a bit about me

I found this group roughly about 11 days ago. I've read all the messages
that came up on my reader (only about 136) over the course of the last 11
days. I went in search of a group where I could find people who may be able
to offer me some ideas, advice and possible even acquaintanceship, perhaps
even friendship. I guess my newsreader cleaned up because initially I saw a
post for the FAQ's but then they were gone within a couple of hours.
When I found this group, my son was having a meltdown. I needed some time to
think and see if there were others who've been in similar if not the same
boat as I am.
I was married in July of 1995. I found myself pregnant after our honeymoon
roughly about September. I thought I had the flu. When I told my spouse
(who's now my ex) that we were expecting, he seemed excited at first. It
wasn't until December when we decided to finally tell his side of the family
(my side was excited when we found out and announced it!) that we were going
to be parents that things took a terrible turn. My ex's mother stopped me as
we were leaving and she said, "you know, if you don't want the baby, I'm
happy to take it off your hands." I didn't quite know what to say to that
and I told her, "you will do no such thing. This is my child and I'm going
to be the best mom ever!" and walked out the door. She called after me, "see
you in court!"
That was just the first of many incidents during that pregnancy. My ex used
to withold my medication for asthma, he'd withold the tylenol if I had a
headache... then it turned nasty and emotional, he'd say things about how he
wanted his mother to raise our child, that I wasn't a fit mother, that
perhaps we should wait a few more years before actually having kids. Then it
got worse, he tried to talk me into having an abortion, he tried to set up
the abortion for me, he tried all kinds of stuff to get me to miscarry, etc.
I fought hard. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.... who ended up with a
diagnosis of Apnea and was back in the hospital within a day or two of his
birth. I never left his side. As he got stronger, the abuse worsened.
I'll stop there only to say that when my son was 15 months old, I found the
strength to pack up my child and myself and get out of that situation!
I have worked very hard, knowing that my ex is a dangerous human being, to
rebuild our lives. My son loves his stepdad and his sisters. We have grown
together, we've had setbacks, we've worked through the hard times and
enjoyed the good times. I lived for 5 years in terror of my ex's
temperament. He's stalked us and even admitted in open court a year ago that
he keeps tabs on me by doing google searches on me. The judge was wonderful
and told him to do google searches on how to be a good parent and leave me
alone. I work hard to keep my son in very good health, to keep him in
school, to get him the best possible medical treatment when he needs it. I
advocate for him, I teach him, I do everything I possibly can for him. My 2
girls have their daddy in their lives. My son's bio father is a deadbeat and
worthless. He seeks out new ways in which to try and abuse me and he fails.
I've learned a lot but I still have a lot of learning to do. I won't ever
say that this isn't exhausting because it is. But knowing that my kids are
safe and well cared for and that my son has me and his stepdad and we both
love him and look out for him.... I doubt I could do anymore right now other
than support and reaffirm that I'm here for my son and I will always look
out for him.
As for the nastiness from a couple of people here.... That's easily remedied
with my filters. I'm familiar with the antics of trolls. I've posted to my
bunny news group for about 4 years now and I've seen them come and go. I
don't know who the trolls are here and so that may make me seem a little
naive at first until I get a better feeling for the group. I walked away
from an earlier argument but some assumed I was walking out on the group.
Not yet (hopefully not ever.) and certainly not over a little clash of
opinions.

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
snip

walked away
from an earlier argument but some assumed I was walking out on the group.
Not yet (hopefully not ever.) and certainly not over a little clash of
opinions.

We've all been through alot, probably more than what is necessary, so please
don't trivialize other people's experiences and think you're special (not
saying you are btw). I'm sorry you had to go through those things, but
again, we've all been through the drama that is life.
With that being said, I'm glad you're staying, and not letting an argument
force you out of this place, you sound like a survivor. Nothing I hate more
than someone not hearing what they want to hear and running off crying,
leaving a "you people are so mean" diatribe. Not everyone is going to get
along here at all times, so best to just relax and know we DO mean well.
Support does not = enabling.

Christine

"slykitten" wrote in message

I found this group roughly about 11 days ago.

If, as you say, you found the FAQ, you should have read it before spending a
few kb's slaging off your ex.
Why so much resentment after 9 years?
Do you realise that you are wasting huge amounts of energy on the negative
things in your past?
Why waste that energy on him, use it for your future.

