how to apply a spanking

This was posted to a mother who asked advice about spanking her child.

To follow up on what I said before, I don't want to recommend without knowing
what is going on, what to do. It is your choice as a mother, and must be guided
by your own thoughts, those of your daughter, and your husband, as well as
being legal. Some states and contries have made corporal punishment illegal. I
disagree with this, but having my endorsement won't post the bail, if you
violate the law!

As well, it is important to know why she is doing this. There may be
motivations that really don't call for punishment, but love and more attention
etc. Children are subject to a lot of forces outside their control and can ask
for help in some very negative ways. This does not mean that they don't need to
be punished, but always try to reach in and find out what is happening in their
lives and how you can help. First and foremost always love them, pour your love
on them and let them know how much you love them.

Now as to what works. Pain is a good teacher, however, I am older. I don't feel
pain very well any more. It is part of age. Very old people don't feel
fractures of bones, heart attacks and things that would be excruciating at my
age (58) This is a gradual change over life. Very young children are the most
pain sensitive. Babies don't just cry because they are babies. They are far far
more pain sensitive than even a child a couple of years older. A teen ager is
still sensitive enough to respond quite well to pain in correction, but it
requires more pain to reach their central nervous system as they grow up. So---
if you use spankings, a swat on the bottom will teach a younger child with very
little force. A teen will require something far more intense to have the same
level of pain in the brain.

I think the key is to give a paddling/spanking that brings on a good crying
period what ever the age, and the intensity and duration can and should be set
by the needed response by the child. Certainly being expelled from jr high for
drinking is a situation that calls for intense regret on the part of the child,
so I would want to insure a good cry, and some residual effects to last a
couple of days after the punishment as a reminder.

I posted this earlier. First and of critical importance make sure you are
treating something that both you and the child understand totally. A child must
understand and accept the reasoning behind the punishment, or it can be viewed
as just an attack, what ever the punishment is. So a talk first is critical.
Also you must be sure in your talk, that you and the child are clear, that it
is not them that is the problem, but their actions or a circumstance that they
can work on changing. Anyone punished for being themselves will not take it
well, or learn from it. I had a very dear friend that cut of communication
suddenly because I was too honest, and even though I was trying to help said
the wrong thing a few years ago. If this was to teach me to be less honest,
drive me away from my value system, culture and not value my own existance,
this was the proper course of action. However, if you want someone, or a child
to change, you have to be clear in why you are going to introduce pain into
their lives to make that change. Be sure that you communicate what you want,
and the child or adult understands before doing any punishment.

Now as to how to apply physical pain to discipline. It should always bring
tears and those should last at least a few minutes, and the pain given should
have no long term effects. For that people are given backsides. I think that
hitting in any other area is just wrong! Paddling or spanking the bottom for a
typical child should cause intense pain in this area, and the protection of
muscle and fat should prevent any long term effects from reasonable force
applied at this area. No forse sould be applied which goes more than skin deep.
Bones, as in usually the coccyx should not be impacted. Some kids,
particularily skinny ones, have tail bones that stick out a little. These kids
can't be punished with anything that impacts this, such as a hard object like a
wood paddle, unless the position is such as to protect this bone.

For this reason, genericly, I recommend a light weight leather or rubber
paddle. First it has very low weight and has minimal impact mass. Any rough or
square corners should be removed. This works by your putting in arm energy and
making it kinetic in the paddle. When this stops abruptly on the childs bottom,
the motion energy is converted to heat. This is what causes the burning sharp
pain of a paddling. You want this heat to be enough to cause intense pain, but
no injury to tissue. It is best to make or buy a paddle that is designed for
this. The old "boards of education" are a problem. They are often too heavy and
can cause brusing. The leather or rubber paddles I recommend are better at
this, however, the pain instead of being spread is it is with a board is a
gradation. It is far worse at the end of the paddle than anywhere else, so it
is very important to work a pattern rather than just spanking on the same spot
or you can injure one small piece of skin by impacting with the end of the
paddle at one point repeatedly.

I think this works well when you use this to be sure that the effect is what
you want. With a flexible paddle, you give half the spanking standing on one
side of the spankee, then move to the other side so that both cheeks benefit.
As you do this you can gage their response. If they are crying well, then you
are doing what is needed to insure sorrow, but you don't want to use too much
force, just enough to insure a good cry.

