Big Brothers Big Sisters Problem (Follow Up To September Posting)

HI,



I didn't know so many responded to my problems with my little brother
(through Big Brothers Big Sisters) because I didn't check the
newsgroup. I don't agree with some of you by the way you are blaming
me and seem to be giving me wrong for what happened with him. I don't
think I explained the situation correctly, so here is another attempt.

The fact is that this kid has problems, and his mother did nothing to
even try to talk about it. His mother wasn't even there when the
problems happened, but she writes two 3 page emails degrading me and
my wife. Based on what she heard from my little and his grandmother,
she came to her own conclusion, taking the word of her 13 year old
son, then slandering us without even hearing what I had to say.

This kid wants to take over, orders you around, is rude to everyone he
has come in contact with, including my wife, my family, my friends,
and even a kid his age who has told me he was obnoxious. I have
become friends with this kid who is his age (who I introduced him to
in the first place) and later learned that he and his mother couldn't
stand my little's family. This after I tried countless times to get
this kid and my little together so they could be friends because my
little really has no friends. I tried to show him a good experience
by taking him places, exposing him to other people, so he could be
sociable, but he and his mother didn't appreciate it.

One of you even faulted me for showing up late to his house. For what
I did for this kid, he should be kissing my feet. My wife and I
recently built a house, and we lived in a hotel for 6 months while I
had to scramble to complete a house because my builder abandoned my
project. During this time, I drove 40 miles each week from the hotel
to my little's house to see him. So I was 1 hour late for the 9 hours
I would spend with him every week. Big deal. I put up with his crap
and never complained, so he could wait 1 hour. If this situation
turned out differently, I would have had him over my house when it was
done.

I was always consistent with this kid, did a lot for him, and spent
more than the required time with him. My wife was there only about
50% of the time. This kid had enough time with me alone, so nobody
can say she was in the way. My little had no right to insult my wife
by saying "Why did you come?" And there were times he would tell us
to "get out of the car" when we arrived at our destination. This kid
is plain rude, arrogant, and he has no manners, but he gets this from
his mother who is just like him. "You see the parent, you see the
child."

This kid lost out. 3 boys, my little being the oldest (now 14), the
others are 13 and 10. The match with the 10 year old went bad soon
after it started, and I am waiting for the 13 year old to have
problems. A situation made worse because of the type of mother they
have. And the strange thing is that the step-father seems to side
with me, but his wife can't know this.

Funny thing is that I recently participated in a Big Brothers Big
Sisters bowling event, and I met a woman who heard the mother's side
of the story. Without hearing my side of the story, this lady (who I
never met before) immediately sided with me, and she said that the
things that her son said were rude, and that this kid has problems. I
almost fell down because one would think by telling your side of the
story would make you look good. This shows that there isn't really
isn't any meat to her side of the story since I was so good to this
kid and had some good ideas for him after we were settled in our
house. His mother ended our 2 year relationship just 1 week before we
moved into our house. My wife was glad it ended because we were
having fights over him. My brothers 11 year old step-daughter (who is
autistic) was called "brain dead" by my little, that her mother was
mad at me.

Those of you who didn't agree with me the last time, do I now get a
little more support from you? The bottom line is that the kid was
never corrected by his mother, thus she is approving of his behavior.
This is why this kid has 2 friends (according to his mother), one
friend who's sister doesn't like him. Yes, he needed a big brother,
and that was me, but he was beyond with what I or any other big
brother could provide because he needs professional help, and so does
his mother.



Rob

"Rob" wrote in message
om...
to "get out of the car" when we arrived at our destination. This kid
is plain rude, arrogant, and he has no manners, but he gets this from
his mother who is just like him. "You see the parent, you see the
child."

Those of you who didn't agree with me the last time, do I now get a
little more support from you? The bottom line is that the kid was
never corrected by his mother, thus she is approving of his behavior.
This is why this kid has 2 friends (according to his mother), one
friend who's sister doesn't like him. Yes, he needed a big brother,
and that was me, but he was beyond with what I or any other big
brother could provide because he needs professional help, and so does
his mother.

You get no support from me. If that's what you think of the kid, why are
you with him? He doesn't deserve a big brother like that. Sure, he has
problems, but you're not helping.

In article ,
(Rob) wrote:


Those of you who didn't agree with me the last time, do I now get a
little more support from you? The bottom line is that the kid was
never corrected by his mother, thus she is approving of his behavior.
This is why this kid has 2 friends (according to his mother), one
friend who's sister doesn't like him. Yes, he needed a big brother,
and that was me, but he was beyond with what I or any other big
brother could provide because he needs professional help, and so does
his mother.



Nope.

The kid obviously has some serious problems, and needs some serious
help. His family may, indeed, need professional help IN ADDITION to
friends. BB/BS might not be the organization to provide some
assistance, or it might -- but you, clearly, are NOT the sort of help he
needs.

