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Setting one's self up for failure?



 
 
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  #12  
Old August 7th 06, 08:42 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Posts: 125
Default Setting one's self up for failure?


cjra wrote:
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board,
where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so
often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well,
stop."

Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for
me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a
lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My
attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts."
Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying.


I think "try and see" can mean very different things coming from
different people. Lots of responses mention setting specific goals
before giving up, sometimes very short goals. I think that's a
realistic way of really TRYING. Lots of folks mean by "try and see"
that they aren't going to go on with breastfeeding unless they find
it's really far easier than they thought, which is quite a different
matter. It's like saying "I'm going to put my foot in so that I know
whether the water is too cold before I decide whether to swim." Well,
you can't always tell by just putting your foot in. It's more realistic
to say "I'm going to get wet all over and swim a stroke or two before I
conclude that it really is far too cold, because I know it almost
always seems cold just at first." Whether you do the latter by going in
gradually, or diving off the dock, is probably more a matter of
personality than anything else.

In my case, I started off with twins, so I knew there might potentially
be some difficulties and complications. I told myself that I was going
to do my darndest for a specific period of time (six weeks, barring
medical emergencies), and then if I did have to give up, I would know
absolutely that it hadn't been my fault, I'd given it everything I had
in me at that time, and thank goodness formula is reasonably safe these
days. If I'd had a singleton first, I don't think I would have thought
so much about the "what if I have to use formula," because singletons
are less risk and less stress, so it was inherently less likely that
I'd need to go that way. I'd probably have been more inclined to just
muddle through without setting any specific goals (which might or might
not have worked out as well, dunno).

It depends on whether they're coming from the perspective that there's
a choice to be made at all, really, as if it were a matter of which
school district to buy a house in. To me, the process went something
like, well, if you can breastfeed, the obvious thing is to breastfeed.
If you can't breastfeed, then the obvious thing is to give formula.
What choice?

Of course I'm exaggerating for effect there; in real life there are
gray areas, centering on what "can't" might look like in your
particular situation.

--Helen

  #14  
Old August 8th 06, 12:52 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Anne Rogers
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Posts: 1,497
Default Setting one's self up for failure?

When I was first pg, I really didn't want to breastfeed tbh. There was a
hole lot of reasons, and I just wasn't into the idea. I bought bottles,
sterilisers etc, but no formula as I wanted to wait til nearer the birth.
Then, when I turned 6 months pg, my milk arrived, which freaked me out, as
I really didn't expect it to. However, once I got over the shock, I
decided my body obviously knew what it was doing and I would give
breastfeeding a try, and when DD was born, that's exactly what I did. I'm
glad I was never determined though, as (partly thanks to the midwife at
the hospital who told me not to let Jessica snack, and that she must have
set feed times from birth!) the first few weeks were so tough and I had to
express and eventually supplement. Had I been determined, I would have
felt a total failure, which the community midwife tried to make me feel
like the next day anyway.


One could argue, however, that had you been committed, you would have either
been educated, or followed your instincts, and fed the baby on demand,
having set feed times from birth has been off the cards for quite a long
time now and all the free stuff that gets dumped on you in the UK all say
feed the baby on demand. Had you made the decision that you were nursing no
matter what, that first bottle may never have happened, I had problems with
my first, he had a weak suck and my supply dropped, I would often nurse him
for 2hrs, switching side every 15 minutes. In some ways for me committing to
breastfeed was really committing not to give formula, so if baby was hungry
it was me he was having, my suspicion is that had you been determined you
would have been a success and that is exactly what you are, you've been
determined to go back to breastfeeding exclusively and you have!

Anne


  #15  
Old August 8th 06, 12:57 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Anne Rogers
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Posts: 1,497
Default Setting one's self up for failure?

Now that I'm expecting twins, it's a whole other ballgame. Of course I'm
going to try to b/f them exclusively, but we'll see how it goes.


I think you've given your own advice earlier in your post, commit to
breastfeeding them for a certain amount of time, maybe just 2 weeks if thats
what you feel happy with, educate yourself on twin nursing, including
expressing, remembering that expressing in the early days is quite different
to later expressing, many people find expressing colostrum is easier by
hand, for example.

Anne


  #16  
Old August 8th 06, 01:13 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Nikki
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Posts: 486
Default Setting one's self up for failure?


"cjra" wrote in message
ups.com...
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board,
where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so
often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well,
stop."


That worked for me but then I meant it. I really was going to try. I
wasn't just saying to get people to back off.


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06



  #17  
Old August 8th 06, 06:50 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Irrational Number
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Posts: 306
Default Setting one's self up for failure?

cjra wrote:

I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board,
where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so
often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well,
stop."


That's me! I told DH I would BF for two months
and that was it. I told him I would never pump
at work, that's just not me. I bought formula
before I had the baby. Who knew I'd nurse
and pump Pillbug for 17 months and am now on
month 14 with Rocky???

Pediatrician, this newsgroup, and the pumpmoms
mailing list made all the difference!

-- Anita --
  #18  
Old August 8th 06, 06:51 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Irrational Number
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Posts: 306
Default Setting one's self up for failure?

cjra wrote:

I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board,
where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so
often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well,
stop."


Just remembered, SIL lending me her pump
also made a big difference.

-- Anita --
  #19  
Old August 8th 06, 10:17 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Teej
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Posts: 4
Default Setting one's self up for failure?

My daughter was early and tiny (4lbs) so was put straight on formula
and taken to high dependancy unit. She only had a brief few hours stay
there before coming to me, but hospital were more biased towards
continuing her on formula than getting me to feed. Was day 3 before
eventually got somebody to sit and show me how to feed her (I did ask
for help but kept getting forgotten, and what with it being first baby
and all a big shock i didn't push it, but with hindsight i should
have). Started feeding her a few minutes before each feed then
following up with formula. This carried on for first few months. By
week 14 i had weaned her completely off formula and onto breast. But
first 6wks were hard. Kept thinking "would be much easier to just stick
with formula", but perservered.
For me, best way was to take it one day at a time. Not nice to think
when you have a newborn "right, 6mths of breastfeeding to come" as is
very daunting. But day by day is a good approach. I am proud that i
stuck with it and weaned her off formula. I have just weaned her off
breast completely, she is 15mths.
So many people I speak to say "oh, it was too hard for me" and had
given up by the first day. I think that some people do have reasons why
they can't feed, but i think that in some cases the reason "too hard"
is used when really mums want to say " i prefer to bottle feed". Mums
shouldn;t feel bad for picking formula because it suits them.
cjra wrote:
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board,
where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so
often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well,
stop."

Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for
me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a
lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My
attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts."
Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying.

Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked
for you? Especially when it was difficult at first?

Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will
bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and
couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining
weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come
in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula
so baby won't starve. etc.


  #20  
Old August 8th 06, 10:46 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Posts: 77
Default Setting one's self up for failure?

Personally I don't think you can make general statements about anyone's
level of commitment because there are so many factors involved in each
person's decision you can't cover them all in one blanket.

For me I said I would try to bf but not get stressed about it if it
didn't work. As it turned out I fought through cracked and split
nipples, horrible let-down pain, bad latch, sleepy baby, late milk
coming in and more to get to where I am now. But had you asked me
before whether I would have gone that far I would have been doubtful as
I don't do pain well. What got me through was m yown bloodymindedness
and good advice, what hacked me off was militancy and bad advice.

Jeni

 




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