Need parenting advice

I'm sure I will be sorry for this post, but here goes anyway. And I will say
now that I'm not looking for bible lessons and I believe in spankings.

We have a son that will be 11 in about a month. He is an only child. He has
ADHD and takes medicine for it.

He refuses to mind at home. At school, his teachers say that he minds pretty
well and at Mimi's he does just fine. At home he refuses to do his chores
and/or homework. At school is an A/B student. He is above average with
reading and math.

On weekends, it takes all of Saturday and Sunday to get him to do his
chores. It turns in to a big fight each weekend. We have to hollar at him
and just flat out get mad at him. He will end up getting several spankings
with the belt, and it doesn't seem to bother him at all.

His chores normally include (and normally not more than 3 or 4 nights per
week) taking trash out, unloading dishwasher, (sometimes) load dishwasher,
feed and water (inside) dogs and just picking up behind himself. On weekends
we ask him to vacuum the hall and living area. If he would just take care of
business, this would take maybe 30 minutes to complete. We don't even ask
that it be perfect, but at least just make an effort...

We have tried time outs, groundings from friends houses, groundings from
computer and playstations, groundings from TV, spankings, being extremely
nice about it, etc. Nothing seems to work.

It's straining our relationship with each other as well as with him.

Any advice?

In article ,
"C. Massey" wrote:

I'm sure I will be sorry for this post, but here goes anyway. And I will say
now that I'm not looking for bible lessons and I believe in spankings.

We have a son that will be 11 in about a month. He is an only child. He has
ADHD and takes medicine for it.

He refuses to mind at home. At school, his teachers say that he minds pretty
well and at Mimi's he does just fine. At home he refuses to do his chores
and/or homework. At school is an A/B student. He is above average with
reading and math.

On weekends, it takes all of Saturday and Sunday to get him to do his
chores. It turns in to a big fight each weekend. We have to hollar at him
and just flat out get mad at him. He will end up getting several spankings
with the belt, and it doesn't seem to bother him at all.

His chores normally include (and normally not more than 3 or 4 nights per
week) taking trash out, unloading dishwasher, (sometimes) load dishwasher,
feed and water (inside) dogs and just picking up behind himself. On weekends
we ask him to vacuum the hall and living area. If he would just take care of
business, this would take maybe 30 minutes to complete. We don't even ask
that it be perfect, but at least just make an effort...

We have tried time outs, groundings from friends houses, groundings from
computer and playstations, groundings from TV, spankings, being extremely
nice about it, etc. Nothing seems to work.

It's straining our relationship with each other as well as with him.

Any advice?




Well, the fightings and beatings are obviously not working, so I'd stop
doing that right away.

Get the book, "Positive Discipline for Teens", read it, and try some of
the suggestions there.

Since he's an A/B student, he obviously IS doing his homework, so I
don't see much need to do anything about that.

Yours is not an uncommon story -- many kids this age resist doing
household chores, and take 8 times as long fighting over it as it would
take to just do it.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

Sorry to be rude but it has to be said: perhaps stop commiting Actual
Bodily Harm on your child and try some proper parenting techniques?
There's plenty of books if you want to change. The fact is what you're
doing at the moment isnt working.

wrote in message
oups.com...
Sorry to be rude but it has to be said: perhaps stop commiting Actual
Bodily Harm on your child and try some proper parenting techniques?
There's plenty of books if you want to change. The fact is what you're
doing at the moment isnt working.



I already stated that I believe in spanking a child. I am not trying to
convert you, so please don't try to convert me.


Thanks...

In article ,
"C. Massey" wrote:

wrote in message
oups.com...
Sorry to be rude but it has to be said: perhaps stop commiting Actual
Bodily Harm on your child and try some proper parenting techniques?
There's plenty of books if you want to change. The fact is what you're
doing at the moment isnt working.



I already stated that I believe in spanking a child. I am not trying to
convert you, so please don't try to convert me.


Thanks...



