On the subject of excruciatingly difficult kids whom we love

"Purchgdss" wrote in message
...
"Purchgdss" wrote in message
...

snip

I could show you if you'd like Snicker but it would have to be our
secret

As a kid I used to think secrets were fun. These days I'm not so sure.
Seems I grew up and got boring.

Well get back to your roots MAN!

I'll try and my roots aren't grey so maybe that'll make it easier.

Being Child-LIKE is what keeps us from premature "oldness".

I agree but how would you define premature?

Nothing better than a good swing at the park or a great sprinkler at the
neighbors (or even your own!)

Agreed again but is that an invitation?

snip

Preferably hot pink.... it's my best color.

Hot pink waders? At the risk of talking stereotypes here, I think you
may
be looking for a gay fishing store. ;-)

Well that could very well work..... I DO have a thing for the men ya know.
;-D

Which thing would that be exactly?

Lord knows a ROCK has more fashion sense than I. I need all the help I
can
get.

We only have your word for this. Maybe you're better than you give yourself
credit for.


--
Paul Griffiths

Seems I grew up and got boring.

Well get back to your roots MAN!

I'll try and my roots aren't grey so maybe that'll make it easier.

Heh, typically when the roots go grey (or the absence of roots take over,
depending on your mother's genetic contribution) is when it seems to become
easiest to revert. Grandchildren have a way of reminding you of the wonders of
bubbles and catapillars that we loose in the years of cycles between our own
childhood, our children's childhood, and our grandchildrens.

But no need to wait for that.

Being Child-LIKE is what keeps us from premature "oldness".

I agree but how would you define premature?

Anything before the grave.

Nothing better than a good swing at the park or a great sprinkler at the
neighbors (or even your own!)

Agreed again but is that an invitation?

Sure! My backyard swing and sprinkler are always open to all! Heh, maybe
instead of a meeting somewhere in the middle of North America where it's cold,
we should all meet in the south in the summer for a swinging and sprinkler
party. Embarass our teenagers and thrill our younger ones!.......

Hey that could work! Someone loan me a younger child for a week so I can
torment my Teen....

snip

Preferably hot pink.... it's my best color.

Hot pink waders? At the risk of talking stereotypes here, I think you
may
be looking for a gay fishing store. ;-)

Well that could very well work..... I DO have a thing for the men ya know.
;-D

Which thing would that be exactly?

C'mere and let me hit you with my book bag and run away..... (j/k).


Lord knows a ROCK has more fashion sense than I. I need all the help I
can
get.

We only have your word for this. Maybe you're better than you give yourself
credit for.

sigh At the risk of embarassing myself, this has been drilled into me by my
friends who are honest enough to send me home to re-coordinate my colors.
Whoda thunk Flourescent Orange and plum purple would create such a scene. 0;-D


Just my 2 cents.........
Christine

Purchgdss wrote:

Seems I grew up and got boring.

Well get back to your roots MAN!

I'll try and my roots aren't grey so maybe that'll make it easier.


Heh, typically when the roots go grey (or the absence of roots take over,
depending on your mother's genetic contribution) is when it seems to become
easiest to revert. Grandchildren have a way of reminding you of the wonders of
bubbles and catapillars that we loose in the years of cycles between our own
childhood, our children's childhood, and our grandchildrens.

But no need to wait for that.


Being Child-LIKE is what keeps us from premature "oldness".

I agree but how would you define premature?


Anything before the grave.

Nothing better than a good swing at the park or a great sprinkler at the
neighbors (or even your own!)

Agreed again but is that an invitation?


Sure! My backyard swing and sprinkler are always open to all! Heh, maybe
instead of a meeting somewhere in the middle of North America where it's cold,
we should all meet in the south in the summer for a swinging and sprinkler
party. Embarass our teenagers and thrill our younger ones!.......

Hey that could work! Someone loan me a younger child for a week so I can
torment my Teen....

Hmm... We live in The South - in Georgia, USA - in a semi-sub-tropical
sort of climate. We have a swingset... A sprinkler... A 3-foot snap-set
swimming pool... A dog to run with... and an acre-plus back yard. We do
hay-rides with the lawn tractor and utility trailer, around Halloween.
You can borrow my nine-year-old (as long as you have him back by
bed-time)... And we ALWAYS have bubble stuff under the kitchen sink. :-)
You wouldn't want to be here in high summer - temps run around 100
degrees with 90+ % humidity during most of July and August - but April
thru June and early September are usually perfect for sprinkler parties
and cook-outs. :-)


snip

Preferably hot pink.... it's my best color.