To gage the level of force, a bare bottom is ideal, but I have problems with
it. Frankly I don't think bare bottom spankings should be used in general,
unless you are not sure as to how much force to use. The baring of the bottom
and presenting it is a very sexual act for females, and even males have that
same development of brain tissue with an overlay that is caused by testosterone
that brings on other more masculine behavior modes. I don't think we should
routinely do anything with sexually developing children that puts them in the
mode of sexual presentation. A bare bottom spanking for a younger child is not
the same as for one that is sexually developing. The advantage of a bare bottom
spanking in a good light, is that you can see the redness developing on the
bottom, and know what areas to work and can see the physical effect of the
paddling. It levels the playing field, too, in that a boy in blue jeans will
have far less phys effect than a girl in a cotton dress and cotton panties. A
girl in a girdle that transmits and holds in heat will have much more pain! So
you have to make decisions about what to do. I would use the crying as a guage.
If the child is in blue jeans, it will require more power in your swing to get
the same effect. If they are in a light dress and thin panties, less force is
needed. For a good paddling, teen age girls are generally less sensitive to
pain than boys, and a latex gridle will help give that needed insurance of a
level and duration of pain that will help bring on a good cry and genuine
regret.

Both before and after the spanking, be sure to reasure the child of your love,
and afterwards restate the reason for the paddling and future expectations,
while holding them as they cry.

Another part of this, that is a side issue in some ways, but critical in others
is compliance. Most of us have teenage children that are bigger and stronger
than us. To apply and make physical punishment work with a larger child, or any
child really, you must have their cooperation. The most common way of doing
this is to make sure that the child knows that if they try to get away, or
resist, or you have to stop the paddling because they are not coopeating, that
the paddling starts over. They have to get in position, when they are old
enough to cooperate and understand that this is required (I am not recommending
this with young children, you need to be able to reason with them) If they stop
the spanking, just start over after they are in position again. Part of this is
to teach submission to authority, which we all have to do all the time.

Also with males in puberty, there is a problem with discipline in general. They
are becoming bulls, and are not calves anymore. They are far more likely to
respond to punishment with anger and resentment to any punishment than are
younger children or females. Dealing with them is far more difficult, in my
opinion and experience. It seems to me from observing 4 sons grow up that they
respond to things that affect their relationships to others far more than
physical punishment. And unfortunately developing Alpha males must be made to
understand that they are not the alpha male in the home at times by their
parents. This is why they leave home in general. You can really have only one
alpha male per pasture! Girls from the beginning are more influenced by their
social relationships, and are more likely as a group to respond to have regret
just because they have displeased you or a teacher, and try to work within a
group or submit to the authority of a leader, parent or teacher. The key with
anyone punished is to change their mind and behavior. If true regret is there,
then they don't need punishment. A child that is already sobbing their heart
out because they did something wrong, doesn't need punishing. One that is
defiant or has no remorse, does, if they are mentally capable of understanding
the results of their actions.

Again, paddling is not for everyone, or at least, some children respond better
to other things. Some respond to nothing else. It is very much a judgement
call. And-- I am an alternative physician, not an expert on child care or
discipline. I just had five kids and raised them, so any advice I give in this
area is from that background, not formal training, research or education. I
would encourage all parents to study and make their own decisions, not just
listen to one or even one school of thought on this. It is a major area in
parenting, and one that most of us find uncomfortable. ( I have been known to
cry when I had to spank a child. I really don't like doing it!!)

thanks

Jerry

http://www.e-lovestories.com (site devoted to love stories, including spankings
and enemas)
http://www.lifeknox.com (site is health totally including conservative
treatments of candida, IBS, colds and flu, childbirth, cancer and a wedding
ceremony)

"Lifeknox" wrote in message
...

Now as to what works. Pain is a good teacher, however, I am older. I don't
feel
pain very well any more. It is part of age. Very old people don't feel
fractures of bones, heart attacks and things that would be excruciating at my
age (58) This is a gradual change over life. Very young children are the most
pain sensitive. Babies don't just cry because they are babies. They are far
far
more pain sensitive than even a child a couple of years older. A teen ager is
still sensitive enough to respond quite well to pain in correction, but it
requires more pain to reach their central nervous system as they grow up.
So---
if you use spankings, a swat on the bottom will teach a younger child with
very
little force. A teen will require something far more intense to have the same
level of pain in the brain.


Certainty when I was a teenager I found that when I was spanked,
or more precisely, thrashed, the absolute intensity of the strokes
was far higher then when I was little.
As for saying that pain is a good teacher, then yes it is, albeit in
a very crude manner. I knew that if I behaved in a certain manner
I would be soundly beaten. Knowing the terrible pain that such a
beating was like, it did stop me from doing certain things, simply
from fear of the punishment.
However it never taught me right from wrong, it merely made me
more wary of breaking the rules. If the benefits of doing whatever
I was doing wrong outweighed the risk of getting caught and
receiving a beating, I would do it.

good reply. I had similar experiences as a child, not being beaten, but not
knowing why when my father spanked me. Communication is the key to learning,
not just spanking or avoidance of punishment. I agree. I still think the
spanking when properly used is a good tool with most kids.
thanks
Jerry

On 21 Dec 2003 21:36:57 GMT, (Lifeknox) wrote:

good reply. I had similar experiences as a child, not being beaten,
but not
knowing why when my father spanked me. Communication is the key to
learning,
not just spanking or avoidance of punishment. I agree. I still think
the
spanking when properly used is a good tool with most kids.
thanks

Next time you are getting a $100+ ticket from a traffic cop for
speeding, you KNOW what you have to tell him, right? Or maybe you
should wait and go before the judge and when she assigns you to driver
safety training, you know what to tell her about how you learn
best...right?

