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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
For parents perhaps *too* concerned--obsessed--with their child's health
and safety (e.g., his/her diet, bowel habits, sleeping position...), the following might be of interest/value... _Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child _ by Frank Furedi http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...glance&s=books Book Description (from the above site; click on "see all editorial reviews"): Hardly a day goes by without parents being warned of a new threat to their children's well-being. Everything is dangerous: the crib, the babysitter, the school, the supermarket, the park. High-profile campaigns convince parents that their children's health, safety, and development are constantly at risk. Parents are criticized by one child-care expert after another, but even the experts can't agree on matters as simple as whether or not it is wise to sleep next to a child. Parents don't know whom to trust; the only clear message is that they can't trust themselves. Fresh and accessible, Paranoid Parenting suggests that parental anxieties themselves are the worst influence on children. Based on new sociological research as well as dozens of interviews with parents and experts throughout the United States, Canada, and Great Britain, this groundbreaking book will bolster parents' confidence in their own judgments and enable them to bring up confident, imaginative, and capable children. |
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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
"JG" wrote in message ...
For parents perhaps *too* concerned--obsessed--with their child's health and safety (e.g., his/her diet, bowel habits, sleeping position...), the following might be of interest/value... Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child by Frank Furedi http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...6524641/ref=pd sim boo ks 1/103-5500506-6099835?v=glance&s=books Book Description (from the above site; click on "see all editorial reviews"): Hardly a day goes by without parents being warned of a new threat to their children's well-being. Everything is dangerous: the crib, the babysitter, the school, the supermarket, the park. High-profile campaigns convince parents that their children's health, safety, and development are constantly at risk. Parents are criticized by one child-care expert after another, but even the experts can't agree on matters as simple as whether or not it is wise to sleep next to a child. Parents don't know whom to trust; the only clear message is that they can't trust themselves. Fresh and accessible, Paranoid Parenting suggests that parental anxieties themselves are the worst influence on children. Based on new sociological research as well as dozens of interviews with parents and experts throughout the United States, Canada, and Great Britain, this groundbreaking book will bolster parents' confidence in their own judgments and enable them to bring up confident, imaginative, and capable children. So, basically, you can't trust the experts, experts are always warning you about dangers and telling you you can't trust yourself - but you should trust *this* expert, who is warning you about a brand new danger, all the other experts! Worry! Don't worry! Worry that you're worrying too much! Worry that you're worrying too little! Stop all that worrying! Buy my book, whatever you do! Beth |
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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
"Elizabeth Reid" wrote in message
om... "JG" wrote in message ... For parents perhaps *too* concerned--obsessed--with their child's health and safety (e.g., his/her diet, bowel habits, sleeping position...), the following might be of interest/value... Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child by Frank Furedi http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...6524641/ref=pd sim boo ks 1/103-5500506-6099835?v=glance&s=books [...] So, basically, you can't trust the experts, experts are always warning you about dangers and telling you you can't trust yourself - but you should trust *this* expert, who is warning you about a brand new danger, all the other experts! Worry! Don't worry! Worry that you're worrying too much! Worry that you're worrying too little! Stop all that worrying! Buy my book, whatever you do! Hey, if a single book can convince parents that they're capable of raising their kids (primarily because kids, by and large, are incredibly resilient), I'm all for it. Kids, IMO, *generally* fare better with confident parents, even if those parents might make what one psycho/socio/medico-babbler or another would consider "mistakes." I know if I were a kid (still one, at heart), I wouldn't be very happy, let alone very assured, growing up surrounded by shelves of "how to" (raise a child) books! Just think how much money--money that perhaps could be spent on expanding/enriching a child's knowledge and experiences--would be saved should (now) apprehensive parents gain faith/confidence in their parenting abilities and stop buying (literally and figuratively) every new "how to deal with your child" tome... |
