Dealing with death

To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very
violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death now as
well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister than
cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30.

Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this tragic
loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Ellen
--------
Erin 6/26/95
Bradley & Alex 10/5/00

"GwenO MS" wrote in message
...
A couple of 'new' thoughts to add here. Since I just bought one for a
hostess
gift (we had an interesting discussion on the topic about a month ago),
there
are WONDERFUL books for you or grandparents or parents and kids to fill in
about family history, memories, events, etc.

Could you give me some titles and or locations to buy from? I would love to
have access to something like this.

I never knew my grandparents; 3 died before I was born, the 4th when I was
five but she lived on the other side of the country so I have zero memories
of her. I've always felt like I was missing something by not knowing where
my parents came from. My husband's grandmother just turned 106 and is
reaching the end; it's only been in the last few years that she's slowed
down. The stories held by my children's grandparents are *so* important,
I've been after them to record their stories but they're all
procrastinating, figure playing with the grandkids is more important. Maybe
with a book like this play and recording could happen together :-)

Marie

Because it's too late to do one
with my own mother for her grandchildren or great grandkids, I feel like
we're
missing something important in our family history. My MIL is so
incapacitated,
that not much is remembered any more. So I need to do MY OWN and get one
from
my husband for the kids and grandkids. This isn't just a 'family tree'
but
things like how we met, the pets we had when we were young, what we liked
and
disliked in school, favorite foods, how we celebrated holidays...etc. As
a
therapist, I almost always do a 'genogram' with clients, and I'm amazed at
the
amount of information folks just 'don't know' about family history (good
insight into why we have the feelings and behaviors that bring us to
therapy!).
The other (unrelated) thought is about all the pets we've had over the
years, and as much as we loved them, when the kids grew up and left home,
we
had four dogs -- so we could have been 'footloose and fancy free' but had
four
pets depending on us for companionship and care. I used to say, "when the
last
dog goes...no more pets!" With each death, we were grief-stricken, and
there
was no sense of 'counting down to freedom from pet-obligation' but still,
in
the back of our heads, we knew we'd be more free to travel, stay out for a
long
day, etc. So, the last dog died, and we had a long period of grieving
(she
died unexpectedly, and a horrible death). We both thought the extreme
sadness
was a result of the sudden loss. BUT...eventually, we realized that we
couldn't stand a house without a dog! So we made a decision to get one
small
enough to travel with us (we vowed to NEVER leave an animal in a kennel
again
-- our last dog died of kennel cough acquired in an excellent boarding
kennel,
with strict rules about innoculations, etc), so we ended up with the
funniest,
most enjoyable, human-like dog we've ever had. I call him my
"change-of-life"
dog. He's a Border Terrior and I do sometimes thing about his
life-expectancy,
and how much we'd miss him... this is a breed known to have a higher death
rate
from traffic accidents than natural causes -- they are 'runners' so we
have an
electric fence AND a chain link fence, and he's NEVER allowed off our
premises
without a leash! So it's not just kids who worry about losing a
pet...it's
natural about anything you love (or anyONE), but we need to tell the kids
that
although we have these thoughts, we don't dwell on them...we enjoy the
day-to-day experiences with those we love!
Grandmom Gwen

"GwenO MS" wrote in message
...
A couple of 'new' thoughts to add here. Since I just bought one for a
hostess
gift (we had an interesting discussion on the topic about a month ago),
there
are WONDERFUL books for you or grandparents or parents and kids to fill in
about family history, memories, events, etc.

Could you give me some titles and or locations to buy from? I would love to
have access to something like this.

I never knew my grandparents; 3 died before I was born, the 4th when I was
five but she lived on the other side of the country so I have zero memories
of her. I've always felt like I was missing something by not knowing where
my parents came from. My husband's grandmother just turned 106 and is
reaching the end; it's only been in the last few years that she's slowed
down. The stories held by my children's grandparents are *so* important,
I've been after them to record their stories but they're all
procrastinating, figure playing with the grandkids is more important. Maybe
with a book like this play and recording could happen together :-)

