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Yes, potty advice AGAIN



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 14th 06, 09:46 AM posted to alt.parenting.twins-triplets
Larry
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2
Default Yes, potty advice AGAIN

Two boys, about 3 1/2 yrs old. M has pooped on the potty many times
but right now mostly not. R has pooped on the potty I don't recall, but
once? It's in the single digits anyway.

My wife, who has to deal with most of the "fallout" is about to start
chewing down phone poles out of frustration. She is starting to give
the kids lectures in a very stressed out voice about how she is sick
and tired of cleaning poopy underpants and I don't quite know that they
have any idea what she is talking about or whether this borderline
punitive approach is going to help, hurt, or indifferent. Now she's
ready to have them go back to wearing pullups all the time even though
they've been in undies for, man... 6 months? So we've had more
progress on one side, definite regression.

R just had surgery on his eye muscles which we anticipated would cause
problems, but my tale here essentially precedes that. He's recovering
pretty well but yes I'm sure all the eye drops are making him uneasy so
whatever situation we were in prior to the surgery is just made worse
for awhile. And his brother I think was also affected by this
incident, at first because of all the attention R was getting.

Most of the time the boys are just fine to sit in their poop, they
don't care, don't ask to be changed. They also will just sit there and
pee on the floor or at the dinner table even though they fully know how
to pee in the toilet and do so when cajoled or given an ultimatum of
the form "you can't come with me in my truck until you go pee". But
"let's go pee" is a good way, especially with M, to start a cascade of
screaming or at least running the other way. Often they are both
defiant to go to the bathroom even to try.

This last weekend we made it the project of the day, including some
motivation of going to the toy store to buy something if everyone
pooped. When I said this, R within seconds was sitting on the potty
for a LONG time but nothing happened. My wife started to read him a
book there.

I think maybe the thing to do regarding the reward is simply to have it
RIGHT THERE and something cheap enough that we can give it to him each
time. Somehow this "we'll go to the toy store" reward seems just too
intangible plus we can't do it every single time anyway.

We tried the sticker charts for awhile and that was OK, but then they
became obsessed with ripping them up, or pulling the pushpins out of
the wall, or screaming for more stickers when they hadn't earned them,
so my wife said "no more charts".

The typical advice to "wait until they are ready" would seem to
indicate that you shouldn't do ANYTHING other than make sure they know
where the toilet is and what it's used for. I am certain they are both
fully aware of that.

Old and tired topic, but... looking to keep my wife from going over the
edge primarily - and if we could get them trained before they turn 4,
so much the better. I'm wondering if we are doing something obviously
wrong.

Thx!

  #2  
Old December 6th 06, 02:59 AM posted to alt.parenting.twins-triplets
Leann and Donald
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 10
Default Yes, potty advice AGAIN

I wish I had some advice for you, but I went through, and am essentially
still going through, this with my 4 year old girl. I think part of the
problem is that we pushed her too early because of the pressure to be
trained before entering preschool at age 3 (and she was the 2nd youngest 3
year old in her class). The other problem I know is that I definitely would
lecture and freak out occassionally out of pure frustration. Luckily we
only had/have a problem with peeing and not pooping (that would really drive
me insane). I also think this was her way of acting out when her twin
brother and sister began to require more of my attention (they are 2).

Anyway, feel like I'm rambling for the most part, but wanted your wife to
know that she isn't the only one that looses her cool. It is very
frustrating. I am finding that my 4 year old is beginning to go on her own,
and it definitely helps when I keep my cool (plus I do think she is maturing
and starting to understand a little more, which helps). I've also started
to just accept when she doesn't want to go to the bathroom before we leave
the house and suck it up and either pull over if she has to go or just find
a potty whereever we are. (Which is sooo frustrating to me!) However,
within the last week or two, if I ask in a very upbeat tone of voice and
explain that there may not be a potty where we are going she will go
(sometimes). It depends on both of our moods and what we are doing. (I do
keep a portable potty in the car). By the way, my doctor felt there was
nothing wrong with having consequences for this. Like changing themselves,
getting their own change of clothes, etc. You know, natural consequences.
But for my daughter, since she was 4, she even suggested the consequence of
leaving or stopping what she was doing if this happened. I do this, as long
as it is reasonable, and I try like h*ll to remain as calm as I possibly
can, and it does seem to work. I try not to "punish", just let them
experience "consequences" to her behavior.

