Singelton moms who don't get it

Hang in there Karen, it gets better. My girls are 21 months and I almost
get to shower every day! LOL

Peggy
http://www.babygardengifts.com

"Karen" wrote in message
m...
okay, good! Now I know for sure that I'm not crazy for thinking that 5
months old was a little young for a playgroup...I mean, I kind of
thought so, but all these singleton moms insisted
My girls just started recognizing and smiling at each other a few
weeks ago, until then, I'm with all of you - babies just do not
interact, or even care, about other babies. I think these particular
singleton moms suffer from reading WAY too many books on the "perfect"
way to raise a baby. As a side note - the woman who invited me to the
group initially said to me the other day "It must be so GREAT to have
two!" I nearly fell over laughing. Yes, there are great things about
it, I love being a mom to two amazing girls, and it's really neat &
facinating to watch them develop...but I'm exhausted, broke, and I
haven't bathed in three days. "Great" is not the word that comes to
mind Perhaps "incredibly rewarding challenge" is better.

I think I will continue making excuses (since they all just don't get
it) for not coming to the group quite yet...then we'll see how it
goes. I have another friend who is due to have a baby in a few weeks.
She's only having one, but she is a twin, so I think she'll be more
sympathetic. Maybe she & I can get together for my adult interaction.
Also, I am looking into multiples groups locally.

Also, I liked the suggestion for walking around the mall. I started
doing that this past week, and aside from having to stop every couple
of feet to answer all the questions from strangers "no, they're not
identical..five months...yes, I'm very busy" it has been great to get
out!

thanks so much for your input and your sympathetic ears!

-Karen

I started
doing that this past week, and aside from having to stop every couple
of feet to answer all the questions from strangers "no, they're not
identical..five months...yes, I'm very busy" it has been great to get
out! BRBR

LOL! It was me who suggested it and after I hit send, I thought about all of
the unwanted attention. The good news is it get less and less as they grow.
We are approaching 3 years old in a few months and now occasionally someone
will ask if they are twins. They will usually say something nice, like, "They
are adoarbale!" and that is the end of it.

Good luck! I know it is so hard at this stage in the came. For me, every 3
months just got a bit easier and easier.

Michelle
Riley and James

I started
doing that this past week, and aside from having to stop every couple
of feet to answer all the questions from strangers "no, they're not
identical..five months...yes, I'm very busy" it has been great to get
out! BRBR

LOL! It was me who suggested it and after I hit send, I thought about all of
the unwanted attention. The good news is it get less and less as they grow.
We are approaching 3 years old in a few months and now occasionally someone
will ask if they are twins. They will usually say something nice, like, "They
are adoarbale!" and that is the end of it.

Good luck! I know it is so hard at this stage in the came. For me, every 3
months just got a bit easier and easier.

Michelle
Riley and James

I started
doing that this past week, and aside from having to stop every couple
of feet to answer all the questions from strangers "no, they're not
identical..five months...yes, I'm very busy" it has been great to get
out! BRBR

LOL! It was me who suggested it and after I hit send, I thought about all of
the unwanted attention. The good news is it get less and less as they grow.
We are approaching 3 years old in a few months and now occasionally someone
will ask if they are twins. They will usually say something nice, like, "They
are adoarbale!" and that is the end of it.

Good luck! I know it is so hard at this stage in the came. For me, every 3
months just got a bit easier and easier.

Michelle
Riley and James

"Karen" wrote in message
om...
Hi there.
I'm kind of new to the group, and have loved being a part of it.
Everyone here just seems so open, friendly, & helpful it's such a nice
place to visit!
So that's why I'm hoping it's okay if I gripe here...not that anyone
can really give me advice on this or anything...I just am frustrated
and need a little spot to vent. Hope that's okay. (snip)
As a sidenote, I do have supportive people around me, including a
great mom and mother in law who marvel at "how I do it" (nice for the
ego). I also have a friend with three kids (all singeltons) who is
always offering to help and gives me advice on just about everything -
but we never seem to be able to get together.(snip)

Hi Karen,
You mentioned that your Mum and Mum in Law are very supportive, would one be
willing to babysit while you took the other bub to playgroup, it would just
be nice for you to get out (especially with one bub) When I first started
playgroup I was very lucky it was on a day when I had a helper, I would take
one baby and my Mother and the helper would look after the other two, it was
lovely!!
All the best,
Rose. Tess,Cal & Lily (4 years)

