Mommys groups

beyond the pale wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote branch that "accepts my zip code"
not the one that's right next door
I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that those rules have
to do with making sure one chapter doesn't poach another chapter's
territory.


Yes, that's exactly what they said. It doesn't make sense though- what do
they care which one I want to join?? Do they want the money? Is there some
benefit to having 71 members instead of 70? .......? I think both local
groups are large enough that it shouldn't seem to matter, but, it does for
some reason.

What they care is that each group have a fighting chance.
Otherwise, if one group starts to be more popular than the other,
people from surrounding areas will ditch their group in favor of
the more popular one. Or, folks from less prestigious neighborhoods
will go join the group from more prestigious (in their eyes)
neighborhoods. This can set off a cycle where the good groups
get better (more people, more resources), and the other groups
get worse (fewer people, fewer resources). So, it's in the
interests of the national group (and any local groups that might
lose out in a competitive market) to set up territories and stick
to them. Sure, one person doesn't make much of a difference,
but as with all of these things, if you're going to make exceptions,
where do you draw the line? They choose to draw the boundaries and
stick with them rather than get drawn into arguments over how far
out of the boundaries is too far out to make an exception.
This may not sound like much, but if you have ever
worked with any groups that have similar issues to deal with,
you very quickly realize that every person has an excuse why
*their* case is different, and there are hordes of unreasonable
people out there who will punish you for every reasonable
exception that you make ("But you let *her* do it..."). That
doesn't make it right, but it does make it somewhat understandable
why they go in that direction. That's one of the reasons I didn't
have an urge to deal with a playgroup that was that formalized.
I have to deal with enough of organizations that are large
enough to have to have rules (and deal with enough frustrations
from people who won't follow the rules, whine about the rules,
or get riled up when reasonable exceptions are made for someone
else).

Best wishes,
Ericka

"beyond the pale" wrote in message
...
"Puester" wrote in message
...
beyond the pale wrote:
Are those Mommy's groups, and stay at home Mom's clubs etc usually such
pains in the butt to deal with?

Yes.

I am way too old to have ever been involved, but an online group I read
has lots of women all over the country who belong and every one is
frazzled dealing with the unnecessary bureaucracy and rules involved.

If they won't listen to your explanation about living close to that
group, I'm afraid you are out of luck. They don't often back down.

Yep, what a bunch of b*ll.

gloria p

Really??? This is news to me. I mean, they all advertise themselves as a
good network of friends for mothers, supportive, and all that. But that's
what struck me when I observed the group having the get-together on the
playground, there was actually one person who was standing at the gazebo
supervising things, not involved but just seemed to be running things. I
approached her with questions and she menttioned right away that the
members pay dues in order to belong, almost as if she was making it clear
that the kids would not be allowed to play with kids on the playground
that don't "belong".

That does sound like it came across as very exclusionary. So if you happen
to be at the park at the same time, they won't talk to you, or let their
kids play with yours? Lordy.

Very odd- I mean, obviously, if dues are involved, you pay them for the
benefit of participating, but they didn't seem to be that friendly. And if
they are that nitpicky about memebers it does seem to be bull. I'd be much
more understanding if they insist on background checks, like I said, but
what's the point of excluding based on an address, if you're local?? The
group that excluded me today is a FREE group, no dues, and I wanted to
join mainly to have access to their online forums so we can discuss local
things, but also, I would like to attend park play dates. I bet you money
that there are quite a few members whose kids see my daughter's
pediatrician- he is excellent. Now if I lived too far away would I
possibly have DD be a patient of his?? It's quite weird. Another funny
thing, this is a large metro area, and they accept an entire county. I am
sure I live closer in proximity to MANY of the members, than some of the
other members do. I live 10 minutes down the road potentially to members
in the area I am interested in, those who live in the South side of the
county live 30 minutes away.

The national group, MOMS Club or whatever, will take me of course but only
the branch that "accepts my zip code" not the one that's right next door

I belong to a neighborhood moms group. Our neighborhood is in a valley, and
the oldest neighborhoods are 8 years old, and the newest ones are still
being built. Our valley is actually 1.5 miles off the freeway, and 3-5
miles from the nearest shopping areas, and about 10 miles from our city
center. We are out on the northern boundary of our county. We could join
the official Mom's club for our city, but decided to start our own,
unofficially. A few of the neighborhood moms actually belonged to the
official one, and participated in our local one, and they said that there
was a lot of reverse snobbery against those of us who lived out in our
valley. They think we're all rich and swimming in money, which we're not.
They think that everyone who lives out here wants to change our zip code so
that we aren't associated with our city, which we don't. They think that we
all think that we're better than them, which we don't. Funny thing is, we
don't think about them at all...anyway, I digress...

