Gay relationships?

I don't know if this is absolutely silly, and I am by NO means trying to
start some heated debate with this, but I do have to ask...

I am all for relationships... Same sex OR different sex. I'm all for it
just because I don't care if a man or woman makes someone happy. It doesn't
concern me at all, really, nor does it bother me. I also feel that 2 people
really going at eachother on a park bench with 'public displays of
affection' bothers me the same amount no matter who it is, but I also really
do like the sight of holding hands or showing affection between a couple...
If that makes any sense.

I'm just asking about this mainly because DS has said some things that sort
of bother me and it is something I do think should be discussed. I just
don't want to approach it in the wrong way.

When DS was mad at me, he called me a faggot or something similar to that.
It kind of blew me away a little, and those kinds of words just don't appear
around here. I just assumed he picked it up at school, or more likely from
the kids around the neighbourhood.
I also have a very close and good cousin that is gay. He came out with it
almost 2 years ago now, although he was shocked (when he told me) that I
wasn't even a little surprised. I knew for quite a while that he was I
also have absolutely no problem with it. It doesn't change anything about
him or how I think or see him. This cousin is also DS' godfather. He's
listed as his godfather on DS' baptismal certificate and he's very close
with DS as well.
My cousin is in his early 30s, lives in a house with his boyfriend (that I
absolutely love as he's a great guy) and it's really no secret. It's also
nothing that is always discussed in the family, and I find my aunt and uncle
(his parents) seem to be the only ones that seem to be the ones that are the
least open to talk about it, sort of, which I can understand might be a bit
of a sensitive subject for them. They have not changed how they feel about
their son one bit, neither has anyone in the family. It's just a reality we
all seem to accept and be just fine with, but it's not ever the topic of
convo at family meals
My cousin and his boyfriend live together, attend family things (Christmas,
Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, birthdays, etc) together. On birthday cards to
the kids, the card is signed from Uncle Jay and Uncle Mike. Cards are read
to the kids like that, and it's not something anyone thinks about.
DS is almost 8, though. This "You're a faggot" (or maybe I was a gaylord??)
is just not acceptable to me. I feel I have a perfect example of a same-sex
relationship that is directly related to us to use to explain to DS that
these kinds of words aren't really nice to use like he has and tell him that
although I am not gay, there's nothing wrong with it - or something.
Am I just making a mountain of this all? I don't want to sit and yell at
him over something like this, but is it possible to explain things like that
to a child his age? Should I even bother?

"Kat" wrote in message ...
I don't know if this is absolutely silly, and I am by NO means trying to
start some heated debate with this, but I do have to ask...

I am all for relationships... Same sex OR different sex. I'm all for it
just because I don't care if a man or woman makes someone happy. It
doesn't concern me at all, really, nor does it bother me. I also feel
that 2 people really going at eachother on a park bench with 'public
displays of affection' bothers me the same amount no matter who it is, but
I also really do like the sight of holding hands or showing affection
between a couple... If that makes any sense.

I'm just asking about this mainly because DS has said some things that
sort of bother me and it is something I do think should be discussed. I
just don't want to approach it in the wrong way.

When DS was mad at me, he called me a faggot or something similar to that.
It kind of blew me away a little, and those kinds of words just don't
appear around here. I just assumed he picked it up at school, or more
likely from the kids around the neighbourhood.
I also have a very close and good cousin that is gay. He came out with it
almost 2 years ago now, although he was shocked (when he told me) that I
wasn't even a little surprised. I knew for quite a while that he was
I also have absolutely no problem with it. It doesn't change anything
about him or how I think or see him. This cousin is also DS' godfather.
He's listed as his godfather on DS' baptismal certificate and he's very
close with DS as well.
My cousin is in his early 30s, lives in a house with his boyfriend (that I
absolutely love as he's a great guy) and it's really no secret. It's also
nothing that is always discussed in the family, and I find my aunt and
uncle (his parents) seem to be the only ones that seem to be the ones that
are the least open to talk about it, sort of, which I can understand might
be a bit of a sensitive subject for them. They have not changed how they
feel about their son one bit, neither has anyone in the family. It's just
a reality we all seem to accept and be just fine with, but it's not ever
the topic of convo at family meals
My cousin and his boyfriend live together, attend family things
(Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, birthdays, etc) together. On
birthday cards to the kids, the card is signed from Uncle Jay and Uncle
Mike. Cards are read to the kids like that, and it's not something anyone
thinks about.
DS is almost 8, though. This "You're a faggot" (or maybe I was a
gaylord??) is just not acceptable to me. I feel I have a perfect example
of a same-sex relationship that is directly related to us to use to
explain to DS that these kinds of words aren't really nice to use like he
has and tell him that although I am not gay, there's nothing wrong with
it - or something.
Am I just making a mountain of this all? I don't want to sit and yell at
him over something like this, but is it possible to explain things like
that to a child his age? Should I even bother?
I think you're making a mountain, probably.
My oldest daughter (just turned 8yo) asked this summer what "gay" meant. She
reads a lot of Enid Blyton (who uses the original meaning) so I said "bright
and colourful or something. And her response was "why do the big boys at the
park use it to insult each other"?"
There's a good chance that all he knows is that it's a term used to insult
others. I'd just say to him it's not acceptable for him to use it, you could
ask what he thinks it means, but, personally, I wouldn't take it further.
Debbie

"Welches" wrote in message
...

