How should I react to my wifes pregnancy test??

I recently got married and my wife is now two weeks late. She did an
EPT home pregnancy test after one week being late, but it came back
negative. She later said that she had been drinking a ton of water and
the urine was clear, so we're trying again in the morning since
another week has passed... her breasts are still swollen like she's
getting her period and she says she's had some minor cramps... so I
don't know what to expect tomorrow when we retest...

The thing is, if the test is positive, I would be pretty excited, but
I don't think she'll be too excited (she would NEVER get an abortion
though).

Any suggestions on what the best thing to say is, in either scenario,
positive or not... I don't want to seem really happy if she's not
because that might freak her out... but then if I'm cavalier about it
she might think I'm not sensitive???

Hi Jay

Maybe you should discuss this before she takes the test.

When I told my lovely DH that I was pregnant he said "You're gonna get
fat" - anything else you would say would be better :-))))

Camille (the fat one - damn I hate it when he's right)
EDD 17 May 2004
"Jay Golden" wrote in message
om...
I recently got married and my wife is now two weeks late. She did an
EPT home pregnancy test after one week being late, but it came back
negative. She later said that she had been drinking a ton of water and
the urine was clear, so we're trying again in the morning since
another week has passed... her breasts are still swollen like she's
getting her period and she says she's had some minor cramps... so I
don't know what to expect tomorrow when we retest...

The thing is, if the test is positive, I would be pretty excited, but
I don't think she'll be too excited (she would NEVER get an abortion
though).

Any suggestions on what the best thing to say is, in either scenario,
positive or not... I don't want to seem really happy if she's not
because that might freak her out... but then if I'm cavalier about it
she might think I'm not sensitive???

Jay Golden wrote:

I recently got married and my wife is now two weeks late. She did an
EPT home pregnancy test after one week being late, but it came back
negative. She later said that she had been drinking a ton of water and
the urine was clear, so we're trying again in the morning since
another week has passed... her breasts are still swollen like she's
getting her period and she says she's had some minor cramps... so I
don't know what to expect tomorrow when we retest...

The thing is, if the test is positive, I would be pretty excited, but
I don't think she'll be too excited (she would NEVER get an abortion
though).

Any suggestions on what the best thing to say is, in either scenario,
positive or not... I don't want to seem really happy if she's not
because that might freak her out... but then if I'm cavalier about it
she might think I'm not sensitive???


Well, I've always been a fan of honesty, myself. I would rather know
exactly what my husband is feeling. I don't know your wife, though.

On 16 Mar 2004 15:39:57 -0800, (Jay Golden)
wrote:

Any suggestions on what the best thing to say is, in either scenario,
positive or not... I don't want to seem really happy if she's not
because that might freak her out... but then if I'm cavalier about it
she might think I'm not sensitive???

If you haven't had a chance to discuss this before she takes the test
- ask her how she feels about it. If she appears unsure tell her what
you have told us basically .

I knew each time I took a test what DHs response would be (be the test
positive or negative).

If the test is negative it might also be a good time to sit down and
talk about what and when and if children are on the grand plan .

Di

"Jay Golden" wrote in message
om...
I recently got married and my wife is now two weeks late. She did an
EPT home pregnancy test after one week being late, but it came back
negative. She later said that she had been drinking a ton of water and
the urine was clear, so we're trying again in the morning since
another week has passed... her breasts are still swollen like she's
getting her period and she says she's had some minor cramps... so I
don't know what to expect tomorrow when we retest...

The thing is, if the test is positive, I would be pretty excited, but
I don't think she'll be too excited (she would NEVER get an abortion
though).

Any suggestions on what the best thing to say is, in either scenario,
positive or not... I don't want to seem really happy if she's not
because that might freak her out... but then if I'm cavalier about it
she might think I'm not sensitive???

Honestly, I think you should express what you are feeling. Lying to one's
spouse about something important never did anyone any good. You're happy.
It's ok to say "Hey, I think this is great!". If she isn't as excited as
you, that's ok, as well. What you are feeling is perfectly natural, as are
her feelings. As long as no one is saying "You're a bad person for feeling
the way you do.", I *really* don't see any value in faking something you
aren't feeling.

