14 yo strange behavior. Help!

My 14 year old step-daughter has started some very puzzling behavior over the
last few months. Her mother lets her stay up as late as she wants to and then
lets her sleep as late as she needs to. Sometimes she doesn't get out of bed
until afternoon.

So then related to that, she sometimes goes and lies down in her bed, no music
or tv or books or anything, and just stays there for hours. tonight, she went
up to her room after dinner and stayed there in the dark with her glasses on,
apparently doing nothing, fully clothed, until 10 pm (when I finally went in to
check on her). She just popped up and told me that she wasn't doing
anything....just lying in bed. she says that everything is okay, and she
doesn't seem depressed or anything. Is this abnormal, or do all 14 year olds
do this? Should we be worried?

Amy
mom to Patricia 5-12-99
Christina 3-21-03

"AmyAmy4734" wrote in message
...
My 14 year old step-daughter has started some very puzzling behavior over
the
last few months. Her mother lets her stay up as late as she wants to and
then
lets her sleep as late as she needs to. Sometimes she doesn't get out of
bed
until afternoon.

This is normal. The biological clocks of teens switch so they stay up late
and stay in bed late.

So then related to that, she sometimes goes and lies down in her bed, no
music
or tv or books or anything, and just stays there for hours. tonight, she
went
up to her room after dinner and stayed there in the dark with her glasses
on,
apparently doing nothing, fully clothed, until 10 pm (when I finally went
in to
check on her). She just popped up and told me that she wasn't doing
anything....just lying in bed. she says that everything is okay, and she
doesn't seem depressed or anything. Is this abnormal, or do all 14 year
olds
do this?

Not necessarily and no.

Should we be worried?

What does she do when she is not doing this? Take drugs? Visit her friends
and go to movies and stuff? Does she have lots of friends? I think I would
always be concerned about her, but I would watch for other signs, like
changes in friends, decreases in grades, changes in appatite, and talk to
her doctor if you have continued concerns.

Jeff

Amy
mom to Patricia 5-12-99
Christina 3-21-03

In article ,
(AmyAmy4734) wrote:

My 14 year old step-daughter has started some very puzzling behavior over the
last few months. Her mother lets her stay up as late as she wants to and
then
lets her sleep as late as she needs to. Sometimes she doesn't get out of bed
until afternoon.

So then related to that, she sometimes goes and lies down in her bed, no
music
or tv or books or anything, and just stays there for hours. tonight, she
went
up to her room after dinner and stayed there in the dark with her glasses on,
apparently doing nothing, fully clothed, until 10 pm (when I finally went in
to
check on her). She just popped up and told me that she wasn't doing
anything....just lying in bed. she says that everything is okay, and she
doesn't seem depressed or anything. Is this abnormal, or do all 14 year olds
do this? Should we be worried?

Amy
mom to Patricia 5-12-99
Christina 3-21-03

The sleeping pattern is not at all unusual among teenagers. They manage
to adjust back to a school schedule amazingly quickly; right now, with
a 20 yo and 2 17 yos in my house, kids get up anytime from 6:30 AM (I've
got one early riser) to 3 PM; I figure as long as they get enough sleep
and seem to be doing healthy things with the rest of their lives, I can
live with that -- though at this point I'm looking forward to school
starting so there aren't people sleeping in the house all day!

As far as staying in her room for hours with the lights out and nothing
else going on, if this was happening for hours every day, I might be
concerned, but if she does it "sometimes" and is having a basically
healthy life, it isn't something to be worried about. She may just be
thinking, planning, examining her life, writing things in her head,
daydreaming, or (and I only point this one out because I think parents
forget sometimes that their children are, indeed sexual beings)
masturbating. None of those are things to worry about or be concerned
about.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

On 18 Aug 2003 05:20:48 GMT, (AmyAmy4734) wrote:

My 14 year old step-daughter has started some very puzzling behavior over the
last few months. Her mother lets her stay up as late as she wants to and then
lets her sleep as late as she needs to. Sometimes she doesn't get out of bed
until afternoon.