#4
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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
"Elizabeth Reid" wrote
So, basically, you can't trust the experts, experts are always warning you about dangers and telling you you can't trust yourself - but you should trust *this* expert, who is warning you about a brand new danger, all the other experts! Worry! Don't worry! You can't trust all the so-called experts on child-rearing, even if you want to, because their advice is contradictory. Even on some simple issue like spanking, some say it is good, and some say it is bad. |
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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
Elizabeth Reid wrote:
Me, I think the average person would have happier kids if they all stopped seeing child abductors behind every tree and weren't convinced that Harvard was the only path to life success, but I don't have the faith in the power of confident and uninformed parenting that you seem to. Well said. I also think that many of the dangers are not intuitive and you NEED to be told about them. I think you can only make reasonable decisions if you have adequate knowledge to evaluate the risks versus benefits of things. For example, a local child died in bizarre accidents I would never have thought of: he swallowed a pen cap that got lodged in his airway and he suffocated in front of half a dozen EMTs. So, all pens in our house have air-holes. Am I paranoid about pen caps? No, I have never mentioned this to my children that I can recall - I just made a simple choice in pen-purchasing that relieves that lowers the odds of that tragedy happening at my house. Now you might consider me paranoid about the next one: a local kid strangled to death on her hooded sweatshirt cord when it got caught as she was going down the slide. (Her father and brother were playing in the yard with her and didn't notice her struggle.) As a direct result of htis story, my kids didn't have hooded sweatshirts until they were middle-school aged. I never made a fuss about it, I just chose not to buy them or take them in hand-me-downs. Those are esoteric dangers, but how many people don't take doors off of cast-off refrigerators? How many people don't adequately keep toddlers away from pools? How many don't restrain their kids in the car? These are serious environmental dangers. When I add up the dead kids in my area (it's a small town and we KNOW each one - they leave a huge hole) it's usually drowning or being hit by a car. A little parental awareness is not a bad thing, in my opinion. That said, I do allow my children to both walk outside AND (gasp) swim. Wendy |
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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
"Elizabeth Reid" wrote in message om... I'm having trouble getting a fix on how smart you think the average person is. They're easily bamboozled by every passing book-writer and pediatrician, but deep down they're smart enough not to need advice, except for the ones who are too stupid to take it. Or something. Yeah - that about sums it up. Either everyone or no one is an idiot depending on which suits her at the moment. -- CBI, MD |
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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
"Elizabeth Reid" wrote in message
om... "JG" wrote in message ... "Elizabeth Reid" wrote in message om... "JG" wrote in message ... Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child by Frank Furedi http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...6524641/ref=pd sim boo ks 1/103-5500506-6099835?v=glance&s=books [...] So, basically, you can't trust the experts, experts are always warning you about dangers and telling you you can't trust yourself - but you should trust *this* expert, who is warning you about a brand new danger, all the other experts! Worry! Don't worry! Worry that you're worrying too much! Worry that you're worrying too little! Stop all that worrying! Buy my book, whatever you do! Hey, if a single book can convince parents that they're capable of raising their kids (primarily because kids, by and large, are incredibly resilient), I'm all for it. Kids, IMO, *generally* fare better with confident parents, even if those parents might make what one psycho/socio/medico-babbler or another would consider "mistakes." I know if I were a kid (still one, at heart), I wouldn't be very happy, let alone very assured, growing up surrounded by shelves of "how to" (raise a child) books! Maybe. I can certainly get behind getting parents, and Americans in general, to relax and stop worrying and let their kids be kids. I just find it richy ironic that this guy wants you to buy a book about how parenting books are twaddle. Hmmm... I don't think Furedi is attacking parenting books per se (many I've examined