We don't have fees or dues. We have an e-mail list. We have monthly coffee
mornings and whiney afternoons, we arrange park play dates, and sometimes
try to organize field trips or girls nights out. We throw baby showers for
those moms who are pregnant that we know and have participated, and we
deliver meals every other day for two weeks after the baby is born, again
for the moms that we know and who have been participating.

We only allow moms who live in our neighborhood, except for 2-3 moms. 1 was
brought in as a friend of a friend, and actually lives a town away, and the
other two originally lived here and then moved to other neighoring cities --
both are literally 3-4 miles away but considered another city and county.
But in both of those cases, they wanted to stay connected to the friends
that they made, so we let them stay. But in general, if someone e-mails and
asks to join, we don't let them unless they live in our neighborhood. At
the same time, if one of our members e-mailed her friends and told them when
we'd be in the park, they'd be welcomed and be able stay, hang out,
converse, etc.

Our particular moms group was started and continues as a way to meet
neighbors in our specific valley and neighborhood, as a way to feel more
small town and "neighborly".

Anyway, that's just one specific reason why a group might not allow people
from other areas to join. Ericka mentioned a few other reasons.

I'm sorry that you were pushed away. I hope you can join the other group,
even if it means a slightly longer drive. You can always suggest meetings
at the other park -- it's not like you wouldn't be allowed to meet at
different locations, you just can't be from those locations!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

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"Jamie Clark" wrote
Our particular moms group was started and continues as a way to meet
neighbors in our specific valley and neighborhood, as a way to feel more
small town and "neighborly".

Anyway, that's just one specific reason why a group might not allow people
from other areas to join. Ericka mentioned a few other reasons.


That's pretty understandable. I can understand someone wanting a group to
exist for a neighborhood, or whatever. Also, moms who belong to the
neighborhood group can always join broader groups as well (if she wants
to--if my neighborhood had a small, tight group, I might not even want to
join a larger one). I could start one for my neighborhood, but I don't know
anyone.

Another issue I have with trying to start a group that I can understand
would be an even larger issue for larger groups is safety. How do these
groups trust people anyway? I mean, they advertise Mom's mornings out where
you leave your kid at someone's house and go out with the girls- then in
turn you have a morning to keep everyone's kids. This would be hard to jump
into with people you don't know, and who don't know you. This is a case
where having a neighborhood group would be more trustworthy. I think.

I've given a lot of thought to starting something up and it's always issues
of safety and trust that make me hesitate. I wish I knew more people with
kids but they either have newborns or kids years older than DD. Years away
on either side. We might be moving soon and if we move where husband is
trying to transfer his job, there's a girl exactly my daughter's age, and
we've known her parents for years- DH has known her mom for life. That will
be fantastic and if I get there, the two of us can start something together.
It's just where I'm at right now, it's hard. I don't know why it's so hard
here in particular. Probably simply because I don't know the right mix of
people. Like I said, I have single friends, no kids, and friends who had
kids way sooner than me so their kids are almost teens now, and then
friends who just had babies so they have newborns. Of course, I'm going to
have a newborn at New Year's. I should add, I am pretty shy...and very
introverted. This doesn't help. It might be the key. I have been shy my
entire life. My DD is my polar opposite, she's very outgoing and loves
attention. Which IMO is fantastic. It's hard to be shy...

"beyond the pale" wrote in message
...

"Jamie Clark" wrote
Our particular moms group was started and continues as a way to meet
neighbors in our specific valley and neighborhood, as a way to feel more
small town and "neighborly".

Anyway, that's just one specific reason why a group might not allow
people from other areas to join. Ericka mentioned a few other reasons.


That's pretty understandable. I can understand someone wanting a group to
exist for a neighborhood, or whatever. Also, moms who belong to the
neighborhood group can always join broader groups as well (if she wants
to--if my neighborhood had a small, tight group, I might not even want to
join a larger one). I could start one for my neighborhood, but I don't
know anyone.

