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#1
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Center of Attention
My girls always have to be the center of attention. How do you teach kids
how to listen and not always be heard? They had a little girl over yesterday and I was tired listening to them. "Do you like MY backpack?" "Do you like MY skirt?" "You be the witch and I'll be the princess." On and on. I am not sure how to explain to them the importance of taking turns when they talk, listening to the opinions of others, and not always having everything be about THEM. Maybe I am not explaining it well. I am not sure the character trait I am looking for. Empathy is not right. Maybe consideration. Anyway, I guess since there's two of them everything has always been a competition but it's spilling over into their social abilities and it's really discouraging to watch. I have tried talking to them about it but they just don't get it. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 |
#2
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Center of Attention
Erin-
I think this is a great question. I haven't BTDT so I don't have any advice for you, but I think you're probably right about things being a competition since they are twins. I'm looking forward to reading what others have to say on this. Andrea twin girls-Jordan & Madison 3 yrs. old My girls always have to be the center of attention. How do you teach kids how to listen and not always be heard? They had a little girl over yesterday and I was tired listening to them. "Do you like MY backpack?" "Do you like MY skirt?" "You be the witch and I'll be the princess." On and on. I am not sure how to explain to them the importance of taking turns when they talk, listening to the opinions of others, and not always having everything be about THEM. Maybe I am not explaining it well. I am not sure the character trait I am looking for. Empathy is not right. Maybe consideration. Anyway, I guess since there's two of them everything has always been a competition but it's spilling over into their social abilities and it's really discouraging to watch. I have tried talking to them about it but they just don't get it. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 |
#3
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Center of Attention
Erin-
I think this is a great question. I haven't BTDT so I don't have any advice for you, but I think you're probably right about things being a competition since they are twins. I'm looking forward to reading what others have to say on this. Andrea twin girls-Jordan & Madison 3 yrs. old My girls always have to be the center of attention. How do you teach kids how to listen and not always be heard? They had a little girl over yesterday and I was tired listening to them. "Do you like MY backpack?" "Do you like MY skirt?" "You be the witch and I'll be the princess." On and on. I am not sure how to explain to them the importance of taking turns when they talk, listening to the opinions of others, and not always having everything be about THEM. Maybe I am not explaining it well. I am not sure the character trait I am looking for. Empathy is not right. Maybe consideration. Anyway, I guess since there's two of them everything has always been a competition but it's spilling over into their social abilities and it's really discouraging to watch. I have tried talking to them about it but they just don't get it. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 |
#4
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Center of Attention
My answer -- separate them in school. That way, they don't have "strength
in numbers" against everyone else in the class and they aren't constantly battling each other. So they end up having to behave nicely. Hanna certainly seems to be doing much better socially than ever before now that she doesn't "have to" order her brothers around all day. The teacher even commented to me the other day how different Hanna became the one time she was in a double-class with Elliot's class. Immediately started bossing him around and raising her voice. And Connor, for whom I was very worried because of his shyness / inability to make friends, has "bonded" per his teacher with someone named Michael. Fingers crossed. At home, no clue whatsoever how to solve it. We have just the same problem -- the babysitter arrives and is deluged with them, all demanding her attention first -- even the baby gets in on that act. To be honest, I don't invite other kids to play, even yet, since I have my hands full enough, but I totally recognize what you are saying from everyday experience -- this is how mine are with *me*. All three rush in unable to wait their turn to tell me anything, interrupt each other, and then don't even listen to what I have to say back to them. And "lack of consideration" is exactly what I call it, though they don't hear that bit either. {hugs as ever} --Janet Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96) and Holly (4/4/01) .. "Kender" wrote in message news2Deb.648597$Ho3.135019@sccrnsc03... My girls always have to be the center of attention. How do you teach kids how to listen and not always be heard? They had a little girl over yesterday and I was tired listening to them. "Do you like MY backpack?" "Do you like MY skirt?" "You be the witch and I'll be the princess." On and on. I am not sure how to explain to them the importance of taking turns when they talk, listening to the opinions of others, and not always having everything be about THEM. Maybe I am not explaining it well. I am not sure the character trait I am looking for. Empathy is not right. Maybe consideration. Anyway, I guess since there's two of them everything has always been a competition but it's spilling over into their social abilities and it's really discouraging to watch. I have tried talking to them about it but they just don't get it. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 |
#5
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Center of Attention
My answer -- separate them in school. That way, they don't have "strength
