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#11
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Setting one's self up for failure?
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#12
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Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote: I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. I think "try and see" can mean very different things coming from different people. Lots of responses mention setting specific goals before giving up, sometimes very short goals. I think that's a realistic way of really TRYING. Lots of folks mean by "try and see" that they aren't going to go on with breastfeeding unless they find it's really far easier than they thought, which is quite a different matter. It's like saying "I'm going to put my foot in so that I know whether the water is too cold before I decide whether to swim." Well, you can't always tell by just putting your foot in. It's more realistic to say "I'm going to get wet all over and swim a stroke or two before I conclude that it really is far too cold, because I know it almost always seems cold just at first." Whether you do the latter by going in gradually, or diving off the dock, is probably more a matter of personality than anything else. In my case, I started off with twins, so I knew there might potentially be some difficulties and complications. I told myself that I was going to do my darndest for a specific period of time (six weeks, barring medical emergencies), and then if I did have to give up, I would know absolutely that it hadn't been my fault, I'd given it everything I had in me at that time, and thank goodness formula is reasonably safe these days. If I'd had a singleton first, I don't think I would have thought so much about the "what if I have to use formula," because singletons are less risk and less stress, so it was inherently less likely that I'd need to go that way. I'd probably have been more inclined to just muddle through without setting any specific goals (which might or might not have worked out as well, dunno). It depends on whether they're coming from the perspective that there's a choice to be made at all, really, as if it were a matter of which school district to buy a house in. To me, the process went something like, well, if you can breastfeed, the obvious thing is to breastfeed. If you can't breastfeed, then the obvious thing is to give formula. What choice? Of course I'm exaggerating for effect there; in real life there are gray areas, centering on what "can't" might look like in your particular situation. --Helen |
#13
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Setting one's self up for failure?
Leslie wrote: wrote: What I found to be more constructive was to commit to small goals rather than just leave it as vague as "I'll try and see" and I'd offer that as a suggestion to anyone starting out with that attitude. I agree with this. I think that everyone else who has posted who has said they would try and see, really meant they would *commit* for short periods of time, and then see, which is different. IOW, the OP is talking about people who have not committed to exclusive bf for even one day. When there is no commitment, failure is more likely. That's not the same thing as saying that you WILL bf for the first week, then evaluate from there. Leslie Thanks for the perspectives. I was interpreting the comments on the other board as lack of commitment, but maybe there's more there. |
#14
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Setting one's self up for failure?
When I was first pg, I really didn't want to breastfeed tbh. There was a
hole lot of reasons, and I just wasn't into the idea. I bought bottles, sterilisers etc, but no formula as I wanted to wait til nearer the birth. Then, when I turned 6 months pg, my milk arrived, which freaked me out, as I really didn't expect it to. However, once I got over the shock, I decided my body obviously knew what it was doing and I would give breastfeeding a try, and when DD was born, that's exactly what I did. I'm glad I was never determined though, as (partly thanks to the midwife at the hospital who told me not to let Jessica snack, and that she must have set feed times from birth!) the first few weeks were so tough and I had to express and eventually supplement. Had I been determined, I would have felt a total failure, which the community midwife tried to make me feel like the next day anyway. One could argue, however, that had you been committed, you would have either been educated, or followed your instincts, and fed the baby on demand, having set feed times from birth has been off the cards for quite a long time now and all the free stuff that gets dumped on you in the UK all say feed the baby on demand. Had you made the decision that you were nursing no matter what, that first bottle may never have happened, I had problems with my first, he had a weak suck and my supply dropped, I would often nurse him for 2hrs, switching side every 15 minutes. In some ways for me committing to breastfeed was really committing not to give formula, so if baby was hungry it was me he was having, my suspicion is that had you been determined you would have been a success and that is exactly what you are, you've been determined to go back to breastfeeding exclusively and you have! Anne |
#15
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Setting one's self up for failure?
Now that I'm expecting twins, it's a whole other ballgame. Of course I'm
going to try to b/f them exclusively, but we'll see how it goes. I think you've given your own advice earlier in your post, commit to breastfeeding them for a certain amount of time, maybe just 2 weeks if thats what you feel happy with, educate yourself on twin nursing, including expressing, remembering that expressing in the early days is quite different to later expressing, many people find expressing colostrum is easier by hand, for example. Anne |
#16
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Setting one's self up for failure?
"cjra" wrote in message ups.com... I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." That worked for me but then I meant it. I really was going to try. I wasn't just saying to get people to back off. -- Nikki, mama to Hunter 4/99 Luke 4/01 Brock 4/06 Ben 4/06 |
#17
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Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote:
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." That's me! I told DH I would BF for two months and that was it. I told him I would never pump at work, that's just not me. I bought formula before I had the baby. Who knew I'd nurse and pump Pillbug for 17 months and am now on month 14 with Rocky??? Pediatrician, this newsgroup, and the pumpmoms mailing list made all the difference! -- Anita -- |
#18
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Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote:
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Just remembered, SIL lending me her pump also made a big difference. -- Anita -- |
#19
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Setting one's self up for failure?
My daughter was early and tiny (4lbs) so was put straight on formula
and taken to high dependancy unit. She only had a brief few hours stay there before coming to me, but hospital were more biased towards continuing her on formula than getting me to feed. Was day 3 before eventually got somebody to sit and show me how to feed her (I did ask for help but kept getting forgotten, and what with it being first baby and all a big shock i didn't push it, but with hindsight i should have). Started feeding her a few minutes before each feed then following up with formula. This carried on for first few months. By week 14 i had weaned her completely off formula and onto breast. But first 6wks were hard. Kept thinking "would be much easier to just stick with formula", but perservered. For me, best way was to take it one day at a time. Not nice to think when you have a newborn "right, 6mths of breastfeeding to come" as is very daunting. But day by day is a good approach. I am proud that i stuck with it and weaned her off formula. I have just weaned her off breast completely, she is 15mths. So many people I speak to say "oh, it was too hard for me" and had given up by the first day. I think that some people do have reasons why they can't feed, but i think that in some cases the reason "too hard" is used when really mums want to say " i prefer to bottle feed". Mums shouldn;t feel bad for picking formula because it suits them. cjra wrote: I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula so baby won't starve. etc. |
#20
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Setting one's self up for failure?
Personally I don't think you can make general statements about anyone's
level of commitment because there are so many factors involved in each person's decision you can't cover them all in one blanket. For me I said I would try to bf but not get stressed about it if it didn't work. As it turned out I fought through cracked and split nipples, horrible let-down pain, bad latch, sleepy baby, late milk coming in and more to get to where I am now. But had you asked me before whether I would have gone that far I would have been doubtful as I don't do pain well. What got me through was m yown bloodymindedness and good advice, what hacked me off was militancy and bad advice. Jeni |
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