Marie

Because it's too late to do one
with my own mother for her grandchildren or great grandkids, I feel like
we're
missing something important in our family history. My MIL is so
incapacitated,
that not much is remembered any more. So I need to do MY OWN and get one
from
my husband for the kids and grandkids. This isn't just a 'family tree'
but
things like how we met, the pets we had when we were young, what we liked
and
disliked in school, favorite foods, how we celebrated holidays...etc. As
a
therapist, I almost always do a 'genogram' with clients, and I'm amazed at
the
amount of information folks just 'don't know' about family history (good
insight into why we have the feelings and behaviors that bring us to
therapy!).
The other (unrelated) thought is about all the pets we've had over the
years, and as much as we loved them, when the kids grew up and left home,
we
had four dogs -- so we could have been 'footloose and fancy free' but had
four
pets depending on us for companionship and care. I used to say, "when the
last
dog goes...no more pets!" With each death, we were grief-stricken, and
there
was no sense of 'counting down to freedom from pet-obligation' but still,
in
the back of our heads, we knew we'd be more free to travel, stay out for a
long
day, etc. So, the last dog died, and we had a long period of grieving
(she
died unexpectedly, and a horrible death). We both thought the extreme
sadness
was a result of the sudden loss. BUT...eventually, we realized that we
couldn't stand a house without a dog! So we made a decision to get one
small
enough to travel with us (we vowed to NEVER leave an animal in a kennel
again
-- our last dog died of kennel cough acquired in an excellent boarding
kennel,
with strict rules about innoculations, etc), so we ended up with the
funniest,
most enjoyable, human-like dog we've ever had. I call him my
"change-of-life"
dog. He's a Border Terrior and I do sometimes thing about his
life-expectancy,
and how much we'd miss him... this is a breed known to have a higher death
rate
from traffic accidents than natural causes -- they are 'runners' so we
have an
electric fence AND a chain link fence, and he's NEVER allowed off our
premises
without a leash! So it's not just kids who worry about losing a
pet...it's
natural about anything you love (or anyONE), but we need to tell the kids
that
although we have these thoughts, we don't dwell on them...we enjoy the
day-to-day experiences with those we love!
Grandmom Gwen

Thank you Ellen. The funeral was yesterday. It's been a horrible week for us
all. The whole family is really devistated by his death. He was such a good
person.

I start work on Monday and it's been hard to try to focus my energy in that
direction.

Thanks Again,
Andrea
twin girls-Jordan & Madison
4 yrs. old

To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very
violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death now as
well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister
than
cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30.

Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this tragic
loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Ellen
--------
Erin 6/26/95
Bradley & Alex 10/5/00

Thank you Ellen. The funeral was yesterday. It's been a horrible week for us
all. The whole family is really devistated by his death. He was such a good
person.

I start work on Monday and it's been hard to try to focus my energy in that
direction.

Thanks Again,
Andrea
twin girls-Jordan & Madison
4 yrs. old

To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very
violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death now as
well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister
than
cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30.

Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this tragic
loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Ellen
--------
Erin 6/26/95
Bradley & Alex 10/5/00

Andrea:

Sorry for your loss. Loosing anyone close is hard. I don't think I would
be able to make it through my mom's departure if it wasn't for my DH, DS, DD
and my wonderful cousins. I do know how much they mean to us in a family.
You and yours will be in our prayers.

Shirley

"Andrea" wrote in message
...
Thank you Ellen. The funeral was yesterday. It's been a horrible week for
us
all. The whole family is really devistated by his death. He was such a
good
person.

I start work on Monday and it's been hard to try to focus my energy in
that
direction.

Thanks Again,
Andrea
twin girls-Jordan & Madison
4 yrs. old

To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very
violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death
now as
well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister
than
cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30.

Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this
tragic
loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Ellen
--------
Erin 6/26/95
Bradley & Alex 10/5/00

Thank you Shirley.

Andrea
twin girls-Madison & Jordan
4 yrs. old

Sorry for your loss. Loosing anyone close is hard. I don't think I would
be able to make it through my mom's departure if it wasn't for my DH, DS, DD
and my wonderful cousins. I do know how much they mean to us in a family.
You and yours will be in our prayers.

Shirley

"Andrea" wrote in message
...
Thank you Ellen. The funeral was yesterday. It's been a horrible week for
us
all. The whole family is really devistated by his death. He was such a
good
person.

I start work on Monday and it's been hard to try to focus my energy in
that
direction.

Thanks Again,
Andrea
twin girls-Jordan & Madison
4 yrs. old

To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very
violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death
now as
well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister
than
cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30.

Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this
tragic
loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Ellen
--------
Erin 6/26/95
Bradley & Alex 10/5/00