Jerry

When are you people going to grow UP?

Kane

You bet, I used to be a federal officer for about 12 years. I know exactly what
to say to an officer if he or she gives me a ticket. Perhaps what is not the
right word--- HOW is. What ever you do you do it with respect. They are doing
their job, just as a parent that feels they must correct a child's behavior. I
hope I have taught my kids that, but I know I did not do as good a job of it as
I would have liked to have done.

Children need discipline. It is important for them. Also on the road, as much
as I dislike it, it is necessary to obey the rules.

Thanks Kane. You make my point well.

Jerry

On 22 Dec 2003 06:29:56 GMT, (Lifeknox) wrote:

You bet, I used to be a federal officer for about 12 years. I know
exactly what
to say to an officer if he or she gives me a ticket. Perhaps what is
not the
right word--- HOW is. What ever you do you do it with respect. They
are doing
their job, just as a parent that feels they must correct a child's
behavior. I
hope I have taught my kids that, but I know I did not do as good a
job of it as
I would have liked to have done.

Why don't you think spanking would be appropriate for an adult who
does something they aren't supposed to? But it is for children who for
the most part DON'T know what they are supposed to do or not?

Children need discipline.

Absolutely. You should look up the etymology of the word.

It is important for them.

Absolutely. It is a means of helping them learn what they so
desperately need to learn and nature drives them to. Do you really
think that pain and fear are conducive to the brain work that a child
must do to take in, familiarize herself with, codify during the so
called latency period, and then extrapolate to the world and
management of themselves and it in their youth and as young adults?

Also on the road, as much
as I dislike it, it is necessary to obey the rules.

Really? What if the rules are wrong and damaging?

By the way, don't kid yourself. YOU don't follow "the rules," but you
get away with it, while a kid trying to follow "the rules" you pick to
bully her about rarely can escape your vicious attacks except by their
reactions later...usually the teen years.

Thanks Kane. You make my point well.

Facetious crapdoodle. You aren't the first to try it.

I punched your point and you now think to play debating games with me.

Jerry

Have at it sucker.

Kane

Dude,

In all seriousness, you are one twisted ****. I mean, the sex stuff is a
little weird, but dressing it up in Christian clothes and extending it to kids
is totally beyond the pale. That is truly creepy. Jesus!

And the whole "pain as a teaching method" thing is stupid, ineffective and
abusive.

Go play your scat games with the other poo lovers. Dress up like the apostles
or doctors or whatever. Just keep the hell away from kids you dookie-loving
pervert.

you put up about getting a traffic ticket, so you opened that venue.

I did spank my children when they were young for playing in the street. They
learned to stay off the highway! What they were doing wasn't wrong at all. They
were just playing, and suddenly their bottoms were hurting. They were not of
the age to understand why I didn't want them on the street, and certainly being
on the street is not immoral in any way. They just learned to not go there
because I spanked them if they did.

Truth is I didn't want them run over by a car, and the fear of a spanking
worked. They didn't understand being afraid of what a car could do. No appology
for that. All five of them grew up and are alive. That wouldn't have happened
if I had just ignored or failed to get their attention about playing in the
street.

As I said kids need discipline. They need to learn to do what a parent tells
them to do, even if sometimes they are not able to understand why.

Jerry

Further down I posted a story about a loving spanking given by a mother to her
daughter for petting and missing a curfew.
http://www.e-lovestories.com go to the curfew in the main index.

A. It is not wrong to pet, make love etc. but it is not accepted and having a
baby withoug a husband is not good. So here again the mother applied a spanking
to help her daughter have a better life. In the first part of the story it
failed because of a lack of communication, in the second it worked in a
wonderful way.

Spanking by a parent that loves you, is not an attack or beating, it is
correction.

thanks

Jerry

(Lifeknox) wrote in message ...
Further down I posted a story about a loving spanking given by a mother to her
daughter for petting and missing a curfew.
http://www.e-lovestories.com go to the curfew in the main index.

A. It is not wrong to pet, make love etc. but it is not accepted and having a
baby withoug a husband is not good. So here again the mother applied a spanking
to help her daughter have a better life. In the first part of the story it
failed because of a lack of communication, in the second it worked in a
wonderful way.

Spanking by a parent that loves you, is not an attack or beating, it is
correction.

Says the Pervert.


thanks

No, NO. Thank YOU for making clear the rationale that most spanking
parents hide so well, even from themselves.

This, folks who spank, is your poster child, an enema freak, poop
lover. Still think spanking isn't sick?

Jerry

Kane