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#1
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This one isn't in the books
So, there is plenty of discussion about how and when you should tell
various people in your life about pregnancy, but they never cover dance partners. I took up ballroom dancing about 18 months ago when things were starting to look up a bit after the last birth. At first I really struggled to take long steps, but gradually I improved and after having hip surgery, I had so much more freedom of movement I started to get really into it and wanted to compete. Finally in June I convinced a guy I'd met a few months earlier to try out partnering me and it turned out we really clicked, physically we are a good fit and we mostly enjoy spending time together and have the same times we want to practice. There are so many things that can screw up a dance partnership that when we went into it we didn't have any committments, we didn't quiz each other on exactly what we were wanting to do, but when it was obvious it was working we've been planning more in advance and at some point I do remember discussing that I was done with kids! We had a comp this weekend, it mostly went quite well, but we really messed up one of our dances, our coaches were there and they were really encouraging even though we were really disappointed. I ended up crying with my husband later because I was so frustrated that actually I don't have that many more weeks I can work on this, then feeling guilty that I felt like that. But there is one more barrier, I actually have to tell my partner and I've no idea how he'll react, I've been very careful to not commit to or be at all positive about anything after Christmas. We're competing locally in 3 weeks, so I'll be about 10 weeks and then in Las Vegas in mid December, when I'll be 14 weeks. I've been looking forward to this trip to Las Vegas for ages and we've planned it as a family holiday. I really want to give him the opportunity to find another partner, but I also still want to dance as long as I can. Even for guys, partners are not that easy to find, we're at the bottom end of the competitive scene, but most dancers aren't even at that level. I was planning to tell him on Sunday, then didn't because he was so keen to get practicing for the next event! I suspect that by Las Vegas I'll be showing in costume and maybe even by the local comp, my boobs are enormous all of a sudden, but no one seems to have noticed! But it doesn't seem fair to let him just realise, or worse for someone else to realise and say something - that almost happened before I even knew as I was complaining my feet were swollen and it must be because we'd just turned the heating on and the teacher joked that there could be another reason, which was what made me do the test! So I'm completely stuck, I have no idea how to handle this. I don't feel I have some kind of right to keep quiet until 12 weeks if it screws other people around, but equally I want to keep living in a dream world where when I'm dancing, I'm not pregnant! Cheers Anne |
#2
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This one isn't in the books
Anne Rogers wrote:
So I'm completely stuck, I have no idea how to handle this. I don't feel I have some kind of right to keep quiet until 12 weeks if it screws other people around, but equally I want to keep living in a dream world where when I'm dancing, I'm not pregnant! I think you do have to tell him, and pronto. I think you do owe him time to find another partner, if he wishes. Explain that you believe you will be able to keep the commitments you've made already, and will understand that he needs to take some time to work on finding a new partner. Then ask him if there's anything you can do to help with the transition. I would imagine that there are decent odds you'll get to keep dancing at least through the events you've planned, as it will probably take him that long to find another partner. While I'm sure it's probably not the news he wants to hear, these things happen and it's not really anyone's business to blow a gasket over it. If you strike a balance between being regretful at the inconvenience to him and being surprised but thrilled at the pregnancy, most polite people will at least pretend to take it well ;-) And it probably won't hurt if you throw in a comment or three about how he's such a good partner that you're sure he'll find a partner eager to dance with him in relatively short order. Best wishes, Ericka |
#3
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This one isn't in the books
Anne Rogers wrote:
So I'm completely stuck, I have no idea how to handle this. I don't feel I have some kind of right to keep quiet until 12 weeks if it screws other people around, but equally I want to keep living in a dream world where when I'm dancing, I'm not pregnant! I agree with Ericka. You need to tell him really soon, like, the next time you see him. I'd personally tell him, and only him and make it clear that he's a) the first person outside your family (I don't think the internet counts btw) you're telling and that you'd like to not officially tell everyone about your pregnancy at this point, but that you know you won't be able to dance at some point and you'd like him to be prepared for that time. Offer to help him as much as you can with finding a new partner and that you'll definitely still very eager to compete until December. I don't think anyone gets really mad at a pregnant woman, I mean, it's not like you were trying to get pregnant. cu nicole |
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