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#51
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 11:12*pm, "MarieD" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message ... The nursing to sleep is an issue. How does one stop this? When I don't nurse her to sleep, she just cries and cries. That said, when I'm not here, DH is able to get her to sleep. But if she knows I'm in the house, she won't stop til she has me. I experienced that with my own family. My youngest grew out of nursing to sleep, but would nurse a few minutes before bedtime until she was almost 5.. If I was away from home though, my husband had no trouble and she'd even fall asleep while they were rocking (I rocked all of my children before bed when they were little) Well, since she's always co-slept, the whole transition to crib will be an issue. Just so you know- co-sleeping isn't always the cause of sleeping problems. Alot of people seem to blame co-sleeping, but many babies who have only slept in cribs have sleep problems also. My youngest wouldn't sleep alone or with us, she just didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time until she hit about 14 months. Just wanted to reassure you. I've known many co-sleepers, and I haven't known any teenagers who can't sleep alone ) Thanks for this reassurance, everyone always blames co-sleeping, but we would not have survived the first year if we didn't co-sleep.She reverse cycled at 12 weeks, and that was that. |
#52
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 6:34*pm, Rosalie B. wrote:
cjra wrote: On Mar 13, 4:13 pm, Anne Rogers wrote: So this is where you have to get creative, is there anyway at all you can create a space for her - even if it means moving something every night all a room has to be is a space where you can put a crib that is not within reach of anything that can do her harm, which mean placing something in the middle of an otherwise empty and undecorated room is an option - it's what my parents do at their house, they have a room with shelving all around the walls and precious things on them, it's a small room, but a crib in the middle is far enough from everything. I had friends who's baby slept in the kitchen, they moved the crib from the hall to the kitchen every single night and every nap, it was a pain but their kid had a normal or even better than normal sleep routine at every age. Our problem is lack of doors - all the doors have been removed and sent of for stripping (lead paint removal), . So without doors, Why does the area have to be quiet? *One of the other things that my mom told me was not to tiptoe around when the baby was asleep because then she would wake at every noise. *Whereas when you are running the vacuum or dishwasher or whatever, or if she had siblings playing around, she'd get used to some noise. *Is it that quiet at the daycare when she takes her nap? * Let me add also that I'm not concerned about total silence. But if she can see/hear mommy and daddy a few feet away from her, that's not a signal to sleep, that's a signal to play. She doesn't have siblings yet, but I wouldn't expect the siblings to be playing within a few feet of where a baby was trying to sleep. I don't think that's realistic. I couldn't sleep with such commotion going on, why should a child be able to? We're not that loud in the evening, but we're present. DH and I talk, we read with the light on, we interact. That interferes with her 'calm' time to sleep. |
#53
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 9:31*pm, "Nikki" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message ... This isn't a solution for us. It's only 15 mins or so commute home from daycare, not worth stopping and as it is she refuses to eat anyway more than 1/2 the time. I've noticed ont he few nights she's awake later, she's hungry later. I've also tried putting her straight to bed when we get home and it doesn't fly. She has no desire to sleep at that time. Last night we didn't have a meltdown for a change. I'm actually wondering if she's eating too much at daycare. I send her b'fast, snack and lunch, and the babysitter feeds her whatever the other kids are eating. I've considered not sending anything and let her eat only what she has there, but I supply more 'healthy' stuff so I want her to at least have that stuff first. So I think *at 5-6pm she's not that hungry, but it kicks in later. The witching hour is very common, especially with kids that go to daycare. Ben is sometimes a fright at that time of day and he doesn't even go to daycare. *He is high strung and when he tips over the edge he just can't eat - no matter if he was hungry. *Then he is crying because he's unhappy, because he's hungry, mad at his chair, *he doesn't know what he wants. *I've had to just let him work it out for the most part because I have other kids to feed but if you think this might be something you are dealing with you might consider just coming home and doing nothing. *Put a few finger snacks (like peas, cheese, or other healthy things) down and then just sitting with her. *Sort of try to make that witching hour more calm. *It might not work, or might not be the issue - just throwing it out there. That's kind of what I've been doing lately. SHe likes to run around outside, so she gets little finger foods as she's playing outside...sometimes that's the only way to get her to eat. Oddly enough, the last few nights she hasn't had these meltdowns at 6pm, but her sleep has been even worse than normal. |