As for night time, I don't care if she is in pullups until she is a teenager
;-p I'm so not ready to deal with that yet. She asked once to go to bed
without a pullup because her friend does, and of course we were up in the
middle of the night changing sheets. NOt that I don't expect this when it
finally does happen, but this is a girl who wakes up with a pull up so heavy
I practically need a crane to lift it ;-) We tried waking her, but she
sleeps so deeply, she just can't.

Anyway, good luck, I definitely feel your (and your wife's pain). I am NOT
looking forward to training my twins, but I certainly learned alot from my
older daughter and hopefully will not make the same mistakes!

Leann

"Larry" wrote in message
oups.com...
Two boys, about 3 1/2 yrs old. M has pooped on the potty many times
but right now mostly not. R has pooped on the potty I don't recall, but
once? It's in the single digits anyway.

My wife, who has to deal with most of the "fallout" is about to start
chewing down phone poles out of frustration. She is starting to give
the kids lectures in a very stressed out voice about how she is sick
and tired of cleaning poopy underpants and I don't quite know that they
have any idea what she is talking about or whether this borderline
punitive approach is going to help, hurt, or indifferent. Now she's
ready to have them go back to wearing pullups all the time even though
they've been in undies for, man... 6 months? So we've had more
progress on one side, definite regression.

R just had surgery on his eye muscles which we anticipated would cause
problems, but my tale here essentially precedes that. He's recovering
pretty well but yes I'm sure all the eye drops are making him uneasy so
whatever situation we were in prior to the surgery is just made worse
for awhile. And his brother I think was also affected by this
incident, at first because of all the attention R was getting.

Most of the time the boys are just fine to sit in their poop, they
don't care, don't ask to be changed. They also will just sit there and
pee on the floor or at the dinner table even though they fully know how
to pee in the toilet and do so when cajoled or given an ultimatum of
the form "you can't come with me in my truck until you go pee". But
"let's go pee" is a good way, especially with M, to start a cascade of
screaming or at least running the other way. Often they are both
defiant to go to the bathroom even to try.

This last weekend we made it the project of the day, including some
motivation of going to the toy store to buy something if everyone
pooped. When I said this, R within seconds was sitting on the potty
for a LONG time but nothing happened. My wife started to read him a
book there.

I think maybe the thing to do regarding the reward is simply to have it
RIGHT THERE and something cheap enough that we can give it to him each
time. Somehow this "we'll go to the toy store" reward seems just too
intangible plus we can't do it every single time anyway.

We tried the sticker charts for awhile and that was OK, but then they
became obsessed with ripping them up, or pulling the pushpins out of
the wall, or screaming for more stickers when they hadn't earned them,
so my wife said "no more charts".

The typical advice to "wait until they are ready" would seem to
indicate that you shouldn't do ANYTHING other than make sure they know
where the toilet is and what it's used for. I am certain they are both
fully aware of that.

Old and tired topic, but... looking to keep my wife from going over the
edge primarily - and if we could get them trained before they turn 4,
so much the better. I'm wondering if we are doing something obviously
wrong.

Thx!



  #3  
Old December 19th 06, 03:28 PM posted to alt.parenting.twins-triplets
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2
Default Yes, potty advice AGAIN


Larry wrote:
Two boys, about 3 1/2 yrs old. M has pooped on the potty many times
but right now mostly not. R has pooped on the potty I don't recall, but
once? It's in the single digits anyway.

My wife, who has to deal with most of the "fallout" is about to start
chewing down phone poles out of frustration. She is starting to give
the kids lectures in a very stressed out voice about how she is sick
and tired of cleaning poopy underpants and I don't quite know that they
have any idea what she is talking about or whether this borderline
punitive approach is going to help, hurt, or indifferent. Now she's
ready to have them go back to wearing pullups all the time even though
they've been in undies for, man... 6 months? So we've had more
progress on one side, definite regression.

