Chances of custody...

Gary wrote:

: Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk away
: with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
: pray and wish for so much more.

: Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?


It's a possibility.

I have a coworker friend that obtained primary custody of an infant child
as a result of his mother attempting to take their child to a partner
whom she once obtained a restraining order against for domestic violence.

The situation was that they had a child, the mother took off with the child
to another state. She previously obtained a restraining order againist
the person who she went to live with. The judge said to her that she
either was lying about the guy being abusive or the child would be in
danger. Both were not "positive" in the eyes of the judge. The judge
decided to have the local police take the child from her and give the
child to the (stable) father as the parent. The girl is now 5 years old
and has a great childhood.

In the eyes of the court, if you "do nothing" it'll demonstrate lack
of perception of the situation being harmful to the child. If
there are police records dealing with the situation in the child's home,
it would be to your advantage. Document everything. Additionally, given
the child's age, it is possible to have the judge give an "in camera" hearing
(a hearing with just the judge and the child) or possibly a counselor's
evaluation of the situation.

Keep the child's interests foremost. I'd also advise securing a competent
Family Law attorney to prepare the case.

b.

Gary wrote:

: Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk away
: with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
: pray and wish for so much more.

: Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?


It's a possibility.

I have a coworker friend that obtained primary custody of an infant child
as a result of his mother attempting to take their child to a partner
whom she once obtained a restraining order against for domestic violence.

The situation was that they had a child, the mother took off with the child
to another state. She previously obtained a restraining order againist
the person who she went to live with. The judge said to her that she
either was lying about the guy being abusive or the child would be in
danger. Both were not "positive" in the eyes of the judge. The judge
decided to have the local police take the child from her and give the
child to the (stable) father as the parent. The girl is now 5 years old
and has a great childhood.

In the eyes of the court, if you "do nothing" it'll demonstrate lack
of perception of the situation being harmful to the child. If
there are police records dealing with the situation in the child's home,
it would be to your advantage. Document everything. Additionally, given
the child's age, it is possible to have the judge give an "in camera" hearing
(a hearing with just the judge and the child) or possibly a counselor's
evaluation of the situation.

Keep the child's interests foremost. I'd also advise securing a competent
Family Law attorney to prepare the case.

b.

Gary wrote:

: Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk away
: with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
: pray and wish for so much more.

: Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?


It's a possibility.

I have a coworker friend that obtained primary custody of an infant child
as a result of his mother attempting to take their child to a partner
whom she once obtained a restraining order against for domestic violence.

The situation was that they had a child, the mother took off with the child
to another state. She previously obtained a restraining order againist
the person who she went to live with. The judge said to her that she
either was lying about the guy being abusive or the child would be in
danger. Both were not "positive" in the eyes of the judge. The judge
decided to have the local police take the child from her and give the
child to the (stable) father as the parent. The girl is now 5 years old
and has a great childhood.

In the eyes of the court, if you "do nothing" it'll demonstrate lack
of perception of the situation being harmful to the child. If
there are police records dealing with the situation in the child's home,
it would be to your advantage. Document everything. Additionally, given
the child's age, it is possible to have the judge give an "in camera" hearing
(a hearing with just the judge and the child) or possibly a counselor's
evaluation of the situation.

Keep the child's interests foremost. I'd also advise securing a competent
Family Law attorney to prepare the case.

b.

=~{}~HäñK~{}~= wrote:

Hi I'm in the UK and have my 5 year old living with me, I never went to
court but did get advise on and off, I'd be careful about the "I have more
money therefore I can offer the child a better life" as a judge may ask why
it is relevant to spend the money on the child when he lives with you, but
not when he lives with Mum.

There is an article in "The Times" today which deals with the independant
whims of judges and how they can swing all over the place with opinions
about placing the child with the father, and how the outcome can often be
based on the judge you have that day.

The general premise in the UK is to support the status quo, so I guess the
onus on you would be to prove the childs mother is unfit.

It may be that your best hope is to stay out of court, If your earning
£10,000 a month and the mother is a dead beat with a pizza delivery
boyfriend is it not beyond your intelligence to sort it out with her, I mean
its gonna cost you loads to go to court............I think your best chance
would be to look at how that money may be invested into an agreement with
her that alows the child to live with you and do weekends with her or
whatever, it may sound mercinary but paying her to come to an agreement
could save you many years in sleepless nights and if having your child with
you means as much as it does to me then its money well spent, then all you
need to do is get 6-9 months of providing care under your belt and the
status quo has changed to support you.

Oo! Clever, and... I like!