Hot pink waders? At the risk of talking stereotypes here, I think you

may

be looking for a gay fishing store. ;-)

Well that could very well work..... I DO have a thing for the men ya know.

;-D

Which thing would that be exactly?


C'mere and let me hit you with my book bag and run away..... (j/k).


Lord knows a ROCK has more fashion sense than I. I need all the help I

can

get.

We only have your word for this. Maybe you're better than you give yourself
credit for.


sigh At the risk of embarassing myself, this has been drilled into me by my
friends who are honest enough to send me home to re-coordinate my colors.
Whoda thunk Flourescent Orange and plum purple would create such a scene. 0;-D


Hey, at least you wear COLORS. I usually get sent home - if my friends
can find me - because I'm wearing such blah colors that I fade into the
background scenery. :-)


Just my 2 cents.........
Christine

(still dancing around the kitchen)

~ Dor

On Tue, 21 Sep 2004 07:51:59 +0100, "Paul Griffiths"
wrote:

"Purchgdss" wrote in message
...
"Purchgdss" wrote in message
...

snip

I could show you if you'd like Snicker but it would have to be our
secret

As a kid I used to think secrets were fun. These days I'm not so sure.
Seems I grew up and got boring.

Well get back to your roots MAN!

I'll try and my roots aren't grey so maybe that'll make it easier.

Show off!

Being Child-LIKE is what keeps us from premature "oldness".

I agree but how would you define premature?

Before death.

Nothing better than a good swing at the park or a great sprinkler at the
neighbors (or even your own!)

Agreed again but is that an invitation?

Hold up a sec while I get my camera....

snip

Preferably hot pink.... it's my best color.

Hot pink waders? At the risk of talking stereotypes here, I think you
may
be looking for a gay fishing store. ;-)

Well that could very well work..... I DO have a thing for the men ya know.
;-D

Which thing would that be exactly?

Yes...do tell....

Lord knows a ROCK has more fashion sense than I. I need all the help I
can
get.

We only have your word for this. Maybe you're better than you give yourself
credit for.

You could post a pic, for general discussion....

LOL

Cele

Nothing better than a good swing at the park or a great sprinkler at the
neighbors (or even your own!)

Agreed again but is that an invitation?

Hold up a sec while I get my camera....

Cele, SURELY this would be worth a video posted on the net!
snip

Which thing would that be exactly?

Yes...do tell....

Again, I revert to the bookbag and run... Since we are recreating our
childhood, isn't this a staple? LOLOL


Lord knows a ROCK has more fashion sense than I. I need all the help I
can
get.

We only have your word for this. Maybe you're better than you give yourself
credit for.

You could post a pic, for general discussion....

LOL

Cele

Just look for my pic on any of the fashion sites in the "DON'T" section.......
That would be me.


Just my 2 cents.........
Christine

On Mon, 20 Sep 2004 08:37:55 -0600, "slykitten"
wrote:

FWIW, I completely agree with this. Stating the facts with compassion
for your son isn't badmouthing. If you stick to what he did and stay
away from adjectives, that tends to keep it from being gratuitous
trashing.

Cele

I think that my problem is not that I explain to my son what my ex did to me
it's the fact that I know that I'm still angry about it and that's where
therapy comes in and it's during my sessions that I can trash him. That's
why when I say I "refuse to bad-mouth" my ex.... it's a very conscious
effort on my part to make sure that I don't say anything derrogatory and
inflammatory and with such hatred that my son picks up on it.... I have to
make the effort to explain it almost as if I'm explaining how to add 26 and
305 to get the total of 331. it's still easy for me to trash my ex and I
believe I'm classier than that. That's why I see a therapist. To help me
deal with the issues that I need to deal with. =)

Yes, I see. It sounds like you've assessed your own needs accurately
and taken steps to meet them in a way that will keep your son safe
from any overflow. That's half the battle right there - hell, more
than half!

Take care. :-)

Cele

On Sun, 19 Sep 2004 22:12:03 -0600, "slykitten"
wrote:

I'm discovering some things with my son that I either never realized or I
really did forget....
1) When he was born, his head was very misshapen. I'm not sure if it was a
birthing trauma or what but I'm at the point where both the therapist and I
believe that my son would benefit from a scan

Absolutely. I'm just a special ed teacher, but certainly any kind of
possible head trauma is generally investigated with a scan, especially
when there are symptoms of any sort. You definitely want to rule out
organic issues before treating them as behavioural/emotional. And a
lot of the behaviour you describe is common with closed head injuries.
It's a factor in other things, too, of course, which is why a scan is
a fine idea.

