Marriage problems - advice needed

I'm 30 with 2 kids aged 5 and 2. I've been with my partner for 11 years,
married for 7. Maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis but I feel like an
old woman. Our sex life has been bad almost since the start of our
relationship but that didn't seem to matter as we always enjoyed each
other's company. Now we have the kids it seems more important somehow. I do
love him and can see us being together when we are old age pensioners but at
the moment I am not happy. I slept with someone else a couple of weeks ago
and it was fantastic. He was 24 and we were at it for hours, he made me
excited and I've not been able to stop thinking about him. I told this guy I
was married and that it was a one night stand, I don't have any intention of
seeing him again but it's made me feel like a sexual being again. He seemed
really keen on me and said really nice things, not only that but we were
talking about things and he was nice to spend time with.

I don't want to go down the road of cheating on my husband as I've never
done this before but I set out to have sex that night to prove to myself
that I could have good sex - and I did! I don't feel sexually attracted to
him anymore although I love him. Also he works a lot and is always in a bad
mood. According to him he is 90% happy with our relationship and this makes
me feel guilty. I married him for all the right reasons and we have 2 lovely
kids (who are hard work). I couldn't think of a better father, we wanted the
kids and they are loved by both of us. I feel as though I cannot guarantee
my faithfulness now that I have done it once and he doesn't deserve that. I
am also scared of being a single parent because I don't know anyone else in
this situation, what would I do? How would I cope? I seem to have more time
for the kids when he is not around so maybe they would be better off. Is it
better to stay in this marriage and have flings on the side hoping that it's
just a phase? or should we split up and go our seperate ways? To make
matters worse we have a mortgage etc.. I don't really want to move my kids
when they are settled here. Am I crazy? What should I do?


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"confused" wrote in message
...
I'm 30 with 2 kids aged 5 and 2. I've been with my partner for 11 years,
married for 7. Maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis but I feel like
an
old woman. Our sex life has been bad almost since the start of our
relationship but that didn't seem to matter as we always enjoyed each
other's company. Now we have the kids it seems more important somehow. I
do
love him and can see us being together when we are old age pensioners but
at
the moment I am not happy. I slept with someone else a couple of weeks ago
and it was fantastic. He was 24 and we were at it for hours, he made me
excited and I've not been able to stop thinking about him. I told this guy
I
was married and that it was a one night stand, I don't have any intention
of
seeing him again but it's made me feel like a sexual being again. He
seemed
really keen on me and said really nice things, not only that but we were
talking about things and he was nice to spend time with.

I don't want to go down the road of cheating on my husband as I've never
done this before but I set out to have sex that night to prove to myself
that I could have good sex - and I did! I don't feel sexually attracted to
him anymore although I love him. Also he works a lot and is always in a
bad
mood. According to him he is 90% happy with our relationship and this
makes
me feel guilty. I married him for all the right reasons and we have 2
lovely
kids (who are hard work). I couldn't think of a better father, we wanted
the
kids and they are loved by both of us. I feel as though I cannot guarantee
my faithfulness now that I have done it once and he doesn't deserve that.
I
am also scared of being a single parent because I don't know anyone else
in
this situation, what would I do? How would I cope? I seem to have more
time
for the kids when he is not around so maybe they would be better off. Is
it
better to stay in this marriage and have flings on the side hoping that
it's
just a phase? or should we split up and go our seperate ways? To make
matters worse we have a mortgage etc.. I don't really want to move my kids
when they are settled here. Am I crazy? What should I do.

How incredibly selfish.......you've broken your marriage vows, and yet you
expect to move and take the kids with you. Do everybody a favor......leave
the kids with their father, and YOU move out.......





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"confused" wrote in message
...
I'm 30 with 2 kids aged 5 and 2. I've been with my partner for 11 years,
married for 7. Maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis but I feel like
an
old woman. Our sex life has been bad almost since the start of our
relationship but that didn't seem to matter as we always enjoyed each
other's company. Now we have the kids it seems more important somehow. I
do
love him and can see us being together when we are old age pensioners but
at
the moment I am not happy. I slept with someone else a couple of weeks ago
and it was fantastic. He was 24 and we were at it for hours, he made me
excited and I've not been able to stop thinking about him. I told this guy
I
was married and that it was a one night stand, I don't have any intention
of
seeing him again but it's made me feel like a sexual being again. He
seemed
really keen on me and said really nice things, not only that but we were
talking about things and he was nice to spend time with.