"Karen" wrote in message
om...
Hi there.
I'm kind of new to the group, and have loved being a part of it.
Everyone here just seems so open, friendly, & helpful it's such a nice
place to visit!
So that's why I'm hoping it's okay if I gripe here...not that anyone
can really give me advice on this or anything...I just am frustrated
and need a little spot to vent. Hope that's okay. (snip)
As a sidenote, I do have supportive people around me, including a
great mom and mother in law who marvel at "how I do it" (nice for the
ego). I also have a friend with three kids (all singeltons) who is
always offering to help and gives me advice on just about everything -
but we never seem to be able to get together.(snip)

Hi Karen,
You mentioned that your Mum and Mum in Law are very supportive, would one be
willing to babysit while you took the other bub to playgroup, it would just
be nice for you to get out (especially with one bub) When I first started
playgroup I was very lucky it was on a day when I had a helper, I would take
one baby and my Mother and the helper would look after the other two, it was
lovely!!
All the best,
Rose. Tess,Cal & Lily (4 years)

"Karen" wrote in message
om...
Hi there.
I'm kind of new to the group, and have loved being a part of it.
Everyone here just seems so open, friendly, & helpful it's such a nice
place to visit!
So that's why I'm hoping it's okay if I gripe here...not that anyone
can really give me advice on this or anything...I just am frustrated
and need a little spot to vent. Hope that's okay. (snip)
As a sidenote, I do have supportive people around me, including a
great mom and mother in law who marvel at "how I do it" (nice for the
ego). I also have a friend with three kids (all singeltons) who is
always offering to help and gives me advice on just about everything -
but we never seem to be able to get together.(snip)

Hi Karen,
You mentioned that your Mum and Mum in Law are very supportive, would one be
willing to babysit while you took the other bub to playgroup, it would just
be nice for you to get out (especially with one bub) When I first started
playgroup I was very lucky it was on a day when I had a helper, I would take
one baby and my Mother and the helper would look after the other two, it was
lovely!!
All the best,
Rose. Tess,Cal & Lily (4 years)

Playing devil's advocate for just a moment, I will stress that if you don't
get involved in a "group" now, it can be hard to break into one later. I am
in the sad position of having zero family within 2,000 miles -- added to
that two of my triplet friends have moved away and two are somewhat
estranged (just had not much in common once our kids grew up a bit), which
leaves me rather short of adult interaction at a time when the kids are now
going out of the house more (first grade) and I could really start to enjoy
having a partner to go walking with or whatever.

So if I were you I would hesitate before allowing myself to get excluded
from this nascent group.

OTOH, this is not at all to say that 5 months is the best time for
playgroups, but I do think as Spring approaches, if you can get there even
once or twice a month, bringing your sense of humor and something simple
like some grapes washed and snipped into mini clusters, it would be worth
the effort for YOU. This would be esp. good if as someone else said you
could leave one baby behind with a sitter until you feel more able to cope
with both in public at once (your trips to the Mall will help with that if
my experience is anything to go by -- a huge sanity boost for me).

Another option is to find your local multiples group and get involved
there -- those Moms may understand your life immediately and better,
although the group may, long-term, be composed of people you are less likely
to stay friendly with. And the multiple families may also be less local to
your home, which becomes important once the kids are into school.

It sounds like you have at least some family locally, so maybe your need for
additional adult company is not that great, of course, but do consider what
you *might* be passing up before you give up entirely on this playgroup.

--Janet
Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96)
and Holly (4/4/01)

"Karen" wrote in message
om...
Hi there.
I'm kind of new to the group, and have loved being a part of it.
Everyone here just seems so open, friendly, & helpful it's such a nice
place to visit!
So that's why I'm hoping it's okay if I gripe here...not that anyone
can really give me advice on this or anything...I just am frustrated
and need a little spot to vent. Hope that's okay.

A former co-worker started a playgroup after she quit working when her
son was born. I quit my job right around the same time when my girls
came along. She's very kind to have invited me to join the playgroup,
but she just does not understand what life with twins is like!
First, she gave me a long speech about how she believes it's so
important that infants interact with other infants. (My girls were
only 3 months at the time, and preemies, so I didn't feel comfortable
taking them out into the flu-season world.) I just kind of laughed and
said each of my girls had plenty of experience being around another
baby, and she asked what I meant.
She was also shocked and just stared at me blankly when I told her
that (at that point) I was not "brave" enough to take my twins out by
myself.

