Naughty mom (or dad) behavior

Rosalie B. wrote:
that I told him he could not have. It was so loud that I scared myself.
Another time a bully was picking on my child, and I told him to haul off an
[quoted text clipped - 11 lines]
to love her son, but am not going to let some woman bully me. Love me or hate
me, that's on you.

It is perfectly possible for a mother to stand up to a bully and not
let herself or her son be bullied. She even get 'fired up' without
making threats against the mom. The fact that you cannot see this and
in fact reject the whole proposition does NOT make you a good mother.
It makes you a person that I would not want to have as a neighbor and
your son is probably not one that I would want to have in school with
my child.

Because of your own words here (which is all I have to go on), I
believe that your son was originally the one that was at fault - I
don't think he was being bullied at all, and probably the reason that
the school didn't take any action was because no action was justified.

Do you tell your son to go in a corner and cry when a bully picks on him? If
so, you're a bad mother who is setting you son up to be walked on, and beat
down his whole life. But to each his own.

You are setting up a false dichotomy. It is NOT the case that either
the child fights or goes off in the corner and cries - doomed to a
whole life as a doormat.

I know Banty doesn't tell her son to go into a corner and cry - she
has personal experience with bullies and knows the various ways that
one can deal with them. The only person I can envision telling a
child something like that would be an overbearing and controlling
father in a dismissive bullying way - implying that his son was weak.

My son was suspended once for fighting, but in his case it wasn't
because of a bully. His teacher told me about it. There was a boy in
his class (this was in HS) who had a physical defect. This boy
thought my son was laughing and making fun of him, when in fact my son
was completely unaware of this other boy who was sitting in back of
him. As they left the classroom to change classes, the other boy said
something to my son in anger, and finished up with "If you want to
fight put down your books" My son, not understanding where all this
was coming from, but hearing "put down your books", put his books
down, at which point the other boy cold cocked him. What I told him
was - "you shouldn't have put your books down".
My son is not the problem! The kids in the GT class get picked on a lot, and
my son is not one to look for trouble, so don't even go there. You don't know,
and as far as you not wanting me for a neighbor, I don't care. I do know that
your son would not be in my son's class unless he in in a GT program, so you
have nothiung to worry about.
My son walks hom, Brendon was there to bully him, and a number of other kids.
You think I did the wrong thing by telling him to stand up for himself, well,
My kid is the only one the he STOPPED messing with. We called the police, but
aparently, I can't press charges against a minor, and the school didn't do
anything about it. So you, and your judgement.... I think you know where you
can stick it!

--
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http://www.familykb.com/Uwe/Forums.a...nting/200710/1

On Thu, 18 Oct 2007 16:34:27 GMT, "Illiana via FamilyKB.com"
u38194@uwe wrote:

Nan wrote:
She should have been an adult and not come to my house AFTER her kid got what
he was dishing out. If you are the type of person to stand by while some
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]
Nan
Because she was at my doorstep and in my face.

So?

She poked me in my shoulder.

So?

If I were less of a person I may have poked her back.

So you lowered yourself to her level anyway, by threatening her.

She just thought I was
going to be scared and back down, but I didn't.

I don't think either Banty or I am advocating that you back down to a
bully. But, you behaved badly. Just as badly as her and her son and
now you're vehemently defending your bad behavior, and becoming
insulting to us in the process.

She didn't have a problem when her kid was picking on my kid until my kid
fought back. I guess she though she was going to bully me, but that didn't
happen.

So she's an idiot.

Kiesha weighs like 300lbs, and is big as all hell. I weigh 145lbs, and I'm
little. She thought she was going to bully me.

Yeah, that's what you keep saying.

Sorry it didn't go that way.
Would you rather she pushed me around, and I cower before her?

Actually, my opinion is that you handled it badly. After all, that is
the title of this thread. So you posted to a 'naughty mom behavior'
thread which shows me that you believe it was bad. But you've been
defending your actions.

A better reaction on your part would have been to shut the door in
Kiesha's face. If she wouldn't leave, call the police.

But it's difficult for anyone to believe you try to handle things in a
civil manner when your cursing and insulting in this thread are so
evident.

Look, I'm not criticizing your choice to tell your son to defend
himself. I did much the same with my son when he had his own bully
issue and the school didn't take action to help. But you didn't
exactly teach your child a good lesson when you threatened the bully's
mom, either.