#54
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 10:54*pm, "MarieD" wrote:
Have you tried a fan in the room while she's sleeping? Since the noise is constant and soothing, *maybe* if she woke in the night it would let her drift back down into sleep without fully waking up. Alot of people can't sleep with total silence (I hear this constant high-pitched noise if music or a fan is not on). Of course you many have already tried it, I haven't read all the posts. Other than that I can't think of anything else to try. No, and I blame DH on this one. Because he sleeps in the same room, and can not tolerate 'white' noise*, we have no fan. I have been insisting since about 6 weeks old that we need that...I can't wait to finish her room! (*oddly enough, we live in the city with a fair amount of city noise such as cars and railroad whistles every freaking hour...as well as 'nature' noises of geckos, cats, birds, squirrels, rats, etc. so there is a lot of noise around outside that kind of goes into the background, but DH is a fussbucket against white noise in the house) I've been hoping for the past year that once we have a room to put her in, I can do all that stuff and my problem will be magically resolved ;-) at least that's what I keep telling DH about why we have to sweat every weekend to get this done! While I'm at it, let me describe the setting - the house is 1600 SF, with two bedrooms on one side and a living room and 'study' on the other, separated by a wide hall way/entry way and central dining area. The bathrooms are at the back, one off the bedroom adn another off the dining area, both of which were the porch area enclosed for indoor plumbing. One of those bedrooms will be hers, right now we're just moving all the tools out...the living room and study are linked by a large opening with pocket doors which at the moment don't work. The study leads into a butler's pantry and the kitchen. The whole side of the house is open. The central hall/dining area is not that big, it's maybe 8 feet across between the bedroom and the "study". The study is currently where our spare bed is kept. It's a great layout for a hot climate - wonderful air flow, not so great a layout for keeping areas 'separate'. I describe this because I think it's a different layout than what most suburbanites are accustomed to unless they've lived in c. 1890s houses. There are not 'wings' as in a ranch, or bedroom areas set away from living areas, or multiple floors.The walls are thick which helps with noise, but if I was to put her in the study, there's no way we could do anything else in the house except go to bed without distracting her. It's just not fair to ask her to sleep with such distractions, IMO. |
#55
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How to stop the night wakings?
I am sorry I haven't had time to read everything here, but I will say
both my kids have strong demanding personalities where we pretty much had to stay on it or they'd take us for a ride - for instance we cannot cosleep as much as I love it because no one would get any sleep (and I know what you mean by the all night boobie buffet). I am an attachment parent emotionally, so CIO seemed like the worst thing in the world to me, but in the end that's what we had to do. I took comfort in the fact that although my son made it sound as if he was being murdered (I think he's got a future on the stage, actually) he was always totally fine, and in the morning it was as if nothing had happened. I felt traumatized for life, and he was busy playing and enjoying his morning. So when I had my daughter, I threw out a lot of the attachment stuff I originally did with my DS, for instance, with my daughter I pretty much used scheduled sleep times and never nursed to sleep. She sleeps much better than my son did, both naps and nighttime, I think because our boundaries are consistent and she learned how to go to sleep by herself - which she learned because no matter how much she cried she knew she was going to have a nap or go to bed. Now she goes to sleep happily, and wakes up happily. With my DS, we finally realized the attachment stuff wasn't working and had to do some really brutal CIO when he was 2 1/2 (lasted several horrible weeks) but now at 3 1/2 he sleeps wonderfully, with no after effects, and he always woke up happy as if nothing had happened the night before. This time I didn't want to go through what we went through with him (he only napped in the car, had trouble going to sleep without us lying down with him or nursing him etc.) so with my daughter we went the other direction. The only thing I can tell you is the CIO is much harder on the parents than it is on the child. I still love attachment stuff, but it doesn't seem to work with my kids. I did wear both of them for as long as I could however! |
#56
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How to stop the night wakings?
