DD does not like Grandmother

I've posted regarding this issue previously, but it is really starting
to worry me. DD is almost 1 yr (two weeks to go) Breastfeed of course.
She does not like my MIL, for some reason she rejects her and does not
allow her to carry her.

She has been staying at our house for about 4 days becuase her house is
being fumigated, so I thought this would be a perfect time for them to
spend time toghether, at least more than normal. DD is normally open
to strangers and she lets everyone pick her up and even take her away,
but with MIL she will not even want to be picked up even if I am
around.

Last night after DD went to sleep, DH and I went out for a short
period, she usually does not wake up after she'd gone to be, and I left
her with MIL. Of course she woke up and screamed like never before, she
was inconsolable by MIL, and only stoped as soon as I got home. I had
to put her to sleep in my arms and every time I would put her down in
the crib she would wake up, It took over an hour before I could put her
down again. I must say also that we have left her before with a baby
sitter, has woken up, and has never reacted that way, she quickly falls
back asleep.

MIL wants us to bless the house, thinks there is something in the house
that scares the baby, but I think it is her she is scared of. Why
could this be?? We have a pretty good relationship, she has her things
and I do get a bit upset at her every now and then, but I never express
it to her directly, I pretty much just bite my tongue and go about my
business. I must also say she is not very supportive with the whole
extended BF issue and that might also have an effect. Maybe DD senses
this and that is why she does not like her.

Like I said she is not one to only want to be with mommy, she is well
open to being with others.

This worries me, I do not have any family close to me, and she is
really the only person I could leave DD if I ever need to leave town or
something like that. That won't happen soon at least not while I am
still BF but eventually it will and if she continues this rejection I
won't be able to do that either.

Any similar situations out there???

Jenny wrote:
I've posted regarding this issue previously, but it is really starting
to worry me. DD is almost 1 yr (two weeks to go) Breastfeed of course.
She does not like my MIL, for some reason she rejects her and does not
allow her to carry her.

She has been staying at our house for about 4 days becuase her house is
being fumigated, so I thought this would be a perfect time for them to
spend time toghether, at least more than normal. DD is normally open
to strangers and she lets everyone pick her up and even take her away,
but with MIL she will not even want to be picked up even if I am
around.

Last night after DD went to sleep, DH and I went out for a short
period, she usually does not wake up after she'd gone to be, and I left
her with MIL. Of course she woke up and screamed like never before, she
was inconsolable by MIL, and only stoped as soon as I got home. I had
to put her to sleep in my arms and every time I would put her down in
the crib she would wake up, It took over an hour before I could put her
down again. I must say also that we have left her before with a baby
sitter, has woken up, and has never reacted that way, she quickly falls
back asleep.

MIL wants us to bless the house, thinks there is something in the house
that scares the baby, but I think it is her she is scared of. Why
could this be?? We have a pretty good relationship, she has her things
and I do get a bit upset at her every now and then, but I never express
it to her directly, I pretty much just bite my tongue and go about my
business. I must also say she is not very supportive with the whole
extended BF issue and that might also have an effect. Maybe DD senses
this and that is why she does not like her.

Like I said she is not one to only want to be with mommy, she is well
open to being with others.

This worries me, I do not have any family close to me, and she is
really the only person I could leave DD if I ever need to leave town or
something like that. That won't happen soon at least not while I am
still BF but eventually it will and if she continues this rejection I
won't be able to do that either.

Any similar situations out there???


does she wear any perfume or makeup that could have a scent? it doesn't
have to smell strong to adults to smell strong to babies. DS2 was always
scared of G-MIL who he saw all the time & loved him to bits. we worked
out it was her perfume. she didn't put much on, but it was enough to get
DS2 going. as soon as she stopped wearing it he was fine with her.

even though your DD is older now, she might still associate the smell
with being scared?

just a thought.

--
elizabeth (in australia)
mum to DS1 "cheese" (almost 4 yrs) & DS2 "chalk" (10 mths)


"Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children" - Classified Ad

"If you're ever in doubt, throw a pepper in the air. If it fails to come
down, you have gone mad, so don't trust in anything." - Gregory Maguire,
"Mirror Mirror"

does she wear any perfume or makeup that could have a scent? it doesn't
have to smell strong to adults to smell strong to babies. DS2 was always
scared of G-MIL who he saw all the time & loved him to bits. we worked out
it was her perfume. she didn't put much on, but it was enough to get DS2
going. as soon as she stopped wearing it he was fine with her.

even though your DD is older now, she might still associate the smell with
being scared?


I was wondering the same, is MIL a smoker? beards can often freak babies
out, not that your MIL has one, but it can be a problem with grandads if
they have one and the baby has not seen anyone else with one.

Anne

"Jenny" wrote in message
oups.com...
I've posted regarding this issue previously, but it is really starting
to worry me. DD is almost 1 yr (two weeks to go) Breastfeed of course.
She does not like my MIL, for some reason she rejects her and does not
allow her to carry her.

First off, I really don't think this has anything to do with DD being a bf
baby, but perhaps MIL! My DD (just turned 1 on Friday) has a similar
issue... lol

She has been staying at our house for about 4 days becuase her house is
being fumigated, so I thought this would be a perfect time for them to
spend time toghether, at least more than normal. DD is normally open
to strangers and she lets everyone pick her up and even take her away,
but with MIL she will not even want to be picked up even if I am
around.

