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#21
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Canadian question regarding custody
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Teri says... "heather m." wrote in message et... "Teri" wrote in message Where is your husband? Kathleen wasn't the Step-mom in her situation, she was the Bio Mom. How come your husband isn't the one contacting the teacher? Why should he? I'm quite capable of saying to a teacher, "Are there specific pages that SD should be studying in her Verses book?" and "SD asked me to bring treats to class. Would Tuesday be a good day?" That's the entire point of a family, that everyone pitches in. But why *can't* he? Families divide their tasks according to who is better positioned to do what, also. Consider if you're just looking to make an issue here. If you'll excuse me for answering this twice. The reason DH isn't the one asking questions on this newsgroup is because he's never been involved in newsgroups and doesn't know the first thing about reaching them. I've been involved in newsgroups since 1993, so I know them well. Therefore, that makes me the person best positioned to ask questions on a newsgroup. Teri ~~ trying to be a bit more specific to the exact question |
#22
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Canadian question regarding custody
"Teri" wrote in message . .. "Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Teri says... "heather m." wrote in message . net... "Teri" wrote in message Where is your husband? Kathleen wasn't the Step-mom in her situation, she was the Bio Mom. How come your husband isn't the one contacting the teacher? Why should he? I'm quite capable of saying to a teacher, "Are there specific pages that SD should be studying in her Verses book?" and "SD asked me to bring treats to class. Would Tuesday be a good day?" It's not like it's rocket science. DH has his things that he does with SD, and I have my things. But DH and I both go to parent/teacher conferences - and for that matter we both were able to go when we had treats for SD's class. That's the entire point of a family, that everyone pitches in. But why *can't* he? Families divide their tasks according to who is better positioned to do what, also. Consider if you're just looking to make an issue here. On the contrary, Banty, I'm not the one who brought up the question. I simply came in here asking what I and SD's 'stepdad' could do with regards to emergency permissions - because I'm concerned for my SD. Period. I never said DH *couldn't* ask the question. I said *I* choose to do this. These were my questions and I'm the one looking for answers. If I want to brush SD's hair, I'll do it. I don't go around asking my DH to do it simply because SD is my SD and he's her father. Can he do it? You'd better believe it - and actually he usually is the one most likely to brush SD's hair. But that doesn't mean I can't brush her hair or that I have to let him brush it even though I want to do it. Or to put things another way - I tend to find that people often think that father's who've remarried abrogate their responsibilities, and they get defensive about that. Sorry, you've got the wrong parties on that one. DH is definitely an involved father. I simply have my own questions and I'm the one looking for answers. Now, does anyone actually have an answer to my inquiry - or are we just going to keep on requiring that I offer proof that my DH is an excellent, involved father? (Excellent father's do come along once in a while. Thank goodness.) Teri I'm not saying he's not an excellent father. I'm saying that if you're complaining about the teacher not talking to you because your the step-mom, then let the Dad do it! Is it silly that you can't talk to the teacher? Of course! But I think you'd be doing everyone a disservice by starting legal proceedings over something like that. I think it's nice that you want to be involved and ARE involved but getting picky about something like this reeks of it being all about *you*. Fighting over such nitpicky things with the BM because you feel like forcing your rights in the situation hurts your SD more than a simple boyfriend on the emergency contact list. Heather |
#23
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Canadian question regarding custody
In article , Teri says...
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Teri says... "heather m." wrote in message . net... "Teri" wrote in message Where is your husband? Kathleen wasn't the Step-mom in her situation, she was the Bio Mom. How come your husband isn't the one contacting the teacher? Why should he? I'm quite capable of saying to a teacher, "Are there specific pages that SD should be studying in her Verses book?" and "SD asked me to bring treats to class. Would Tuesday be a good day?" That's the entire point of a family, that everyone pitches in. But why *can't* he? Families divide their tasks according to who is better positioned to do what, also. Consider if you're just looking to make an issue here. If you'll excuse me for answering this twice. The reason DH isn't the one asking questions on this newsgroup is because he's never been involved in newsgroups and doesn't know the first thing about reaching them. I've been involved in newsgroups since 1993, so I know them well. Therefore, that makes me the person best positioned to ask questions on a newsgroup. Teri ~~ trying to be a bit more specific to the exact question Look, I 'get' that your husband is involved - my questions have nothing to do with that. And this really has nothing to do with why he's not the one posting to this newsgroup either - you are asking about *yourself* being added, or not, to the emergency school contacts. It's just about practicality - he *is* the parent, you *are* non-custodial (as described in your original post, although later you said something about 50-50..?), she and her boyfriend *are* the ones local to your step-daughter's school, ergo they're the ones they have the school contact, as well as your husband. School contacts are all about who to call if, say, the power goes out and they have to have an early dismissal. Myself eing a single parent with no relatives in the area, I have family friends listed as alternates for the school emergency notification. Many people choose trusted neighbors because it makes the whole transportation issue easy. Who can give consent *medically* is quite a different issue and handled by the medical people in question (EMT's, ER personnel). Even if the ex's boyfriend was called to pick up the child (or say in my case, my trusted family friends), for some major surgery, they'd have to contact the guardians whereever they are - Mom or Dad. That's quite different from who can come and pick up the child if they start with a fever or throws up their lunch. Banty |
#24
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Canadian question regarding custody