As much as I would really like to go to one of these playgroups (the
adult interaction would be nice), I am just so worried about how I
will be perceived. There's a good chance (as you all know) that, at
some point, the twins will get fussy and I'll have to juggle babies
and do whatever I need to do to calm them down...things that include
letting one cry a bit longer than the other, getting totally silly to
try to distract them, or just leaving the playgroup right then and
there.
These are moms who have dinner on the table for their husbands every
night and (I'm not kidding about this) are teaching their 6-month-olds
Spanish. I'm lucky if I get to shower every day!
Part of the playgroup includes lunch, and the idea is that everyone
bring something. I'm trying to picture myself carrying in two carseats
with two fussy babies, an over-stuffed diaperbag, and a deli
platter...I just don't see it happening. I was kind of hoping that
someone would offer that I didn't have to bring something if things
got too crazy, but no one seems to be coming forward to say "it's
okay, we understand that things are different for you."

As a sidenote, I do have supportive people around me, including a
great mom and mother in law who marvel at "how I do it" (nice for the
ego). I also have a friend with three kids (all singeltons) who is
always offering to help and gives me advice on just about everything -
but we never seem to be able to get together.

So, anyway, there's my gripe. Do you think there's anyway to get them
to understand? Part of me thinks that the three of us should just show
up in all our glory and let them experience twindom first hand

Thanks for listening, all!

-Karen
mom to Stella & Anna 10/4/03

Playing devil's advocate for just a moment, I will stress that if you don't
get involved in a "group" now, it can be hard to break into one later. I am
in the sad position of having zero family within 2,000 miles -- added to
that two of my triplet friends have moved away and two are somewhat
estranged (just had not much in common once our kids grew up a bit), which
leaves me rather short of adult interaction at a time when the kids are now
going out of the house more (first grade) and I could really start to enjoy
having a partner to go walking with or whatever.

So if I were you I would hesitate before allowing myself to get excluded
from this nascent group.

OTOH, this is not at all to say that 5 months is the best time for
playgroups, but I do think as Spring approaches, if you can get there even
once or twice a month, bringing your sense of humor and something simple
like some grapes washed and snipped into mini clusters, it would be worth
the effort for YOU. This would be esp. good if as someone else said you
could leave one baby behind with a sitter until you feel more able to cope
with both in public at once (your trips to the Mall will help with that if
my experience is anything to go by -- a huge sanity boost for me).

Another option is to find your local multiples group and get involved
there -- those Moms may understand your life immediately and better,
although the group may, long-term, be composed of people you are less likely
to stay friendly with. And the multiple families may also be less local to
your home, which becomes important once the kids are into school.

It sounds like you have at least some family locally, so maybe your need for
additional adult company is not that great, of course, but do consider what
you *might* be passing up before you give up entirely on this playgroup.

--Janet
Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96)
and Holly (4/4/01)

"Karen" wrote in message
om...
Hi there.
I'm kind of new to the group, and have loved being a part of it.
Everyone here just seems so open, friendly, & helpful it's such a nice
place to visit!
So that's why I'm hoping it's okay if I gripe here...not that anyone
can really give me advice on this or anything...I just am frustrated
and need a little spot to vent. Hope that's okay.

A former co-worker started a playgroup after she quit working when her
son was born. I quit my job right around the same time when my girls
came along. She's very kind to have invited me to join the playgroup,
but she just does not understand what life with twins is like!
First, she gave me a long speech about how she believes it's so
important that infants interact with other infants. (My girls were
only 3 months at the time, and preemies, so I didn't feel comfortable
taking them out into the flu-season world.) I just kind of laughed and
said each of my girls had plenty of experience being around another
baby, and she asked what I meant.
She was also shocked and just stared at me blankly when I told her
that (at that point) I was not "brave" enough to take my twins out by
myself.

As much as I would really like to go to one of these playgroups (the
adult interaction would be nice), I am just so worried about how I
will be perceived. There's a good chance (as you all know) that, at
some point, the twins will get fussy and I'll have to juggle babies
and do whatever I need to do to calm them down...things that include
letting one cry a bit longer than the other, getting totally silly to
try to distract them, or just leaving the playgroup right then and
there.
These are moms who have dinner on the table for their husbands every
night and (I'm not kidding about this) are teaching their 6-month-olds
Spanish. I'm lucky if I get to shower every day!
Part of the playgroup includes lunch, and the idea is that everyone
bring something. I'm trying to picture myself carrying in two carseats
with two fussy babies, an over-stuffed diaperbag, and a deli
platter...I just don't see it happening. I was kind of hoping that
someone would offer that I didn't have to bring something if things
got too crazy, but no one seems to be coming forward to say "it's
okay, we understand that things are different for you."