2) some of his angry outbursts stem from the fact that he knows he's
different.

Sure. The kids who sometimes have the roughest time are the ones who
are bright and aware of their differences, but not able to change
things.

When my ex finally divorced me (I filed 3 times and he denied me
a divorce but finally he filed and I said, "hell yeah! let's get it done!")
and set me free, he refused to allow me to change my son's last name. my
daughters' last names are hyphenated with my name and their dad's last name.
my son wants his step dad's name too but because my ex is.... well.... I
promised that I wouldn't bad mouth him so I'll refrain.... but he won't let
my sig other adopt my son, my ex won't give up his rights to my son, he
won't let me change my son's last name, etc.... making it very difficult for
me and leaving me with lots of questions to be answered.... very awkward
questions to be answered.... so my son does know he's different.

I'm not surprised your ex didn't want him to change his name. Whatever
faults he may have or sins he may have committed, most people feel
fairly strongly about their kids keeping their name. My own father was
not someone whose name I chose to carry after my divorce, and even
though I'd not seen him in many years, I'm told that he was pretty
choked when I went with my mother's instead.

As for that making him different, I'd guess that in and of itself it
wouldn't be a problem, if he wasn't *already* feeling insecure and
different. I could be wrong, but it's my best thought on it.

3) back in January 2003, my ex was granted a supervised visit with my son. I
was forced. I fought it as hard as I could but lost that fight. So my son
had to endure 2 hours of my ex. When my ex was granted supervised
visitations once a month for 6 months, a follow up hearing to determine if
enough progress had been made to allow for twice a month supervised visits,
etc.... my ex never followed through. My son again had some questions and
though the answers were given, my son still acted out. There's a lot of
anger in that little boy in spite of his over all sweet demeanor.

May I ask why your ex is restricted to supervised visits? Or
not....what I'm getting at, is, has your son suffered some harm that
in and of itself could be adding to things?

4) it's hard to hide nightmares.... those are some questions that I've had
to answer too. My son knows what had happened to me while I was married to
my ex. I also know he doesn't understand. These questions were brought up in
a session and it was the therapist and myself who came up with the best way
to answer my son's questions so he wouldn't be damaged. How do you *not*
damage a kid with an answer to a question like "mom, why is it that
sometimes when you and dad disagree and then you have a nightmare, you
scream out afraid of so-and-so hurting you?" or a question like "mom, why
did so-and-so rape you and what is rape?" It's come up in sessions. It's
in the open and it's been done in such a way that's "age appropriate" for my
2 older kids so they can understand and not be scared of my nightmares.
We've had some very good therapists who've worked with our family. THe one
we have now is fantastic!

Yeah, I see what you mean. It sounds like maybe you've got a touch of
PTSD? And it doesn't sound surprising that you would, if you do. My
heart goes out to you. That has to make the whole situation so much
harder. I'm glad you've got a reall fine therapist, because it sounds
like you all have a lot of healing to do. Did you get any support from
the legal system on the rape?

I think that the more that I read here, I may find myself able to relate
more and I may even find more similarities..... I have a theory on why kids
of single parents act out but that's for a different time....

They don't *all* act out, but I'd be interested in your thoughts, all
the same. :-)

I know that my
son knows more than I give credit for. that's why I believe in being honest
with him.... but I'll never bad-mouth his biological father either, no
matter how much I truly hate that guy. Just because *I* feel that way,
shouldn't mean that my son should feel like that. I believe that my son
should find the truth for himself.

Yup, I agree. My ex is a decent enough fellow, but my approach with my
daughters has been pretty much the same: shut up about him and any of
our differences, and let them decide on their own opinions for
themselves. Interestingly, now that they're in late adolesence, they
are making the same observations I did, both positive and not so
positive. I expect they can see all my faults, too. :-)

Be well.

Cele

On 21 Sep 2004 23:45:12 GMT, unya (Purchgdss) wrote:

Nothing better than a good swing at the park or a great sprinkler at the
neighbors (or even your own!)

Agreed again but is that an invitation?

Hold up a sec while I get my camera....

Cele, SURELY this would be worth a video posted on the net!
snip

Without question. But alas, I only have a Hi8 recorder, so someone
else'll have to do the filming....

Which thing would that be exactly?

Yes...do tell....