Nan
My son wasn't there, he was out with my mum. Everybody looses their temper at
oe point in time, and that happened to be my time.

So you don't think your son knows how you acted?

Yeah, everyone looses their temper. But you're defending your action.

What is insulting is for somebody who doesn't even know to say I am a bad mom!

I haven't read all the posts carefully, so I haven't seen anyone say
that about you. I have seen you say it, though.

If you would have done it different, kudos to you. You have no right to judge,

Actually, you asked me for my opinion. I gave it to you.

nor did you bother to tell how you have been naughty, so again, you have no
right to judge.

Participation in the original post isn't necessary in order to respond
to someone else.

I guess I could say I've yelled at my kids on occasion. Feel better
now?

Nan

Ignoramus1624 wrote:
Iliana, you behaved quite correctly and solved the problem
effectively.

Congratulations to you and your son.

Make sure to monitor his behaviour and to prevent him from becoming a
bully.

Sometimes, violence is necessary and commendable.

i
Thank you.
We talk all the time, and he knows what it feels like to be bullied, and he
told me, "Mom, I would never want to make a kid feel the way Brendon made me
feel."
He knows not to pick a fight, but he knows that he has to stand up for
himself.
When he asked me what he should do when Brendon beats up on the other kids he
walks home with, I told him to tell a grown up.
Maybe if the other kids parents told them to stand up for them selves,
Brendon would find another pass time event.

--
Message posted via http://www.familykb.com

Nan wrote:
She should have been an adult and not come to my house AFTER her kid got what
he was dishing out. If you are the type of person to stand by while some
[quoted text clipped - 55 lines]
My son wasn't there, he was out with my mum. Everybody looses their temper at
oe point in time, and that happened to be my time.

So you don't think your son knows how you acted?

Yeah, everyone looses their temper. But you're defending your action.

What is insulting is for somebody who doesn't even know to say I am a bad mom!

I haven't read all the posts carefully, so I haven't seen anyone say
that about you. I have seen you say it, though.

If you would have done it different, kudos to you. You have no right to judge,

Actually, you asked me for my opinion. I gave it to you.

nor did you bother to tell how you have been naughty, so again, you have no
right to judge.

Participation in the original post isn't necessary in order to respond
to someone else.

I guess I could say I've yelled at my kids on occasion. Feel better
now?

Nan
What ever.... When a Kiesha comes to your door, go and call the Police. Don't
be surprised if there is damage done to your properity. If you let people
think they can screw with you, they WILL screw with you. That is the cold
hard truth of the world we live in.

--
Message posted via http://www.familykb.com

On Thu, 18 Oct 2007 17:36:13 GMT, "Illiana via FamilyKB.com"
u38194@uwe wrote:

What ever.... When a Kiesha comes to your door, go and call the Police. Don't
be surprised if there is damage done to your properity. If you let people
think they can screw with you, they WILL screw with you. That is the cold
hard truth of the world we live in.

So why is violence the ONLY way to handle the Keisha's of the world?

Nan

Illiana via FamilyKB.com wrote:
Banty wrote:
that I told him he could not have. It was so loud that I scared myself.
Another time a bully was picking on my child, and I told him to haul off an
[quoted text clipped - 39 lines]
to keep his hands to himself, and his mom is not going to come to my house
again unless she comes correct. Deal with it!
Hmmm...this seems to be your usual manner of behavior.

Apple, tree, hello.

Banty
Any parent that doesn't get fired up when thier kid comes home beat up has
got a problem.

Anyone who reacts to violence and name-calling with more
violence and name-calling has a problem in my book.

You have got a problem, Banty. I am a good mother who happens
to love her son, but am not going to let some woman bully me. Love me or hate
me, that's on you.
Do you tell your son to go in a corner and cry when a bully picks on him? If
so, you're a bad mother who is setting you son up to be walked on, and beat
down his whole life. But to each his own.

There's a *whole* lot of territory in between being
a doormat and being violent, threatening and verbally abusive.
Even my grandmother knew that two wrongs don't make a right.

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Oct 17, 8:34 am, Claire wrote:
Time for true confessions here - name a time when you did something
that is not on the list of Best Practices as a parent.

Here's one of mine - drinking a Bud out of a paper bag in the parking
lot during my daughter's trombone lesson. It was just one of those
days, and it did taste so very good.

