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#21
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
Beliavsky wrote:
On Dec 4, 4:38 pm, Banty wrote: Do wring said relative's neck. Yes, dissent from progressive orthodoxy must be silenced! Research on problems with day care should be ignored! I think the issue is not so much that people of a different opinion should be silenced or ignored, as that they should have the tact not to start telling someone that they *should* do things *this* way when they don't know the whole story of the individual in question or why that individual might be in a situation that means that that isn't a good option. In this case, an important part of the whole story is that the OP needs to keep her job. If that's the case, then a course of action that means her losing it is not ultimately going to be in the family's best interest, which means that it is not ultimately likely to be in the best interest of this particular child, regardless of what general statistics say. Therefore, laying a guilt trip on the OP about what she 'should' be doing was not constructive and may well have been destructive. We can all theorise about what we should be doing in an ideal world, but the reality is that we live in non-ideal situations where compromises are necessary. All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#22
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message . .. Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward wrote: I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less. Asking whether daycare is harmful is a lot like asking whether food is harmful. You don't know the answer without knowing a lot more about the situation. LOL. I like that! I think that sums it up really. If you're thinking about germs and illnesses then I don't think that's a big worry unless they're immune compromised. As to their mental state/development :-) it's going to depend on the child and the care. Some children will have problems being sent away from mummy at that age. Others will love to go and develop much better with peers around. My #1 did much more stuff with me at home tha she showed them at preschool, and even now at school. (They were always greeting me with "look she did ***" and I'd think "she's been doing that for a year at home") #2's the other way, and she does so much more (other than reading) there than with me. My one concern if I was you is as you're keeping the younger one at home and not her, couls it cause resentment that they're being sent away because of the baby. As the baby's 9 months, I don't think it is likely to be an issue, but it was the only cause for concern I had upon reading your post. Debbie |
#23
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
IMO, good quality childcare is not going to harm a child. It's not like no
one else beside the mother should ever take care of the child. Children thrive on other relationships in their lives. It really is a good thing for children to have other trusting adults in their lives. They learn how to get along with others. Children in good quality care are usually ahead of those who stay home with no preschool or nothing. No study, I don't care who wrote it, good or bad is going to tell you what is going to happen to your child, only you can tell whether your child will thrive in the situation or not. And if your gut tells you something is not right, then change it. It really is none of your relatives business how you raise your child. And honestly, it doesn't matter if you need to work or not, there is nothing wrong with a mom having a career and enjoying it. I can't stand those people who try to make working mothers feel guilty and the ones that stay at home is more superior. It's not, it truly depends on the situation and family. Do what you need to do and don't feel guilty about it. -- Sue (mom to three girls) "Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote in message ... I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less. I know my daughter will benefit tremendously from being around other children in a structured educational setting. She will be in a group of 9 children, who are looked after by 2 teachers and one part-time assistant. I work full-time from home, and have a 9-month old here as well. He will stay with me until he gets a spot at the daycare at 12 months. The relative (whose neck I would love to wring right now) insists a child should be kept at home until age 3. I am doing this because I need to keep my job. Until now I had help from my mother, but she leaves in a few days, after having been with us for six months. Already a huge luxury! What I'd love is to hear some positive stories, and if there's any scientific backing to my relative's claims. |
#24
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message . .. Stephanie wrote: You need to keep you job. Been there, done that. But more than any other service you ever pay for, buyer beware. The big challenge is that few people know how to evaluate quality daycare or preschool programs, so many just sort of freeze and don't ask a lot of questions or don't spend some real time in the center to see for themselves how things are going. And... how to differntiate a happy horse **** answer from an answer that really speaks to the question. It is not easy to do! While I think that it is difficult to *create* a good classroom, it's one of those things that if you only have to *evaluate* it, it's not all that difficult. You may not know precisely what you'd need to do to be a great childcare provider, but you'll know a good situation when you see it if you spend some time there and drop in unannounced on occasion. I agree completely that unannounced drop ins are critical. I'm not sure why people feel so inhibited about asking to see classrooms in action, but that's ultimately what you need to do. It's possible for the childcare providers to try to put on a show for you, but the kids don't lie. You can see from their behavior how things are going. Also, walk quickly away from a provider who wont let you se them in action unannounced. The other negative aspect of full time child care (you did not mention if it would be full time) that I observed when I was in child care myself was that many full time working parents spend so much time getting through the day, get the day done... that they never got to know their children. Families who spent so little time with their children that they could not solve things like eating issues, sleep issues or whatever. They neither spent enough time with their kids to really understand the issue nor did they ahve the will to do what it took to deal. They needed to get so much done in the few hours between pick up and bed... Now I don't mean to claim that this is pervasive. Truth be told, if you are aware of the risk it is likely mitigated easily enough. Absolutely. I've seen working parents in that situation, and other parents working similar hours who are very well connected to their children. I think it has a lot more to do with what you do when you're around. After all, if you couldn't get to know your kids if you weren't around them 24/7, then the traditional father who works outside the home would be completely out of luck! If you tally up the hours, the amount of time a working parent (with something near a 40 hour work week and a reasonable commute) is available to a child (with a reasonable bedtime, etc.) is about the same amount of time that the child is with either the other parent or a childcare provider. It's shorter on the weekdays, but longer on the weekends. There's no reason a working parent can't be plenty available to their children and get to know them and deal with all those issues that come up. It's just a choice. Not every parent elects to put in the time or effort, but by and large, that's not just because of a job! Best of luck. It is a difficult thing to work out. But YOU have the only skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide. And, frankly, as the saying goes, there's no use crying over spilt milk. If you really do have to work, then you have to work, and obsessing over this sort of thing is one of the most toxic things you can do. Find quality care, tune in to your children, and respond when/if your gut tells you something isn't right. Children are tremendously resilient. As someone who grew up in an extended family setting, I firmly believe that this notion that only parents can give proper, loving care to a child is completely bogus. From time immemorial children have had close bonds with adults other than their parents. There's no reason why a good childcare provider can't be one of those people. The trick is finding that high quality care, but you do the best you can and respond as things unfold. On top of that, if the nosy relative thinks your child shouldn't be in daycare, then said relative can haul her butt over and start providing the care that you need. She's family, after all. If she's so all-fired concerned about it, then perhaps she should do something about it! If not, then she can keep her guilt trips to herself ;-) Best wishes, Ericka |
#25
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
In article , Sarah Vaughan says...