in numbers" against everyone else in the class and they aren't constantly battling each other. So they end up having to behave nicely. Hanna certainly seems to be doing much better socially than ever before now that she doesn't "have to" order her brothers around all day. The teacher even commented to me the other day how different Hanna became the one time she was in a double-class with Elliot's class. Immediately started bossing him around and raising her voice. And Connor, for whom I was very worried because of his shyness / inability to make friends, has "bonded" per his teacher with someone named Michael. Fingers crossed. At home, no clue whatsoever how to solve it. We have just the same problem -- the babysitter arrives and is deluged with them, all demanding her attention first -- even the baby gets in on that act. To be honest, I don't invite other kids to play, even yet, since I have my hands full enough, but I totally recognize what you are saying from everyday experience -- this is how mine are with *me*. All three rush in unable to wait their turn to tell me anything, interrupt each other, and then don't even listen to what I have to say back to them. And "lack of consideration" is exactly what I call it, though they don't hear that bit either. {hugs as ever} --Janet Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96) and Holly (4/4/01) .. "Kender" wrote in message news2Deb.648597$Ho3.135019@sccrnsc03... My girls always have to be the center of attention. How do you teach kids how to listen and not always be heard? They had a little girl over yesterday and I was tired listening to them. "Do you like MY backpack?" "Do you like MY skirt?" "You be the witch and I'll be the princess." On and on. I am not sure how to explain to them the importance of taking turns when they talk, listening to the opinions of others, and not always having everything be about THEM. Maybe I am not explaining it well. I am not sure the character trait I am looking for. Empathy is not right. Maybe consideration. Anyway, I guess since there's two of them everything has always been a competition but it's spilling over into their social abilities and it's really discouraging to watch. I have tried talking to them about it but they just don't get it. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 |
#6
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Center of Attention
Thanks Janet. Unfortunately they are separated in school. On Friday Morgan's
teacher had to have a talk with me on how Morgan want to 'share' everything, all the time. It's gotten so bad she's going to have to write her name on the board thus her missing recess. Today we had a talk about compassion. Not really what I am trying to get at but one step in the right direction. I also talked about how if they stop trying to get people to make comments about them/their stuff etc. they might get them anyway, and wouldn't that mean more to them then getting comments they had asked for. We'll see. This is really hard. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 "multimom4" wrote in message news:SPIfb.686701$uu5.112166@sccrnsc04... My answer -- separate them in school. That way, they don't have "strength in numbers" against everyone else in the class and they aren't constantly battling each other. So they end up having to behave nicely. Hanna certainly seems to be doing much better socially than ever before now that she doesn't "have to" order her brothers around all day. The teacher even commented to me the other day how different Hanna became the one time she was in a double-class with Elliot's class. Immediately started bossing him around and raising her voice. And Connor, for whom I was very worried because of his shyness / inability to make friends, has "bonded" per his teacher with someone named Michael. Fingers crossed. At home, no clue whatsoever how to solve it. We have just the same problem -- the babysitter arrives and is deluged with them, all demanding her attention first -- even the baby gets in on that act. To be honest, I don't invite other kids to play, even yet, since I have my hands full enough, but I totally recognize what you are saying from everyday experience -- this is how mine are with *me*. All three rush in unable to wait their turn to tell me anything, interrupt each other, and then don't even listen to what I have to say back to them. And "lack of consideration" is exactly what I call it, though they don't hear that bit either. {hugs as ever} --Janet Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96) and Holly (4/4/01) . "Kender" wrote in message news2Deb.648597$Ho3.135019@sccrnsc03... My girls always have to be the center of attention. How do you teach kids how to listen and not always be heard? They had a little girl over yesterday and I was tired listening to them. "Do you like MY backpack?" "Do you like MY skirt?" "You be the witch and I'll be the princess." On and on. I am not sure how to explain to them the importance of taking turns when they talk, listening to the opinions of others, and not always having everything be about THEM. Maybe I am not explaining it well. I am not sure the character trait I am looking for. Empathy is not right. Maybe consideration. Anyway, I guess since there's two of them everything has always been a competition but it's spilling over into their social abilities and it's really discouraging to watch. I have tried talking to them about it but they just don't get it. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 |
#7
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Center of Attention
Thanks Janet. Unfortunately they are separated in school. On Friday Morgan's