Oh wow, coming (back) of out lurkdom to say I SO sympathize with
you!! Micah has always been a horrible sleeper. We (meaning I; DH escaped to the nursery) co-slept with him for 5 months, then transitioned him to the crib -- and that was pretty horrific, since he routinely screamed for 1/2 hour before giving up and going to sleep. ROUTINELY. None of this "oh it was so bad the first night, but by the third night it was only 5 minutes, and a week later baby went right down." Micah did not read that book. :P This went on for at least a month -- maybe longer; I've blocked it out. :P And temperamentally, he sounds very much like your A -- stubborn, sensitive, doesn't want to miss out on anything. We've since come to realize that he also gets night terrors which adds a delightful element to the sleeping mix, but it doesn't sound like this is an issue for A. Anyway, I want to sympathize. We really tried almost everything with Micah. I was getting up in the middle of the night nursing him for 15 months (he weaned at 17), and he still wakes up in the middle of the night now (he's 3 1/2). For a LONG time he'd come barging into our room and try to climb into bed with us, and co-sleeping does *not* work for my husband (I'm lucky he'll sleep with *me*!! -- so there were many nighttime battles about that. I'm afraid this isn't sounding too positive for you... but, there is somewhat of a light at the end of the tunnel thus far. For the last few months, he brings his blanket and pillow into our bedroom and sleeps on our floor -- doesn't try to talk to us or climb into bed or wake us up. Now, he's also begun boycotting his bed, and will only go to sleep in the hallway -- I think he's afraid he's missing out on all the wonderful things DH and I are doing on the other side of the hallway door. But I'm fine with these compromises -- we almost never have bedtime tantrums or middle-of-the-night dramas anymore. And one more word of encouragement: Shiloh is a *great* sleeper. I've got a couple suggestions which you are of course free to ignore. 1. Instead of night time bath, how about taking a quick shower with her in the morning? Do you have time for that? I can get in and out with both boys in under 10 minutes, and that's giving them time to play. 2. I hate to say it, but I think you may have to do CIO. We did it with Micah; it sucked; we had to do it for a LONG time; I felt like a horrible mother -- but he still loves me and wants to hang out with me. It might make you feel better to sit down with her in advance and explain what's going to happen -- she may or may not understand (although she sounds like a smart cookie and I'm guessing she'll get the gist). And I hate to admit it, but listening to his shrieking got easier over time -- I guess we became desensitized. We also discovered that if he *didn't* howl for his 1/2 hour, he'd be up again about an hour later.. 3. Remember that your get-her-to-sleep strategies will change, and different things will work at different times. In other words, she will not be crying herself to sleep forever. Maybe she'll be sleeping in the newly-renovated lead-free hallway in a few months. Good luck. I know how frustrating the sleep thing can be. And I honestly believe that although parenting strategies can exacerbate things, kids come hardwired to be easy or challenging sleepers. If I had been you, I'd have co-slept/night-nursed just as long for all the same reasons. Em mama to Micah, 11/14/04; Shiloh, 4/22/07 |
#57
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How to stop the night wakings?
"Anne Rogers" wrote in message . .. Not unless we win the lottery and can pay someone to do it. We scheduled out every weekend based on what needs to be done, and came up with a September end date. No other rooms are 'complete' except our bedroom. I think you're stuck between a rock and a hard place here, I honestly think that to both continue nursing and cosleeping and also sleep through the night is a VERY hard task, something that I cannot recall a single person I've come across having done it (that could be because if it was easy and not a problem it doesn't get mentioned). I know plenty of people who nursed toddlers and had them sleeping through the night in a separate room and I also know of non nursing cosleeping though the night toddlers - I've had one of each myself! This is what we did. DD still sleeps with us and is now just over 2. At around 18 months or so I was sick of her waking to feed, often 2 or 3 times a night (and we were wanting to try for another child and my period hadn't returned yet) , so I'd suggest she just have a cuddle first, and if she still wanted to nurse afterwards she could. She would still nurse to sleep at that point, and I introduced it by saying let's just have a cuddle, and then she can nurse. Then when she would wake in the night and want to nurse I would do the same thing - the first few nights she woke, and I didn't nurse her straight away she cried and I told her I was just going to cuddle her first and then she could nurse - which I did. After a few days she accepted it and it wasn't long before she woke up, cuddled and went straight back to sleep without nursing at all. Then when she woke up after that time I would say - "No, you don't nurse in the middle of the night!! (Like it was a funny thing to want) - How about a cuddle, or a sip of water?" And she would be fine, and pretty much after that time she started sleeping through without a problem. HTH |
#58
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How to stop the night wakings?