- Ron ^*^

=~{}~HäñK~{}~= wrote:

Hi I'm in the UK and have my 5 year old living with me, I never went to
court but did get advise on and off, I'd be careful about the "I have more
money therefore I can offer the child a better life" as a judge may ask why
it is relevant to spend the money on the child when he lives with you, but
not when he lives with Mum.

There is an article in "The Times" today which deals with the independant
whims of judges and how they can swing all over the place with opinions
about placing the child with the father, and how the outcome can often be
based on the judge you have that day.

The general premise in the UK is to support the status quo, so I guess the
onus on you would be to prove the childs mother is unfit.

It may be that your best hope is to stay out of court, If your earning
£10,000 a month and the mother is a dead beat with a pizza delivery
boyfriend is it not beyond your intelligence to sort it out with her, I mean
its gonna cost you loads to go to court............I think your best chance
would be to look at how that money may be invested into an agreement with
her that alows the child to live with you and do weekends with her or
whatever, it may sound mercinary but paying her to come to an agreement
could save you many years in sleepless nights and if having your child with
you means as much as it does to me then its money well spent, then all you
need to do is get 6-9 months of providing care under your belt and the
status quo has changed to support you.

Oo! Clever, and... I like!

- Ron ^*^

=~{}~HäñK~{}~= wrote:

Hi I'm in the UK and have my 5 year old living with me, I never went to
court but did get advise on and off, I'd be careful about the "I have more
money therefore I can offer the child a better life" as a judge may ask why
it is relevant to spend the money on the child when he lives with you, but
not when he lives with Mum.

There is an article in "The Times" today which deals with the independant
whims of judges and how they can swing all over the place with opinions
about placing the child with the father, and how the outcome can often be
based on the judge you have that day.

The general premise in the UK is to support the status quo, so I guess the
onus on you would be to prove the childs mother is unfit.

It may be that your best hope is to stay out of court, If your earning
£10,000 a month and the mother is a dead beat with a pizza delivery
boyfriend is it not beyond your intelligence to sort it out with her, I mean
its gonna cost you loads to go to court............I think your best chance
would be to look at how that money may be invested into an agreement with
her that alows the child to live with you and do weekends with her or
whatever, it may sound mercinary but paying her to come to an agreement
could save you many years in sleepless nights and if having your child with
you means as much as it does to me then its money well spent, then all you
need to do is get 6-9 months of providing care under your belt and the
status quo has changed to support you.

Oo! Clever, and... I like!

- Ron ^*^

Hello All

After going through the legal system in New Jersey in the USA I have come to
the following conclusion. If you walk into court with a penis, you
automatically lose your case unless your child's mother is a prostitute drug
addict who was turning tricks in front of the kids.

In our wonderful state all a woman has to do is appear in family court and
say "she is fearful of domestic violence" (not that there ever was or was a
threat of domestic violence) and the court gives her an automatic two week
restraining order. At that point two policemen come to your home and escort
you out. There goes any hope of custody. You are branded as a "domestic
violence risk candidate" and you lose any chance of custody.

Good luck on your side of the pond.

Stu


"Gary" wrote in message
...
Hello all,

I have applied for custody of my 5yr old son, and I am now waiting on a
date
for the first court formalities to get under way. I think I have almost
no
chance, but would love your open and honest opinions.

My ex girlfriend fell pregnant with my son Gary when she was 16. I was
17.
I tried to stick around for as long as possible, but she was violont,
jealous and unpredictable. She was also depressed, and eventually I
couldnt
take staying with her any longer. That was 5 years ago.

I have always had regular contact with Gary, and residential weekend
contact
has been going on for over a year now. Unfortunately, every three or four
months, his mother tries to leave her current partner, ends up in a
violent
fight with him, lots of alcohol and allegations of domestic abuse etc.
She
has had police involved several times, and eventually always retracts what
she has alleged blaming the "drink talk".

Needless to say, I get very angry about young Gary having to see and hear
this nonsense, and whilst I am sure no laws are being broken, I know it is
messing his head up.

My question is this:
Is the courts only concern the total and absolute welare of my son? Is it
a
case of if he is safer and better off living with me that I will get
custody, or does there need to be grave and serious conerns about his
wellbeing at home with his mother?

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.

I do not know how many friends Gary has back at home, and whether or not
this matters - but he has VERY close friends back here with me. His best
friend, a girl from downstairs stays every saturday night, and they have a
great time watching DVD's, going swimming etc etc.