That's how you get to know people, though. Really, starting a group isn't
hard. Set up a Yahoo Group for your mom's group, name it after your street,
neighborhood, or whatever. The EastSideMoms, or WildwoodMoms, etc. Then
hang out at the very nearby local park or coffee house, and pounce on any
mom you see with a kid within 2 years of yours. Even if the kid is older,
they might have a baby in the next year or so, so they'd be back in your age
range. You could make up little postcards or flyers or cards with your
name, phone number, e-mail address and the name of the moms group that you
are starting, and you'll get people calling. Even if your group only has
3-4 other moms, at this point, it's a start, and you'll have more people
join by word of mouth -- each person will likely tell their friend or
neighbor, etc. Then if you get enough people with enough variation in kids
ages, you can break off into age related groups on certain things.

Another issue I have with trying to start a group that I can understand
would be an even larger issue for larger groups is safety. How do these
groups trust people anyway? I mean, they advertise Mom's mornings out
where you leave your kid at someone's house and go out with the girls-
then in turn you have a morning to keep everyone's kids. This would be
hard to jump into with people you don't know, and who don't know you. This
is a case where having a neighborhood group would be more trustworthy. I
think.

I've never worried about trust issues, but at this point, we've never had a
"moms morning out" type of thing. All we do at this point via the group is
Coffee Mornings or Whiney Afternoons at people's houses. The hostess
provides the beverages and munchies, and can also ask people to bring
additional munchies. People RSVP via the yahoo group, and/or just show up.
So the only people that are being invited are the people who you have
subscribed to your e-mail list.

After 6 months or so, you'll have bonded and clicked with a few of the moms,
and then if you want to, you can set up babysitting swaps, or moms mornings
out, etc. I think part of the reason that we've never done it is that I
don't know exactly how it's organized, in terms of making sure that the
people who are having a morning out also do some kid watching later. To
make sure it's even. But even so, we do often post about needing an
emergency sitter here or there, and someone from the list will offer, and
then you offer when they need it later, and it all works out. I've never
background checked anyone, but I've been to their house and met their
families, etc. I feel pretty comfortable with everyone that I've meet in
our group so far. And perhaps it helps that we all live in the same
neighborhood.

I've given a lot of thought to starting something up and it's always
issues of safety and trust that make me hesitate. I wish I knew more
people with kids but they either have newborns or kids years older than
DD. Years away on either side. We might be moving soon and if we move
where husband is trying to transfer his job, there's a girl exactly my
daughter's age, and we've known her parents for years- DH has known her
mom for life. That will be fantastic and if I get there, the two of us can
start something together. It's just where I'm at right now, it's hard. I
don't know why it's so hard here in particular. Probably simply because I
don't know the right mix of people. Like I said, I have single friends, no
kids, and friends who had kids way sooner than me so their kids are
almost teens now, and then friends who just had babies so they have
newborns. Of course, I'm going to have a newborn at New Year's. I should
add, I am pretty shy...and very introverted. This doesn't help. It
might be the key. I have been shy my entire life. My DD is my polar
opposite, she's very outgoing and loves attention. Which IMO is fantastic.
It's hard to be shy...

Honestly, give it a try. What do you have to lose? Our group was
originally about 6 moms who rotated hostessing each month. They were
actually in a sub-neighborhood of ours. One of them invited me to come
along, and I got on their informal mailing list (just a group of names). I
suggested moving it over to Yahoo Groups, and now we have about 30 moms.
There are about 10 that I haven't met yet, some are working moms, and some
just haven't come to any events. So I really only worry about those who
show up and participate, you know? Those are the people that I've become
close to, whose kids birthday parties we go to, that we throw showers for,
or make meals for, etc.

Our group has no president, no leader, etc. We have people who have
volunteered to be in charge of meal scheduling, and when someone has a baby,
someone who is close to her steps up for the shower, but we all lend a hand
in terms of bringing food, etc. We have a list of months for the Coffee
Mornings and Whiney Afternoons which gets automatically posted to the group
each month. Any open months either go without an event, or someone will
post "I'll take the November Coffee Morning!" and then in late October or
early November, they pick their date and post the details to the group. Who
ever can go, goes, and whoever doesn't want to, doesn't. Most of our events
are during the week, because most of us are SAH, but anyone who is a member
is welcome to post and host an event, so there could be evening or weekend
events, hosted by working moms. After a request for more weekend events for
working moms, I scheduled a Whiney Afternoon on a Sunday, but unfortunately,
no working moms came. But maybe I'll do another one.

We also encourage random posts about what we call "field trips." Things
like -- "Hey, we're going to Discovery Kingdom on Thursday at 10:00am, feel
free to join us. Here is my cell phone, call me and we can meet up." Or
similar posts about the zoo, or shopping in certain areas, or the upcoming
free Family Film Festival but on by Regal Cinemas, which means two free kids
movies two mornings a week for about 8 weeks.

