5 year old and nervous habits

Hi all

Our 5 year old girl is displaying very nervous habits, such as thumb
sucking, hair twirling etc. She has done the thumb/hair twirling since
birth, substituting her own hair for her mothers once her mother got
tired of the knots.

We have been patiently just waiting without trying to draw to much
attention to them and hoping they will go away, but lately our concern
is growing. We gently remind her that kids in kindergarten dont suck
their thumbs (she goes in sept) but she will start doing other things
like licking the back of her hands and other
quirky habits if she is not sucking her thumb/twirling her hair. She is
very bright like her 7yr old sister, but they are polar opposites as far
as personality goes. She is very shy almost to the point of being
introverted, but once out of her shell will chatter the spots off a
leopard, just like her older sister.

I am starting to wonder if I should have her checked out psychologically
before we are faced with a bigger problem once she is in school, we know
how cruel kids can be in a school environment when someone is
"different". At the same time I dont want to draw any more attention to
it, I rememeber having a bad stuttering problem in school and the more
attention that was drawn to it (people trying to be helpfull) the worse
it made it.

Anyone else here experienced this, and if so, how was it approached?

TIA

In article 5wgye.91058$HI.5730@edtnps84, GS wrote:

Hi all

Our 5 year old girl is displaying very nervous habits, such as thumb
sucking, hair twirling etc. She has done the thumb/hair twirling since
birth, substituting her own hair for her mothers once her mother got
tired of the knots.

We have been patiently just waiting without trying to draw to much
attention to them and hoping they will go away, but lately our concern
is growing. We gently remind her that kids in kindergarten dont suck
their thumbs (she goes in sept) but she will start doing other things
like licking the back of her hands and other
quirky habits if she is not sucking her thumb/twirling her hair. She is
very bright like her 7yr old sister, but they are polar opposites as far
as personality goes. She is very shy almost to the point of being
introverted, but once out of her shell will chatter the spots off a
leopard, just like her older sister.

I am starting to wonder if I should have her checked out psychologically
before we are faced with a bigger problem once she is in school, we know
how cruel kids can be in a school environment when someone is
"different". At the same time I dont want to draw any more attention to
it, I rememeber having a bad stuttering problem in school and the more
attention that was drawn to it (people trying to be helpfull) the worse
it made it.

Anyone else here experienced this, and if so, how was it approached?

TIA

My daughter entered school still sucking her thumb. She wasn't the only
one. It wasn't a problem for her.

I don't think it's necessarily a problem, if you don't make it one. I
always let her know that WHEN she was ready to stop, we could do things
to help -- but waited for her to decide she wanted to stop.

(And, lest others jump in -- my dentist was on-board with this,
insisting that it wasn't creating any problems for her orthidontically,
and that it would do her more harm to try to force her to quit.)
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

As a compulsive hair twiddler of 30 something, please let her be.

Kids starting school often twiddle or thumb suck. This is the least of the
group's worries when compared to those who still can't use the bathroom
properly or hold a pencil the right way up.

If it worries you a lot, or seems excessive, try distraction when you see
her suck or twiddle.
S

GS wrote:
Hi all

Our 5 year old girl is displaying very nervous habits, such as thumb
sucking, hair twirling etc. She has done the thumb/hair twirling since
birth, substituting her own hair for her mothers once her mother got
tired of the knots.

We have been patiently just waiting without trying to draw to much
attention to them and hoping they will go away, but lately our concern
is growing. We gently remind her that kids in kindergarten dont suck
their thumbs (she goes in sept) but she will start doing other things
like licking the back of her hands and other
quirky habits if she is not sucking her thumb/twirling her hair. She is
very bright like her 7yr old sister, but they are polar opposites as far
as personality goes. She is very shy almost to the point of being
introverted, but once out of her shell will chatter the spots off a
leopard, just like her older sister.

I am starting to wonder if I should have her checked out psychologically
before we are faced with a bigger problem once she is in school, we know
how cruel kids can be in a school environment when someone is
"different". At the same time I dont want to draw any more attention to
it, I rememeber having a bad stuttering problem in school and the more
attention that was drawn - to it (people trying to be helpfull) the worse
it made it.

Anyone else here experienced this, and if so, how was it approached?