I don't want to go down the road of cheating on my husband as I've never
done this before but I set out to have sex that night to prove to myself
that I could have good sex - and I did! I don't feel sexually attracted to
him anymore although I love him. Also he works a lot and is always in a
bad
mood. According to him he is 90% happy with our relationship and this
makes
me feel guilty. I married him for all the right reasons and we have 2
lovely
kids (who are hard work). I couldn't think of a better father, we wanted
the
kids and they are loved by both of us. I feel as though I cannot guarantee
my faithfulness now that I have done it once and he doesn't deserve that.
I
am also scared of being a single parent because I don't know anyone else
in
this situation, what would I do? How would I cope? I seem to have more
time
for the kids when he is not around so maybe they would be better off. Is
it
better to stay in this marriage and have flings on the side hoping that
it's
just a phase? or should we split up and go our seperate ways? To make
matters worse we have a mortgage etc.. I don't really want to move my kids
when they are settled here. Am I crazy? What should I do?


You need to see a counsellor not expect the internet to solve real life
problems.

Christine

On Wed, 25 Aug 2004 16:36:33 +0000 (UTC), "confused"
wrote:

I'm 30 with 2 kids aged 5 and 2. I've been with my partner for 11 years,
married for 7. Maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis but I feel like an
old woman. Our sex life has been bad almost since the start of our
relationship but that didn't seem to matter as we always enjoyed each
other's company. Now we have the kids it seems more important somehow. I do
love him and can see us being together when we are old age pensioners but at
the moment I am not happy. I slept with someone else a couple of weeks ago
and it was fantastic. He was 24 and we were at it for hours, he made me
excited and I've not been able to stop thinking about him. I told this guy I
was married and that it was a one night stand, I don't have any intention of
seeing him again but it's made me feel like a sexual being again. He seemed
really keen on me and said really nice things, not only that but we were
talking about things and he was nice to spend time with.

It was great because it was new and different and against the rules.
It wouldn't be great if you'd been with him for 11 years, if you
treated him the way you treat your husband.

I don't want to go down the road of cheating on my husband


Too late.

as I've never
done this before but I set out to have sex that night to prove to myself
that I could have good sex - and I did! I don't feel sexually attracted to
him anymore although I love him.

Perhaps he's not sexually attracted to you.

Also he works a lot and is always in a bad
mood.

Perhaps you should work more so he can work less.

According to him he is 90% happy with our relationship and this makes
me feel guilty.

Perhaps that's because he's doing 90% of the work and you know it.

I married him for all the right reasons and we have 2 lovely
kids (who are hard work).

Did he marry you for the right reasons? Do those reasons still exist
for him?

I couldn't think of a better father, we wanted the
kids and they are loved by both of us.

There couldn't *be* a better father, as he's their only father.

I feel as though I cannot guarantee
my faithfulness now that I have done it once and he doesn't deserve that.

He doesn't. You're right about that. Your children don't deserve it
either.

I
am also scared of being a single parent because I don't know anyone else in
this situation, what would I do? How would I cope? I seem to have more time
for the kids when he is not around so maybe they would be better off.

What makes you think the kids would live with you? You have not proved
yourself to be true to your word, and he's a hardworking father.

Is it
better to stay in this marriage and have flings on the side hoping that it's
just a phase?

Absolutely not.

or should we split up and go our seperate ways? To make
matters worse we have a mortgage etc.. I don't really want to move my kids
when they are settled here.

Why should your children have to move just because you're bored and
selfish and too lazy to do the work any mature relationship requires?

Am I crazy? What should I do?

You should talk to your husband and find a therapist.

lm

Come on this is a troll...don't feed it.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"'Kate" wrote in message
news
On Wed, 25 Aug 2004 16:36:33 +0000 (UTC), "confused"
wrote:

I'm 30 with 2 kids aged 5 and 2. I've been with my partner for 11
years,
married for 7. Maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis but I feel
like an
old woman. Our sex life has been bad almost since the start of our
relationship but that didn't seem to matter as we always enjoyed each
other's company. Now we have the kids it seems more important somehow.
I do
love him and can see us being together when we are old age pensioners
but at
the moment I am not happy. I slept with someone else a couple of weeks
ago
and it was fantastic. He was 24 and we were at it for hours, he made me
excited and I've not been able to stop thinking about him. I told this
guy I
was married and that it was a one night stand, I don't have any
intention of
seeing him again but it's made me feel like a sexual being again. He
seemed
really keen on me and said really nice things, not only that but we
were
talking about things and he was nice to spend time with.