I think this isn't very unusual. How often, normally, does your daughter
see that grandma? I mean, before MIL was staying with you, did DD see her
often or was it just on a rare occasion, every now and then and not a fairly
regular basis (like every day, every few days, once a week, once a month?)
It seems to me, IME, that sometimes babies just act strange with certain
people or certain types of people. I know when DS (now 5 and a half) was
about 6 months old, he would have absolutely NOTHING to do with my dad. He
would cry as soon as my dad walked in the room and would not even look at
him. He'd strain his head all the way the opposite way to avoid seeing my
dad, even if my dad would bug and almost try and chase DS's line of vision.
He just did NOT like my dad and it took a while to realize that it wasn't
really my dad - we found out he did this same thing to any male with facial
hair and a baseball cap on. These types of men were not normally around DS
much at all, other than my dad. DS was about a year old before he would
have much to do with my dad. I also noticed, when DS was about a year and a
half, he started to not like my mom. My mom at that time had laser surgery
on her eyes, and from that surgery on, she did not need to wear the glasses
she's needed since she was 3 years old. DS, normally awesome with my mom,
would NOT give my mom the time of day without her glasses on for the longest
time, and in both of these cases, my parents were people we would see a
couple times a week!
DD, though, she did not like my MIL or my aunt one bit. She would go to
neither of them without throwing a big fuss, but this seemed to have started
early on - around 4ish months of age. DD always seemed a bit unsure of a
lot of people - my mom, my SIL, my aunt, MIL, my grandma... She would always
willingly go to my brothers, dad, FIL, BIL... We figured out that she didn't
like females much, for some reason, and then realized that other than me,
she is around males all the time (her dad and 2 brothers, plus the
neighbourhood boys that the kids play with!) She would sooner go to a
complete male stranger (stranger to her) that she's never seen before, way
before she'd go to MIL or my aunt if given the choice. She's now a lot
better with my aunt, although every now and then she does have her moments
of playing strange and making shy. With MIL, she still doesn't seem to
really like her unless I or DH are in the room, within arm's reach. She
still acts the same with my SIL, as she always had, playing shy more often
than not.

Is there maybe something about MIL that is kind of out of the ordinary that
your DD is not really used to? Does MIL maybe have grey hair? Glasses? A
perm? Wear certain clothing? Bigger (as in weight wise) than most people
you see? Have anything at all that you could maybe figure that is different
from your average person that you interact with on a daily basis?

Last night after DD went to sleep, DH and I went out for a short
period, she usually does not wake up after she'd gone to be, and I left
her with MIL. Of course she woke up and screamed like never before, she
was inconsolable by MIL, and only stoped as soon as I got home. I had
to put her to sleep in my arms and every time I would put her down in
the crib she would wake up, It took over an hour before I could put her
down again. I must say also that we have left her before with a baby
sitter, has woken up, and has never reacted that way, she quickly falls
back asleep.

Funny how they do that, isn't it? That tends to be the case a lot of the
time! This happened once to us when we ran out and left the kids with my
aunt (the one that DD didn't seem to care much for!) and my aunt had one
heck of a time, even though we were only gone for as long as it took to go
out for dinner. We came back to a screaming baby and an aunt who was a
total wreck!

MIL wants us to bless the house, thinks there is something in the house
that scares the baby, but I think it is her she is scared of. Why
could this be?? We have a pretty good relationship, she has her things
and I do get a bit upset at her every now and then, but I never express
it to her directly, I pretty much just bite my tongue and go about my
business. I must also say she is not very supportive with the whole
extended BF issue and that might also have an effect. Maybe DD senses
this and that is why she does not like her.

Hm... Maybe your MIL needs to bless herself because I too think your
daughter is making strange with MIL, and it's not the house
My MIL had told me, basically from the day DD was born, to give her regular
homo milk with brown sugar in it and not BF! Your daughter *could* be
feeling some tension if there's any there. Even if you don't feel there's
much tension, I've found that babies and children can often sense even the
slightest tension!

Like I said she is not one to only want to be with mommy, she is well
open to being with others.

This worries me, I do not have any family close to me, and she is
really the only person I could leave DD if I ever need to leave town or
something like that. That won't happen soon at least not while I am
still BF but eventually it will and if she continues this rejection I
won't be able to do that either.

I think she just needs some time. Babies do make strange with people, even
their family. If a family member is not seen on a regular basis, kids can
sometimes just make strange with that person, and although to you or I, or
that particular person it may seem odd that the baby isn't used to them,
that's sometimes just the way it goes!

Any similar situations out there???

Yea, mine, kinda!

"Jenny" wrote in message
oups.com...
I've posted regarding this issue previously, but it is really starting
to worry me. DD is almost 1 yr (two weeks to go) Breastfeed of course.
She does not like my MIL, for some reason she rejects her and does not
allow her to carry her.

She may not like the sound of her voice, or her smell. All three of my kids,
as babies, did not like my grandfather but he is such a loud talker. As they
got older, they loved him so much.
Marie

"Jenny" wrote in message

but I think it is her she is scared of. Why
could this be??
Any similar situations out there???

My mom always told me how I was afraid of one particular aunt. I'd always
cry when I say her and wouldn't let her hold me. I guess it all started
when I was very small (4mos maybe) and a door slammed very loud and
frightened me badly and it happened just as that aunt bent down to pick me
up so I was looking right at her face. Maybe something like that happened
and neither of you even realized it?

--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06