I do this myself for large parts of the summer. I give my son chores
and projects. We are now moving back into the "get ready for school
symdrome" so I am starting to wake him up early. Teenagers generally
sleep late when they get the chance, even if the dont stay up late.

But..

So then related to that, she sometimes goes and lies down in her bed, no music
or tv or books or anything, and just stays there for hours. tonight, she went
up to her room after dinner and stayed there in the dark with her glasses on,
apparently doing nothing, fully clothed, until 10 pm (when I finally went in to
check on her). She just popped up and told me that she wasn't doing
anything....just lying in bed. she says that everything is okay, and she
doesn't seem depressed or anything. Is this abnormal, or do all 14 year olds
do this? Should we be worried?

Daydreaming is a good thing, but this young lady sound like she could
be depressed or have a concern. How is her behavior the rest of t he
time. Interaction with friends?? Family??

Barb

Amy
mom to Patricia 5-12-99
Christina 3-21-03

On 18 Aug 2003 18:03:37 GMT, (AmyAmy4734) wrote:

She really doesn't have friends, but she enjoys keeping busy at home with
family. She really likes animals, and she has a lot of pets at her mom's
house. She doesn't seem depressed at all, though I know that her mom is
mercurial at best and demands that the kids keep secrets from us. Sometimes,
it seems like lying in bed or sleeping a lot is how she copes with her
problems. Her brother copes by eating too much.

This would worry me. When there are *family secrets* there is often
something going on that children cannot cope with. Depression is a
real possibility with that as are other problems.

Is the divorce recent? That could be what is bothering her and she
may need someone to talk to who won't judge what *side* she is taking
between mom and dad.

I don't know. Maybe she's just exercising her brain.

Perhaps so.

At least she isn't partying with friends or doing drugs.

There is nothing wrong with partying with friends (given that they
don't do drugs)

Thanks to everyone who responded.

I am wondering if she feels lonely and friendless since you
say she has no friends. Did she move recently so that she
doesn't know people near her current home?


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

She really doesn't have friends, but she enjoys keeping busy at home with
family. She really likes animals, and she has a lot of pets at her mom's
house. She doesn't seem depressed at all, though I know that her mom is
mercurial at best and demands that the kids keep secrets from us.
Sometimes,
it seems like lying in bed or sleeping a lot is how she copes with her
problems. Her brother copes by eating too much.

This would worry me. When there are *family secrets* there is often
something going on that children cannot cope with. Depression is a
real possibility with that as are other problems.

Is the divorce recent? That could be what is bothering her and she
may need someone to talk to who won't judge what *side* she is taking
between mom and dad.

The divorce was finalized about 8 years ago.



At least she isn't partying with friends or doing drugs.

There is nothing wrong with partying with friends (given that they
don't do drugs)

Sorry, I should have been more specific. When I was younger, "partying"
implied alcohol.


I am wondering if she feels lonely and friendless since you
say she has no friends. Did she move recently so that she
doesn't know people near her current home?

She has her classmates from school, but she really isn't close to any of them.
She doesn't seem to bond well to others, possibly a side-effect of Asperger's
Syndrome.

Yes, you may be on to something about the "secrets." Mostly, it involves the
kids being ordered by their mother not to ever tell us what happens over at the
mother's house. (That is a whole other can of worms) I really appreciate
everyone who is helping me think through this. I think it is time that we
talked to the kids' counselor again.

Amy
mom to Patricia 5-12-99
Christina 3-21-03

On 21 Aug 2003 03:49:46 GMT, (AmyAmy4734) wrote:

I am wondering if she feels lonely and friendless since you
say she has no friends. Did she move recently so that she
doesn't know people near her current home?

She has her classmates from school, but she really isn't close to
any of them. She doesn't seem to bond well to others, possibly a
side-effect of Asperger's Syndrome.

I missed any reference to Asperger's in prior posts. I can see why
a child with that may not have many friends.

It may be quite normal, since often these children are quite bright
to spend time alone.. She may be thinking and pondering. It's
hard to tell.

Still I agree that it is a good idea to talk to the counsellor and see
if anything else may be going on. It's stressful for kids to keep
secrets from one house to another in a divorce situation.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits