Chances of custody...

Hello all,

I have applied for custody of my 5yr old son, and I am now waiting on a date
for the first court formalities to get under way. I think I have almost no
chance, but would love your open and honest opinions.

My ex girlfriend fell pregnant with my son Gary when she was 16. I was 17.
I tried to stick around for as long as possible, but she was violont,
jealous and unpredictable. She was also depressed, and eventually I couldnt
take staying with her any longer. That was 5 years ago.

I have always had regular contact with Gary, and residential weekend contact
has been going on for over a year now. Unfortunately, every three or four
months, his mother tries to leave her current partner, ends up in a violent
fight with him, lots of alcohol and allegations of domestic abuse etc. She
has had police involved several times, and eventually always retracts what
she has alleged blaming the "drink talk".

Needless to say, I get very angry about young Gary having to see and hear
this nonsense, and whilst I am sure no laws are being broken, I know it is
messing his head up.

My question is this:
Is the courts only concern the total and absolute welare of my son? Is it a
case of if he is safer and better off living with me that I will get
custody, or does there need to be grave and serious conerns about his
wellbeing at home with his mother?

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.

I do not know how many friends Gary has back at home, and whether or not
this matters - but he has VERY close friends back here with me. His best
friend, a girl from downstairs stays every saturday night, and they have a
great time watching DVD's, going swimming etc etc.

I know I am going on a bit, but the point is this:
- Gary is happier here
- I have more than enough money to provide for him
- I work when I want, and can spend as much time with Gary as he needs
- My partner loves him like her own, and he feels this
- Our home is more stable

Back with his mum it is:
- Unemployed mum, no chance of working
- Stepdad working for pizza delivery company, his fourth or fifth job in as
many months
- Very small income
- Frequent allegations of domestic violonce, and rape - which are always
retracted
- Frequesnt split ups and other domestic problems
- They have moved house three times in past 18 months


Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk away
with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
pray and wish for so much more.

Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?

Thanks!!

Gary Snr.

If you were here in the states no Judge would award her custody. If Florida,
abuse in front of a child is neglect even taking drugs or getting high is
considered child abuse. I don't know how the state runs things over there
but I am in the area of Child welfare and I think the judge would place him
with you if the proper complaints were made to the child enforcement staff.







"Gary" wrote in message
...
Hello all,

I have applied for custody of my 5yr old son, and I am now waiting on a
date
for the first court formalities to get under way. I think I have almost
no
chance, but would love your open and honest opinions.

My ex girlfriend fell pregnant with my son Gary when she was 16. I was
17.
I tried to stick around for as long as possible, but she was violont,
jealous and unpredictable. She was also depressed, and eventually I
couldnt
take staying with her any longer. That was 5 years ago.

I have always had regular contact with Gary, and residential weekend
contact
has been going on for over a year now. Unfortunately, every three or four
months, his mother tries to leave her current partner, ends up in a
violent
fight with him, lots of alcohol and allegations of domestic abuse etc.
She
has had police involved several times, and eventually always retracts what
she has alleged blaming the "drink talk".

Needless to say, I get very angry about young Gary having to see and hear
this nonsense, and whilst I am sure no laws are being broken, I know it is
messing his head up.

My question is this:
Is the courts only concern the total and absolute welare of my son? Is it
a
case of if he is safer and better off living with me that I will get
custody, or does there need to be grave and serious conerns about his
wellbeing at home with his mother?

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.

I do not know how many friends Gary has back at home, and whether or not
this matters - but he has VERY close friends back here with me. His best
friend, a girl from downstairs stays every saturday night, and they have a
great time watching DVD's, going swimming etc etc.

I know I am going on a bit, but the point is this:
- Gary is happier here
- I have more than enough money to provide for him
- I work when I want, and can spend as much time with Gary as he needs
- My partner loves him like her own, and he feels this
- Our home is more stable

Back with his mum it is:
- Unemployed mum, no chance of working
- Stepdad working for pizza delivery company, his fourth or fifth job in
as
many months
- Very small income
- Frequent allegations of domestic violonce, and rape - which are always
retracted
- Frequesnt split ups and other domestic problems
- They have moved house three times in past 18 months


Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk
away
with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
pray and wish for so much more.

Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?

Thanks!!

Gary Snr.

If you were here in the states no Judge would award her custody. If Florida,
abuse in front of a child is neglect even taking drugs or getting high is
considered child abuse. I don't know how the state runs things over there
but I am in the area of Child welfare and I think the judge would place him
with you if the proper complaints were made to the child enforcement staff.







"Gary" wrote in message
...
Hello all,

I have applied for custody of my 5yr old son, and I am now waiting on a
date
for the first court formalities to get under way. I think I have almost
no
chance, but would love your open and honest opinions.

My ex girlfriend fell pregnant with my son Gary when she was 16. I was
17.
I tried to stick around for as long as possible, but she was violont,
jealous and unpredictable. She was also depressed, and eventually I
couldnt
take staying with her any longer. That was 5 years ago.

I have always had regular contact with Gary, and residential weekend
contact
has been going on for over a year now. Unfortunately, every three or four
months, his mother tries to leave her current partner, ends up in a
violent
fight with him, lots of alcohol and allegations of domestic abuse etc.
She
has had police involved several times, and eventually always retracts what
she has alleged blaming the "drink talk".

Needless to say, I get very angry about young Gary having to see and hear
this nonsense, and whilst I am sure no laws are being broken, I know it is
messing his head up.

My question is this:
Is the courts only concern the total and absolute welare of my son? Is it
a
case of if he is safer and better off living with me that I will get
custody, or does there need to be grave and serious conerns about his
wellbeing at home with his mother?

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.

I do not know how many friends Gary has back at home, and whether or not
this matters - but he has VERY close friends back here with me. His best
friend, a girl from downstairs stays every saturday night, and they have a
great time watching DVD's, going swimming etc etc.

I know I am going on a bit, but the point is this:
- Gary is happier here
- I have more than enough money to provide for him
- I work when I want, and can spend as much time with Gary as he needs
- My partner loves him like her own, and he feels this
- Our home is more stable

Back with his mum it is:
- Unemployed mum, no chance of working
- Stepdad working for pizza delivery company, his fourth or fifth job in
as
many months
- Very small income
- Frequent allegations of domestic violonce, and rape - which are always
retracted
- Frequesnt split ups and other domestic problems
- They have moved house three times in past 18 months


Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk
away
with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
pray and wish for so much more.

Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?

Thanks!!

Gary Snr.

If you were here in the states no Judge would award her custody. If Florida,
abuse in front of a child is neglect even taking drugs or getting high is
considered child abuse. I don't know how the state runs things over there
but I am in the area of Child welfare and I think the judge would place him
with you if the proper complaints were made to the child enforcement staff.







"Gary" wrote in message
...
Hello all,

I have applied for custody of my 5yr old son, and I am now waiting on a
date
for the first court formalities to get under way. I think I have almost
no
chance, but would love your open and honest opinions.

My ex girlfriend fell pregnant with my son Gary when she was 16. I was
17.
I tried to stick around for as long as possible, but she was violont,
jealous and unpredictable. She was also depressed, and eventually I
couldnt
take staying with her any longer. That was 5 years ago.

I have always had regular contact with Gary, and residential weekend
contact
has been going on for over a year now. Unfortunately, every three or four
months, his mother tries to leave her current partner, ends up in a
violent
fight with him, lots of alcohol and allegations of domestic abuse etc.
She
has had police involved several times, and eventually always retracts what
she has alleged blaming the "drink talk".

Needless to say, I get very angry about young Gary having to see and hear
this nonsense, and whilst I am sure no laws are being broken, I know it is
messing his head up.

My question is this:
Is the courts only concern the total and absolute welare of my son? Is it
a
case of if he is safer and better off living with me that I will get
custody, or does there need to be grave and serious conerns about his
wellbeing at home with his mother?

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.

I do not know how many friends Gary has back at home, and whether or not
this matters - but he has VERY close friends back here with me. His best
friend, a girl from downstairs stays every saturday night, and they have a
great time watching DVD's, going swimming etc etc.

I know I am going on a bit, but the point is this:
- Gary is happier here
- I have more than enough money to provide for him
- I work when I want, and can spend as much time with Gary as he needs
- My partner loves him like her own, and he feels this
- Our home is more stable

Back with his mum it is:
- Unemployed mum, no chance of working
- Stepdad working for pizza delivery company, his fourth or fifth job in
as
many months
- Very small income
- Frequent allegations of domestic violonce, and rape - which are always
retracted
- Frequesnt split ups and other domestic problems
- They have moved house three times in past 18 months


Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk
away
with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
pray and wish for so much more.

Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?

Thanks!!

Gary Snr.

"Gary" wrote:

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.


I don't know how the law works in the U.K., but here in the USA,
depending on the state, it could go either way. It does not sounds as
if you have a stable long-term relationship (marriage), either, but it
certainly appears that your household is a better one for the child.

Have you been supporting the child all along? Have you continued to
spend time with him (as much as the mother will "allow"). Is there a
formal certification that you are indeed, the father?

Here in the States, you would petition the Family Court; and, in most
states, a "custody evaluation" would be carried out. This would
involve testing and interviews of you, the mother, and the child, and
then a report would be issued to the Court. The judge would then
decide on custody.

I would hire a good attorney and explore this avenue.


Best,

Bob


Robert A. Fink, M. D., President
California Parents United, Inc.

"The best parent is both parents...."

"Gary" wrote:

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.


I don't know how the law works in the U.K., but here in the USA,
depending on the state, it could go either way. It does not sounds as
if you have a stable long-term relationship (marriage), either, but it
certainly appears that your household is a better one for the child.

Have you been supporting the child all along? Have you continued to
spend time with him (as much as the mother will "allow"). Is there a
formal certification that you are indeed, the father?

Here in the States, you would petition the Family Court; and, in most
states, a "custody evaluation" would be carried out. This would
involve testing and interviews of you, the mother, and the child, and
then a report would be issued to the Court. The judge would then
decide on custody.

I would hire a good attorney and explore this avenue.


Best,

Bob


Robert A. Fink, M. D., President
California Parents United, Inc.

"The best parent is both parents...."

"Gary" wrote:

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.


I don't know how the law works in the U.K., but here in the USA,
depending on the state, it could go either way. It does not sounds as
if you have a stable long-term relationship (marriage), either, but it
certainly appears that your household is a better one for the child.

Have you been supporting the child all along? Have you continued to
spend time with him (as much as the mother will "allow"). Is there a
formal certification that you are indeed, the father?

Here in the States, you would petition the Family Court; and, in most
states, a "custody evaluation" would be carried out. This would
involve testing and interviews of you, the mother, and the child, and
then a report would be issued to the Court. The judge would then
decide on custody.

I would hire a good attorney and explore this avenue.


Best,

Bob


Robert A. Fink, M. D., President
California Parents United, Inc.

"The best parent is both parents...."

Hi I'm in the UK and have my 5 year old living with me, I never went to
court but did get advise on and off, I'd be careful about the "I have more
money therefore I can offer the child a better life" as a judge may ask why
it is relevant to spend the money on the child when he lives with you, but
not when he lives with Mum.

There is an article in "The Times" today which deals with the independant
whims of judges and how they can swing all over the place with opinions
about placing the child with the father, and how the outcome can often be
based on the judge you have that day.

The general premise in the UK is to support the status quo, so I guess the
onus on you would be to prove the childs mother is unfit.

It may be that your best hope is to stay out of court, If your earning
£10,000 a month and the mother is a dead beat with a pizza delivery
boyfriend is it not beyond your intelligence to sort it out with her, I mean
its gonna cost you loads to go to court............I think your best chance
would be to look at how that money may be invested into an agreement with
her that alows the child to live with you and do weekends with her or
whatever, it may sound mercinary but paying her to come to an agreement
could save you many years in sleepless nights and if having your child with
you means as much as it does to me then its money well spent, then all you
need to do is get 6-9 months of providing care under your belt and the
status quo has changed to support you.

HanK
--
"One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him."
Jeffrey Bernard.
"Robert A. Fink, M. D." wrote in message
news
"Gary" wrote:

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has

his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.


I don't know how the law works in the U.K., but here in the USA,
depending on the state, it could go either way. It does not sounds as
if you have a stable long-term relationship (marriage), either, but it
certainly appears that your household is a better one for the child.

Have you been supporting the child all along? Have you continued to
spend time with him (as much as the mother will "allow"). Is there a
formal certification that you are indeed, the father?

Here in the States, you would petition the Family Court; and, in most
states, a "custody evaluation" would be carried out. This would
involve testing and interviews of you, the mother, and the child, and
then a report would be issued to the Court. The judge would then
decide on custody.

