Oy ... what did I say?

So ... I was wandering around the net the other day, and found myself
over on the Babycenter.com parenting boards. A rather unusual place
.... Lots of moms with lots of questions about fairly straightforward
things (and surprsingly few helpful answers from other moms) so ...
being the kind of person I am, (and those who were here when I was here
a lot know what kind of person I am ....) I jumped in.

Looking at the 'formula feeding' part of the site, a post caught my eye
from a mom of a 2 week old who had been breastfeeding well until the
first dreaded growth spurt, when she gave in and gave formula for
several feedings, and now, the next day, isn't sure what she should do.
Should she go ahead and wean? Combo feed? Keep trying to breastfeed?
The responses she'd gotten were varied, with a couple of people
encourging her to keep nursing, but most saying "Do what you think
best" or "combi-feed". *I* said (bending over backwards to be polite
and non-judgemental, I thought):

"The fact that you posted this question on the formula feeding board
suggests to me that you are looking for 'permission' to switch
completely to the bottle. And, if in fact that's what you want to do,
that is what you will do.

However, I would encourage you to reconsider. You had a rough day with
the growth spurt. Growth spurts ARE tough, no doubt about it. But
they don't come very often. And they are only one of many challenges
you will face as a mother (regardless of how you choose to feed). I
promise you that you won't go insane from breastfeeding. You will not
only retain your sanity, but you will be giving your son the best
possible start in life. (And if there are other occassional times where
you need, for whatever reason, to give the odd bottle of formula or
expressed milk, that's fine.)"

And got, in response, from another poster:

"Why would you assume that the only reason this mother would post on
this board is to get permission to switch to formula?

She's obviously an intelligent woman who is thinking this through and
certainly doesn't need the 'permission' of some anonymous people on a
message board to make such a decision. It seemed like she was just
bouncing around these thoughts in her head and I thought everyone gave
her some really good and honest advice.

Why do you come to this board, what's your motivation?"

So I said:

"What is my motivation? To offer what assistance I can to mothers with
questions.

I'm sorry if you were offended by my wording. I was trying to be
non-judgemental. I'm sorry if I wasn't successful.

It sounded to me (and perhaps I was wrong) that she was already
pretty sure of her choice to wean and was hoping to get support for it.
(Hence her post to a formula board rather than a breastfeeding
support/problems board.) What I tried to do was to say that if she'd
made her choice, that's fine, but to be sure she had fully considered
the pros and cons. (She posted the day after the growth spurt incident,
when she was likely still stressed and upset.)"

And THEN got, from yet another poster:

"Yes, some babies have trouble with different formula and may have to
try a few different kinds to find the one that works. HOWEVER, bf is
not for everyone and I can not believe that someone would post that
formula is not healthy for a baby. I don't know which web site you
got your source from but formula IS healthy for a baby! There are
millions and millions of healthy babies that have been fed formula.
How could it be sold if it weren't good for babies? Maybe ask your
pediatrician- I'm sure they will tell you the same thing. To anyone
who may be "feeling guilty" about not bf, ignore posts like that. Do
what is best for you and your family. No matter what you decide, you
are great mom!"

Right ... so ... as near as I can tell "breastfeeding is giving your
baby the best possible start in life" = "formula is not healthy for a
baby."

I damn near tied my hands behind my back to keep from giving her a
detailed response, reminding myself over and over that this IS the
formula feeding board, and not necessarily an appropriate place to sing
the praises of breastfeeding ....

Naomi

wrote in message
oups.com...
snip

I damn near tied my hands behind my back to keep from giving her a
detailed response, reminding myself over and over that this IS the
formula feeding board, and not necessarily an appropriate place to sing
the praises of breastfeeding ....

You're better person than me Naomi ... I'd have to post a few refs about the
risks of ff as opposed to bf. I'd concede that ff is better than starving
to death, but its not exactly as healthy as breast milk.

Amanda

wrote:

Right ... so ... as near as I can tell "breastfeeding is giving your
baby the best possible start in life" = "formula is not healthy for a
baby."

Having had a look at the board, I think she's confusing you with
Idragoo, the poster immediately before you, who did specifically state
that formula is not good for babies.

Confusions about which poster was which happen all the time in long
threads, and, yes, it is bloody irritating when someone's in too much of
a rush to check whom they're responding to, but I think you did the
right thing by not making it into a huge fight.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

But how do we _know_ that nobody ever said on their deathbed that they
wished they’d spent more time at the office?

"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
...
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

Linkishness.

Jess

"Yes, some babies have trouble with different formula and may have to
try a few different kinds to find the one that works. HOWEVER, bf is
not for everyone and I can not believe that someone would post that
formula is not healthy for a baby. I don't know which web site you
got your source from but formula IS healthy for a baby! There are
millions and millions of healthy babies that have been fed formula.
How could it be sold if it weren't good for babies? Maybe ask your
pediatrician- I'm sure they will tell you the same thing. To anyone
who may be "feeling guilty" about not bf, ignore posts like that. Do
what is best for you and your family. No matter what you decide, you
are great mom!"

ha, you know if formula was new on the market just now, it would not be
approved for sale and definitely would not be allowed to be prescribed

I also think you are right about wanting permission, even though the person
may not realise it themselves.

Anne

Jess wrote:
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
...
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

Linkishness.

Errrm, what?


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

Anne Rogers wrote:

ha, you know if formula was new on the market just now, it would not be
approved for sale and definitely would not be allowed to be prescribed

Why not? Seems to me there's a reasonable chance it would prove to be
at least as good as the DIY formulas that people used to make before it
was commercially available, and probably better. For some babies, that
would be the choice. Formula may be horribly overused, but that doesn't
mean there aren't cases where it _is_ the best and healthiest alternative.