aren't totally authoritarian and actually do a fairly decent job, while covering "the basics" of infant/child care, of assuring parents that kids are unique; i.e., that there's no single, unequivocally right way of doing most things); I think he's simply trying (1) to encourage parents to rely more on their instincts/intuition and not obsess about the latest "expert" advice and (2) to reassure them that the results of doing so will (overwhelmingly) result in "okay" kids. I also have trouble imagining people dippy enough to furnish the kid's room with shelves of parenting books doing a good job when set free of their fears. I'm not sure it's possible to set them "free of their fears," but I think it's worth trying. Unfortunately, the livelihoods of too many people (those in the so-called "caring" professions), only a minute fraction of whom actually write books or use the mass media to disseminate their "expert" opinions/advice, depend on keeping people dependent (i.e., fearful). Think how many gubmnt services/programs could be reduced (eliminated?) should people no longer "need" them! (And of the monetary savings and the truly productive uses to which it could be put!) Think about how many sociologists and psychologists would have to find *real* jobs should people realize, "Hey, I CAN do this for myself... at least I'm willing to TRY!" Face it, there are a hell of a lot of "caring" people who rely on others' dependency; acting in their "rational self-interest," there's no incentive for them to "cure" those whom they're so dedicated (snicker) to "helping." Though it makes me sound like a curmudgeonly fossil, I honestly think kids, *in general*, had it better in the '50s and '60s. I certainly don't recall any angst-afflicted parents (now they're ubiquitous), nor do I recall kids manifesting the conditions/behaviors--depression, hyperactivity (in settings/situations that demanded self-control, such as school or church), short attention spans, obesity, insolence--to anywhere near the extent they do today. No doubt the change can be attributed to a number of factors, none mutually exclusive: the number of parents who, for whatever reason, turn the rearing of their young children over to virtual strangers; the "breakdown" of the nuclear family and the increasing mobility of families (i.e., the physical separation of generations); the evolution of a society in which traditional values (e.g., honesty/truthfulness, integrity) are increasingly perceived as being situationally relative; a public school system that, *overall*, is egregiously failing to produce an educated populace; media that offer, more often than not, total crap that further (assuming that's possible!) dumbs down kids *and* adults; .... (A dozen other possible reasons readily come to mind, but I've probably ****ed off enough people already. g) I'm having trouble getting a fix on how smart you think the average person is. They're easily bamboozled by every passing book-writer and pediatrician, but deep down they're smart enough not to need advice, except for the ones who are too stupid to take it. Or something. Pretty close g. I think the "average" person is "average" smart, which is certainly smart enough to raise a healthy child without a blueprint furnished by a pediatrician and supplemented by advice from (out to make a buck, or at least a name for themselves?) "experts." I also believe an "average" person (parent) can take information from a variety of sources (e.g., news reports/articles, direct observation, anecdotes related by family/friends), ponder it, and determine what to do with/about it. I DON'T think the average person needs an "expert" to interpret the same information for him/her and use it as a basis for advice. Perhaps an example is in order; I'll borrow one from Wendy's post: "...a local kid strangled to death on her hooded sweatshirt cord when it got caught as she was going down the slide. (Her father and brother were playing in the yard with her and didn't notice her struggle.) As a direct result of htis story, my kids didn't have hooded sweatshirts until they were middle-school aged..." Wendy got some information (we don't know whether by word-of-mouth, direct observation, or a news report, and it doesn't really matter). She acted on it (no hooded sweatshirts for her kids). Did she need an "expert" (pediatrician?) to advise her not to put hooded sweatshirts with strings on her kids, or at least to remove the strings from them? NO! Are there parents so tuned-out to the world--so oblivious to it--that they NEVER hear such stories (information)? I suppose it's possible, but I find it *very* difficult to imagine. Are there parents who, despite hearing such stories *and* possessing the intelligence/acumen to perceive their "lesson," nevertheless DON'T apply it to their own lives? Sure! (SOME of these individuals don't apply the lesson because, after carefully considering it, they come up with rational reasons not to. [I'd put most parents who forgo certain vaccinations in this category.] SOME don't apply it