Far from sounding like an adult who is trying to be a positive influence
in a troubled child's life, you sound like a whiney adolescent who is
complaining because this CHILD didn't show you the proper respect. You
seem to have forgotten that he is the child, while you are supposed to
be an adult, making you far more responsible for the relationship.

Is that why you got into this program? To find a child who would look
up to you, and respect you, and be grovellingly greatful for all the
noble sacrafices you made for him? If so, do BB/BS a favor and don't
apply again.

Normally, I try to be nicer to posters, even when I think they are wrong
-- but you need to know that you are coming across to me, at least, as a
whiny, immature person who is PO'd because he didn't get HIS needs met
in a program that is NOT supposed to be about meeting the adult's needs,
but about meeting the child's needs.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Rob" wrote in message
om...
HI,
One of you even faulted me for showing up late to his house. For what
I did for this kid, he should be kissing my feet.

He should kiss your feet? You have a crappy attitude about the whole thing.
You shouldn't be in the BB/BS program with this type of attitude.



I was always consistent with this kid, did a lot for him, and spent
more than the required time with him. My wife was there only about
50% of the time.

The idea of the program was for him to have a male role model/friend, not
for you to hang out with your wife and bring him along for the ride.


This kid
is plain rude, arrogant, and he has no manners, but he gets this from
his mother who is just like him. "You see the parent, you see the
child."

From everything I read here (and in your prior posts) you are the rude and
arrogant one.


Those of you who didn't agree with me the last time, do I now get a
little more support from you?

Nope. Maybe if your attitude were different. But not from what I've read.

Sorry, but I think that maybe you just aren't suited personality wise for
the BB/BS program. You seem to think it is about YOU, which it isn't
supposed to be.

"Rob" wrote in message
om...
HI,

For what I did for this kid, he should be kissing my feet.

Holy smokes, I can't believe you said that!!! Being a big brother is about
children in need, not your ego! Do this kid a favour, stop being his big
brother. He obviously needs someone who is more understanding and
compassionate than you are. I don't think you are an ideal candidate to be a
big brother either. Kids, even those with major attitude problems, in
situations like these need a lot of love and support, something you are
obviously not prepared to give.

In article , Rob says...

HI,



Those of you who didn't agree with me the last time, do I now get a
little more support from you? The bottom line is that the kid was
never corrected by his mother, thus she is approving of his behavior.
This is why this kid has 2 friends (according to his mother), one
friend who's sister doesn't like him. Yes, he needed a big brother,
and that was me, but he was beyond with what I or any other big
brother could provide because he needs professional help, and so does
his mother.



Rob

As others have posted, there still are problems from your side, too. YES this
kid has problems that's WHY HE NEEDS A BIG BROTHER.

But my fundmental question for you is - obviously this wasn't working. We told
you that last time. I see no changes from either end. Why did you persist?

Banty

In article , Banty says...

In article , Rob says...

HI,



Those of you who didn't agree with me the last time, do I now get a
little more support from you? The bottom line is that the kid was
never corrected by his mother, thus she is approving of his behavior.
This is why this kid has 2 friends (according to his mother), one
friend who's sister doesn't like him. Yes, he needed a big brother,
and that was me, but he was beyond with what I or any other big
brother could provide because he needs professional help, and so does
his mother.



Rob

As others have posted, there still are problems from your side, too. YES this
kid has problems that's WHY HE NEEDS A BIG BROTHER.

Acutally, I should correct this. BB/BS isn't necessarily about kids who are
very troubled. It's about kids who need a consistent non-parental adult
influence in their lives.

But still, if the match is bad, the match is bad.

Banty

I didn't know so many responded to my problems with my little brother
(through Big Brothers Big Sisters) because I didn't check the
newsgroup.


Then why on earth did you post to it? You should be kissing my feet for
taking the time out of my life to respond to your childish post.

Please don't post to this group if you have no intention of interacting
with the group.

jo

In article , jojo says...


I didn't know so many responded to my problems with my little brother
(through Big Brothers Big Sisters) because I didn't check the
newsgroup.


Then why on earth did you post to it? You should be kissing my feet for
taking the time out of my life to respond to your childish post.

Please don't post to this group if you have no intention of interacting
with the group.

jo



Now hold on, this is a USENET newsgroup, not a club. People drop in and drop
out of these discussion groups all the time depending on the topics of the
groups and their current concerns.

Banty

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , jojo says...


I didn't know so many responded to my problems with my little brother
(through Big Brothers Big Sisters) because I didn't check the
newsgroup.


Then why on earth did you post to it? You should be kissing my feet for
taking the time out of my life to respond to your childish post.

Please don't post to this group if you have no intention of interacting
with the group.

jo



Now hold on, this is a USENET newsgroup, not a club. People drop in and drop
out of these discussion groups all the time depending on the topics of the
groups and their current concerns.

Banty


Yeah, but it does seem kind of odd to pop in with a question, then not
check back to see if people have responded to it!
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care