I also think you are right about wanting permission, even though the person
may not realise it themselves.

Possibly, but from reading her post she did sound as though she wanted
to continue breastfeeding despite her reservations. Given how zonked
out and mummy-brained she's going to be right now, I don't think I'd
read too much into the fact that she happened to click on one forum to
post to rather than another. ;-)


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

Naomi, Naomi, Naomi,

:-)

Reading your long sad tale, I can't help but comment on what
I would do if I were in your shoes. :-) ...

In the first place, given my own personal tendencies, I would
likely have never found my on such a "mainstream" parenting site! "-)

However, if I had and I actually stumbled onto the letter you described
I would have probably responded to her also And if I had....

I would have avoided any comments about motivation, positive or negative.
I would have focused on the "isn't sure what she should do" part of the
post. Here, I would have given, the best advice I could muster on how
to get through the growth spurt without formula and how to get back to
full time breastfeeding. I would have stated it as simple assumed goal
with no further comments about breastfeeding or formula feeding.

Now, with that change, who know what kinds of posts I would have gotten
in return. That would have been interesting. :-)

However, assuming that people are similar enough, I would have probably
finally gotten a post like the last one you describe. This one is a
gem, because there I LOTS in it that is plain wrong, and scientifically
disputable.

If I got that post, I would go back through my research notes, surf the
web some more, and actually provide some quantitative proof that "formula
is not healthy for a baby." How fun!!! :-) Are you up to it? :-)

Remember,
have fun and do good,
Larry


writes:
: So ... I was wandering around the net the other day, and found myself
: over on the Babycenter.com parenting boards. A rather unusual place
: ... Lots of moms with lots of questions about fairly straightforward
: things (and surprsingly few helpful answers from other moms) so ...
: being the kind of person I am, (and those who were here when I was here
: a lot know what kind of person I am ....) I jumped in.

: Looking at the 'formula feeding' part of the site, a post caught my eye
: from a mom of a 2 week old who had been breastfeeding well until the
: first dreaded growth spurt, when she gave in and gave formula for
: several feedings, and now, the next day, isn't sure what she should do.
: Should she go ahead and wean? Combo feed? Keep trying to breastfeed?
: The responses she'd gotten were varied, with a couple of people
: encourging her to keep nursing, but most saying "Do what you think
: best" or "combi-feed". *I* said (bending over backwards to be polite
: and non-judgemental, I thought):

: "The fact that you posted this question on the formula feeding board
: suggests to me that you are looking for 'permission' to switch
: completely to the bottle. And, if in fact that's what you want to do,
: that is what you will do.

: However, I would encourage you to reconsider. You had a rough day with
: the growth spurt. Growth spurts ARE tough, no doubt about it. But
: they don't come very often. And they are only one of many challenges
: you will face as a mother (regardless of how you choose to feed). I
: promise you that you won't go insane from breastfeeding. You will not
: only retain your sanity, but you will be giving your son the best
: possible start in life. (And if there are other occassional times where
: you need, for whatever reason, to give the odd bottle of formula or
: expressed milk, that's fine.)"

: And got, in response, from another poster:

: "Why would you assume that the only reason this mother would post on
: this board is to get permission to switch to formula?

: She's obviously an intelligent woman who is thinking this through and
: certainly doesn't need the 'permission' of some anonymous people on a
: message board to make such a decision. It seemed like she was just
: bouncing around these thoughts in her head and I thought everyone gave
: her some really good and honest advice.

: Why do you come to this board, what's your motivation?"

: So I said:

: "What is my motivation? To offer what assistance I can to mothers with
: questions.

: I'm sorry if you were offended by my wording. I was trying to be
: non-judgemental. I'm sorry if I wasn't successful.

: It sounded to me (and perhaps I was wrong) that she was already
: pretty sure of her choice to wean and was hoping to get support for it.
: (Hence her post to a formula board rather than a breastfeeding
: support/problems board.) What I tried to do was to say that if she'd
: made her choice, that's fine, but to be sure she had fully considered
: the pros and cons. (She posted the day after the growth spurt incident,
: when she was likely still stressed and upset.)"

: And THEN got, from yet another poster:

: "Yes, some babies have trouble with different formula and may have to
: try a few different kinds to find the one that works. HOWEVER, bf is
: not for everyone and I can not believe that someone would post that
: formula is not healthy for a baby. I don't know which web site you
: got your source from but formula IS healthy for a baby! There are
: millions and millions of healthy babies that have been fed formula.
: How could it be sold if it weren't good for babies? Maybe ask your
: pediatrician- I'm sure they will tell you the same thing. To anyone
: who may be "feeling guilty" about not bf, ignore posts like that. Do
: what is best for you and your family. No matter what you decide, you
: are great mom!"

: Right ... so ... as near as I can tell "breastfeeding is giving your
: baby the best possible start in life" = "formula is not healthy for a
: baby."

: I damn near tied my hands behind my back to keep from giving her a
: detailed response, reminding myself over and over that this IS the
: formula feeding board, and not necessarily an appropriate place to sing
: the praises of breastfeeding ....

: Naomi

"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
...
Errrm, what?

Sorry.

Linked to your journal. Cool reading.

Jess

wrote in message
oups.com...
Right ... so ... as near as I can tell "breastfeeding is giving your
baby the best possible start in life" = "formula is not healthy for a
baby."

Well, health is relative. For the vast majority of babies, formula is
extremely unhealthy compared to breastmilk. It is however preferable by far
to straight cows' milk, or condensed milk diluted with water, or soy milk,
or juice...etc. So while it isn't strictly correct to say 'formula is not
healthy for a baby' it would be true to say 'with few exceptions, formula is
not healthy for babies compared to breastmilk'.


--
Amy
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/
My blog: http://spaces.msn.com/members/querer-hijo-querer-hija/