Is there an equation ?

Ian wrote:

"Denise Anderson" wrote in message

So get a babysitter. He's 8, hire a teenager. Its not like he needs mass
amounts of supervision. I live 2500+ miles away from my closest relative.
Make friends with your neighbors and swap babysitting for a couple hours.

Whats the point of hiring a babysitter for the evening when you still have
to be up at 7am?


Huh? Who gets to sleep in past 7am on a regular basis
anyway? I don't see how getting up at a reasonable hour of the
morning precludes going out for the evening. Maybe if you have
to get up at 5am...

I am also not comforable with the idea of some teen being
in my house alone. I was a teen babysitter once...


Start a babysitting co-op and have other parents
sitting for your child. Works for us.


I am not comfortable with my child being up alone. He gets up, so one of us
gets up. Besides its hard to sleep with the TV blaring anyway. Ive tried it.
You cant have a proper rest when they are up.


Why not? Tell him he can't put the TV on if that's
the real problem. He ought to be able to occupy himself
quietly until a decent hour (though frankly, 7am seems a
perfectly decent hour to me--the rule around here is quiet
until 7am, then it's all fair game).


How does your 5 year old get their own cereal? Do they have a stool for the
counter or something? Does it not end up all over the place. I am sure it
would be that way if my 8 yr old tried it!


Oh my gosh. I begin to see why you find parenting
difficult ;-) My 6yo and 8yo have been getting their own
breakfast for quite some time now. We keep the cereal
where they can reach it. If they can't handle the the full
jug of milk, put a smaller pitcher in the 'fridge. They
taught these things in *preschool*! If you don't give them
a chance, they don't learn. It may well be messy the first
few times. If that happens, he can learn to clean it up.


Best wishes,
Ericka

Jenn wrote:

so much of this once basic needs are covered is about attitude -- what
you make of your life -- and a full time mom school age child and
breadwinner family seems to offer pretty good opportunities for bliss
to me

It occurs to me that Ian may have some mental health issue that results in
mess, noise, clutter, issues of safety, and disruptions in daily routine
being unacceptable at a level that would seem *completely* insignifcant to
most other people.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 14:21:47 -0500, Nan wrote:

On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 14:08:38 -0500, "Sophie"
wrote:


"Nan" wrote in message
. ..
On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 18:46:55 -0000, "Ian" wrote:

Why do onlies always have to be stereotyped?

Oh, I thought that's what you were doing, wrt families with more than
one.

Nan

hehe

Lol, I'm in the mood to call it as I see it G

Nan

When are you not in *that* mood, Nan? eg


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

"Circe" wrote in message news:gYwRb.4720$fD.2459@fed1read02...
What I always worry about is three kids with homework. It's hard enough
getting Son1 to do his homework. I hope Daughter and Son2 turn out to be
less resistant, or it's going to be hell around here every school evening
around 5pm! Ugh!

Oh, I dreaded homework this year. This year my daughter is in
kindergarten where, of course, she has homework. And my oldest boy is
in 2nd grade and he has been very difficult to deal with on the
homework front in the past.

But we got real darn lucky. My daughter does her homework without
resistance, for one thing. And my oldest has The Best Second Grade
Teacher on the Planet, for another. His teacher gives homework but she
doesn't overdo it, she's easy to get along with, my son LOVES her and
I think he does his homework just to please her. (Well, it works!) Did
I mention she's the best 2nd grade teacher on the planet? I asked her
if she had her secondary certs so she could track with my oldest until
say...graduate school, maybe.

Actually, the ONE year that all of mine are in grade school together
may be the easiest year of our lives. After that, they're once again
split up - two in one school, one in another. When my youngest reaches
6th grade, they'll be at 3 separate schools! Unless they all attend
the same university, that one year of grade school will be the only
"single drop off" year.

Mommy: I call you "baby" because I love you.
Julian (age 4): Oh! All right, Mommy baby.

As my youngest (age 3) says: "You *my* baby, mommy!" (Any wonder the
child gets anything he wants?)

- Bev

"Nikki" wrote in message
...
Jenn wrote:

so much of this once basic needs are covered is about attitude -- what
you make of your life -- and a full time mom school age child and
breadwinner family seems to offer pretty good opportunities for bliss
to me

It occurs to me that Ian may have some mental health issue that results in
mess, noise, clutter, issues of safety, and disruptions in daily routine
being unacceptable at a level that would seem *completely* insignifcant to
most other people.


Jeez. I know parents of onlies get some flak, but mental health issues? For
crying out loud, just because I like a nice neat home, quiet free time does
that make me mentally ill? I suppose you think all childfree people are
mentally ill too!

On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 19:23:14 -0000, "Ian" wrote:

Why is it selfish to stick with one? I like my free time,
more money. Those things are important to me. Is it
selfish to want to be happy?

I don't think it is necessarily selfish to stick with only one
child. OTOH, I don't think you are realistic from a parenting
and adult perspective about either the money or the free
time.