R just had surgery on his eye muscles which we anticipated would cause
problems, but my tale here essentially precedes that. He's recovering
pretty well but yes I'm sure all the eye drops are making him uneasy so
whatever situation we were in prior to the surgery is just made worse
for awhile. And his brother I think was also affected by this
incident, at first because of all the attention R was getting.

Most of the time the boys are just fine to sit in their poop, they
don't care, don't ask to be changed. They also will just sit there and
pee on the floor or at the dinner table even though they fully know how
to pee in the toilet and do so when cajoled or given an ultimatum of
the form "you can't come with me in my truck until you go pee". But
"let's go pee" is a good way, especially with M, to start a cascade of
screaming or at least running the other way. Often they are both
defiant to go to the bathroom even to try.

This last weekend we made it the project of the day, including some
motivation of going to the toy store to buy something if everyone
pooped. When I said this, R within seconds was sitting on the potty
for a LONG time but nothing happened. My wife started to read him a
book there.

I think maybe the thing to do regarding the reward is simply to have it
RIGHT THERE and something cheap enough that we can give it to him each
time. Somehow this "we'll go to the toy store" reward seems just too
intangible plus we can't do it every single time anyway.

We tried the sticker charts for awhile and that was OK, but then they
became obsessed with ripping them up, or pulling the pushpins out of
the wall, or screaming for more stickers when they hadn't earned them,
so my wife said "no more charts".

The typical advice to "wait until they are ready" would seem to
indicate that you shouldn't do ANYTHING other than make sure they know
where the toilet is and what it's used for. I am certain they are both
fully aware of that.

Old and tired topic, but... looking to keep my wife from going over the
edge primarily - and if we could get them trained before they turn 4,
so much the better. I'm wondering if we are doing something obviously
wrong.

Thx!


  #4  
Old December 19th 06, 03:28 PM posted to alt.parenting.twins-triplets
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2
Default Yes, potty advice AGAIN


Larry wrote:
Two boys, about 3 1/2 yrs old. M has pooped on the potty many times
but right now mostly not. R has pooped on the potty I don't recall, but
once? It's in the single digits anyway.

My wife, who has to deal with most of the "fallout" is about to start
chewing down phone poles out of frustration. She is starting to give
the kids lectures in a very stressed out voice about how she is sick
and tired of cleaning poopy underpants and I don't quite know that they
have any idea what she is talking about or whether this borderline
punitive approach is going to help, hurt, or indifferent. Now she's
ready to have them go back to wearing pullups all the time even though
they've been in undies for, man... 6 months? So we've had more
progress on one side, definite regression.

R just had surgery on his eye muscles which we anticipated would cause
problems, but my tale here essentially precedes that. He's recovering
pretty well but yes I'm sure all the eye drops are making him uneasy so
whatever situation we were in prior to the surgery is just made worse
for awhile. And his brother I think was also affected by this
incident, at first because of all the attention R was getting.

Most of the time the boys are just fine to sit in their poop, they
don't care, don't ask to be changed. They also will just sit there and
pee on the floor or at the dinner table even though they fully know how
to pee in the toilet and do so when cajoled or given an ultimatum of
the form "you can't come with me in my truck until you go pee". But
"let's go pee" is a good way, especially with M, to start a cascade of
screaming or at least running the other way. Often they are both
defiant to go to the bathroom even to try.

This last weekend we made it the project of the day, including some
motivation of going to the toy store to buy something if everyone
pooped. When I said this, R within seconds was sitting on the potty
for a LONG time but nothing happened. My wife started to read him a
book there.

I think maybe the thing to do regarding the reward is simply to have it
RIGHT THERE and something cheap enough that we can give it to him each
time. Somehow this "we'll go to the toy store" reward seems just too
intangible plus we can't do it every single time anyway.

We tried the sticker charts for awhile and that was OK, but then they
became obsessed with ripping them up, or pulling the pushpins out of
the wall, or screaming for more stickers when they hadn't earned them,
so my wife said "no more charts".

The typical advice to "wait until they are ready" would seem to
indicate that you shouldn't do ANYTHING other than make sure they know
where the toilet is and what it's used for. I am certain they are both
fully aware of that.

Old and tired topic, but... looking to keep my wife from going over the
edge primarily - and if we could get them trained before they turn 4,
so much the better. I'm wondering if we are doing something obviously
wrong.

Thx!


 




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