I know I am going on a bit, but the point is this:
- Gary is happier here
- I have more than enough money to provide for him
- I work when I want, and can spend as much time with Gary as he needs
- My partner loves him like her own, and he feels this
- Our home is more stable

Back with his mum it is:
- Unemployed mum, no chance of working
- Stepdad working for pizza delivery company, his fourth or fifth job in
as
many months
- Very small income
- Frequent allegations of domestic violonce, and rape - which are always
retracted
- Frequesnt split ups and other domestic problems
- They have moved house three times in past 18 months


Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk
away
with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
pray and wish for so much more.

Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?

Thanks!!

Gary Snr.

Hello All

After going through the legal system in New Jersey in the USA I have come to
the following conclusion. If you walk into court with a penis, you
automatically lose your case unless your child's mother is a prostitute drug
addict who was turning tricks in front of the kids.

In our wonderful state all a woman has to do is appear in family court and
say "she is fearful of domestic violence" (not that there ever was or was a
threat of domestic violence) and the court gives her an automatic two week
restraining order. At that point two policemen come to your home and escort
you out. There goes any hope of custody. You are branded as a "domestic
violence risk candidate" and you lose any chance of custody.

Good luck on your side of the pond.

Stu


"Gary" wrote in message
...
Hello all,

I have applied for custody of my 5yr old son, and I am now waiting on a
date
for the first court formalities to get under way. I think I have almost
no
chance, but would love your open and honest opinions.

My ex girlfriend fell pregnant with my son Gary when she was 16. I was
17.
I tried to stick around for as long as possible, but she was violont,
jealous and unpredictable. She was also depressed, and eventually I
couldnt
take staying with her any longer. That was 5 years ago.

I have always had regular contact with Gary, and residential weekend
contact
has been going on for over a year now. Unfortunately, every three or four
months, his mother tries to leave her current partner, ends up in a
violent
fight with him, lots of alcohol and allegations of domestic abuse etc.
She
has had police involved several times, and eventually always retracts what
she has alleged blaming the "drink talk".

Needless to say, I get very angry about young Gary having to see and hear
this nonsense, and whilst I am sure no laws are being broken, I know it is
messing his head up.

My question is this:
Is the courts only concern the total and absolute welare of my son? Is it
a
case of if he is safer and better off living with me that I will get
custody, or does there need to be grave and serious conerns about his
wellbeing at home with his mother?

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.

I do not know how many friends Gary has back at home, and whether or not
this matters - but he has VERY close friends back here with me. His best
friend, a girl from downstairs stays every saturday night, and they have a
great time watching DVD's, going swimming etc etc.

I know I am going on a bit, but the point is this:
- Gary is happier here
- I have more than enough money to provide for him
- I work when I want, and can spend as much time with Gary as he needs
- My partner loves him like her own, and he feels this
- Our home is more stable

Back with his mum it is:
- Unemployed mum, no chance of working
- Stepdad working for pizza delivery company, his fourth or fifth job in
as
many months
- Very small income
- Frequent allegations of domestic violonce, and rape - which are always
retracted
- Frequesnt split ups and other domestic problems
- They have moved house three times in past 18 months


Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk
away
with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
pray and wish for so much more.

Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?

Thanks!!

Gary Snr.

Hello All

After going through the legal system in New Jersey in the USA I have come to
the following conclusion. If you walk into court with a penis, you
automatically lose your case unless your child's mother is a prostitute drug
addict who was turning tricks in front of the kids.

In our wonderful state all a woman has to do is appear in family court and
say "she is fearful of domestic violence" (not that there ever was or was a
threat of domestic violence) and the court gives her an automatic two week
restraining order. At that point two policemen come to your home and escort
you out. There goes any hope of custody. You are branded as a "domestic
violence risk candidate" and you lose any chance of custody.

Good luck on your side of the pond.

Stu


"Gary" wrote in message
...
Hello all,

I have applied for custody of my 5yr old son, and I am now waiting on a
date
for the first court formalities to get under way. I think I have almost
no
chance, but would love your open and honest opinions.

My ex girlfriend fell pregnant with my son Gary when she was 16. I was
17.
I tried to stick around for as long as possible, but she was violont,
jealous and unpredictable. She was also depressed, and eventually I
couldnt
take staying with her any longer. That was 5 years ago.

I have always had regular contact with Gary, and residential weekend
contact
has been going on for over a year now. Unfortunately, every three or four
months, his mother tries to leave her current partner, ends up in a
violent
fight with him, lots of alcohol and allegations of domestic abuse etc.
She
has had police involved several times, and eventually always retracts what
she has alleged blaming the "drink talk".

Needless to say, I get very angry about young Gary having to see and hear
this nonsense, and whilst I am sure no laws are being broken, I know it is
messing his head up.