I had two children. I admit I think it was harder to have two,
but not for the reasons you are giving. The more money
others have dealt with. A second doesn't cost significantly
more money than the first, other than saving for college
for two perhaps. You use all the furniture and toys again
for the second and third. You don't necessarily need a
bigger home or car unless you already have small ones.

Now the free time - well, it's only a few years before they
go off to school when you have less free time.

If you are happy with one, no problem, but not everyone
feels the same about having more. Now that my kids are
adults, I really enjoy the fact that I had a boy and a girl.
We have different relationships as adults, you see and
they are both fun and interesting.

Usually when people start name calling its because
they are jealous. And I do come from a family of 4
siblings, so I am MORE than aware of what its like.

Your perspective as a sibling is quite different from the
perspective you will have on this as a parent of 2, 3, or
4 children. You can avoid the things you disliked about
the way your parents handled things.

And, you were the one who was stereotyping those who
had more kids as having no free time and less money.
That's simply not always true.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 20:20:13 -0000, "Ian" wrote:

Why do people lie and say parenting is a breeze?

I didn't see anyone saying that.

I did see people saying that they didn't find 2 harder than 1,
but that doesn't mean parenting is easy. It's not easy to be
a good parent to one child either.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 15:26:57 -0500, "Sophie"
wrote:

What don't you get? Parenting is not hard for everyone. To
some people it *is* a breeze. Why is that so hard for you to
understand??

Hmmm. I don't think it is a breeze to any caring parent.
Some parts of it are harder than other parts though.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

In article ,
(Bev Brandt) wrote:

"Circe" wrote in message
news:gYwRb.4720$fD.2459@fed1read02...
What I always worry about is three kids with homework. It's hard enough
getting Son1 to do his homework. I hope Daughter and Son2 turn out to be
less resistant, or it's going to be hell around here every school evening
around 5pm! Ugh!

Oh, I dreaded homework this year. This year my daughter is in
kindergarten where, of course, she has homework. And my oldest boy is
in 2nd grade and he has been very difficult to deal with on the
homework front in the past.

But we got real darn lucky. My daughter does her homework without
resistance, for one thing. And my oldest has The Best Second Grade
Teacher on the Planet, for another. His teacher gives homework but she
doesn't overdo it, she's easy to get along with, my son LOVES her and
I think he does his homework just to please her. (Well, it works!) Did
I mention she's the best 2nd grade teacher on the planet? I asked her
if she had her secondary certs so she could track with my oldest until
say...graduate school, maybe.

Actually, the ONE year that all of mine are in grade school together
may be the easiest year of our lives. After that, they're once again
split up - two in one school, one in another. When my youngest reaches
6th grade, they'll be at 3 separate schools! Unless they all attend
the same university, that one year of grade school will be the only
"single drop off" year.

Mommy: I call you "baby" because I love you.
Julian (age 4): Oh! All right, Mommy baby.

As my youngest (age 3) says: "You *my* baby, mommy!" (Any wonder the
child gets anything he wants?)

- Bev

I've never had a "single drop off"; even when my kids were in the same
school (a K-8 comprehensive) they had the 1-4 starting at one time, and
the 5-8 at another, and K on a seperate schedule! They are just over 3
years apart in age, but because of birthdays and cut off dates, 4 years
apart in school.

And since my twins have NOT done stuff the same way, I don't even have
the luxury of THEM being in the same school: since 8th grade, I think
they've both been in the same school maybe 5 semesters. (And while I
was fostering another kid, I had kids in *4* different schools for a
while.)

I think all 3 of my kids will be at a local community college next year.
That will be the first time they're all even in the same location since
we moved here 10 years ago, but lord knows what the schedules will look
like. Fortunately, I no longer have to do ALL the driving!
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article ,
"Ian" wrote:

"Nikki" wrote in message
...
Jenn wrote:

so much of this once basic needs are covered is about attitude -- what
you make of your life -- and a full time mom school age child and
breadwinner family seems to offer pretty good opportunities for bliss
to me

It occurs to me that Ian may have some mental health issue that results in
mess, noise, clutter, issues of safety, and disruptions in daily routine
being unacceptable at a level that would seem *completely* insignifcant to
most other people.


Jeez. I know parents of onlies get some flak, but mental health issues? For
crying out loud, just because I like a nice neat home, quiet free time does
that make me mentally ill? I suppose you think all childfree people are
mentally ill too!



No -- but it sounds like you have extraordinarily low tolerance for ANY
disruptions or mess. The fact that your 8 yo doesn't pour his own
cereal is, imho, a potential red flag indicating perhaps some control
issues, and extremely low tolerance for messes.

You are using a parenting style that is wearing you out, you resent
being worn out, but you decline to make any of the changes that might
make you LESS worn out.

Isn't the definition of "insanity" something about doing things the same
way, but expecting a different outcome? If you expect a different
outcome, you have to change how you do things, instead of explaining why
your way is the only way that could work.

On the other hand, if you LIKE being worn out and sounding like you
resent being a parent, just keep doing what you're doing.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care