"Nikki" wrote in message ... "lu-lu" wrote in message ... I don't know if your DD's up for a change, but I recently bought Jessica alittle table and chair. I guess you guys have the same thing over there - it's one of the plastic ones that looks like mini garden furniture. She's a real girlie-girl, so I found one in pink and she loves it. My boys use the little tables as jungle gyms mainly but Ben was always mad at his highchair. They have been at boosters at the regular table for some time now. She's at an age to try that out if the she decides she is anti-highchair again. Yeah, that was the other thing I was going to suggest - Jessie has one of these so that she can eat with us, and she loves it. Lucy x |
#59
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How to stop the night wakings?
"cjra" wrote in message ... On Mar 13, 5:03 pm, "lu-lu" wrote: "cjra" wrote in message btw - it's not that I'm making excuses, it's just that I'm trying to not do a bunch of different things that require substantial effort and lifestyle change in the hope that _one_ works. Many things we have tried, and now I'll just take it one by one and see how it goes. ??????? It sounds like great change and effort is exactly what you need to do. |
#60
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How to stop the night wakings?
cjra wrote:
On Mar 13, 6:34*pm, Rosalie B. wrote: cjra wrote: Our problem is lack of doors - all the doors have been removed and sent of for stripping (lead paint removal), . So without doors, Why does the area have to be quiet? * Lights on, tv (sometimes), computer etc. all within a few feet of her? Maybe your child can fall asleep with that, mine has never been able to. All the usual 'house' noises. Frankly I don't expect anyone to be able to sleep through all that. Perfectly silent? no, but constant stimulation in the form of lights, talking etc, she can't handle that. Are you putting her to bed in the living room or something? I would expect a child to be able to sleep through noise of conversation, but maybe music or a fan or something would mask that. My DIL does that (for herself). How about a crib tent? (I've never seen one, but I envision something like one of those tings that they put over bird cages to make the birds shut up and go to sleep. That would take care of the lights. Mine of course didn't have the computer to deal with, but I don't think my computer makes much noise - when dh wants to go to bed before I do, and I'm still working on the laptop, I may mute it so that it doesn't make ANY noise. Once we HAD a TV in the bedroom, I would often go to sleep with it on - actually now I refuse to have a TV that doesn't have a sleep setting so that it goes off within x number of minutes of when I set it. Otherwise I wake at about 2 am and it's still on. (It used to be that the off-air tone would wake me.) It's like the sleep setting on a clock radio (which is different from the snooze alarm). [One of dh's and my real disagreements was that when we lived in California, he'd have the radio set to play the Ira Blue show from SF - this was a radio phone in-talk show. He would go to sleep. I would get so worked up thinking of answers to say that I wouldn't sleep at all. So he'd be snoring away and I'd turn the radio off, at which time he'd wake up and turn it back on again, saying "I was listening to that". Eventually I made it my routine to stay in the living room watching the Tonight show with Johnny Carson on the TV. When that was over and the radio had turned off, then I went to bed.] One of the other things that my mom told me was not to tiptoe around when the baby was asleep because then she would wake at every noise. *Whereas when you are running the vacuum or dishwasher or whatever, or if she had siblings playing around, she'd get used to some noise. *Is it that quiet at the daycare when she takes her nap? * Yes, it's an in-home daycare and all the kids nap at the same time. Really it is better to do this - otherwise every time you go on a trip she won't sleep. Oddly enough, as we've travelled with her a lot, she sleeps well on the road. Well that's interesting. Why do you think that is? What is different then? |
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