Dennis

Bravo !!!

do you have vision problems? I saw a post for the FAQ. I didn't say I got a
chance to read it. That's all I'm saying to you. Please keep some of my
other favorites company in my killfile. Have a nice day

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote in message
...

"slykitten" wrote in message

I found this group roughly about 11 days ago.

If, as you say, you found the FAQ, you should have read it before spending
a
few kb's slaging off your ex.
Why so much resentment after 9 years?
Do you realise that you are wasting huge amounts of energy on the negative
things in your past?
Why waste that energy on him, use it for your future.

Dennis

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
do you have vision problems? I saw a post for the FAQ. I didn't say I got
a
chance to read it. That's all I'm saying to you. Please keep some of my
other favorites company in my killfile. Have a nice day


Unfortunately, by kill filing folks when you first read something you don't
like, will cause you to lose a lot of support from this group. I know from
experience that Joelle and Dennis both have very good advice, even if it's
not something I personally want to hear or would agree with. Might I
suggest you remove them from kill file until you get more acquainted with
the group? Just my thoughts.

Betsy
--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote in message
...

"slykitten" wrote in message

I found this group roughly about 11 days ago.

If, as you say, you found the FAQ, you should have read it before
spending
a
few kb's slaging off your ex.
Why so much resentment after 9 years?
Do you realise that you are wasting huge amounts of energy on the
negative
things in your past?
Why waste that energy on him, use it for your future.

Dennis

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
do you have vision problems? I saw a post for the FAQ. I didn't say I got
a
chance to read it. That's all I'm saying to you. Please keep some of my
other favorites company in my killfile. Have a nice day


Do you have interpersonal problems? Why mention you saw the FAQ if you
didn't read it? Perhaps had you actually read it alot, of these 'problems'
with OTHER people could have been avoided. Just my observation.

Christine

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote in message
...

"slykitten" wrote in message

I found this group roughly about 11 days ago.

If, as you say, you found the FAQ, you should have read it before
spending
a
few kb's slaging off your ex.
Why so much resentment after 9 years?
Do you realise that you are wasting huge amounts of energy on the
negative
things in your past?
Why waste that energy on him, use it for your future.

Dennis

"slykitten" displayed her ignorance by top posting the following:-

do you have vision problems? I saw a post for the FAQ. I didn't say I got
a
chance to read it.

You mean over a 10 day period, whilst confined to bed rest, you couldn't be
bothered to read it.


That's all I'm saying to you. Please keep some of my
other favorites company in my killfile.

Joelle and who else?
I will be in very good company going on your current judgments.

Have a nice day

I always do.

Dennis


--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote in message
...

"slykitten" wrote in message

I found this group roughly about 11 days ago.

If, as you say, you found the FAQ, you should have read it before
spending
a
few kb's slaging off your ex.
Why so much resentment after 9 years?
Do you realise that you are wasting huge amounts of energy on the
negative
things in your past?
Why waste that energy on him, use it for your future.

Dennis

Kate,
If you could do me a favor... is there a link or some way for me to view the
FAQ's? I saw the post with the subject line as FAQ. But no link.
Unfortunately, I was in a car accident on Wednesday so typing is a bit of a
problem for me right now. It's all slow going. the injuries aren't extremely
serious but they're serious enough where i'm having some terrible muscle
spasms in my neck and shoulder and a little tingling in my right hand. the
entire right arm was affected.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 21 Aug 2004 13:04:48 +0100, "denanson" Dennis@Large .ie
wrote:


"slykitten" displayed her ignorance by top posting the following:-

do you have vision problems? I saw a post for the FAQ. I didn't say I
got
a
chance to read it.

You mean over a 10 day period, whilst confined to bed rest, you couldn't
be
bothered to read it.


Wrong newbie, dear.

'Kate

"denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote in message
...

"slykitten" displayed her ignorance by top posting the following:-

do you have vision problems? I saw a post for the FAQ. I didn't say I
got
a
chance to read it.

You mean over a 10 day period, whilst confined to bed rest, you couldn't
be
bothered to read it.

Thank you for proving what I just said in my last post - judgemental
bunch you all are!