simply because they DON'T ponder it--they simply ignore it altogether. THESE people, in my book, are the "idiots.") Are there parents who, despite hearing such a story, CAN'T (don't have the ability to) perceive its lesson and thus don't apply it? Undoubtedly, but I assert they constitute a *very* small minority of the "parent pool." (THESE are the people for whom an argument that advising is needed could be made.) Me, I think the average person would have happier kids if they all stopped seeing child abductors behind every tree and weren't convinced that Harvard was the only path to life success, ... I agree! ....but I don't have the faith in the power of confident and uninformed parenting that you seem to. Surely confident, *informed* parents are preferable. I'm simply perturbed by the attitude of *some* advice-givers (which is actually *most*, in my experience g) that *they* have to elucidate/interpret INFORMATION for everyone. I'm particularly bothered when self-declared "experts" venture outside their realm of expertise, such as when pediatricians dispense *safety* ( guns, bikes, swimming pools, car seats...) advice rather than sticking to *health* matters. |
#8
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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
JG wrote:
Bravo! You had some information (pen cap--possibility of dying if one gets lodged in the throat), you pondered it, and you acted upon it, ALL without an "expert" (e.g., a pediatrician) advising you on a course of action. I'm sure *most* parents would do the same thing. If they heard about the hazard. Did you? Perhaps the only one who would think to mention it to them is their pediatrician. I can't say that I've mentioned it to all that many of my friends. I read a couple of different papers and retain a lot of information - most of my friends don't. But I don't get into conversations with them on the subject of all the dead kids of whom I've ever heard. -- Wendy |
#9
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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
On Sat, 19 Jul 2003 00:56:13 GMT, Wendy Marsden
wrote: JG wrote: Bravo! You had some information (pen cap--possibility of dying if one gets lodged in the throat), you pondered it, and you acted upon it, ALL without an "expert" (e.g., a pediatrician) advising you on a course of action. I'm sure *most* parents would do the same thing. If they heard about the hazard. Did you? Perhaps the only one who would think to mention it to them is their pediatrician. Exxxxxactly. Would JG instead perefer that each social circle suffer a mishap from a particular threat before anyone becomes aware of it? How about learning from past mistakes instead? PF |
#10
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Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child
On Fri, 18 Jul 2003 06:44:43 GMT, "JG" wrote:
I'm not sure it's possible to set them "free of their fears," but I think it's worth trying. Unfortunately, the livelihoods of too many people (those in the so-called "caring" professions), only a minute fraction of whom actually write books or use the mass media to disseminate their "expert" opinions/advice, depend on keeping people dependent (i.e., fearful). Think how many gubmnt services/programs could be reduced (eliminated?) should people no longer "need" them! (And of the monetary savings and the truly productive uses to which it could be put!) Think about how many sociologists and psychologists would have to find *real* jobs should people realize, "Hey, I CAN do this for myself... at least I'm willing to TRY!" Face it, there are a hell of a lot of "caring" people who rely on others' dependency; acting in their "rational self-interest," there's no incentive for them to "cure" those whom they're so dedicated (snicker) to "helping." You are wrong, and I expect more from you, being among those whom I consider to be the least paranoid in this newsgroup. You have hinted at this before -- your belief that those who help others, in this case psychologists, actually consciously provide suboptimal therapy in order to prevent the patient from no longer needing his services any further. This is pure bull****. Any competition is not for billable hours. It's for the reputation as the best so that you have more than enough business to keep you busy. Would you apply the same logic and conclude that I would undertreat ear infections, hoping they'll recur, so I can see the patient again and charge for another office visit? Or that I'd try to pick an antidepressant that I know won't work so the patient has to come back over and over again for medication changes? the evolution of a society in which traditional values (e.g., honesty/truthfulness, integrity) are increasingly perceived as being situationally relative; Ah, like, say, asserting, as you and Roger have, that it's OK to lie to your doctor (as opposed to simply refusing to answer) if he asks a question which you believe is none of his business? PF |
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