If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
I wanted to start this thread because of the experiences of some posters whose
dads or NCPs were/are not nurturers. My dad was of the same mindset and now aging with terminal illness, has a lot of regrets. Now, he tells us all the time that he loves us. He didn't do that when we were kids. His role was discipline and income (which was basically the same role my mother had--not much nurturing on either side there). Anyway, over the past few years I have seen a lot of dads in very different roles. My husband has been the primary caregiver of our two young sons since my "accident" in 1998--Primary in the sense of about 60/40. After my divorce from my first husband, I lived in a 4 unit apt. building in which there were two custodial dads. These dads' NCP moms had no contact with and provided no child support to the CP dads. Both dads were very nurturing and did an excellent job with those kids each realizing that they had to compensate for detached mothers. One worked two jobs by necessity and relied heavily on neighbors to keep an eye on his kids. They were well-behaved so that wasn't a problem. Even though he was quite young he had *no* social life by choice. My first husband was a nurturer in his own way. He loved his boys and still does. He didn't parent exactly the way I did but he had that right as the boys were just as much his as mine. I think sometimes mothers demand that fathers parent by a set of rules provided by her (as in Bob's perception of how some mothers drive dads away from parenting by being too critical). I was an "eat your dinner or you can't have dessert" type mom and my ex was a "don't eat too much or you won't have room for dessert" kinda dad. I had to do a lot of tongue-biting. This is called balancing or compensating for each other's parenting flaws. My flaw was over-protecting. His flaw was allowing them to get too close to the edge before pulling them back. Yet, it has been clear that his boys were the most important people in his life--they still are. We adopted our first son and I became pregnant soon after. Those boys are 18 months apart and now in their mid twenties are still inseparable. Anyway, our adopted son's then 18 yr. old bio dad struggled terribly when the baby was born and the mother decided to place him in an adoptive home. We did not know the dad at the time (I did locate him when my son was about 13), but the caseworker told us of his torment of realizing adoption was the best thing to do for the child. Although their reunion has been something of a rollercoaster ride, his bio dad has been in frequent and continuing contact since. He was one very grateful dad when we located him after all those years. He never expected to see his child again. My son's bio dad took him to meet his bio mom during one visit (against my wishes). She seemed happy to see him and said she would keep in touch but he never heard from her again. That was my fear for him. I have one more story to tell. I was recently in the outpatient waiting room at a children's hospital and there was a dad there with his terminally ill son. That dad spent his entire waiting time conversing with the waiting moms about his son's medicines and care. It was clear this dad was the primary caregiver. I do not know whether he was single but he sure was the main player in the boy's life and that little boy (a toddler) was very well cared for. So, while we hear about some loser and semi-loser dads around here, I wanted to recognize that dad's role has evolved significantly over the last decades and as a group, they are much more involved in their childrens' lives--at school functions and meetings as well as sporting events and doctor's offices and they deserve every bit of credit for their role as nurturers to their children. Bad or indifferent dads are the exception as are bad moms and there is absolutely no reason for denying 50/50 physical custody with the exceptions recognized--I can't help wondering how many of those "bad dads" would be good dads if they had been given that right/responsibility from the start. Denying fathers the right to raise their children also denys their children the right to their father's nurturing. (PLEASE NOTE: I never bottom-sign my posts. Check Headers to Verify the Authenticity of This Post) |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
Gini52 wrote:
I wanted to start this thread because of the experiences of some posters whose dads or NCPs were/are not nurturers. snipped for brevity purposes Excellent post. Thank you. The positive side does need to be stressed, also. -- Whose cruel idea was it to put an 's' in the word lisp? |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
Gini52 wrote:
I wanted to start this thread because of the experiences of some posters whose dads or NCPs were/are not nurturers. snipped for brevity purposes Excellent post. Thank you. The positive side does need to be stressed, also. -- Whose cruel idea was it to put an 's' in the word lisp? |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
Gini52 wrote:
I wanted to start this thread because of the experiences of some posters whose dads or NCPs were/are not nurturers. snipped for brevity purposes Excellent post. Thank you. The positive side does need to be stressed, also. -- Whose cruel idea was it to put an 's' in the word lisp? |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
I can't help wondering how many of those "bad dads" would be good dads if they had been given that right/responsibility from the start. Denying fathers the right to raise their children also denys their children the right to their father's nurturing. Beautiful post. |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
I can't help wondering how many of those "bad dads" would be good dads if they had been given that right/responsibility from the start. Denying fathers the right to raise their children also denys their children the right to their father's nurturing. Beautiful post. |
#7
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
I can't help wondering how many of those "bad dads" would be good dads if they had been given that right/responsibility from the start. Denying fathers the right to raise their children also denys their children the right to their father's nurturing. Beautiful post. |
#8
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
Gini52 wrote:
I wanted to start this thread because of the experiences of some posters whose dads or NCPs were/are not nurturers. Snip Thanks, Gini. You brought a tear to my eye. - Ron ^*^ |
#9
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
Gini52 wrote:
I wanted to start this thread because of the experiences of some posters whose dads or NCPs were/are not nurturers. Snip Thanks, Gini. You brought a tear to my eye. - Ron ^*^ |
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Recognizing Good Dads
Gini52 wrote:
I wanted to start this thread because of the experiences of some posters whose dads or NCPs were/are not nurturers. Snip Thanks, Gini. You brought a tear to my eye. - Ron ^*^ |
|
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
misc.kids FAQ on Good things about having kids | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | July 29th 04 05:16 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on breastpumps, Part 1/2 | Beth Weiss | Info and FAQ's | 1 | May 4th 04 01:59 PM |
misc.kids FAQ on breastpumps, Part 1/2 | Beth Weiss | Info and FAQ's | 1 | April 18th 04 01:54 PM |
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | March 18th 04 10:11 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | December 15th 03 10:42 AM |