Trouble makers?

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Kat wrote:

So I'm sorry this is so long. I've just had it with this kid that
always
seems to cause trouble and the parents that aren't any better. I've
told DS
over and over to stay away from this kid.

As you can see by this point, that isn't going to work.
It just isn't. They don't have the social skills to figure
out how to get him to leave their group when they're playing
outside. They will believe that just this one time it will be
ok because he's not being bad right now and they figure they can
back out when his behavior becomes unacceptable. This is especially
true if all the other boys don't have the same rule.

I suspect that this child behaves this way because he is looking for
attention and friends. He doesn't seem to have either, and he doesn't
know how to get them.

When this kid has come to the
door, on occasion, I've straight out told him that DS is not allowed to
play
with him because trouble always starts and DS always gets into some sort
of
trouble, often over something that really isn't a big deal. It's funny
because the other boys in the area all seem to feel the same way as
DS...
This kid is NOT fun to play with, someone always gets hurt or in trouble
and
the reason is always this same kid causing trouble.
Is there a better way to deal with this?? DS *doesn't* want to play
with
this boy, but he always seems to come around and will not leave even
when
asked.

When I had this problem with the little boy next door, my instructions
to my kindergarten age girl was - if you can't play with him, come
inside and play. But don't come running to me to complain. (The
little boy was younger and smaller than my child.) A clear rule -
stay outside and deal or come inside.

DS is not usually one to whine and complain. He's no angel, but I also know
that he's not usually the one to start something. Even if something does
happen between him and someone else, generally speaking he deals in a fairly
proper way. Rarely do I step in when it's a minor issue (even if it's
probably close to the end of the world when you're 7)

She was not allowed to go anyone else's house, and no one came in to
our house - partly because I had a year old child who might be
napping, but also partly because we had just moved into the
neighborhood and we were only going to be there for eight months. When
her older sister was that age, we knew the neighbors better, and she
could go to one child's house.

I don't really have kids in the house. Right now it's nice enough to play
outside, so outside play is what happens. The odd time the boy next door
will come in. DS can have A friend, and it's usually the boy next door.
We've had some issues with rules set here that some of those boys don't care
to follow. I also have DDs that both NEED to nap during the afternoon.
DS is normally NOT allowed to go into someone elses' house. There's the
exception of the next door neighbours, but each time he's in there, he asks
here first and then I am almost always outside our door (a foot from their
door) when he knocks on their door or they go in and I make sure it's
alright and everyone knows what's going on. Usually he's good about that,
and on a rare occasion if it's another boy's house, not right beside us,
I'll walk with him to take him there, even if it's 20 seconds to walk, and
make sure parents are home and it's alright that DS's there. This is news
to me that he was in this certain trouble-making kid's house. Normally DS
does NOT play with him, doesn't like when he's around and I have seen him
try and avoid this kid.

When this child was a mother, she just stayed outside with her boy
when he was outside. He wasn't outside by himself - he was with her
and with the mothers of the other children he was playing with. This
meant that there was less freedom for the children, but they were
supervised.

Frankly, the only way to effectively stop it is
to have the kids play in your house, to which you control access,
or for you to be outside with them while they're playing. This
isn't fair, of course, but it's about the only thing that will
successfully result in your child not interacting with this
other child. You can also take a group of kids to a park/playground
outside the other kid's stomping grounds. If the other kid won't
behave, and his parents won't ensure he behaves, and your kid and
his friends are incapable of leaving or driving him off, then
that's about all you're left with.

When the little girls that lived next door to us (younger than we were
- maybe two and four and always with runny noses) used to come over
and poop on our porch because they weren't trained, my mother's
solution was not to be at home as much as possible. We were scheduled
to the minute even though my mom was a WOHM.