Breastfeeding support mini-vent...

I have always intended to breastfeed, but have grown firmer in it and more
resolute in my last trimester. I just want so badly to give my daughter the
best start in life and the best immune system possible, I can't see not
trying as hard as I can ...so anyway, to each her own, and I am not
judgemental of those who choose differently, and although I don't think
anyone argues breastmilk is best, I don't think those who formula feed are
doing something horrible, I think they have made the decision for themselves
and it doesn't bother me at all etc.

So with that said, I DO have something that ****es me off, *in my life*,
about breastfeeding. I just HAVE to vent! It has gotten ridiculous. OBs
don't care whether or not you breastfeed which is fine. They shouldn't push.
Pediatricians will tell you it's best and urge you to try it. Midwives and
other doctors usually will too, at least let you know the benefits and
encourage it.

I don't mind at all, people who don't breastfeed for whatever reason- I
would never feel judgemental toward them. I don't feel they have to reveal a
reason. It's their choice and their business. I have said before I don't
know anyone personally who has breastfed , they all have many different
reasons, but that's very shocking to me that I don't know one single person
who even tried. I have been around a lot of family and friends and coworkers
who have babies, and I have asked older people also (mother, mother in law,
and just generally people in that age range). Everyone seems to think
bottlefeeding is the only way to go. And has assumed I will bottle feed, and
here starts my rant....

I don't go around declaring my intention to breastfeed, but when it comes up
"What kind of formula are you going to use?" etc, I tell them. And have told
the grandparents, so they won't buy lots of bottles and formula to have at
their house and so they will know. The reaction has NOT been good. If you
didn't want to breastfeed that's fine, but why would you DISAPPROVE of
someone breastfeeding if they choose to??!! I can't figure out WHY people
(friends, family) are acting that way about me breastfeeding. I have had
people try to talk me out of it! And insist that formula is just as good.
These people don't have a stake in my baby so why do they even feel the need
to go there?

What bothers me the most for example, is my mom. She gets an attitide over
me breastfeeding, she was baby shopping with me and demanded to know why I
was buying a breastpump etc and she said "Well how long are you going to
breastfeed? You don't need a pump! I wouldn't figure you'd do it but a few
weeks. Why do even need to do it at all?" and when I said it's better for
the baby, she rolled her eyes and got this look on her face like just
smelled something awful. She's like that everytime breastfeeding comes up.
It bothers me- I have no bf support, I am going to join a group of some
sort, but the attitude over it irritates me endlessly. MY mom really gave me
a stinky look when I said I plan to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months,
and then pump for later and I also mentioned that if anyone else ever gets
to give her a bottle it is going to be breastmilk. She HATES that...she acts
like there is something wrong with breastmilk- I won't even mention the
horror she feels that I would actually use it for baby cereal when we
introduce that! She almost acts like she thinks breastfeeding is something
dirty or lewd...it's just the way she acts over it. I get this from other
people too and it makes me uncomfortable, what is their problem??

I discussed it with the midwife and she told me she has a patient who only
breastfeeds at bedtime and uses formula during the rest of the day because
her mother thinks its horrible to breastfeed and so she can't breastfeed
around her mom without endless comments- I swear I almost fell over when the
midwife told me that. The midwife tol me that actually, a lot of women don't
breastfeed because of the interference of other people such as grandparents
or husbands. Oh my gosh! If you don't WANT to breastfeed that's fine, but
WHY do other people act that way over it-- why in the hell would a
grandparent have the right to tell a mom that it's nasty to breastfeed their
child???

I'll put it this way-- my own mom just seems to think that you breastfeed
because you want the feeling of something on your breast, because otherwise
you could just use formula. She insists formula is just as good and there is
NO reason to breastfeed, and thinks that those who do are just trying to be
different and are doing it for their own reasons and not possibly for the
health of the baby and don't have any good reasons to do that. And
surprisingly, there are apparently others out there who feel the same way. I
can't tell you how mnay have said "WHY are you breastfeeding?? Formula is
just as good or they wouldn't sell it."

I wouldn't be so bothered, but no one except for my husband and mother in
law has told me "Good! It's healthier for the baby". You can sit my mom in
front of a website going over the benfits OR have a doctor tell her and she
still thinks it's not true.

Jill,

I have always intended to breastfeed, but have grown firmer in it and
more
resolute in my last trimester.

Good for you!!!!

What bothers me the most for example, is my mom. She gets an attitide
over
me breastfeeding, she was baby shopping with me and demanded to know
why I
was buying a breastpump etc and she said "Well how long are you going
to
breastfeed? You don't need a pump! I wouldn't figure you'd do it but a
few
weeks. Why do even need to do it at all?" and when I said it's better
for
the baby, she rolled her eyes and got this look on her face like just
smelled something awful.