TIA

I wouldn't draw attention to it - my 5 year old daughter has done hair
twirling all her life - even just stroking her head as a baby before she
had hair when sucking a bottle or trying to relax. I don't really worry
about it. She's a bit of an intense personality, though, so I think
those little mechanisms are ways for her to a) cope with boredom or
anxiousness, and b) and outward form of self-soothing or relaxing.

cara

In 5wgye.91058$HI.5730@edtnps84,
GS wrote:

*Our 5 year old girl is displaying very nervous habits, such as thumb
*sucking, hair twirling etc. She has done the thumb/hair twirling since
*birth, substituting her own hair for her mothers once her mother got
*tired of the knots.
*
*We have been patiently just waiting without trying to draw to much
*attention to them and hoping they will go away, but lately our concern
*is growing. We gently remind her that kids in kindergarten dont suck
*their thumbs (she goes in sept) but she will start doing other things
*like licking the back of her hands and other
*quirky habits if she is not sucking her thumb/twirling her hair. She is
*very bright like her 7yr old sister, but they are polar opposites as far
*as personality goes. She is very shy almost to the point of being
*introverted, but once out of her shell will chatter the spots off a
*leopard, just like her older sister.

My son will be five in September. He is *very* bright, and historically
*very* shy. He has always had either "nervous habits" or "tics,"
depending on whose opinion you accept. The incidence increased
dramatically about the time of his fourth birthday, IIRC. We did take him
to see a child psychologist, who said he was very anxious, and who worked
with him, teaching him how his brain worked, and what kind of anxieties
might be reasonable and what might be unreasonable, and so forth. She also
introduced the concept of having a small fidget toy to carry around - a
marble, a piece of leather, a rock, something to have in his pocket to
play with instead of what he would ordinarily do under stress (which was
touch his ears and nose in a stereotypical sort of way). It helped very
much. He only went to the psych for a few months, and then we had a new
baby, and stopped going due to scheduling issues, but our son still uses
the techniques he learned, and has really been doing great.

--
Hillary Israeli, VMD
Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
too dark to read." --Groucho Marx

It is normal for a five year old to do that entering kindergaten but
she should stop by a certain point. Take her to the doctor just in
case.

Here are some suggestions; maybe you'll find
something useful in the list.

-- Increasing calcium and omega-3 essential fatty acids
in the diet can help calm anxiety.

-- You can try to make sure she doesn't experience stressful
situations such as being yelled at; being hit; being
controlled by other children (e.g. toys grabbed away), etc.

-- You can try to make her routine predictable. For example,
it may help her to be told in advance what's going to happen
that day and to be told 10 minutes before it's time to leave
for something or to get ready to go home.

-- You can teach her some soothing habits that are more
acceptable. I would just encourage the new habits and not
tell her not to thumbsuck, and just hope she feels slightly
less need to thumbsuck if she spends lots of time with the
new habits. Examples: hugging a teddy bear; rocking in
a rocking chair (perhaps while sitting in a parent's lap);
slow deep breathing (not sure how to teach
this to someone so young); standing on a chair at the
kitchen sink playing with water; playing with stuff with
texture such as sand, "slime", play-dough etc.

-- Possibly other habits that use the mouth might
substitute for thumb-sucking: chewing gum, popsicles,
drinking with a straw, etc.

-- Possibly if she gets more sleep she might feel less
need to thumb-suck. Encouraging or allowing her to
have quiet time to rest might help, too.

-- A quiet bedtime talk each day is a good chance to
get her talking about anything that's causing her stress
in her life, as well as appreciating the good things.
The positive feelings of going over the best things
that happened each day can help to dispel anxiety.

.... or just don't worry about it. Maybe when she's
at kindergarten she'll be too busy playing and stuff
to thumb-suck or hair-twirl much.
--
Cathy Woodgold
http://www.ncf.ca/~an588/par_home.html
There are two types of people in the world: those
who divide the world into two types of people, and

GS wrote:

Anyone else here experienced this, and if so, how was it approached?



I have always had a naturally anxious temperament myself. I sucked my
thumb until I was 8 years old. I do remember my parents trying to
discourage me from doing it, being teased, reprimanded, etc, and I
would feel guilty hiding it from them - I remember I'd pull my long
hair over my face and hide behind it so I could suck my thumb.

It's not a great habit because I did end up requiring four years of
braces. And yet, discouraging it can backfire - ratcheting UP the
anxiety and making it worse - if you don't find other, more acceptable,
healthier methods of self-soothing to replace it with.

I have spent years trying to find healthy ways to deal with my anxiety.
I started smoking when I was 13 years old, and I do think sticking a
cigarrette in my mouth is somewhat related to the thumb sucking, as
both are oral fixations. I also have vivid memories of my mom and I
going on candy and cookie dough binges. Feeding one's face is also not
a great way to deal with anxiety. I went through a period where I'd
constantly eat at nighttime (sweet, crunchy things like dry cereal) as
a way to deal with a bad marriage, and I gained a lot of weight.