Beliavsky wrote: On Dec 4, 4:38 pm, Banty wrote: Do wring said relative's neck. Yes, dissent from progressive orthodoxy must be silenced! Research on problems with day care should be ignored! I think the issue is not so much that people of a different opinion should be silenced or ignored, as that they should have the tact not to start telling someone that they *should* do things *this* way when they don't know the whole story of the individual in question or why that individual might be in a situation that means that that isn't a good option. Yes - it was a reaction to the busybody intrusiveness of said relative, not an effort to undermine the First Amendment, LOL. But now we also have proof that conservatives don't have a sense of humor ;-) In this case, an important part of the whole story is that the OP needs to keep her job. If that's the case, then a course of action that means her losing it is not ultimately going to be in the family's best interest, which means that it is not ultimately likely to be in the best interest of this particular child, regardless of what general statistics say. Therefore, laying a guilt trip on the OP about what she 'should' be doing was not constructive and may well have been destructive. We can all theorise about what we should be doing in an ideal world, but the reality is that we live in non-ideal situations where compromises are necessary. Said relative can step in for the OP's mother, if he or she cares so strongly about it. Banty |
#26
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
On Dec 5, 3:55 am, Sarah Vaughan wrote:
Beliavsky wrote: On Dec 4, 4:38 pm, Banty wrote: Do wring said relative's neck. Yes, dissent from progressive orthodoxy must be silenced! Research on problems with day care should be ignored! I think the issue is not so much that people of a different opinion should be silenced or ignored, as that they should have the tact not to start telling someone that they *should* do things *this* way when they don't know the whole story of the individual in question or why that individual might be in a situation that means that that isn't a good option. That standard should apply both to people who tell the OP to send to her daughter to day care and to those who advise against it. But a blanket statement "Your daughter will do just fine", made by someone who knows neither the child or the day care center, raises no hackles, except from me. My questioning such a blanket statement, without telling what the OP what she should do, does upset people. There is a double standard when it comes to discussing the merits of day care, both in this group and the media in general. Some articles and books discussing bias in the latter are Fear and Loathing at the Day-Care Center Kay S. Hymowitz City Journal, Summer 2001 http://www.city-journal.org/html/11_..._loathing.html Media, Academia Ignore Day Care's Downsides By Sean Grindlay November 7, 2003 http://www.aim.org/briefing/A103_0_5_0_C/ Day Care Deception: What the Child Care Establishment Isn't Telling Us By Brian C. Robertson Encounter Books http://www.encounterbooks.com/books/daycaredeception/ |
#27
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
Beliavsky wrote:
On Dec 5, 3:55 am, Sarah Vaughan wrote: Beliavsky wrote: On Dec 4, 4:38 pm, Banty wrote: Do wring said relative's neck. Yes, dissent from progressive orthodoxy must be silenced! Research on problems with day care should be ignored! I think the issue is not so much that people of a different opinion should be silenced or ignored, as that they should have the tact not to start telling someone that they *should* do things *this* way when they don't know the whole story of the individual in question or why that individual might be in a situation that means that that isn't a good option. That standard should apply both to people who tell the OP to send to her daughter to day care and to those who advise against it. It should apply to anyone who tries to tell a parent who has made a decision about their child that they 'should' be doing something different, without taking that person's individual situation into account. I would indeed feel just as strongly if this was a woman who did not feel it right to put her child into day care and was receiving unsolicited advice that she should do so. The difference here is that the OP herself feels day care to be appropriate for their situation. But a blanket statement "Your daughter will do just fine", made by someone who knows neither the child or the day care center, raises no hackles, except from me. Because it was made in response to the same belief from the parent, who does know both the child and the day care centre. It did strike me as a bit sweeping, but I think there's a hell of a difference between reassuring someone that they're capable of making the right decision and trying to tell them that they should be making a different decision. All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#28
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
In article ,