I am sorry you are having such a problem finding support for your
decision. I think you are going to do a fabulous thing for your child.
I am sure it is hard not having the support of anyone besides DH and
MIL. Perhaps with your mother she feels that she was somehow deficient
in her parenting of you because she bottlefed? She had justified her
decision to herself and now is not interested in facts or new
information that might make her feel bad about her decisions?

I have never had this problem with either my parents or in-laws and most
of my friends at least partially BF so I have lots of support. I am not
sure how to help you other than to suggest you fine a Le Leche League or
other BF support group that you can attend to get the help and
encouragement you need?

Good luck and again I am sorry you are having such a hard time with this
issue.

Cali
EDD #3 5/31/04

Jill wrote:

I wouldn't be so bothered, but no one except for my husband and mother in
law has told me "Good! It's healthier for the baby". You can sit my mom in
front of a website going over the benfits OR have a doctor tell her and she
still thinks it's not true.

I guess it's my personality and body language but I don't get that
response. I did have a few "Oh, you couldn't possibly breastfeed
twins!" remarks but I set them straight very quickly. Who knows, they
might have said something out of my earshot but not in my presence.

I know I have strong body language that wards people off. No one has
EVER approached me negatively when I NIP, even with the twins. And
people the know me know better than to challenge or question me.

How about just being firm? Of if being challenged, just say "End of
discussion!"? I have one those "looks" that can stop a child
mid-destruction mode. How about using something like that? LOL! ;-)

--
Brigitte aa #2145
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/i/isabellazora/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

Jill wrote:


I wouldn't be so bothered, but no one except for my husband and mother in
law has told me "Good! It's healthier for the baby". You can sit my mom in
front of a website going over the benfits OR have a doctor tell her and she
still thinks it's not true.


You can't make people believe what they don't WANT
to believe. This is your baby, however, and you have
the right to feed her as you choose. If your mother
won't agree, limit the amount of contact the baby has
alone with her if you think Grandma will sabotage your
feeding.

Many people of your mother's generation did not bf
in part because they had been brainwashed to believe
it was "old fashioned" and an "old country" thing to do.

Your baby, your choice.

gloria p

I think for a lot of moms who formula fed their babies feel like they are
being told that they were being "bad" to not have breast-fed their babies
when their children chose to breast-feed the grandchildren. I would just
stress to her that it is your decision and to "butt-out." Don't talk to her
about it any more. Join a Le Leche League group they will also give you
excellent advice for how to handle these kinds of situations. Just stay
true to what you feel is best!
Kat
Mama to Maggie 11/03/01
and Will 02/10/04


"Jill" wrote in message
. com...
I have always intended to breastfeed, but have grown firmer in it and more
resolute in my last trimester. I just want so badly to give my daughter
the
best start in life and the best immune system possible, I can't see not
trying as hard as I can ...so anyway, to each her own, and I am not
judgemental of those who choose differently, and although I don't think
anyone argues breastmilk is best, I don't think those who formula feed are
doing something horrible, I think they have made the decision for
themselves
and it doesn't bother me at all etc.

So with that said, I DO have something that ****es me off, *in my life*,
about breastfeeding. I just HAVE to vent! It has gotten ridiculous. OBs
don't care whether or not you breastfeed which is fine. They shouldn't
push.
Pediatricians will tell you it's best and urge you to try it. Midwives and
other doctors usually will too, at least let you know the benefits and
encourage it.

I don't mind at all, people who don't breastfeed for whatever reason- I
would never feel judgemental toward them. I don't feel they have to reveal
a
reason. It's their choice and their business. I have said before I don't
know anyone personally who has breastfed , they all have many different
reasons, but that's very shocking to me that I don't know one single
person
who even tried. I have been around a lot of family and friends and
coworkers
who have babies, and I have asked older people also (mother, mother in
law,
and just generally people in that age range). Everyone seems to think
bottlefeeding is the only way to go. And has assumed I will bottle feed,
and
here starts my rant....

I don't go around declaring my intention to breastfeed, but when it comes
up
"What kind of formula are you going to use?" etc, I tell them. And have
told
the grandparents, so they won't buy lots of bottles and formula to have at
their house and so they will know. The reaction has NOT been good. If you
didn't want to breastfeed that's fine, but why would you DISAPPROVE of
someone breastfeeding if they choose to??!! I can't figure out WHY people
(friends, family) are acting that way about me breastfeeding. I have had
people try to talk me out of it! And insist that formula is just as good.
These people don't have a stake in my baby so why do they even feel the
need
to go there?