I eventually tried antianxiety drugs, but that's no solution either, as
they are quite addictive, and when you wean off of them, the anxiety is
even worse.

My own DD has inherited my anxious temperament, and noticing myself in
her was great motivation to finally deal with my own in a better,
healthier way. So my first question to you is to ask yourself if you
and your spouse may not also be anxious types?

Because the thing about anxiety is that it is contagious! Usually it is
not just one member of the family that is anxious; it may be one member
that starts it, but it spreads quickly to everyone around them. Anxious
people tend to want to toss their anxiety off - they feel uncomfortable
and have too much nervous energy they need to get rid of - and too
often it ends up landing on to someone else.

Some people are good at *absorbing* anxiety - they may not show outward
signs of anxiety and it seems to stop at them. Ask yourself if you have
an absorber in the family system, because if you do, this may also be
someone who needs attention. This is usually the outwardly calm person
that the anxious person tends to like to be near, because the anxiety
seems to get absorbed by them and doesn't escalate. Unfortunately,
absorbing other's anxiety may be doing much damage in the form of
stress (sleep problems, ulcers, migraines, and other physical
symptoms).

Other people *deflect* anxiety back to the anxious person, or to
someone else. Too often they send it back in an even larger dose, and
tensions escalate higher and higher. That's when you have what's known
as a "scene." :-)

In our family we have three anxious types and one absorber (DD11). We
have learned the most effective way to handle it is to
meta-communicate. If one member becomes anxious, we have a code to
gently remind that person not to spread his/her anxiety to the rest of
us (we put our hands in the form of a triangle). The anxious person
then attempts to deal with his/her own anxiety instead of tossing it on
to others. This may take the form of meditating, leaving the room
momentarily, switching subjects, or cracking a joke, but the
responsibility for keeping it to themselves and dealing with it is on
the person that starts it. Meanwhile the rest of us pull back too, and
spend time protecting ourselves mentally from catching the other
person's anxiety.

We've been doing this for three years now, and it has worked wonders in
our family. At first it all seems very silly, but with patience and
persistence, it works. We are all getting much more efficient at
nipping anxiety in the bud before it has a chance to spread and grow
beyond control. And that's the best we can hope for - I think the three
of us will always be prone to anxiety and it won't ever be eliminated
completely, but being able to get it under control within minutes -
without drugs or other unhealthy habits - is quite an accomplishment.

How could it work in your own? Well, first you must figure out the
dynamic that is going on, whether you or others are playing a role in
it or not, and how you can control your own role. For example, if DD is
sucking her thumb, getting anxious about it yourself will, without a
doubt, only make her even *more* anxious.

jen

In article .com,
"shinypenny" wrote:

In our family we have three anxious types and one absorber (DD11). We
have learned the most effective way to handle it is to
meta-communicate. If one member becomes anxious, we have a code to
gently remind that person not to spread his/her anxiety to the rest of
us (we put our hands in the form of a triangle). The anxious person
then attempts to deal with his/her own anxiety instead of tossing it on
to others. This may take the form of meditating, leaving the room
momentarily, switching subjects, or cracking a joke, but the
responsibility for keeping it to themselves and dealing with it is on
the person that starts it. Meanwhile the rest of us pull back too, and
spend time protecting ourselves mentally from catching the other
person's anxiety.

We've been doing this for three years now, and it has worked wonders in
our family. At first it all seems very silly, but with patience and
persistence, it works. We are all getting much more efficient at
nipping anxiety in the bud before it has a chance to spread and grow
beyond control. And that's the best we can hope for - I think the three
of us will always be prone to anxiety and it won't ever be eliminated
completely, but being able to get it under control within minutes -
without drugs or other unhealthy habits - is quite an accomplishment.

It certainly is, and what a clever idea! How did you think of it?

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

Chookie wrote:

It certainly is, and what a clever idea! How did you think of it?



Awhile back (after 9/11, during a time when I was laid off for 9 months
and also had major back troubles) I found myself with escalating
anxiety that was starting to become really bad. I didn't want to go
back on the xanax again, so I surfed the web, and researched the topic
of how to deal with anxiety without drugs.

I can't remember where I read about this whole idea, about the dynamics
of anxiety in a family system and also about how to deal with the
anxiety - I suspect the ideas came from a variety of sources and I put
them all together.

jen