Warm Regards,

Claire

That's terrible. I have pictures of Whino in the park in my head
right now. Not trying to judge but that is the picture I'm getting.
Did anyone see you. If they did they must have thought you had a
serious drinking problem.

GovernessJoy
http://123kidsoftheworld.blogspot.com

" wrote in
ups.com:

On Oct 17, 8:34 am, Claire wrote:
Time for true confessions here - name a time when you did
something that is not on the list of Best Practices as a
parent.
Here's one of mine - drinking a Bud out of a paper bag in
the parking lot during my daughter's trombone lesson. It
was just one of those days, and it did taste so very good.

That's terrible. I have pictures of Whino in the park in
my head right now. Not trying to judge but that is the
picture I'm getting. Did anyone see you. If they did they
must have thought you had a serious drinking problem.

would you be meaning 'wino', one who drinks an excess of
wine? or did you mean someone who whines too much? maybe the
OP has a kid like that, so she needs that mid-day beer...
if i saw a soccer mom drinking from a paper bag, i wouldn't
assume she had a drinking problem. i wouldn't even assume that
the contents of the bag were alcoholic. there are parents who
don't want their kids to drink sodapop that do the same thing,
hiding that illicit Pepsi in the bag
lee

On Oct 18, 6:07 pm, enigma wrote:
" wrote roups.com:

On Oct 17, 8:34 am, Claire wrote:
Time for true confessions here - name a time when you did
something that is not on the list of Best Practices as a
parent.
Here's one of mine - drinking a Bud out of a paper bag in
the parking lot during my daughter's trombone lesson. It
was just one of those days, and it did taste so very good.
That's terrible. I have pictures of Whino in the park in
my head right now. Not trying to judge but that is the
picture I'm getting. Did anyone see you. If they did they
must have thought you had a serious drinking problem.

would you be meaning 'wino', one who drinks an excess of
wine? or did you mean someone who whines too much? maybe the
OP has a kid like that, so she needs that mid-day beer...
if i saw a soccer mom drinking from a paper bag, i wouldn't
assume she had a drinking problem. i wouldn't even assume that
the contents of the bag were alcoholic. there are parents who
don't want their kids to drink sodapop that do the same thing,
hiding that illicit Pepsi in the bag
lee

Someone tried that line on my once before ... and I didn't buy it
then, either. Many years ago, at Logan Airport, I refused to get into
a cab with a driver who was consuming a beverage out of a paper bag
and wouldn't show it to me. The dispatcher assured me it was soda or
water, and wouldn't let me take the next cab back. Yeah. Right.

I assumed that Claire's point was that she was going to drive
immediately after finishing the beer, which -- even assuming no
impairment at all on her part (which, of course, I do) -- might not be
the best thing to model for her child.

But hey, show me the person who hasn't done something less than
perfect in front of their kids, and I'll show you a childless person.

Barbara

On Oct 18, 6:07 pm, enigma wrote:
" wrote roups.com:

On Oct 17, 8:34 am, Claire wrote:
Time for true confessions here - name a time when you did
something that is not on the list of Best Practices as a
parent.
Here's one of mine - drinking a Bud out of a paper bag in
the parking lot during my daughter's trombone lesson. It
was just one of those days, and it did taste so very good.
That's terrible. I have pictures of Whino in the park in
my head right now. Not trying to judge but that is the
picture I'm getting. Did anyone see you. If they did they
must have thought you had a serious drinking problem.

would you be meaning 'wino', one who drinks an excess of
wine? or did you mean someone who whines too much? maybe the
OP has a kid like that, so she needs that mid-day beer...
if i saw a soccer mom drinking from a paper bag, i wouldn't
assume she had a drinking problem. i wouldn't even assume that
the contents of the bag were alcoholic. there are parents who
don't want their kids to drink sodapop that do the same thing,
hiding that illicit Pepsi in the bag
lee

I frankly like the image of Whino park -- a bunch of people standing
around saying, "can you belieeeeeve the cost of filling up the Hummer?
Gas prices have just -- Got -- To -- Stop rising. It's not faaaaair,"
"I went to buy it, but they were all oooooout.," and "I don't waaaaant
to hear about tax increases for child health care -- it's mmmmy money,
and they should just stay healthy."

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

Caledonia