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#1
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Setting one's self up for failure?
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board,
where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula so baby won't starve. etc. |
#2
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Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote: I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. I think most women who say things like this are women who don't really want to breastfeed. Because they know that it's best, and their doctors encourage them to try, they 'try', but quickly find lots of good reasons to stop. (And, in turn, many peds, while they do give lip-service to 'breast is best', are perfectly happy to encourage such women to stop if they have any difficulties. "Well, you tried your best. Not all women can breastfeed and your baby will do fine on formula. Here are some samples to get you started.) Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? I knew I was going to breastfeed. Couldn't think of a damned reason not to, and dozens of reasons to do it. So I did. (Of course that's not denying that SOME women have a hard time, but the great majority can succeed if they want to and have good help and advice.) Naomi Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula so baby won't starve. etc. |
#3
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Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote: Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? I find the 'try and see' attitude, in general, to be very successful for me. For nursing, I would have been overwhelmed to say, "I will nurse for the first 2.5 years of my child's life" -- breaking it into pieces, such as "I will get through nursing and pumping today -- all I have to do is pump 20 oz. today at work, and nurse tonight, then evaluate tomorrow," made it work for me (to reach the 2.5 year mark). Ditto drug-free labor ("just have to get through next 10 minutes without drugs"), saving money ("only x amount per day, every day"), and other long-term goals. I think for me, the thing I need to do is attain low goals and keep building on them; setting the bar high with a long-term mindset I typically find really depressing. YMMV. Caledonia |
#4
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Setting one's self up for failure?
try and see worked for me.
i had some very militant breastfeeding friends and i bristle at the thought of being talked into and guilted into things. i knew i wanted to breastfeed but i didn't want the friend who was breastfeeding her 4 yr old to get too cozy with my plan. i told everyone i was going to try for 6 months, then see how it went. it turns out my daughter was born with severe heart defects, had surgery at 5 days and was hospitalized for 2 weeks. there were lots of opportunities for doctors or nurses to convince me that formula was best for any number of reasons but no one tried and i continued with my plan. (btw, this is not to say they didnt accidentally on purpose screw up and give her formula when i wasnt around. i chalked it up to laziness in not checking her file and time saving in their busy days) my friends also had the good sense to back off and not pressure me. we had no problems with breastfeeding. no latch issues, no supply issues, no contrary doctors. at 6 months, things were going well so there was no reason to stop. i decided to try to continue and see how it went. maybe go till i returned to work. at 9 months i returned to work. my body and my baby both adjusted quickly to an evening and mornings schedule. no pumping, homo milk during the day. with her 1st birthday came a second surgery. i wasn't going to take away one of the few comforts i could offer her during her hospital stay, so breastfeeding continued. at 19 months it stopped working so well for me. i disliked being undressed in public by a hungry toddler. that was my personal line. i decided to wean her using the same try and see method. i'd cut out the second morning feed and the second evening feed. that went fine. so i cut the first evening feed. still fine. so i cut the morning feed. also fine. the last to go was the nurse to sleep feed, but one day i skipped it in our evening routine. she went happily to sleep. and that was the end of our breastfeeding, no turning back. so at every step, i had an idea of what i wanted but none of it was ever etched in stone. it wasnt baby-led, but it was baby-accommodating. if at any point she'd objected, i would have altered my path. wait and see worked for us. but i know what you mean. i agree with you though, a lot of people who approach breastfeeding with a wait and see attitude are giving themselves and easy out or a planned escape hatch. nancy cjra wrote: I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula so baby won't starve. etc. |
#5
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Setting one's self up for failure?
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board,
where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula so baby won't starve. etc. I'm entirely 100% convinced you are correct, I was exactly the same, when other people I knew who were having babies were buying bottles and sterilisers just in case and had a supply of formula cartons, all I had bought was breastpads and nipple cream. I was going to breastfeed and that was that. I also knew that with 24hr supermarkets that if there was a genuine emergency, with the exception of midnight to 11am and 5pm to midnight on a Sunday we could have formula and a bottle available within half an hour, but I figured that having to go out and get it was enough of a buffer if we did go through a difficult patch. My experience of breastfeeding has been a bit wierd, problem free for 6 weeks, couldn't see what all the fuss was about, then everything under the sun thrown at us after that, but here we are, I'm feeding number 2 at the moment who is currently 14 months, no plans to stop. Anne |
#6
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Setting one's self up for failure?