Again, I revert to the bookbag and run... Since we are recreating our
childhood, isn't this a staple? LOLOL

I thought that was potatoes? Maybe it's a paperclip.....

Lord knows a ROCK has more fashion sense than I. I need all the help I
can
get.

We only have your word for this. Maybe you're better than you give yourself
credit for.

You could post a pic, for general discussion....

LOL

Cele

Just look for my pic on any of the fashion sites in the "DON'T" section.......
That would be me.

Oh, you must be wearing the same things I am, then. Value Village,
provider of haute couture....

LOL

Cele

"Purchgdss" wrote in message
...

Seems I grew up and got boring.

Well get back to your roots MAN!

I'll try and my roots aren't grey so maybe that'll make it easier.

Heh, typically when the roots go grey (or the absence of roots take over,
depending on your mother's genetic contribution) is when it seems to
become
easiest to revert.

I seem to have selected the second option.

Grandchildren have a way of reminding you of the wonders of
bubbles and catapillars that we loose in the years of cycles between
our own childhood, our children's childhood, and our grandchildrens.

I'll take your word for it. I'm still a big kid at heart myself.

But no need to wait for that.

Agreed, I'm not good at waiting.

Being Child-LIKE is what keeps us from premature "oldness".

I agree but how would you define premature?

Anything before the grave.

Works for me. :-)

Nothing better than a good swing at the park or a great sprinkler at
the
neighbors (or even your own!)

Agreed again but is that an invitation?

Sure! My backyard swing and sprinkler are always open to all! Heh, maybe
instead of a meeting somewhere in the middle of North America where it's
cold,
we should all meet in the south in the summer for a swinging and sprinkler
party. Embarass our teenagers and thrill our younger ones!.......

Sounds like a decent plan, let me know when you've finished the organising.

Hey that could work! Someone loan me a younger child for a week so I can
torment my Teen....

Mine'll be 11 if that's any help. Not that young but in a teens eyes maybe.

snip

Well that could very well work..... I DO have a thing for the men ya
know.
;-D

Which thing would that be exactly?

C'mere and let me hit you with my book bag and run away..... (j/k).

Okay. Where was it you said you lived?

Lord knows a ROCK has more fashion sense than I. I need all the help I
can get.

We only have your word for this. Maybe you're better than you give
yourself
credit for.

sigh At the risk of embarassing myself, this has been drilled into me by
my
friends who are honest enough to send me home to re-coordinate my colors.

Some friends they are. A true friend would let you dress any way you
liked...

....on the basis you'd always make them look good by comparison. ;-)

Whoda thunk Flourescent Orange and plum purple would create such a scene.
0;-D

Not me.


--
Paul Griffiths

"Istara" wrote in message
. ..
Purchgdss wrote:

snip

Nothing better than a good swing at the park or a great sprinkler at
the
neighbors (or even your own!)

Agreed again but is that an invitation?

Sure! My backyard swing and sprinkler are always open to all! Heh,
maybe
instead of a meeting somewhere in the middle of North America where it's
cold,
we should all meet in the south in the summer for a swinging and
sprinkler
party. Embarass our teenagers and thrill our younger ones!.......

Hey that could work! Someone loan me a younger child for a week so I
can
torment my Teen....

Hmm... We live in The South - in Georgia, USA - in a semi-sub-tropical
sort of climate. We have a swingset... A sprinkler... A 3-foot snap-set
swimming pool... A dog to run with... and an acre-plus back yard. We do
hay-rides with the lawn tractor and utility trailer, around Halloween.

So far so good.

You can borrow my nine-year-old (as long as you have him back by
bed-time)... And we ALWAYS have bubble stuff under the kitchen sink. :-)
You wouldn't want to be here in high summer - temps run around 100
degrees with 90+ % humidity during most of July and August - but April
thru June and early September are usually perfect for sprinkler parties
and cook-outs. :-)

Sounds like another good plan. Gonna be a busy year next year. :-))

snip

Lord knows a ROCK has more fashion sense than I. I need all the help I
can get.

We only have your word for this. Maybe you're better than you give
yourself
credit for.

sigh At the risk of embarassing myself, this has been drilled into me
by my
friends who are honest enough to send me home to re-coordinate my
colors.
Whoda thunk Flourescent Orange and plum purple would create such a
scene. 0;-D

Hey, at least you wear COLORS. I usually get sent home - if my friends
can find me - because I'm wearing such blah colors that I fade into the
background scenery. :-)

Spent much time in Special Forces have you?


--
Paul Griffiths