Why do people feel the need to go on and on about how horrible labour is?

How you will be screaming for drugs?
How it is the worst pain on earth?
How you will be cursing everyone around you? blah blah blah

And if you don't seem to respond sufficiently terrified, they harass
you until you say "Right. It will be hell. Can I go back in time and
not have this kid afterall?"

And no point discussing techniques for managing pain, relaxation
methods, etc, because that just invites yet more harassment.

What's the point?
Yeah, it's painful. Got that. What more do you want????

.....feel like I'm becoming a grouchy pregnant woman just dealing with
all the stupid comments (my other favourite "What, you're due in July?
You will NEVER make it that long! you will be dying in the heat!" -
esp funny from someone not pregnant who is larger than me....)

"cjra" wrote in message
ups.com...
How you will be screaming for drugs?
How it is the worst pain on earth?
How you will be cursing everyone around you? blah blah blah

Funny... I never did that... I wasn't screaming for drugs, although I very
quickly agreed when an epidural was offered, as this was one thing I had
decided I did want. I didn't find it to be the worst pain on earth...
There's far more real pains that hurt, for me, anyways. Labor is a pain
that has a reason and I think someone pointed out once (not to me, and I
think it might have been on here??) that with labor, it has a reason and
it's a productive pain, unlike stubbing your toe where there's no production
and you don't progress... You stub your toe and swear and maybe hobble
around a bit and it's painful because there's really no reason for it.
Cursing everyone within earshot? I didn't do that one either... I did,
however, swear at an intern with DS2... I didn't want this intern kid
around, and I had asked him to leave. Second time asking him, I kind of
lost it and yes, I did tell him to get the h*ll out, but that was about it.

And if you don't seem to respond sufficiently terrified, they harass
you until you say "Right. It will be hell. Can I go back in time and
not have this kid afterall?"

And no point discussing techniques for managing pain, relaxation
methods, etc, because that just invites yet more harassment.

What's the point?
Yeah, it's painful. Got that. What more do you want????

Sure, it's painful. It's not really a walk through a park on a beautiful
spring day, but it's also NOT cutting the grass in extreme heat, no shade,
for someone who has 6 acres of grass to cut - and using a manual, push
mower...

....feel like I'm becoming a grouchy pregnant woman just dealing with
all the stupid comments (my other favourite "What, you're due in July?
You will NEVER make it that long! you will be dying in the heat!" -
esp funny from someone not pregnant who is larger than me....)

Meh... I was due end of July, DD was born beginning of August. I've also
had babies born in the dead of winter - one end of December, one end of
January. If I wasn't bitching about the snow or cold with the boys, I was
bitching about laundry, making supper, washing the floors, the cat walking
under my feet and tripping me... And, to be honest, come June/July when I
was sitting around as pregnant as an elephant (and as big as one as well!) I
had more complaints about the neighbourhood sitting around drinking beer and
I had to sit around drinking my horrible alcohol free coolers! (Considering
I LOVE my vodka or an ice-cold beer any day!)
I got that same earful from this lady that lived a couple doors down from us
(this was just before DD was born and in the summer, before we moved) and
yes, she was not pregnant, she was - and still is - way bigger than I am and
she has no teeth. She's younger than older as well, so I just chuckled and
held my tongue since I do not like her and I could have said a lot of mean,
nasty things. I like to think my parents taught me better than to do what I
had wanted to do

cjra wrote:
How you will be screaming for drugs?
How it is the worst pain on earth?
How you will be cursing everyone around you? blah blah blah

I think some people take sick pleasure in seeing the displeasure or
discomfort of others. I think it's the same principle as the
childhood/adolescent problem of kids putting others down to make
themselves feel better.

That said, I agree with xkatx. I didn't ask for a single drug. I
refused everything offered except for Tylenol. It might've been the
most intense pain I'd ever had, but it's not constant, it doesn't last
forever, it has a great outcome, and it's still a lot more pleasant
than, say, having a bad stomach flu or having "unnecessary" and
"unproductive" pain.

Also, I didn't scream. I didn't yell. I did say a few times, "I can't
do this," but that was about it.

And I'm sorry, but I'm with you on the comments from non-pregnant
people, especially those who have no business commenting on MY size.
I've gotten a few too many comments from people (usually women) that
probably weigh in, normally, a good 50 pounds heavier than I will, at
40 weeks, and I just consider it a shame that I am not a mean enough
person to make a critical, insulting retort to their comments.

You're right to be peeved, but you're also right to dismiss these
comments. Don't listen to them -- you'll do fine, and it'll be
amazing.

-Carlye
DD 9-29-04
DS EDD 6-2-06

I have no idea why people go on about it, though to in my experience that
hasn't been the case, however in discussions that do come up, one thing that
is never discussed is coping strategies or techniques.

Now, I did curse everyone in sight, but that doesn't mean you will, some
people retreat into pain and those people do really well, though it's still
tiring and exhausting for them and often midwives misestimate how far they
are along, I had a friend who was having a scheduled c-section for her 2nd
(after a 4th degree tear with her first, she decided on the known risk of a
c-section, rather than the unknown of testing that scar), but she went into
labour before the date, she went into the hospital and they just left her
because they thought she was early one, eventually she called someone and
said she felt like pushing at which point they whipped her into theatre.

The other thing to prepare yourself for is what the same people will say
afterwards, if you do end up with interventions you didn't plan. I was so
cross with my mum when she said stuff about me having an epidural first
time, when I'm thinking, well if you were attached to a drip that they were
increasing too fast and it was your uterus that was hyperstimulated, what
would you be doing? Add in the fact that I had a midwife who was pushing the
epidural and what do you expect me to do? All that when she'd never given me
any suggestion as to how I might not go down that route.

