reasons I've heard for not breastfeeding

If we could only get that "feed every 3 hours" mentality out of the
medical community I think more women would continue.

In Isabella's first 24 hours I must have had her on the boob for about
20 hours. Also, I turned down 2 offers of formula supplementation (so I
could get some rest) in a so-called "breast-feeding friendly" hospital!

It's just what newborns do. The maternity nurses need to be educated
about the frequency of newborn nursing.


This is very true. Now, it was my fault for not attending classes, but
every single woman in my family, (aunts cousins grandmothers mom etc.)
with the exception of my MIL of course, has breastfed and I falsely
assumed that it was easy and no big deal. When I started having
problems, I was too embarrassed to ask my relatives for assistance. If
we have another child, I will be prepared to offer 20 hours of boob!!
No one at the hospital even mentioned that "hello - you need to feed
your baby like every 10 minutes!" Like I said before, it will not
happen to me again, and I do everything I can to warn my friends in
advance what it can be like in the beginning. I combi-fed, thinking
that something is better than nothing, but I wish I had been more
persistent in seeking help.

Michelle J. Haines wrote:


I don't have a problem with people making choices. I have a BIG
problem with people refusing to be honest about the consequences of
their choices. I'm sick of hearing "I formula fed and my child is
perfect, so it didn't matter!" when you don't know that yet. Someone
needs to have the balls to say, "Yes, I know that I put my child at a
higher risk of illness and obesity, but for blah-blah reason, I felt
that in weighing the positives and negatives this was still the best
choice."

Or even the balls to say, "I chose to formula feed because I was
given poor information and didn't want to listen to the right
reasons." I'll own up to that one. It's why I weaned Katrina at
seven months.


Actually, I'm fine with, "I chose to formula feed
because it was the best decision for us as a family at
the time" or even just, "I chose to formula feed." I
might not like it or agree with it, but that doesn't
matter (you get to expect me to respect your right to
make decisions, but you don't get to expect me to
always *like* them). I don't think anyone is obligated
to explain themselves to anyone, so a polite but firm
limited response is fine. The only thing I object to
is the spreading of misinformation. I have no grounds
to contest your (the general "your") personal assessment
of what the best decision is for your family in a
particular situation. If you start promoting misinformation,
you've just opened the door and shouldn't be surprised
if someone walks through it.
Personally, I think this is all part and parcel
of today's confessionist society. For some odd reason,
people are willing to air all sorts of private decisions
to all and sundry (heck, people even go on tv to do it!).
It's no wonder people get into each other's business when
people put it right out there for all to see. If I bump
into you in the store, or you work in the office next to
mine, I don't *want* to know your private business. I
don't need to know what kind of birth control you're on,
whether your pregnancy was planned, your medical history,
your marital woes, or any number of other things that
people seem to think constitute polite chit chat with
relative strangers. I don't think that sort of thing
is inappropriate *here* in m.k.p because that's what
this forum is *about* and somewhat different rules
apply as a result, but I'm flabbergasted that people
would discuss that sort of thing IRL with acquaintances--
and then get ruffled when said acquaintance has the
unmitigated gall to respond to the information given!
I think if one goes back and looks at this thread,
the people who've basically left it at "I chose
formula because it was best for my family at the time"
haven't gotten much in the way of negative comments.
It's the people who've put out reasons, and particularly
suspect "factual" reasons, that have received most of
the negative responses.
I think the moral of the story is that if you
don't want your decision opened for debate, don't
open the door by putting your reasoning out there
for everyone to comment on it ;-) Just leave it
at it having been your choice, unless you *want*
to discuss the reasons--at which point, you expect
some to agree and others to disagree.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Chotii wrote:


Or is it true what a friend once told me: "It doesn't matter what people
think about me, the only thing that matters is how they act toward me"?


I think that depends on your interpretation. A few
thoughts come to mind:

1) Assuming I'm okay with my own choices, it's certainly
true that I don't really care what people think as
long as they're polite to me, at least for acquaintances.
I totally don't believe in this fool notion that
insincerity is always a Bad Thing. When it comes to
acquaintances or strangers, give me polite but insincere
*any* day over someone who's sincerely rude.

2) At the same time, I *do* care about being a kind,
polite, ethical person and I believe that if I make
right choices, people will generally perceive me as
such. Therefore, if someone thinks I am *not* something
that I think I *am*, then either there's some failure
of communication or maybe my choices aren't as right
as I think they are. In that spirit, I'm generally
willing to entertain other people's arguments as to
why I should do something differently--reserving, of
course, my right to do what I see fit after I've
considered the new information.