"Teri" wrote in message . .. Why should he? I'm quite capable of saying to a teacher, "Are there specific pages that SD should be studying in her Verses book?" and "SD asked me to bring treats to class. Would Tuesday be a good day?" It's not like it's rocket science. DH has his things that he does with SD, and I have my things. But DH and I both go to parent/teacher conferences - and for that matter we both were able to go when we had treats for SD's class. That's the entire point of a family, that everyone pitches in. And where I live, the teacher's default response would "Can you have her father call me when it's convenient for him and we'll discuss this?" There's a reason we've asked whether there's a power of attorney or something specific spelled out in court papers. Without it, you're not entitled to get diddly or squat from her teachers or the school. If you're really interested in your legal rights to your stepdaughter, contact an attorney where you live. Jess |
#25
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Canadian question regarding custody
"heather m." wrote in message t... I'm not saying he's not an excellent father. I'm saying that if you're complaining about the teacher not talking to you because your the step-mom, then let the Dad do it! Is it silly that you can't talk to the teacher? Of course! But I think you'd be doing everyone a disservice by starting legal proceedings over something like that. Hi, Heather. First, I never said anything about starting legal proceedings over anything. It never even entered my mind - not to mention it doesn't make any sense because SD is no longer going to that school. What I asked was - do I have legal status to give consent for emergency treatment for SD? Or for that matter, could I request regular treatment for SD at her doctor's? I also asked if BM's BF could do this - since the reason I first thought of this question was because I was concerned whether either of us could actually be valid emergency contacts at a school. I think it's nice that you want to be involved and ARE involved but getting picky about something like this reeks of it being all about *you*. Fighting over such nitpicky things with the BM because you feel like forcing your rights in the situation hurts your SD more than a simple boyfriend on the emergency contact list. I think you've misunderstood my posts. Please read them again. I'm not fighting over anything, I'm not taking any legal action. All I'm asking is do I have a legal right to request medical treatment for my SD? Teri |
#26
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Canadian question regarding custody
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Teri says... It's just about practicality - he *is* the parent, you *are* non-custodial (as described in your original post, although later you said something about 50-50..?), she and her boyfriend *are* the ones local to your step-daughter's school, ergo they're the ones they have the school contact, as well as your husband. Actually, all 4 of us are local to SD's school. DH and I currently work in that city - and shortly we will be moving to that city. Let's expand the question to make it easier. Is it legal in Canada for me to ask for medical treatment for my SD in Canada? As an example, BM had surgery a few months ago. What if she were doing that again and away for a week. DH is on call at work and SD needs me to take her to the doctor for whatever reason. Can I request treatment for SD at her doctors? Teri |
#27
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Canadian question regarding custody
"Kathleen" wrote in message ... That sounds good, Kathleen, but we both know that there's no way any contract can be written to encompass every purchase, activity, and event in a child's life. Teri I agree, but in *my* experience the standard joint custody arrangements did a lot better job of hammering out the details and covering most provisions than I was able to do on my own. I'm not sure what you mean by 'the standard joint custody arrangements did a lot better job'. Are you talking about an attorney? Currently, DH and BM get along pretty good when it comes to doing things for SD. I'm hoping it'll stay that way. We're certainly making an effort to keep it that way. Teri |
#28
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Canadian question regarding custody
In a previous article, "Teri" said:
Let's expand the question to make it easier. Is it legal in Canada for me to ask for medical treatment for my SD in Canada? As an example, BM had surgery a few months ago. What if she were doing that again and away for a week. DH is on call at work and SD needs me to take her to the doctor for whatever reason. Can I request treatment for SD at her doctors? That question is better answered by a short call to a lawyer. You've been on newsgroups since 1993 (so have I), so you should know that the legal advice you get on a newsgroup is worth exactly what you pay for it! :-) I should think it would be a simple matter of a notarized permission document from your husband, but why not just call your lawyer and ask? Vicki -- "I'm just a bad Christian. A bad born-again Christian. And certainly, like the apostle Peter, I am capable of denying it, of presenting myself as a sort of leftist liberation-theology enthusiast and maybe sort of a vaguely Jesusy bon vivant. But it's not true" --Anne Lamott |
#29
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Canadian question regarding custody
In article , Teri says...
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Teri says... It's just about practicality - he *is* the parent, you *are* non-custodial (as described in your original post, although later you said something about 50-50..?), she and her boyfriend *are* the ones local to your step-daughter's school, ergo they're the ones they have the school contact, as well as your husband. Actually, all 4 of us are local to SD's school. DH and I currently work in that city - and shortly we will be moving to that city. Let's expand the question to make it easier. Is it legal in Canada for me to ask for medical treatment for my SD in Canada? As an example, BM had surgery a few months ago. What if she were doing that again and away for a week. DH is on call at work and SD needs me to take her to the doctor for whatever reason. Can I request treatment for SD at her doctors? Actually, you've narrowed and focussed down your question. Which is a good thing. The stuff about schools and teachers really are asides from that. Of course, the answer to that really is one for legal counsel. As others have said. Banty |
#30
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Canadian question regarding custody
That sounds good, Kathleen, but we both know that there's no way any
contract can be written to encompass every purchase, activity, and event in a child's life. Teri I agree, but in *my* experience the standard joint custody arrangements did a lot better job of hammering out the details and covering most provisions than I was able to do on my own. The bottom line is that only an attorney in your area can answer your question. Good luck! With hope and heart, Kathleen |
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