Donna

(Jay Golden) wrote:
The thing is, if the test is positive, I would be pretty excited, but
I don't think she'll be too excited (she would NEVER get an abortion
though).

Any suggestions on what the best thing to say is, in either scenario,
positive or not...

Being sensitive means putting your feelings aside for a time while
you find out what her feelings are. Ask her. Be careful to ask
questions that are (a) non-judgemental and (b) not secret demands
for what you want. E.g., a quick path to a huge marital fight is
to whine "but before we got married you said you wanted children;
and now you don't?!"

Remember she is allowed to feel ambivalent about getting pregnant.
It is a very demanding, uncomfortable, sometimes life-threatening,
always permanently life-changing process, regardless of outcome.

Positive test or not, she probably will need some comforting hugs
and kisses.

Pologirl

"Cam & Shane" wrote in message
Maybe you should discuss this before she takes the test.

When I told my lovely DH that I was pregnant he said "You're gonna get
fat" - anything else you would say would be better :-))))

My DH made the mistake of calling me a "chub-wallop" once when I was
pregnant. It was a total joke, but I never let him forget his cruel verbal
abuse of a vulnerable pregnant woman ;-)

I weighed 147 the day I gave birth to my son (and I'm 5'7"), so I don't
think I ever truly made it to chub-wallop status!

--
Em
mama to L-baby, almost 6 months old!

"Jay Golden" wrote
Any suggestions on what the best thing to say is, in either scenario,
positive or not... I don't want to seem really happy if she's not
because that might freak her out... but then if I'm cavalier about it
she might think I'm not sensitive???

I thought my husband and I were on the level and both really wanting kids.
It happened so fast we got pregnant the very first month. My husband seemed
a bit reluctant to TTC, I was enthusiastic. When I had a funny feeling that
I was pregnant we waited until a few days before my period was due and I
took one of the early response tests and it showed up positive. I was
shocked and scared speechless, my husband was not surprised and was happy.
So in both scenarios we were the opposite of each other, lol. In fact, he
was starting to wonder about me because I was so much more scared about what
I had gotten myself into and started having doubts I was ready, even though
I WAITED to TTC until I was ready.

It was a confusing time. No matter if you think you're ready or not. So my
suggestion is for you to seem happy about it but also pay close attention
and be sensitive to how SHE's feeling, and most of all, be reassuring. If
she's happy let her know you are. If she's nervous or reluctant, let her
know you are happy but don't go overboard with it. Let her adjust to her own
feelings. But, definitely, let her know you are ok with it!

Jill

"Cam & Shane" wrote in message
...
Hi Jay

Maybe you should discuss this before she takes the test.

When I told my lovely DH that I was pregnant he said "You're gonna get
fat" - anything else you would say would be better :-))))


Good advice, talk about it beforehand! LOL on the husband's comment. My own
husband said something equally bad IMO. He said "All right!! We have a
15-pounder in the hatcher!" I fully expected him to pound on his chest and
scream "ooga booga" eyeroll, but he WAS just teasing me- he knows I am
easy to annoy.

I'd love for DH to just call me fat. He's found the many words for manatee,
sea cow, dugong...not very nice to be woken up by a comment like "How's my
lovely dugong this morning?", esp at 23 weeks!

"Cam & Shane" wrote in message
...
Hi Jay

Maybe you should discuss this before she takes the test.

When I told my lovely DH that I was pregnant he said "You're gonna get
fat" - anything else you would say would be better :-))))

Camille (the fat one - damn I hate it when he's right)
EDD 17 May 2004
"Jay Golden" wrote in message
om...
I recently got married and my wife is now two weeks late. She did an
EPT home pregnancy test after one week being late, but it came back
negative. She later said that she had been drinking a ton of water and
the urine was clear, so we're trying again in the morning since
another week has passed... her breasts are still swollen like she's
getting her period and she says she's had some minor cramps... so I
don't know what to expect tomorrow when we retest...

The thing is, if the test is positive, I would be pretty excited, but
I don't think she'll be too excited (she would NEVER get an abortion
though).

Any suggestions on what the best thing to say is, in either scenario,
positive or not... I don't want to seem really happy if she's not
because that might freak her out... but then if I'm cavalier about it
she might think I'm not sensitive???