3) For the people close to me, I do care what they think.
If someone I really respect isn't okay with something
I'm doing, I'll consider alternatives long and hard.
I may or may not change my actions/opinions, but what's
the point of having people you love and trust and
respect if you're not going to at least seriously
consider their advice?

I also think the statement you make has very different
implications for the two different people involved.
If I'm the person considering doing something, then
I think my highest obligation is to do what's right,
regardless of what I might think privately. If I'm
the person to whom something is done/said, my highest
obligation is to try to take things in the spirit in
which they were intended and not get bent out of
shape over what others say or do unless I've got
ample evidence that it really was said/done with
malice (and to consider my role in the interaction
and ask myself if I'm not just getting what I asked
for!). If both sides do this, there's a lot less
animosity.

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article ,
says...
I would not support putting a baby to sleep on it's stomach because it
endangers it's life, formula feeding your child does not endanger it's
life.

Formula fed babies are seven times more likely to be hospitalized
with a serious illness.

You're not endangering the child's life in the sense of pushing his
stroller into oncoming traffic, but you ARE increasing the risks of
serious illness and death. Of course, seven out of one million as
opposed to one out of one million (to pull some statistics out of the
air) is acceptable to many people.

Michelle
Flutist
--
Drift on a river, That flows through my arms
Drift as I'm singing to you
I see you smiling, So peaceful and calm
And holding you, I'm smiling, too
Here in my arms, Safe from all harm
Holding you, I'm smiling, too
-- For Xander [9/22/98 - 2/23/99]

In article ,
says...

I think there's a vast difference between "Accepting others' choices" and
"Approving others' choices."

Those of us who accept, but do not approve, are labeled "judgmental".

Nice distinction.

Michelle
Flutist

--
Drift on a river, That flows through my arms
Drift as I'm singing to you
I see you smiling, So peaceful and calm
And holding you, I'm smiling, too
Here in my arms, Safe from all harm
Holding you, I'm smiling, too
-- For Xander [9/22/98 - 2/23/99]

In article ,
says...
On Tue, 2 Mar 2004 08:51:30 -0700, Michelle J. Haines
wrote:

Or even the balls to say, "I chose to formula feed because I was
given poor information and didn't want to listen to the right
reasons."

I have the balls to say: I chose to formula feed because I hated
breastfeeding. I began to resent my daughter. For us, it was the
best decision. She had breastmilk for 6 weeks, and I am glad of it.
However, the long and the short of it was breastfeeding was beginning
to affect the way I felt about my child.

Good for you. *clap*clap*

FWIW, backs some years ago when there was a Breastfeeding Myths FAQ
going around, and everyone was taking turns with various questions, I
did the "I've been sexually abused and have body issues, and I'm not
sure I can breastfeed." issue.

Included in my long spiel about therapy during pregnancy and
remembering that the baby is doing something natural and healthy and
blah-blah is a statement that says, "If you just can't get past it,
and start to feel negatively towards your baby, get out the bottles.
Pump if you can, but if you can't do that, get out the formula."
More or less. So, I certainly support switching to bottles if all
over avenues have failed.

So, there's my two cents. *plink*plink*

Michelle
Flutist

--
Drift on a river, That flows through my arms
Drift as I'm singing to you
I see you smiling, So peaceful and calm
And holding you, I'm smiling, too
Here in my arms, Safe from all harm
Holding you, I'm smiling, too
-- For Xander [9/22/98 - 2/23/99]

Daye wrote:
On Tue, 2 Mar 2004 09:00:14 -0800, "Circe"
wrote:
I find these threads so tricky. I'm really *not* trying to put
mothers who choose to formula-feed on a guilt trip.

I find that I *have* to defend formula feeding moms, and it isn't
just because I am one.

I understand that. I actually feel I should defend formula-feeding moms,
too, because I do think they often get unfairly and unnecessarily reamed. I
have many friends and family members who chose to formula-feed for one
reason or another and I wouldn't dream of questioning or criticizing their
choices.

That said, I also feel it's important to correct misinformation. It's a
difficult balance to strike.

However, I hope that I am being fair and not
flaming people.

You haven't flamed anyone, as far as I can tell, and have been totally fair.
Keep up the good work g!
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [2 yesterday] mom)

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

In article , says...