As a sidenote, I do have supportive people around me, including a
great mom and mother in law who marvel at "how I do it" (nice for the
ego). I also have a friend with three kids (all singeltons) who is
always offering to help and gives me advice on just about everything -
but we never seem to be able to get together.

So, anyway, there's my gripe. Do you think there's anyway to get them
to understand? Part of me thinks that the three of us should just show
up in all our glory and let them experience twindom first hand

Thanks for listening, all!

-Karen
mom to Stella & Anna 10/4/03

Playing devil's advocate for just a moment, I will stress that if you don't
get involved in a "group" now, it can be hard to break into one later. I am
in the sad position of having zero family within 2,000 miles -- added to
that two of my triplet friends have moved away and two are somewhat
estranged (just had not much in common once our kids grew up a bit), which
leaves me rather short of adult interaction at a time when the kids are now
going out of the house more (first grade) and I could really start to enjoy
having a partner to go walking with or whatever.

So if I were you I would hesitate before allowing myself to get excluded
from this nascent group.

OTOH, this is not at all to say that 5 months is the best time for
playgroups, but I do think as Spring approaches, if you can get there even
once or twice a month, bringing your sense of humor and something simple
like some grapes washed and snipped into mini clusters, it would be worth
the effort for YOU. This would be esp. good if as someone else said you
could leave one baby behind with a sitter until you feel more able to cope
with both in public at once (your trips to the Mall will help with that if
my experience is anything to go by -- a huge sanity boost for me).

Another option is to find your local multiples group and get involved
there -- those Moms may understand your life immediately and better,
although the group may, long-term, be composed of people you are less likely
to stay friendly with. And the multiple families may also be less local to
your home, which becomes important once the kids are into school.

It sounds like you have at least some family locally, so maybe your need for
additional adult company is not that great, of course, but do consider what
you *might* be passing up before you give up entirely on this playgroup.

--Janet
Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96)
and Holly (4/4/01)

"Karen" wrote in message
om...
Hi there.
I'm kind of new to the group, and have loved being a part of it.
Everyone here just seems so open, friendly, & helpful it's such a nice
place to visit!
So that's why I'm hoping it's okay if I gripe here...not that anyone
can really give me advice on this or anything...I just am frustrated
and need a little spot to vent. Hope that's okay.

A former co-worker started a playgroup after she quit working when her
son was born. I quit my job right around the same time when my girls
came along. She's very kind to have invited me to join the playgroup,
but she just does not understand what life with twins is like!
First, she gave me a long speech about how she believes it's so
important that infants interact with other infants. (My girls were
only 3 months at the time, and preemies, so I didn't feel comfortable
taking them out into the flu-season world.) I just kind of laughed and
said each of my girls had plenty of experience being around another
baby, and she asked what I meant.
She was also shocked and just stared at me blankly when I told her
that (at that point) I was not "brave" enough to take my twins out by
myself.

As much as I would really like to go to one of these playgroups (the
adult interaction would be nice), I am just so worried about how I
will be perceived. There's a good chance (as you all know) that, at
some point, the twins will get fussy and I'll have to juggle babies
and do whatever I need to do to calm them down...things that include
letting one cry a bit longer than the other, getting totally silly to
try to distract them, or just leaving the playgroup right then and
there.
These are moms who have dinner on the table for their husbands every
night and (I'm not kidding about this) are teaching their 6-month-olds
Spanish. I'm lucky if I get to shower every day!
Part of the playgroup includes lunch, and the idea is that everyone
bring something. I'm trying to picture myself carrying in two carseats
with two fussy babies, an over-stuffed diaperbag, and a deli
platter...I just don't see it happening. I was kind of hoping that
someone would offer that I didn't have to bring something if things
got too crazy, but no one seems to be coming forward to say "it's
okay, we understand that things are different for you."

As a sidenote, I do have supportive people around me, including a
great mom and mother in law who marvel at "how I do it" (nice for the
ego). I also have a friend with three kids (all singeltons) who is
always offering to help and gives me advice on just about everything -
but we never seem to be able to get together.

So, anyway, there's my gripe. Do you think there's anyway to get them
to understand? Part of me thinks that the three of us should just show
up in all our glory and let them experience twindom first hand

Thanks for listening, all!

-Karen
mom to Stella & Anna 10/4/03