"Kat" wrote in message ...
I don't know if this is absolutely silly, and I am by NO means trying to
start some heated debate with this, but I do have to ask...

I am all for relationships... Same sex OR different sex. I'm all for it
just because I don't care if a man or woman makes someone happy. It
doesn't concern me at all, really, nor does it bother me. I also feel
that 2 people really going at eachother on a park bench with 'public
displays of affection' bothers me the same amount no matter who it is,
but I also really do like the sight of holding hands or showing affection
between a couple... If that makes any sense.

I'm just asking about this mainly because DS has said some things that
sort of bother me and it is something I do think should be discussed. I
just don't want to approach it in the wrong way.

When DS was mad at me, he called me a faggot or something similar to
that. It kind of blew me away a little, and those kinds of words just
don't appear around here. I just assumed he picked it up at school, or
more likely from the kids around the neighbourhood.
I also have a very close and good cousin that is gay. He came out with
it almost 2 years ago now, although he was shocked (when he told me) that
I wasn't even a little surprised. I knew for quite a while that he was
I also have absolutely no problem with it. It doesn't change anything
about him or how I think or see him. This cousin is also DS' godfather.
He's listed as his godfather on DS' baptismal certificate and he's very
close with DS as well.
My cousin is in his early 30s, lives in a house with his boyfriend (that
I absolutely love as he's a great guy) and it's really no secret. It's
also nothing that is always discussed in the family, and I find my aunt
and uncle (his parents) seem to be the only ones that seem to be the ones
that are the least open to talk about it, sort of, which I can understand
might be a bit of a sensitive subject for them. They have not changed
how they feel about their son one bit, neither has anyone in the family.
It's just a reality we all seem to accept and be just fine with, but it's
not ever the topic of convo at family meals
My cousin and his boyfriend live together, attend family things
(Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, birthdays, etc) together. On
birthday cards to the kids, the card is signed from Uncle Jay and Uncle
Mike. Cards are read to the kids like that, and it's not something
anyone thinks about.
DS is almost 8, though. This "You're a faggot" (or maybe I was a
gaylord??) is just not acceptable to me. I feel I have a perfect example
of a same-sex relationship that is directly related to us to use to
explain to DS that these kinds of words aren't really nice to use like he
has and tell him that although I am not gay, there's nothing wrong with
it - or something.
Am I just making a mountain of this all? I don't want to sit and yell at
him over something like this, but is it possible to explain things like
that to a child his age? Should I even bother?
I think you're making a mountain, probably.
My oldest daughter (just turned 8yo) asked this summer what "gay" meant.
She reads a lot of Enid Blyton (who uses the original meaning) so I said
"bright and colourful or something. And her response was "why do the big
boys at the park use it to insult each other"?"
There's a good chance that all he knows is that it's a term used to insult
others. I'd just say to him it's not acceptable for him to use it, you
could ask what he thinks it means, but, personally, I wouldn't take it
further.
Debbie

It's also unacceptable for a child to call his parents insulting names,
whatever they are.

"Kat" wrote in message ...
When DS was mad at me, he called me a faggot or something similar to that.
It kind of blew me away a little, and those kinds of words just don't
appear around here. I just assumed he picked it up at school, or more
likely from the kids around the neighbourhood.

Does your ds even know what a faggot is? I don't think I've even heard of
"gaylord" before lol
I have no idea why kids go around calling people that, (or "retard", either,
which really angers me, bc my nephew is severely mentally handicapped). I
think alot of times kids don't even know what they are saying. It's a habit-
and plenty of adults call names also.
One of my BIL is gay and that's not something we call people as a put-down.
My kids also don't call people "retards" because it's extremely offensive.
When I hear/see people call someone that I just think of how ignorant they
are and how hurt they'd feel if they had a child who'd fall under that
category.
Marie

Kat wrote:
I don't know if this is absolutely silly, and I am by NO means trying to
start some heated debate with this, but I do have to ask...

I am all for relationships... Same sex OR different sex. I'm all for it
just because I don't care if a man or woman makes someone happy. It doesn't
concern me at all, really, nor does it bother me. I also feel that 2 people
really going at eachother on a park bench with 'public displays of
affection' bothers me the same amount no matter who it is, but I also really
do like the sight of holding hands or showing affection between a couple...
If that makes any sense.

I'm just asking about this mainly because DS has said some things that sort
of bother me and it is something I do think should be discussed. I just
don't want to approach it in the wrong way.