Cheers

Anne

I haven't gotten many comments about it yet, but then again I'm not
around all that many women who might make comments. Oddly enough, my
husband has gotten a bunch of comments from his (male) co-workers. How
"your wife's going to be screaming at you" or "only let her hold these
fingers because she'll be squeezing them really hard", etc.

I think the only comment I can remember at the moment is my mom when I
first announced that we were having a homebirth... "how are you going
to manage since you have such a low pain tolerance". Sort-of irritated
me since I think overall she doesn't know much about my pain tolerance,
but knew that she got to the hospital screaming for an epidural...

Cristi :]

Anne Rogers wrote:
I have no idea why people go on about it, though to in my experience that
hasn't been the case, however in discussions that do come up, one thing that
is never discussed is coping strategies or techniques.

Now, I did curse everyone in sight, but that doesn't mean you will,

I might. I might not. I'm a vocal person and I generally express my
emotions clearly ;-). But I don't think that's so horrible. That said,
I am more likely to curse everyone in sight if I am in hospital. If I
am at home, as planned, that's far less likely because I have control
over who will be there.

The other thing to prepare yourself for is what the same people will say
afterwards, if you do end up with interventions you didn't plan.

I am hoping to avoid this. See, we're planning a homebirth, so if we
have *any* interventions it'll be a major one - hospital transport.
Nothing in between. However, except for a few people whom I know are
supportive or at least open minded (and here of course), I haven't
shared that plan with most people precisely for that reason. I will
tell them all after the fact. I've gotten more bold in sharing it with
work colleagues (I work in a health dept), but that is because our
senior person is a former midwife and huge proponent of homebirths
(having had 4 herself and attended many others), and so has been a
major source of support. My family, who are likely to be the most
opinionated on the matter (at least to my face) know nothing of that
plan (I love them, but don't want to hear it all....)

carlye wrote:
That said, I agree with xkatx. I didn't ask for a single drug. I
refused everything offered except for Tylenol. It might've been the
most intense pain I'd ever had, but it's not constant, it doesn't last
forever, it has a great outcome, and it's still a lot more pleasant
than, say, having a bad stomach flu or having "unnecessary" and
"unproductive" pain.


Exactly. Yeah, I know it's going to hurt. I also know it's going to be
over and will have a baby at the other end.

I've had migraines for a week that were so bad I wanted to shoot myself
in the head just to relieve the pain, which I had no idea if it was
going to end in a day or another week. Instead opting for banging my
head against the wall as hard as I could. And all I'd have at the end
was relief that it was finally over and pray another one doesn't come
soon. Yeah, maybe the pain of childbirth will be worse? But it's not
going to go on indefinitely!

LietoFine wrote:
I think the only comment I can remember at the moment is my mom when I
first announced that we were having a homebirth... "how are you going
to manage since you have such a low pain tolerance". Sort-of irritated
me since I think overall she doesn't know much about my pain tolerance,
but knew that she got to the hospital screaming for an epidural...

Ah, precisely why I made no such announcement! I have occassionally
considered telling my mom of our homebirth plans - she has gotten used
to my 'weird' ideas and actions so *might* be inclined to accept it.
But when she mentioned she'd recently met someone, also with 8 kids,
who had her 4 first at home and said "Oh my god what was she thinking?!
And she almost died with the 4th so thank god she had the rest at the
hospital!" I realised I'd better not saying anything until it's a done
deal. Once I've done it once, then everyone will know and I'll have
more credibility behind me, and evidence of its safety

I'm sure that you will manage rather well. I have heard of the Texan
heat disorder LOL My cousins used to live there.

"cjra" writes:

How you will be screaming for drugs?
How it is the worst pain on earth?
How you will be cursing everyone around you? blah blah blah

And if you don't seem to respond sufficiently terrified, they harass
you until you say "Right. It will be hell. Can I go back in time and
not have this kid afterall?"

At the baby shower they gave me at work, one of my colleagues (a guy) asked
"So have you signed up for your epidural yet?" I said I was hoping to do it
without painkillers.

The room, which had been buzzing with conversation moments before, fell
completely silent.

My colleague looked puzzled, apparently because I'd taken away his punchline.
He rallied a little, smiled at me kindly, and said "You know, my wife's
obstetrician reminded us that the "M" in "Mother" doesn't have to stand for
"Martyr.""

I smiled, and told him calmly that I wasn't trying to be a martyr. He gave
up at that point.

I DID have a wonderful birth. It also hurt like nothing I'd ever felt, and
I came very close for asking for those painkillers. And if I had...I think
it STILL would have been a wonderful birth, because I was surrounded by my
wonderful birth team and my fabulous husband, and because I got my lovely
daughter at the end of it.

A lot of women at my company are having babies these days, and birth stories
always come up. I've learned not to say too much about mine, because most
of them consider me some whacky hippie, or someone who was somehow "incredible"
or "unusual." Or that I'm trying to lord it over people who did not have - or
did not choose - such an experience.

Of course, while I was pregnant, I talked to ONE woman who had had neither a
c-section nor an induction. So maybe it's just the group I'm in.

Liz
mom to Emily (5/25/2004)

--

"No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings. Man's reason and
spirit have often solved the seemingly unsolvable - and we believe they
can do it again." -- John F. Kennedy, 6/10/1963