What bothers me the most for example, is my mom. She gets an attitide over
me breastfeeding, she was baby shopping with me and demanded to know why I
was buying a breastpump etc and she said "Well how long are you going to
breastfeed? You don't need a pump! I wouldn't figure you'd do it but a few
weeks. Why do even need to do it at all?" and when I said it's better for
the baby, she rolled her eyes and got this look on her face like just
smelled something awful. She's like that everytime breastfeeding comes up.
It bothers me- I have no bf support, I am going to join a group of some
sort, but the attitude over it irritates me endlessly. MY mom really gave
me
a stinky look when I said I plan to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months,
and then pump for later and I also mentioned that if anyone else ever gets
to give her a bottle it is going to be breastmilk. She HATES that...she
acts
like there is something wrong with breastmilk- I won't even mention the
horror she feels that I would actually use it for baby cereal when we
introduce that! She almost acts like she thinks breastfeeding is something
dirty or lewd...it's just the way she acts over it. I get this from other
people too and it makes me uncomfortable, what is their problem??

I discussed it with the midwife and she told me she has a patient who only
breastfeeds at bedtime and uses formula during the rest of the day because
her mother thinks its horrible to breastfeed and so she can't breastfeed
around her mom without endless comments- I swear I almost fell over when
the
midwife told me that. The midwife tol me that actually, a lot of women
don't
breastfeed because of the interference of other people such as
grandparents
or husbands. Oh my gosh! If you don't WANT to breastfeed that's fine, but
WHY do other people act that way over it-- why in the hell would a
grandparent have the right to tell a mom that it's nasty to breastfeed
their
child???

I'll put it this way-- my own mom just seems to think that you breastfeed
because you want the feeling of something on your breast, because
otherwise
you could just use formula. She insists formula is just as good and there
is
NO reason to breastfeed, and thinks that those who do are just trying to
be
different and are doing it for their own reasons and not possibly for the
health of the baby and don't have any good reasons to do that. And
surprisingly, there are apparently others out there who feel the same way.
I
can't tell you how mnay have said "WHY are you breastfeeding?? Formula is
just as good or they wouldn't sell it."

I wouldn't be so bothered, but no one except for my husband and mother in
law has told me "Good! It's healthier for the baby". You can sit my mom in
front of a website going over the benfits OR have a doctor tell her and
she
still thinks it's not true.

Jill,
I admire your determination to succeed.
This is a leaflet designed for grandparents about breastfeeding:
http://www.abm.me.uk/ABMgrandparents.pdf

This page is about the effects of one formula bottle:

http://www.drjaygordon.com/bf/supplement.htm

Do sign up to mkb and find a support group to help you through the first few
weeks.
Love Serenity

"Jill" wrote in message
. com...
I What bothers me the most for example, is my mom. She gets an attitide
over
me breastfeeding, she was baby shopping with me and demanded to know why I
was buying a breastpump etc and she said "Well how long are you going to
breastfeed? You don't need a pump! I wouldn't figure you'd do it but a few
weeks. Why do even need to do it at all?" and when I said it's better for
the baby, she rolled her eyes and got this look on her face like just
smelled something awful. She's like that everytime breastfeeding comes up.

If your mom didn't breastfeed, you may be unintentionally making her feel
guilty by telling her how superior breastmilk is than formula. I don't know
if it will help in your situation, but I have handled this with a few people
by having general conversations about what doctors told them when their
children were newborns vs. what the doctors say today. I did this very
sympathetically, saying that when my kids were grown, it will all have
changed again, probably. Also, I did give my MIL a book on BF to read
because she had so many questions. She wound up being very supportive.

Nancy

In ,
Jill wrote:

*I wouldn't be so bothered, but no one except for my husband and mother in
*law has told me "Good! It's healthier for the baby". You can sit my mom in
*front of a website going over the benfits OR have a doctor tell her and she
*still thinks it's not true.

Jill, I think mostly it's guilt and similar feelings at work when women
who did not BF their own kids harass BFing moms for BFing. I know my mom
at first made a fuss but once she realized I wasn't upset that she formula
fed me, and once my son was a few months old and she saw how wonderful
BFing was, she came around .

What I would do in your shoes is give mom the phone number of the
pediatrician, and tell her to call and ask about the benefits of BF!

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

Jill, it sounds horrible!

