punishment

On Wed, 16 Jul 2003 19:17:25 EDT, "Beeswing"
wrote:

If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun?

Well, she missed out on the field trip. I personally think she
was punished enough.

Making her be solemn and unhappy in my mind equates to pouring
salt into a wound. If she isn't allowed to have fun, what is she
doing all day? Sitting on the couch, staring into space?

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

x-no-archive:yes
"Beeswing" wrote:

My daughter is spending a good portion of her summer at the same
facility that serves as her before and after school care during the
schoolyear. Yesterday, she repeatedly refused to obey a teacher who told
her to get out of the wading pool. She was told that if she couldn't
listen in that environment, she couldn't be trusted on the next day's
fieldtrip and would not be allowed to go. She did lose the field trip
and ended up spending today at home.

I don't want to get into a discussion as whether or not the punishment
was in keeping with the offense (at this point, I believe that that's
irrelevant). What I'm bothered by was that my husband wanted to take our
daughter to a movie today as sort of a "consolation prize."

I think your dh is undermining the teacher's authority. Does he do
this with you? If not can he be explained to that's what he's doing?

My daughter asked me if she could go, and I told her no. I didn't want
her learning that if she disobeys her teacher, it's all right because
she can stay home with her dad and get to go out to a movie, which is
probably more fun than the field trip would have been. Then the issue
came up of whether or not she could go to the wading pool, instead. I
felt similarly (that she shouldn't be allowed to do it) but really had
no sense of conviction. Not knowing quite what to do, I've left it up to
her dad to talk with her and decide whether or not to take her.

If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun? I'm nonnegotiable about
stopping short of the "special event" a movie would have been perceived
as.

I don't think solemn and unhappy is required and I don't think it
would make her really feel the impact of her actions at this point.
IMHO the correction has to be immediate for it to be effective.

OTOH, she shouldn't get any special treats or fun outings either, and
I would vote no on the wading pool too - that was what she disobeyed
about, so she *especially* shouldn't get to do that.

Bored is OK.

grandma Rosalie

grandma Rosalie wrote:

Bored is OK.

Bored = Unhappy, in my book, and I'm sure it's true in hers, too. I didn't mean
to suggest that I'd want her to be made miserable.

beeswing

Beeswing wrote:
grandma Rosalie wrote:


Bored is OK.


Bored = Unhappy, in my book, and I'm sure it's true in hers, too. I didn't mean
to suggest that I'd want her to be made miserable.


I think learning to adapt to being bored, and finding
coping strategies, is an important skill. Life is not
always exciting.

This is veering off topic, but I don't understand the
need for, say, DVD players in a car so you can see
a movie while driving. If your kid is bored, so be
it. Let them learn to cope. What's the deal with
constant entertainment?

Scott DD 10 and DS 7

In article , "Beeswing" writes:


If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun? I'm nonnegotiable about
stopping short of the "special event" a movie would have been perceived
as.

I'd really appreciate some perspective from other folks right now.


YMMV, as it probably depends a lot on the situation. If it was a trip she was
looking forward to, missing it might be punishment enough. If trips to the
wading pool are a pretty normal part of your routine, it seems ok. You might
pay particular attention to her instruction-following there, and remind her
that if she'd followed instructions before she could have gone on the trip.

FWIW, with what little you said it does sound like the punishment is more than
it should be. (But I don't know, of course, if this was a first event, how
the instructions were given, etc.)

-Marjorie

Beeswing wrote:

If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun? I'm nonnegotiable about
stopping short of the "special event" a movie would have been perceived
as.

I'd really appreciate some perspective from other folks right now.



Does she love this program so much that just missing a day is really
paying for her actions? Or is being at home better than going?

I may differ from other folks in this, but my attitude is that my
children will respect the adults they are with and obey their rules. I
wouldn't exactly put her in all day time out, but I sure wouldn't be
providing any fun activities.

Lesley

In article ,
==Daye== wrote:

On Wed, 16 Jul 2003 19:17:25 EDT, "Beeswing"
wrote:

If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun?

Well, she missed out on the field trip. I personally think she
was punished enough.

Making her be solemn and unhappy in my mind equates to pouring
salt into a wound. If she isn't allowed to have fun, what is she
doing all day? Sitting on the couch, staring into space?



If it were our house, special trips, play dates, TV and computer games
(any of which could well be more appealing than a field trip) would be
off limits for the day. She could entertain herself with reading,
playing the piano, playing with toys, goofing around outside, but would
be stuck going with me on any previously planned errands, no matter how
boring.

There shouldn't be any home dividend for getting into trouble at school
or daycare, IMO.

That the tv/vcr was that effective gives a clue that tv is not on all
the time at your house. I think that movies while driving/flying have
there place--particularly on longer trips. Thirty years ago, many
families put a mattress in the back of a station wagon with lots of toys
and books. The kids could just sack out or crawl around, etc for
entertainment. Where youngsters are now closely confined to a car seat,
such entertainment can make car travel (and plane for that matter)
doable.

An aside note: If said children are exposed to excessive amounts of tv
on a regular basis, tv/vcr in the car will not improve travel. If the
environment of the car is pretty much the same as the living room,
boredom can come up even in the midst of a pretty exciting flick.

For short trips (less than one hour), a tv is probably not
necessary--even for a two year old. The ability to self-entertain
increases with exersize. Create an environment where a 2 year old
learns to entertain themselves for a minimum of 15 to 30 minutes a day,
a 5 year old--at least an hour or two a day, etc, you will find teens
who can keep themselves out of trouble. I am of the opinion that game
boys/hand held games are not necessary only because they decrease
interaction with others. At the same time, my little boy isn't old
enough to ask for one though.

Karen

On Thu, 17 Jul 2003 15:26:24 EDT, Elizabeth Gardner
wrote:

There shouldn't be any home dividend for getting into trouble at school
or daycare, IMO.

I agree. Actually, your list of what is okay for the child to do
sounds fine. It gives them something to do without any special
rewards.

--
==Daye==
Momma to Jayan
#2 EDD 11 Jan 2004
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

the one point I haven't heard is "what if not going to the day care center
was not an option?" what would she have done then?
Edith
nak

"LFortier" wrote in message
...
Beeswing wrote:

If a kid is home for a daycare or school related offense, would you want
her solemn and unhappy (or bored), so that she could really feel the
impact of her actions? Or has she paid enough for her what she did and
it's okay to have at least a little fun? I'm nonnegotiable about
stopping short of the "special event" a movie would have been perceived
as.

I'd really appreciate some perspective from other folks right now.



Does she love this program so much that just missing a day is really
paying for her actions? Or is being at home better than going?

I may differ from other folks in this, but my attitude is that my
children will respect the adults they are with and obey their rules. I
wouldn't exactly put her in all day time out, but I sure wouldn't be
providing any fun activities.

Lesley