Whether you believe in spanking or not, what you are doing right now
isn't working. That's the point -- since it isn't working, it's time to
try something else.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

C. Massey wrote:

I'm sure I will be sorry for this post, but here goes anyway. And I will say
now that I'm not looking for bible lessons and I believe in spankings.

We have a son that will be 11 in about a month. He is an only child. He has
ADHD and takes medicine for it.

He refuses to mind at home. At school, his teachers say that he minds pretty
well and at Mimi's he does just fine.
-----------------------
Gee, bet THEY don't HIT him!


At home he refuses to do his chores
and/or homework. At school is an A/B student. He is above average with
reading and math.

On weekends, it takes all of Saturday and Sunday to get him to do his
chores. It turns in to a big fight each weekend. We have to hollar at him
and just flat out get mad at him. He will end up getting several spankings
with the belt, and it doesn't seem to bother him at all.
-----------------------
Now we know the cause of ADHD, it's ****heads like YOU!!
Steve

C. Massey wrote:

wrote in message
oups.com...
Sorry to be rude but it has to be said: perhaps stop commiting Actual
Bodily Harm on your child and try some proper parenting techniques?
There's plenty of books if you want to change. The fact is what you're
doing at the moment isnt working.


I already stated that I believe in spanking a child. I am not trying to
convert you, so please don't try to convert me.

Thanks...
---------------------
Then the next thing you're going to see, if you survive it, is your
slightly older, larger, stronger son beating the **** out of you and
you looking up at him as he repeatedly smashes your face. That's IF
he decides he'd rather do that than burn your ****ing house down with
you in it, you blithering ****head!
Steve

"R. Steve Walz" wrote in message
...
C. Massey wrote:

wrote in message
oups.com...
Sorry to be rude but it has to be said: perhaps stop commiting Actual
Bodily Harm on your child and try some proper parenting techniques?
There's plenty of books if you want to change. The fact is what you're
doing at the moment isnt working.


I already stated that I believe in spanking a child. I am not trying to
convert you, so please don't try to convert me.

Thanks...
---------------------
Then the next thing you're going to see, if you survive it, is your
slightly older, larger, stronger son beating the **** out of you and
you looking up at him as he repeatedly smashes your face. That's IF
he decides he'd rather do that than burn your ****ing house down with
you in it, you blithering ****head!
Steve


Ya know Buddy, I got PLENTY of spankings from my Mom and Dad growing up as
well as my fair share of them in school. So did my sister. They were not
"beatings" or did my parents EVER lay a hand on us other than spankings with
a belt or the paddle. Neither one of us EVER got a bruise or anything.
Neither one of us has EVER laid a hand on either one of my parents. Neither
one of us have ever been in trouble with the law. My sister and I are grown
now with souses and children of our own. We both have good jobs and nice
homes.

Don't give me any of your crap about spankings.

I said from the start that I believe in spankings and wanted spankings be
left out of the thread. I really don't want to get started on the subject,
but I have a feeling that you are a troll and will do your best to get me
started.

Bye.

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
In article ,
"C. Massey" wrote:

wrote in message
oups.com...
Sorry to be rude but it has to be said: perhaps stop commiting Actual
Bodily Harm on your child and try some proper parenting techniques?
There's plenty of books if you want to change. The fact is what you're
doing at the moment isnt working.



I already stated that I believe in spanking a child. I am not trying to
convert you, so please don't try to convert me.


Thanks...



Whether you believe in spanking or not, what you are doing right now
isn't working. That's the point -- since it isn't working, it's time to
try something else.


You are right. That's why I came here and asked.

Wether one disagrees with spanking or not isnt the issue here really.
Even if I did agree with it being used in some cases, it certainly isnt
working with this child. Its obviously a cause of alot of stress for
you. the key is not to get angry about it. If he goes refuses to do
something accept it but take away a privledge. Theres no need to shout
and scream about it; far too much effort. He'll soon learn that not
doing his chores isnt in his best interest.

As for the strain on your relationship, with him, you should try and
spend some time with him in which nothing is expected of him,
preferably out of the house. Go-karting for example.