When DS was mad at me, he called me a faggot or something similar to that.
It kind of blew me away a little, and those kinds of words just don't appear
around here. I just assumed he picked it up at school, or more likely from
the kids around the neighbourhood.
I also have a very close and good cousin that is gay. He came out with it
almost 2 years ago now, although he was shocked (when he told me) that I
wasn't even a little surprised. I knew for quite a while that he was I
also have absolutely no problem with it. It doesn't change anything about
him or how I think or see him. This cousin is also DS' godfather. He's
listed as his godfather on DS' baptismal certificate and he's very close
with DS as well.
My cousin is in his early 30s, lives in a house with his boyfriend (that I
absolutely love as he's a great guy) and it's really no secret. It's also
nothing that is always discussed in the family, and I find my aunt and uncle
(his parents) seem to be the only ones that seem to be the ones that are the
least open to talk about it, sort of, which I can understand might be a bit
of a sensitive subject for them. They have not changed how they feel about
their son one bit, neither has anyone in the family. It's just a reality we
all seem to accept and be just fine with, but it's not ever the topic of
convo at family meals
My cousin and his boyfriend live together, attend family things (Christmas,
Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, birthdays, etc) together. On birthday cards to
the kids, the card is signed from Uncle Jay and Uncle Mike. Cards are read
to the kids like that, and it's not something anyone thinks about.
DS is almost 8, though. This "You're a faggot" (or maybe I was a gaylord??)
is just not acceptable to me. I feel I have a perfect example of a same-sex
relationship that is directly related to us to use to explain to DS that
these kinds of words aren't really nice to use like he has and tell him that
although I am not gay, there's nothing wrong with it - or something.
Am I just making a mountain of this all? I don't want to sit and yell at
him over something like this, but is it possible to explain things like that
to a child his age? Should I even bother?



I agree with the other comments - I'd bet he doesn't even know what
"faggot" means.

I'd explain that to him, and why it's unacceptable. But it seems to me
the more immediate issue is that he felt free to insult you. It doesn't
matter what word he used - that has to stop. Like now.

Clisby

"Kat" wrote

Am I just making a mountain of this all? I don't want to sit and yell at
him over something like this, but is it possible to explain things like
that to a child his age? Should I even bother?


I agree with others that calling a parent any name in unacceptable.

As a gay man, a partner for over 15 years and the proud father of a great 5
year old little girl, you may expect my reaction to be different. But the
expression doesn't bother me. If a child uses it, it does bother me. But
only as much as a child using any "no no words"

I think your best bet would be to just have a conversation with him and ask
him if he knows what the word means. Try not to let it become a heated
discussion. Maybe have your cousin and his partner there with you. Explain
to him that the word is offensive to his godfather and others.

We've used a trick to get our daughter and niece (almost 9) to avoid the use
of bad words or swears.

Start using silly words in your every day speaking. For instance, instead of
saying "Oh Damn!" we say "Oh ice cream!". Eventually both the girls started
using the terms to express anger or frustration and they both started making
up their own expressions. It's a fun way to curb the language a bit.

Today, the terms that used to be offensive to certain groups no longer have
quite the same meaning as they did when we were younger. A common expression
I hear I lot is "That's gay" Which has nothing to do with sexuality. It's
basically the same now as saying "that's lame".

I wouldn't make it a huge deal, just a discussion and explanation of what it
means. He may not even be sure what he was talking about.

Heck, our daughter has gotten mad at me and called me a fart LOL!

Good luck! Let us know how you decide how to handle it!

LES!

Kat wrote:

DS is almost 8, though. This "You're a faggot" (or maybe I was a gaylord??)
is just not acceptable to me. I feel I have a perfect example of a same-sex
relationship that is directly related to us to use to explain to DS that
these kinds of words aren't really nice to use like he has and tell him that
although I am not gay, there's nothing wrong with it - or something.
Am I just making a mountain of this all? I don't want to sit and yell at
him over something like this, but is it possible to explain things like that
to a child his age? Should I even bother?

I would agree with those who suggest that he probably
doesn't really know what it means or how offensive it is.
On the other hand, there's no disputing that he called his
mother something he knew to be pejorative (even if he didn't
know precisely what it meant) in a fit of anger. There's
also no disputing that he was reckless enough to pick up
and use a word that he didn't really know what it meant,
which is a very risky business (though if he had to test
it out somewhere, better to test it out at home).
In other words, he did two really stupid things,
and for those reasons alone it should be made clear to
him that he did a Really Bad Thing. How much you want to
get into the details of explaining precisely what it means
and why is your business based on your assessment of what
he's ready and able to comprehend. In the mean time, it
should be made clear to him that:

1) It is unacceptable to call anyone any name.
2) It is way beyond unacceptable to call your mother names.
3) Using bad words (and you know he knew it was a bad word,
or he wouldn't have used it the way he did) is never a
good idea, but it is a particularly *bad* idea if you
don't know *exactly* what it means and *exactly* how
others are likely to react to it. It's a fast trip to
a really bad reaction if you do it to the wrong person
at the wrong time.

So, I guess I'd say this would be a very big deal to me,
but not because I'd be worried that my kid was homophobic,
because under the circumstances he probably doesn't know
enough for that to be the motivation.

Best wishes,
Ericka