Actually, I'm fine with, "I chose to formula feed
because it was the best decision for us as a family at
the time" or even just, "I chose to formula feed." I
might not like it or agree with it, but that doesn't
matter (you get to expect me to respect your right to
make decisions, but you don't get to expect me to
always *like* them). I don't think anyone is obligated
to explain themselves to anyone, so a polite but firm
limited response is fine. The only thing I object to
is the spreading of misinformation. I have no grounds
to contest your (the general "your") personal assessment
of what the best decision is for your family in a
particular situation. If you start promoting misinformation,
you've just opened the door and shouldn't be surprised
if someone walks through it.

I think that's what I was trying to get at, in a groping sort of way.
If you want me to respect your decision to formula feed, don't tell
me your milk went sour, because it's pure BS, especially when you add
the rest of the story, and it comes out that it was obvious the woman
was just feeling extremely stressed, blamed breastfeeding, and looked
for any excuse to quit.

The whole story, for those that are curious, is that I was attending
a wedding, and there were three young children there, Gareth being
one of them. We three mothers congregated in the parking lot, and we
chit-chatted about a lot of things, including nursing, when the
bottle-feeding mother piped up, "I couldn't nurse my son! My milk
was sour and he almost starved to death! He even had that rounded
tummy like an Ethiopian baby!"

My response was, "You're milk was SOUR?" and I'm sure I didn't quite
damp down all the "What-EVER!" tone in my voice, but I sure gave it
my best shot.

She proceeded to tell us how her son nursed constantly and was
colicky, and she was "going crazy" but her doctor told her the baby
was growing fine and looked great. Then she called her mother and
cried about it on the phone. Her mother proceeded to call a friend
of her's who's a retired doctor, explain what her daughter said over
the phone to him, and he told her, "From what you're saying, it
sounds like her milk's sour, to me." So the mother went to the
store, bought a can of formula, drove to the woman's house, fed the
baby who was supposedly happier, and that's all she wrote.

I was standing there thinking, "Let me get this straight. Instead of
listening to the doctor who's actually SEEN the baby, you get a
third-hand report from a doctor who's never seen your or the baby,
who tells you something that's physically impossible, you believe
him, and on that basis quit nursing your son?"

Out loud, later after the conversation had broken up, I said
hesitantly, "I just wanted to say that you're milk can't actually
turn sour in your breasts like that. There can be a few other
problems, but that can't be one of them." She snipped that something
was OBVIOUSLY wrong, and stomped off. *shrug* That's all the
meddling I did.


I think if one goes back and looks at this thread,
the people who've basically left it at "I chose
formula because it was best for my family at the time"
haven't gotten much in the way of negative comments.
It's the people who've put out reasons, and particularly
suspect "factual" reasons, that have received most of
the negative responses.

Undoubtedly.

I think the moral of the story is that if you
don't want your decision opened for debate, don't
open the door by putting your reasoning out there
for everyone to comment on it ;-) Just leave it
at it having been your choice, unless you *want*
to discuss the reasons--at which point, you expect
some to agree and others to disagree.

Good post.

Michelle
Flutist

--
Drift on a river, That flows through my arms
Drift as I'm singing to you
I see you smiling, So peaceful and calm
And holding you, I'm smiling, too
Here in my arms, Safe from all harm
Holding you, I'm smiling, too
-- For Xander [9/22/98 - 2/23/99]

Donna wrote:
Do you not see the difference between discussion and insult? Look
at other posters, say, Circe, or Nan, or Daye, or Linz who, iirc,
all feel very strongly about breastfeeding or bottle feeding, but
who are getting their points across without slugging people over
the head with their views.

Wow, Donna, thanks for the compliment! I sometimes feel that I'm being
harsher than I intend or want to be, so it is nice to know that you feel I'm
getting my point across without being mean or judgmental. That's what I'd
like to *think* I'm doing, but it can be very difficult!
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [2 yesterday] mom)

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

In article , nlb63
@yahoo.com says...

I wonder if there is an actual condition for this?

Aplastic breasts can cause inadequate milk production. I know
someone in real life with the problem! Her doctor had never heard of
it. She still pumped quite a bit for her daughter, though.

Michelle
Flutist
--
Drift on a river, That flows through my arms
Drift as I'm singing to you
I see you smiling, So peaceful and calm
And holding you, I'm smiling, too
Here in my arms, Safe from all harm
Holding you, I'm smiling, too
-- For Xander [9/22/98 - 2/23/99]