Coming from Australia we have masses of breastfeeding support, infact I
think my mum would kick my ass if i didnt atleast try!! lol

My partner also told me that "you will be breastfeeding" g

I hope you find some support soon, and that your mother (family, friends,
etc) also come to support you at some point!

Just remember, its your baby, your life!


I have always intended to breastfeed, but have grown firmer in it and more
resolute in my last trimester. I just want so badly to give my daughter
the
best start in life and the best immune system possible, I can't see not
trying as hard as I can ...so anyway, to each her own, and I am not
judgemental of those who choose differently, and although I don't think
anyone argues breastmilk is best, I don't think those who formula feed are
doing something horrible, I think they have made the decision for
themselves
and it doesn't bother me at all etc.

So with that said, I DO have something that ****es me off, *in my life*,
about breastfeeding. I just HAVE to vent! It has gotten ridiculous. OBs
don't care whether or not you breastfeed which is fine. They shouldn't
push.
Pediatricians will tell you it's best and urge you to try it. Midwives and
other doctors usually will too, at least let you know the benefits and
encourage it.

I don't mind at all, people who don't breastfeed for whatever reason- I
would never feel judgemental toward them. I don't feel they have to reveal
a
reason. It's their choice and their business. I have said before I don't
know anyone personally who has breastfed , they all have many different
reasons, but that's very shocking to me that I don't know one single
person
who even tried. I have been around a lot of family and friends and
coworkers
who have babies, and I have asked older people also (mother, mother in
law,
and just generally people in that age range). Everyone seems to think
bottlefeeding is the only way to go. And has assumed I will bottle feed,
and
here starts my rant....

I don't go around declaring my intention to breastfeed, but when it comes
up
"What kind of formula are you going to use?" etc, I tell them. And have
told
the grandparents, so they won't buy lots of bottles and formula to have at
their house and so they will know. The reaction has NOT been good. If you
didn't want to breastfeed that's fine, but why would you DISAPPROVE of
someone breastfeeding if they choose to??!! I can't figure out WHY people
(friends, family) are acting that way about me breastfeeding. I have had
people try to talk me out of it! And insist that formula is just as good.
These people don't have a stake in my baby so why do they even feel the
need
to go there?

What bothers me the most for example, is my mom. She gets an attitide over
me breastfeeding, she was baby shopping with me and demanded to know why I
was buying a breastpump etc and she said "Well how long are you going to
breastfeed? You don't need a pump! I wouldn't figure you'd do it but a few
weeks. Why do even need to do it at all?" and when I said it's better for
the baby, she rolled her eyes and got this look on her face like just
smelled something awful. She's like that everytime breastfeeding comes up.
It bothers me- I have no bf support, I am going to join a group of some
sort, but the attitude over it irritates me endlessly. MY mom really gave
me
a stinky look when I said I plan to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months,
and then pump for later and I also mentioned that if anyone else ever gets
to give her a bottle it is going to be breastmilk. She HATES that...she
acts
like there is something wrong with breastmilk- I won't even mention the
horror she feels that I would actually use it for baby cereal when we
introduce that! She almost acts like she thinks breastfeeding is something
dirty or lewd...it's just the way she acts over it. I get this from other
people too and it makes me uncomfortable, what is their problem??

I discussed it with the midwife and she told me she has a patient who only
breastfeeds at bedtime and uses formula during the rest of the day because
her mother thinks its horrible to breastfeed and so she can't breastfeed
around her mom without endless comments- I swear I almost fell over when
the
midwife told me that. The midwife tol me that actually, a lot of women
don't
breastfeed because of the interference of other people such as
grandparents
or husbands. Oh my gosh! If you don't WANT to breastfeed that's fine, but
WHY do other people act that way over it-- why in the hell would a
grandparent have the right to tell a mom that it's nasty to breastfeed
their
child???

I'll put it this way-- my own mom just seems to think that you breastfeed
because you want the feeling of something on your breast, because
otherwise
you could just use formula. She insists formula is just as good and there
is
NO reason to breastfeed, and thinks that those who do are just trying to
be
different and are doing it for their own reasons and not possibly for the
health of the baby and don't have any good reasons to do that. And
surprisingly, there are apparently others out there who feel the same way.
I
can't tell you how mnay have said "WHY are you breastfeeding?? Formula is
just as good or they wouldn't sell it."

I wouldn't be so bothered, but no one except for my husband and mother in
law has told me "Good! It's healthier for the baby". You can sit my mom in
front of a website going over the benfits OR have a doctor tell her and
she
still thinks it's not true.

