
things without parents realizing it Whew! We did have a gift for
him from the baby and had things planned for him (#1) the following
week.
Kelly

I thought we'd get her a prezzie from the baby. And I'm hoping that her
grandparents will be available for a few hours a day and do fun stuff. She
is absorbing information all the time, that only comes out days or weeks
later (like when I had to fix her rocking horse with a screwdriver about 3
weeks ago. Then yesterday I did somthing else with a screwdriver and she
stole it off me and promptly took it over to her rocking horse!), so
hopefully she is actually getting the idea of a baby, and will be o.k.)

Cathy

"Cathy" writes:

DD should be 23 months when the baby is born, if all goes according to plan.
I have tried to involve her in the pregnancy process as much as possible,

I think that one important thing is to let your DD decide how she wants to
react to the new baby.

Obviously, DD can't hurt the baby, but there's no reason a 23-month-old
ought to be happy or excited about the baby or even really to notice the
baby. In the long run, the relationship that DD and the baby develop is
up to them.

This is great advice.

I'm trying to think of what I did to prepare Taylor -- some things, but not
tons. Partly because I think she's pretty young to grasp the concept, and
partly because we didn't know when it was going to happen. I had some
TIVO'd episodes of Sesame Street where Baby Bear's mom has a new baby, Curly
Bear. They dealt with mom being away in the hospital and waiting for the
call, Baby Bear going to the hospital to see the new baby, Curly Bear
getting all the attention, trying to get Curly Bear to take a nap, etc. I
played them a lot, but didn't really talk about them. I just played them A
LOT. I also bought a book called "I'm going to be a big sister" or
something like that, and read it to her a few times. Then, once we matched
with Addie's birthmother, we began to really talk about Taylor being a big
sister, and having a little sister, etc. In the meantime, I played the
Sesame Street episodes some more, although I only had the attention and
napping ones.

The other thing I did was not so concrete -- I don't center my life around
Taylor. I mean I do things with her, and I spend wonderful time with her,
and I read to her and tickle her and play with her, but I also let her do
her own thing, while I do mine around the house or on the computer. I'm
sure partly it's that Taylor has an independent personality, but I've
encouraged that. There are times when she would want me to stop what I was
doing to color, or walk, or read, and I'd say, "not right now, in a minute."
I'd finish what I was doing, then go to play with her. She is not a needy
or clingy child, although she is definitely bonded with me. I think this
has helped the most with the transition. Since she wasn't the total and
complete focus of my attention during her every waking minute, not much has
changed. We still tickle and play and read and giggle, and there are times
when I'm feeding or holding the baby that I can't stop what I'm doing. And
she's been fine with that.

For the most part, Taylor quickly accepted that we had a new family member.
It wasn't a big deal to her (although still could become one). The second
day we had full custody of Addie dh asked her to point to mama, she did.
Point to dada, she did. Point to baby sister, she did. She didn't want to
do more than look over at Addie for the first few days, but after a while,
she became more interested in watching me feed her, or patting her on the
leg or head when she cries. Taylor will come get me when Addie is crying,
saying "walk baby, walk baby" and lead me over to Addie. It's very sweet.
But I never forced her to touch or deal with Addie in any way. Whatever her
reaction has been, has been okay by me. I compliment her on what a good big
sister she is often.

I think today is the first of any jealousy or unhappiness that I've seen in
relation to the new baby in the house -- dh and I pulled out the vibrating
bouncy seat and the swing, and put them back together in the family room.
Taylor wanted to sit in the bouncy seat, as it was just about the right
height. I let her a few times, but then was worried that it couldn't
support her weight, so told her it was just for babies, and she was a big
girl. She wasn't really happy about that, but did get distracted and move
on. But that was the first time she really cried and was upset about
something. Other than that, it's been -- "oh yeah we have a baby. Oooooh,
Sesame is on!"

--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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"Al Bell" wrote in message
...
"Cathy" writes:

DD should be 23 months when the baby is born, if all goes according to
plan.
I have tried to involve her in the pregnancy process as much as possible,

I think that one important thing is to let your DD decide how she wants to
react to the new baby.

Obviously, DD can't hurt the baby, but there's no reason a 23-month-old
ought to be happy or excited about the baby or even really to notice the
baby. In the long run, the relationship that DD and the baby develop is
up to them.

Al Bell wrote:
"Cathy" writes:

DD should be 23 months when the baby is born, if all goes according
to plan. I have tried to involve her in the pregnancy process as
much as possible,

I think that one important thing is to let your DD decide how she
wants to react to the new baby.

Obviously, DD can't hurt the baby, but there's no reason a
23-month-old ought to be happy or excited about the baby or even
really to notice the baby. In the long run, the relationship that DD
and the baby develop is
up to them.

Good advice, thank you. I'm expecting a neutral reaction on DD's part, but
I just want to get the idea in to her wee head that there will be another
sibling soon so she doesn't get a huge surprise. Actually, I think she will
surprise me, as she pointed at my breasts last night and said 'Milk' -and
she weaned 7 months ago!

Cathy

Jamie Clark wrote:
This is great advice.

Thanks Jamie for your ideas too. Taylor sounds a bit like DD - the only
time DD is clingy is if I mention the kitchen. Other than that, she is
happy to just have me nearby responding to her occasionally.

Cathy

She'll probably be fine, especially if you keep things normal for her. So
often people think they are preparing their kids for some big event and what
is really happening is setting up a negative tone. Sounds like you are
being really open and honest. A little present is always fun and a nice
diversion when it needs to be.

Warmly,
Kelly
#4 2/12/05

"Cathy" wrote in message
news
Kelly wrote:
I didn't do much, actually. We talked about it in general so he knew
what was up, but I didn't make it "baby, baby, baby" day in and out.
I thought maybe I underplayed it, but when his auntie took him to the
store when we were in the hospital, Jake told the checkers all about
his new baby brother that was being born and how cute babies are and
how they will both wear jammies, etc. So, toddlers pretty much get
things without parents realizing it Whew! We did have a gift for
him from the baby and had things planned for him (#1) the following
week.
Kelly

I thought we'd get her a prezzie from the baby. And I'm hoping that her
grandparents will be available for a few hours a day and do fun stuff.
She
is absorbing information all the time, that only comes out days or weeks
later (like when I had to fix her rocking horse with a screwdriver about 3
weeks ago. Then yesterday I did somthing else with a screwdriver and she
stole it off me and promptly took it over to her rocking horse!), so
hopefully she is actually getting the idea of a baby, and will be o.k.)

Cathy