teacher had to have a talk with me on how Morgan want to 'share' everything, all the time. It's gotten so bad she's going to have to write her name on the board thus her missing recess. Today we had a talk about compassion. Not really what I am trying to get at but one step in the right direction. I also talked about how if they stop trying to get people to make comments about them/their stuff etc. they might get them anyway, and wouldn't that mean more to them then getting comments they had asked for. We'll see. This is really hard. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 "multimom4" wrote in message news:SPIfb.686701$uu5.112166@sccrnsc04... My answer -- separate them in school. That way, they don't have "strength in numbers" against everyone else in the class and they aren't constantly battling each other. So they end up having to behave nicely. Hanna certainly seems to be doing much better socially than ever before now that she doesn't "have to" order her brothers around all day. The teacher even commented to me the other day how different Hanna became the one time she was in a double-class with Elliot's class. Immediately started bossing him around and raising her voice. And Connor, for whom I was very worried because of his shyness / inability to make friends, has "bonded" per his teacher with someone named Michael. Fingers crossed. At home, no clue whatsoever how to solve it. We have just the same problem -- the babysitter arrives and is deluged with them, all demanding her attention first -- even the baby gets in on that act. To be honest, I don't invite other kids to play, even yet, since I have my hands full enough, but I totally recognize what you are saying from everyday experience -- this is how mine are with *me*. All three rush in unable to wait their turn to tell me anything, interrupt each other, and then don't even listen to what I have to say back to them. And "lack of consideration" is exactly what I call it, though they don't hear that bit either. {hugs as ever} --Janet Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96) and Holly (4/4/01) . "Kender" wrote in message news2Deb.648597$Ho3.135019@sccrnsc03... My girls always have to be the center of attention. How do you teach kids how to listen and not always be heard? They had a little girl over yesterday and I was tired listening to them. "Do you like MY backpack?" "Do you like MY skirt?" "You be the witch and I'll be the princess." On and on. I am not sure how to explain to them the importance of taking turns when they talk, listening to the opinions of others, and not always having everything be about THEM. Maybe I am not explaining it well. I am not sure the character trait I am looking for. Empathy is not right. Maybe consideration. Anyway, I guess since there's two of them everything has always been a competition but it's spilling over into their social abilities and it's really discouraging to watch. I have tried talking to them about it but they just don't get it. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 |
#8
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Center of Attention
"Kender" wrote in message news:VXXfb.686434$Ho3.146662@sccrnsc03... Thanks Janet. Unfortunately they are separated in school. On Friday Morgan's teacher had to have a talk with me on how Morgan want to 'share' everything, all the time. It's gotten so bad she's going to have to write her name on the board thus her missing recess. Today we had a talk about compassion. Not really what I am trying to get at but one step in the right direction. I also talked about how if they stop trying to get people to make comments about them/their stuff etc. they might get them anyway, and wouldn't that mean more to them then getting comments they had asked for. If it's any consolation at all, Kender, my kids are just the same way. They want to be the center of attention at all times, and since there are three of them (6, and the twins, 4)....we mostly insist on courtesy ("Be quiet, daddy is talking"/"Be quiet, I'm on the phone.") (Not that this works most of the time) and taking turns. Victoria, 4, likes to walk up to complete strangers and demand to know if they love her dress-of-the-day. I'm not sure what exactly she needs that she's seeking this kind of attention, but it's both embarrassing and annoying. Possibly if you could understand your daughter's motivations you could reassure her or....something, but so far that solution has evaded *me*. --angela |
#9
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Center of Attention
"Kender" wrote in message news:VXXfb.686434$Ho3.146662@sccrnsc03... Thanks Janet. Unfortunately they are separated in school. On Friday Morgan's teacher had to have a talk with me on how Morgan want to 'share' everything, all the time. It's gotten so bad she's going to have to write her name on the board thus her missing recess. Today we had a talk about compassion. Not really what I am trying to get at but one step in the right direction. I also talked about how if they stop trying to get people to make comments about them/their stuff etc. they might get them anyway, and wouldn't that mean more to them then getting comments they had asked for. If it's any consolation at all, Kender, my kids are just the same way. They want to be the center of attention at all times, and since there are three of them (6, and the twins, 4)....we mostly insist on courtesy ("Be quiet, daddy is talking"/"Be quiet, I'm on the phone.") (Not that this works most of the time) and taking turns. Victoria, 4, likes to walk up to complete strangers and demand to know if they love her dress-of-the-day. I'm not sure what exactly she needs that she's seeking this kind of attention, but it's both embarrassing and annoying. Possibly if you could understand your daughter's motivations you could reassure her or....something, but so far that solution has evaded *me*. --angela |
#10
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Center of Attention
" We'll see. This is really hard. -- Tell me about it. We are doing what Angela does btw "Quiet, X, it's Y's turn to talk." But after at least a year of consistently reminding of course that still doesn't always work, gets very irritating to repeat, and by the time I manage to insert it into the conversation then usually the boy (Y) has stopped talking and forgotten what he was trying to say. Very frustrating. I have been trying to shorten *my* interruption so as to disturb them less and with some success. But that's another facet different from your problem. How about when they do it to *you*, you start telling them that you don't want to hear whatever it was because they didn't say it nicely??????? Of course you don't want that to backfire into them never telling you anything either. Did anyone mention this is really hard? The GOOD news is that your daughters (esp. Morgan, perhaps) have at least some self-confidence in at least some situations -- and feel comfortable speaking up at school. As one who was mute in class, I wonder perhaps whether we should all *try* to look on the slightly brighter side? Ha ha. --Janet Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96) and Holly (4/4/01) |
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