I think maybe you need to remember that our parents and maybe even our
grandparents "usually" only breastfeed when they could not afford formula.
When you are telling your mom that breastfeeding is better for the baby she
is remembering when you where little and the formula companies told women
formula was much better. She is probably thinking "Yeah right breast is
best until next week when they change their minds AGAIN." I think you
should cut some slack for your mom unless you just really have no sort of
mother daughter relationship. Is there anything you like about her?

Tori
"Jill" wrote in message
. com...
I have always intended to breastfeed, but have grown firmer in it and more
resolute in my last trimester. I just want so badly to give my daughter
the
best start in life and the best immune system possible, I can't see not
trying as hard as I can ...so anyway, to each her own, and I am not
judgemental of those who choose differently, and although I don't think
anyone argues breastmilk is best, I don't think those who formula feed are
doing something horrible, I think they have made the decision for
themselves
and it doesn't bother me at all etc.

So with that said, I DO have something that ****es me off, *in my life*,
about breastfeeding. I just HAVE to vent! It has gotten ridiculous. OBs
don't care whether or not you breastfeed which is fine. They shouldn't
push.
Pediatricians will tell you it's best and urge you to try it. Midwives and
other doctors usually will too, at least let you know the benefits and
encourage it.

I don't mind at all, people who don't breastfeed for whatever reason- I
would never feel judgemental toward them. I don't feel they have to reveal
a
reason. It's their choice and their business. I have said before I don't
know anyone personally who has breastfed , they all have many different
reasons, but that's very shocking to me that I don't know one single
person
who even tried. I have been around a lot of family and friends and
coworkers
who have babies, and I have asked older people also (mother, mother in
law,
and just generally people in that age range). Everyone seems to think
bottlefeeding is the only way to go. And has assumed I will bottle feed,
and
here starts my rant....

I don't go around declaring my intention to breastfeed, but when it comes
up
"What kind of formula are you going to use?" etc, I tell them. And have
told
the grandparents, so they won't buy lots of bottles and formula to have at
their house and so they will know. The reaction has NOT been good. If you
didn't want to breastfeed that's fine, but why would you DISAPPROVE of
someone breastfeeding if they choose to??!! I can't figure out WHY people
(friends, family) are acting that way about me breastfeeding. I have had
people try to talk me out of it! And insist that formula is just as good.
These people don't have a stake in my baby so why do they even feel the
need
to go there?

What bothers me the most for example, is my mom. She gets an attitide over
me breastfeeding, she was baby shopping with me and demanded to know why I
was buying a breastpump etc and she said "Well how long are you going to
breastfeed? You don't need a pump! I wouldn't figure you'd do it but a few
weeks. Why do even need to do it at all?" and when I said it's better for
the baby, she rolled her eyes and got this look on her face like just
smelled something awful. She's like that everytime breastfeeding comes up.
It bothers me- I have no bf support, I am going to join a group of some
sort, but the attitude over it irritates me endlessly. MY mom really gave
me
a stinky look when I said I plan to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months,
and then pump for later and I also mentioned that if anyone else ever gets
to give her a bottle it is going to be breastmilk. She HATES that...she
acts
like there is something wrong with breastmilk- I won't even mention the
horror she feels that I would actually use it for baby cereal when we
introduce that! She almost acts like she thinks breastfeeding is something
dirty or lewd...it's just the way she acts over it. I get this from other
people too and it makes me uncomfortable, what is their problem??

I discussed it with the midwife and she told me she has a patient who only
breastfeeds at bedtime and uses formula during the rest of the day because
her mother thinks its horrible to breastfeed and so she can't breastfeed
around her mom without endless comments- I swear I almost fell over when
the
midwife told me that. The midwife tol me that actually, a lot of women
don't
breastfeed because of the interference of other people such as
grandparents
or husbands. Oh my gosh! If you don't WANT to breastfeed that's fine, but
WHY do other people act that way over it-- why in the hell would a
grandparent have the right to tell a mom that it's nasty to breastfeed
their
child???

I'll put it this way-- my own mom just seems to think that you breastfeed
because you want the feeling of something on your breast, because
otherwise
you could just use formula. She insists formula is just as good and there
is
NO reason to breastfeed, and thinks that those who do are just trying to
be
different and are doing it for their own reasons and not possibly for the
health of the baby and don't have any good reasons to do that. And
surprisingly, there are apparently others out there who feel the same way.
I
can't tell you how mnay have said "WHY are you breastfeeding?? Formula is
just as good or they wouldn't sell it."

I wouldn't be so bothered, but no one except for my husband and mother in
law has told me "Good! It's healthier for the baby". You can sit my mom in
front of a website going over the benfits OR have a doctor tell her and
she
still thinks it's not true.