My question is this:
Is the courts only concern the total and absolute welare of my son? Is it
a
case of if he is safer and better off living with me that I will get
custody, or does there need to be grave and serious conerns about his
wellbeing at home with his mother?

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.

I do not know how many friends Gary has back at home, and whether or not
this matters - but he has VERY close friends back here with me. His best
friend, a girl from downstairs stays every saturday night, and they have a
great time watching DVD's, going swimming etc etc.

I know I am going on a bit, but the point is this:
- Gary is happier here
- I have more than enough money to provide for him
- I work when I want, and can spend as much time with Gary as he needs
- My partner loves him like her own, and he feels this
- Our home is more stable

Back with his mum it is:
- Unemployed mum, no chance of working
- Stepdad working for pizza delivery company, his fourth or fifth job in
as
many months
- Very small income
- Frequent allegations of domestic violonce, and rape - which are always
retracted
- Frequesnt split ups and other domestic problems
- They have moved house three times in past 18 months


Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk
away
with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I hope,
pray and wish for so much more.

Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?

Thanks!!

Gary Snr.

it's the same up here in Massachusetts, Stu.
"stu" wrote in message
...
Hello All

After going through the legal system in New Jersey in the USA I have come
to
the following conclusion. If you walk into court with a penis, you
automatically lose your case unless your child's mother is a prostitute
drug
addict who was turning tricks in front of the kids.

In our wonderful state all a woman has to do is appear in family court and
say "she is fearful of domestic violence" (not that there ever was or was
a
threat of domestic violence) and the court gives her an automatic two week
restraining order. At that point two policemen come to your home and
escort
you out. There goes any hope of custody. You are branded as a "domestic
violence risk candidate" and you lose any chance of custody.

Good luck on your side of the pond.

Stu


"Gary" wrote in message
...
Hello all,

I have applied for custody of my 5yr old son, and I am now waiting on a
date
for the first court formalities to get under way. I think I have almost
no
chance, but would love your open and honest opinions.

My ex girlfriend fell pregnant with my son Gary when she was 16. I was
17.
I tried to stick around for as long as possible, but she was violont,
jealous and unpredictable. She was also depressed, and eventually I
couldnt
take staying with her any longer. That was 5 years ago.

I have always had regular contact with Gary, and residential weekend
contact
has been going on for over a year now. Unfortunately, every three or
four
months, his mother tries to leave her current partner, ends up in a
violent
fight with him, lots of alcohol and allegations of domestic abuse etc.
She
has had police involved several times, and eventually always retracts
what
she has alleged blaming the "drink talk".

Needless to say, I get very angry about young Gary having to see and
hear
this nonsense, and whilst I am sure no laws are being broken, I know it
is
messing his head up.

My question is this:
Is the courts only concern the total and absolute welare of my son? Is
it
a
case of if he is safer and better off living with me that I will get
custody, or does there need to be grave and serious conerns about his
wellbeing at home with his mother?

Gary is infinity times happier when he is here with me. My current
Partner
loves him to bits, he gets all the attention in the world, and he doesnt
need to ask for anything - he has it all. Back at home, its a
completely
different situation. His mother rarely plays games with him, and she
has
his younger 2yr old sister to look after which means even less time with
him. Also, she is unemployed with ZERO prospects, and her partner
delivers
pizza - so not much money.

I own two companies, and earn in the region of £10,000 per month. I
have
a
completely flexible work pattern and can start finish when I like, and
take
as many days off as I like, so spending time with young Gary is not a
problem for me.

I do not know how many friends Gary has back at home, and whether or not
this matters - but he has VERY close friends back here with me. His
best
friend, a girl from downstairs stays every saturday night, and they have
a
great time watching DVD's, going swimming etc etc.

I know I am going on a bit, but the point is this:
- Gary is happier here
- I have more than enough money to provide for him
- I work when I want, and can spend as much time with Gary as he needs
- My partner loves him like her own, and he feels this
- Our home is more stable

Back with his mum it is:
- Unemployed mum, no chance of working
- Stepdad working for pizza delivery company, his fourth or fifth job in
as
many months
- Very small income
- Frequent allegations of domestic violonce, and rape - which are always
retracted
- Frequesnt split ups and other domestic problems
- They have moved house three times in past 18 months


Like I said at the beginning of this email, I am not expecting to walk
away
with anything more than what I already have - weekend contact, but I
hope,
pray and wish for so much more.

Any fairytales that you guys can share or I am I in for dissappointment?

Thanks!!

Gary Snr.