I would hire a good attorney and explore this avenue.


Best,

Bob


Robert A. Fink, M. D., President
California Parents United, Inc.

"The best parent is both parents...."

Hi I'm in the UK and have my 5 year old living with me, I never went to
court but did get advise on and off, I'd be careful about the "I have more
money therefore I can offer the child a better life" as a judge may ask why
it is relevant to spend the money on the child when he lives with you, but
not when he lives with Mum.

There is an article in "The Times" today which deals with the independant
whims of judges and how they can swing all over the place with opinions
about placing the child with the father, and how the outcome can often be
based on the judge you have that day.

The general premise in the UK is to support the status quo, so I guess the
onus on you would be to prove the childs mother is unfit.

It may be that your best hope is to stay out of court, If your earning
£10,000 a month and the mother is a dead beat with a pizza delivery
boyfriend is it not beyond your intelligence to sort it out with her, I mean
its gonna cost you loads to go to court............I think your best chance
would be to look at how that money may be invested into an agreement with
her that alows the child to live with you and do weekends with her or
whatever, it may sound mercinary but paying her to come to an agreement
could save you many years in sleepless nights and if having your child with
you means as much as it does to me then its money well spent, then all you
need to do is get 6-9 months of providing care under your belt and the
status quo has changed to support you.

HanK
--
"One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him."
Jeffrey Bernard.
"Robert A. Fink, M. D." wrote in message
news
"Gary" wrote:

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has

his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.


I don't know how the law works in the U.K., but here in the USA,
depending on the state, it could go either way. It does not sounds as
if you have a stable long-term relationship (marriage), either, but it
certainly appears that your household is a better one for the child.

Have you been supporting the child all along? Have you continued to
spend time with him (as much as the mother will "allow"). Is there a
formal certification that you are indeed, the father?

Here in the States, you would petition the Family Court; and, in most
states, a "custody evaluation" would be carried out. This would
involve testing and interviews of you, the mother, and the child, and
then a report would be issued to the Court. The judge would then
decide on custody.

I would hire a good attorney and explore this avenue.


Best,

Bob


Robert A. Fink, M. D., President
California Parents United, Inc.

"The best parent is both parents...."

Hi I'm in the UK and have my 5 year old living with me, I never went to
court but did get advise on and off, I'd be careful about the "I have more
money therefore I can offer the child a better life" as a judge may ask why
it is relevant to spend the money on the child when he lives with you, but
not when he lives with Mum.

There is an article in "The Times" today which deals with the independant
whims of judges and how they can swing all over the place with opinions
about placing the child with the father, and how the outcome can often be
based on the judge you have that day.

The general premise in the UK is to support the status quo, so I guess the
onus on you would be to prove the childs mother is unfit.

It may be that your best hope is to stay out of court, If your earning
£10,000 a month and the mother is a dead beat with a pizza delivery
boyfriend is it not beyond your intelligence to sort it out with her, I mean
its gonna cost you loads to go to court............I think your best chance
would be to look at how that money may be invested into an agreement with
her that alows the child to live with you and do weekends with her or
whatever, it may sound mercinary but paying her to come to an agreement
could save you many years in sleepless nights and if having your child with
you means as much as it does to me then its money well spent, then all you
need to do is get 6-9 months of providing care under your belt and the
status quo has changed to support you.

HanK
--
"One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him."
Jeffrey Bernard.
"Robert A. Fink, M. D." wrote in message
news
"Gary" wrote:

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has

his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.


I don't know how the law works in the U.K., but here in the USA,
depending on the state, it could go either way. It does not sounds as
if you have a stable long-term relationship (marriage), either, but it
certainly appears that your household is a better one for the child.

Have you been supporting the child all along? Have you continued to
spend time with him (as much as the mother will "allow"). Is there a
formal certification that you are indeed, the father?

Here in the States, you would petition the Family Court; and, in most
states, a "custody evaluation" would be carried out. This would
involve testing and interviews of you, the mother, and the child, and
then a report would be issued to the Court. The judge would then
decide on custody.

I would hire a good attorney and explore this avenue.


Best,

Bob


Robert A. Fink, M. D., President
California Parents United, Inc.

"The best parent is both parents...."