Well, I thought I was prepared for everything, and then I ended up with a
child who just plain couldn't nurse. The "try and see" focus is the only reason I've been able to pump-because if I had felt, on day 1, when I was in tears trying to pump with a hand pump, that this was it for the next two years, I'd have quit right then. But, I could say "OK, I'll try the electric pump for a week (the first rental), and then "well, let's renew for a month", and then, "we've made it to 6 weeks, let's keep going". So I had goals-1 week, 6 weeks, 6 months, 1 year. Currently I've been pumping 20 months-and plan to make it to age 2 with Alli getting at least some breast milk. But it took those intermediate goals to get there. -- Donna DeVore Metler Orff Music Specialist/Kindermusik Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor) |
#7
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Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote:
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." De-lurking here. While I knew that breastfeeding was good, I was kind of ambivelent about it prior to having DD but after doing alot of research decided that I should definitely try. (If it makes a difference I was an older first time mom (38 when DD was born). Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? What I found to be more constructive was to commit to small goals rather than just leave it as vague as "I'll try and see" and I'd offer that as a suggestion to anyone starting out with that attitude. I had read and heard enough that the first six weeks especially is often difficult so to decided that no matter what I would nurse for 6 weeks and then evaluate. I did have a fairly low point at about 2 weeks with a bleeding and painful nipple but got really good assistance from the LC at my pediatricians office and got through it. Once I got past the six week growth spurt, things were easier and so set the goal to make it three months and then evaluate. At three months I set the goal to six months. By the time I got to six months, switching to formula seemed like a lot more bother and I set my next goal to 1 year. At a year I didn't bother setting a goal and she ended up weaning at 24 months. I never would have thought I'd have nursed anywhere that long when we first started ( 2 years seemed like an eternity starting out). |
#8
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Setting one's self up for failure?
"cjra" wrote in message ups.com... I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." I do think this is *generally* a less successful approach to nursing. I'm about to make a slightly strained analogy so bear with me and suggest a better one if you can. If a teenager believes, from his family or on his own, church, whatever, that alcohol is bad, wrong, etc. and he WILL not drink, he's less likely to never take a first drink. Now -- is alcohol bad and wrong? I don't think so. My kids won't grow up with that message, and I would expect some naughtiness to ensue in the teenage years. So some of us start with the idea that nursing is the only way and formula is a bad idea. Maybe those few of us who fail, fail the emotionally hard way. But I'd bet more of our babies are nursed for longer. The fact is, given the opportunity, nursing works out very well the vast majority of the time. Like birth. It cannot be otherwise. We are mammals. I never contemplated weaning an infant. I'm contemplating weaning some toddlers on a daily basis, but I digress. |
#9
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Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote:
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula so baby won't starve. etc. When I was first pg, I really didn't want to breastfeed tbh. There was a hole lot of reasons, and I just wasn't into the idea. I bought bottles, sterilisers etc, but no formula as I wanted to wait til nearer the birth. Then, when I turned 6 months pg, my milk arrived, which freaked me out, as I really didn't expect it to. However, once I got over the shock, I decided my body obviously knew what it was doing and I would give breastfeeding a try, and when DD was born, that's exactly what I did. I'm glad I was never determined though, as (partly thanks to the midwife at the hospital who told me not to let Jessica snack, and that she must have set feed times from birth!) the first few weeks were so tough and I had to express and eventually supplement. Had I been determined, I would have felt a total failure, which the community midwife tried to make me feel like the next day anyway. My back hurt from feeding in the wrong position, my hand hurt from hand expressing (my manual pump was useless) and I didn't know to "sandwich" behind the nipple when my boobs were really big and engorged and she was too little to feed. Having now worked through all these issues, I'm happily breastfeeding totally. I'm aiming for 6 months, and will see where we're at when deciding to continue - If I go on further than that, fantastic, but if I'm supplementing again by then, then I know I'll have at least have given her the best possible start. As for when I have #2, I'll have a better idea of what I'm doing, but I still won't set my expectations too high. Interesting question though I've enjoyed reading other people's replies Lucy |
#10
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Setting one's self up for failure?
"cjra" wrote in message
ups.com... Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? That was pretty much my attitude when my DD was born. I was a first-time mom who knew only the very basics of b/fing (mainly the various b/fing holds and many of the benefits of b/fing). Most people I knew IRL had b/fed for six months or less. I was determined to try b/fing DD and was just hoping to make a go of it for at least a short time. In preparation for her coming home from the hospital, we hadn't bought any formula, but we did take the formula samples home with us "just in case." At first, I had set a goal of b/fing for at least a month. After I met that goal, I moved it out to three months. Once my supply and her demand evened out (at around 3-4 months or so), and things got *much* easier, I knew that we would be b/fing for a long time to come (I had no idea back then that we would be going until after she turned three!). I must say that things were *very* difficult when she was a newborn. She never seemed satisfied with my supply and would scream at the breast on a nightly basis. (Out of desperation, we did give in a couple of times and try a bottle with formula, but fortunately for us, she refused all bottles.) She also had reflux. I started lurking in here and gathered tons of information. I really believe that this group is what "saved" me. I think an awful lot of people just don't have the support and/or information they need to establish and maintain a good b/fing relationship. I certainly wasn't expecting it to be so hard in the beginning, and without the information I received from this group, I might very well have thrown in the towel early on, not knowing how much better and easier things would get just a short time later. Now that I'm expecting twins, it's a whole other ballgame. Of course I'm going to try to b/f them exclusively, but we'll see how it goes. Mary -- Mommy to Rayna 1/20/03 Daughters #2 and 3 to make their grand entrance into the world on 9/25/06! |
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