I don't want to go down the road of cheating on my husband as I've
never
done this before but I set out to have sex that night to prove to
myself
that I could have good sex - and I did! I don't feel sexually attracted
to
him anymore although I love him. Also he works a lot and is always in a
bad
mood. According to him he is 90% happy with our relationship and this
makes
me feel guilty. I married him for all the right reasons and we have 2
lovely
kids (who are hard work). I couldn't think of a better father, we
wanted the
kids and they are loved by both of us. I feel as though I cannot
guarantee
my faithfulness now that I have done it once and he doesn't deserve
that. I
am also scared of being a single parent because I don't know anyone els
e in
this situation, what would I do? How would I cope? I seem to have more
time
for the kids when he is not around so maybe they would be better off.
Is it
better to stay in this marriage and have flings on the side hoping that
it's
just a phase? or should we split up and go our seperate ways? To make
matters worse we have a mortgage etc.. I don't really want to move my
kids
when they are settled here. Am I crazy? What should I do?



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I hope you're a troll... I really do.

If the sex is lousy after only 11 years, imagine what it'll be like in
another 40.

You can't change things without his cooperation but you can seek
counseling for whatever it is that's going on in your head that makes
you want to cheat.

'Kate


Thanks for your replys although they haven't been anymore than a
slagging off. What's a troll anyway?

My husband does not do 90% of the work, I also work in the evenings and do
all the housework - he does the dishes occasionally. I am a dovoted mother
to my children and there is no question of the fact that they will be with
me. They would notice that I was no there more than if he wasn't. I don't
think anyone has been very understanding - How would you feel having sexual
problems for 11 years?


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I still think you are a troll but in case you are not

My husband does not do 90% of the work, I also work in the evenings and do
all the housework - he does the dishes occasionally

oh boo hoo. Do you realize you are talking to SINGLE PARENTS who do 200% of
the housework, childraising, and financial support? And you are whining
because your husband doesn't help around the housework and you don't like
having sex him. Wah wah wah.

Your kids need both parents home and they don't give a rats ass if you are
sexually satisfied. Maybe if you stopped whining and complaining and
criticizing your husband and complimented him once in a while and tried
pleasing him in bed he might return the favor.

Now please go away until you continue your selfishness and end up being a
single parent.

Joelle

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"confused" wrote:

''How would you feel having sexual problems for 11 years?

If you've been having problems for 11 years, don't you think you're at least
10 years overdue for some kind of counseling? Don't blame something that
could have been addressed for the behaviour now. You made a decision, for
yourself...not for the kids nor for your husband but for yourself.

Louise

Joelle, with your attitude it's no wonder your a single parent. What man
could put up with you? and no I won't go away because not everyone has your
dismissive attitude. I came her with a real problem hoping to get some
advice from people who are in the situation of being a single parent. I
don't mistreat my husband and I do compliment him, if I didn't why would he
say he was 90% happy with our relationship?

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I still think you are a troll but in case you are not

My husband does not do 90% of the work, I also work in the evenings
and do
all the housework - he does the dishes occasionally

oh boo hoo. Do you realize you are talking to SINGLE PARENTS who do
200% of
the housework, childraising, and financial support? And you are whining
because your husband doesn't help around the housework and you don't
like
having sex him. Wah wah wah.

Your kids need both parents home and they don't give a rats ass if you
are
sexually satisfied. Maybe if you stopped whining and complaining and
criticizing your husband and complimented him once in a while and tried
pleasing him in bed he might return the favor.

Now please go away until you continue your selfishness and end up being
a
single parent.

Joelle

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle


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"confused" wrote in message
...
Joelle, with your attitude it's no wonder your a single parent. What man
could put up with you? and no I won't go away because not everyone has
your
dismissive attitude. I came her with a real problem hoping to get some
advice from people who are in the situation of being a single parent. I
don't mistreat my husband and I do compliment him, if I didn't why would
he
say he was 90% happy with our relationship?

Selfish clueless bitch................cheaating on you spouse IS mistreating
him.

Sheesh.





"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I still think you are a troll but in case you are not

My husband does not do 90% of the work, I also work in the evenings
and do
all the housework - he does the dishes occasionally

oh boo hoo. Do you realize you are talking to SINGLE PARENTS who do
200% of
the housework, childraising, and financial support? And you are
whining
because your husband doesn't help around the housework and you don't
like
having sex him. Wah wah wah.

Your kids need both parents home and they don't give a rats ass if you
are
sexually satisfied. Maybe if you stopped whining and complaining and
criticizing your husband and complimented him once in a while and
tried
pleasing him in bed he might return the favor.

Now please go away until you continue your selfishness and end up
being
a
single parent.

Joelle

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page -
St
Augustine
Joelle


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