Make use of your outgoing DD. Let her go up and talk to another kid, or
even a mom with a baby, and then she's broken the ice and you can say hello,
smile, and ask them if they are interested in joining a new moms group.

As I said, what have you got to lose? And even if you move away, once it's
set up, it can continue on. Go ahead, I dare you...LOL!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
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On Jun 11, 5:39 am, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
beyond the pale wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote branch that "accepts my zip code"
not the one that's right next door
I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that those rules have
to do with making sure one chapter doesn't poach another chapter's
territory.

Yes, that's exactly what they said. It doesn't make sense though- what do
they care which one Iwanttojoin?? Do theywantthe money? Is there some
benefit to having 71 members instead of 70? .......? I think both local
groupsare large enough that it shouldn't seem to matter, but, it does for
some reason.

What they care is that each group have a fighting chance.
Otherwise, if one group starts to be more popular than the other,
people from surrounding areas will ditch their group in favor of
the more popular one. Or, folks from less prestigious neighborhoods
will gojointhe group from more prestigious (in their eyes)
neighborhoods. This can set off a cycle where the goodgroups
get better (more people, more resources), and the othergroups
get worse (fewer people, fewer resources). So, it's in the
interests of the national group (and any localgroupsthat might
lose out in a competitive market) to set up territories and stick
to them. Sure, one person doesn't make much of a difference,
but as with all of these things, if you're going to make exceptions,
where do you draw the line? They choose to draw the boundaries and
stick with them rather than get drawn into arguments over how far
out of the boundaries is too far out to make an exception.
This may not sound like much, but if you have ever
worked with anygroupsthat have similar issues to deal with,
you very quickly realize that every person has an excuse why
*their* case is different, and there are hordes of unreasonable
people out there who will punish you for every reasonable
exception that you make ("But you let *her* do it..."). That
doesn't make it right, but it does make it somewhat understandable
why they go in that direction. That's one of the reasons I didn't
have an urge to deal with a playgroup that was that formalized.
I have to deal with enough of organizations that are large
enough to have to have rules (and deal with enough frustrations
from people who won't follow the rules, whine about the rules,
or get riled up when reasonable exceptions are made for someone
else).

Best wishes,
Ericka

I am sorry about my problems but I don't know the rules on the gmail
groups .can you teach me what can i do now.

wrote in message
oups.com...
On Jun 11, 5:39 am, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
beyond the pale wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote branch that "accepts my zip
code"
not the one that's right next door
I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that those rules have
to do with making sure one chapter doesn't poach another chapter's
territory.

Yes, that's exactly what they said. It doesn't make sense though- what
do
they care which one Iwanttojoin?? Do theywantthe money? Is there some
benefit to having 71 members instead of 70? .......? I think both local
groupsare large enough that it shouldn't seem to matter, but, it does
for
some reason.

What they care is that each group have a fighting chance.
Otherwise, if one group starts to be more popular than the other,
people from surrounding areas will ditch their group in favor of
the more popular one. Or, folks from less prestigious neighborhoods
will gojointhe group from more prestigious (in their eyes)
neighborhoods. This can set off a cycle where the goodgroups
get better (more people, more resources), and the othergroups
get worse (fewer people, fewer resources). So, it's in the
interests of the national group (and any localgroupsthat might
lose out in a competitive market) to set up territories and stick
to them. Sure, one person doesn't make much of a difference,
but as with all of these things, if you're going to make exceptions,
where do you draw the line? They choose to draw the boundaries and
stick with them rather than get drawn into arguments over how far
out of the boundaries is too far out to make an exception.
This may not sound like much, but if you have ever
worked with anygroupsthat have similar issues to deal with,
you very quickly realize that every person has an excuse why
*their* case is different, and there are hordes of unreasonable
people out there who will punish you for every reasonable
exception that you make ("But you let *her* do it..."). That
doesn't make it right, but it does make it somewhat understandable
why they go in that direction. That's one of the reasons I didn't
have an urge to deal with a playgroup that was that formalized.
I have to deal with enough of organizations that are large
enough to have to have rules (and deal with enough frustrations
from people who won't follow the rules, whine about the rules,
or get riled up when reasonable exceptions are made for someone
else).

Best wishes,
Ericka

I am sorry about my problems but I don't know the rules on the gmail
groups .can you teach me what can i do now.


Ericka was talking about real life Mommy Groups, not gmail or usenet groups.
: )

--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04