Beliavsky says... On Dec 5, 3:55 am, Sarah Vaughan wrote: Beliavsky wrote: On Dec 4, 4:38 pm, Banty wrote: Do wring said relative's neck. Yes, dissent from progressive orthodoxy must be silenced! Research on problems with day care should be ignored! I think the issue is not so much that people of a different opinion should be silenced or ignored, as that they should have the tact not to start telling someone that they *should* do things *this* way when they don't know the whole story of the individual in question or why that individual might be in a situation that means that that isn't a good option. That standard should apply both to people who tell the OP to send to her daughter to day care and to those who advise against it. But a blanket statement "Your daughter will do just fine", made by someone who knows neither the child or the day care center, raises no hackles, except from me. My questioning such a blanket statement, without telling what the OP what she should do, does upset people. Sarah answered this pretty well, and I point out that her question was about whether or not she should wait until her child is three years old, and I've seen nothing yet that would back up the relative's assertion. Just like TV, or leaving kids with grandma, there are times are reasons where it's a parent sloughing off responsibility with daycare, and time where it's not. We do have a bias, but it's not so much pro-or anti-daycare ("YMMV" is our motto), is a bias that the people posting here are considering carefully their decisions. I've only checked one of your references below (no time), but I see it again cites the same single study, and Ericka is right that this study, if anything, sees differences in the margins - as with anything some parents will not care. On the other hand, for many of these children, daycare is a *refuge* from what they would otherwise have at home. There is a double standard when it comes to discussing the merits of day care, both in this group and the media in general. But didn't *you* ballyhoo that it's that bastion of East Coast 'liberals', the NY Times, that you first cited for an article describing the study?? Some articles and books discussing bias in the latter are Fear and Loathing at the Day-Care Center Kay S. Hymowitz City Journal, Summer 2001 http://www.city-journal.org/html/11_..._loathing.html Media, Academia Ignore Day Care's Downsides By Sean Grindlay November 7, 2003 http://www.aim.org/briefing/A103_0_5_0_C/ Which is the one I looked at (I'm not very happy to be told to go read a whole book, it being impractical, and authorship of a book not being a qualification in my mind). Again, the same one study, and lots of talk of "having it all". Having it all, apparently, meaning working and raising children too. So I searched on that term which describes those who have "had it all" for some decades, and found only two matches in the entire article: fathers While there are over thirty matches for those who are described as unrealistic for wanting to "have it all": mothers THAT, is bias. Banty |
#29
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
On Dec 4, 11:14 pm, Beliavsky wrote:
On Dec 4, 10:38 pm, Barbara wrote: You carefully selected an article that said what you wanted it to say. Yeah, the New York Times is part of my vast right wing conspiracy. It looks like Ericka and Akuvikate may have joined, since I think they were talking about the same studies as the article. Right wing conspiracy? What on earth are you talking about? I'm talking about YOUR selection of articles. Unquestionably, there are studies that refer to teh downside of daycare. Just as there are studies that say the opposite. Here are a couple: Study Finds Major Day Care Benefits http://www.socsci.uci.edu/~cohenp/strat/daycare.html Potential Health Benefits of Child Day Care Attendance http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/en... dexed=google Non-Parental Day Care Has Short and Long Term Benefits for Children http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/en... dexed=google There is Evidence That Day Care Benefit Children's Well Being http://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retri...62941099902784 You deliberately ignored articles that set forth the advantages of daycare. For better or for worse, Penelope needs this job. Unless you intend to start supporting her family, you've done nothing to help her. You've just thrown out a parade of unlikely horribles designed to make her feel bad. Stephanie first threw out the "parade of unlikely horribles", and I don't think it was her intention to make the OP feel bad. And what was YOUR intention? Barbara |
#30
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Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
On Dec 4, 5:00 pm, "Stephanie" wrote:
"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote in ... many full time working parents spend so much time getting through the day, get the day done... that they never got to know their children. Best of luck. It is a difficult thing to work out. But YOU have the only skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide. You make an excellent point here. Even more that children's need for social interaction with other children, I would argue that children desperately need consistency. And while it is unfortunately true that good childcare is scarce, we would always choose to raise our children differently than other people. I believe that this is why it is so easy to find parenting flaws within others, rather than in ourselves. We will always be the best care providers available to our children. But YOU have the only skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide. I would have to agree with this statement. Ultimately, you are the one who your children entrust to make the best decissions for them. And again, keep that confidence that your children look to you for that. The best option for your family could be to leave your children with a grandparent while you work, or to leave your child at a day care center with other children. My advice to parents who are seeking a child care provider for their children, talk with the other parents of the children at the center. Ask them about why they trust the provider or any concerns they might have. Ask about noticing appropriate or inappropriate disciplinary actions. Try to be as educated and informed about a program as possible. Make sure you make strong, educated decissions that you know with confidence that you will want to stick with. Because, from my experience, consistency is the key to raise children that trust. |
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