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#1
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Computer monitoring
Greetings all.
I'm a father of one teenaged daughter, and another teeneager-to-be (not too soon, thank the Gods!) As with any household, the use of the computer has become quite an issue. Parental controls on my AOL account don't seem to be enough. She still manages to find her way to inappropriate material. Mostly at the urging of her friends (my daughter a bit of a follower). I've decided to go with computer monitoring/keylogging software to see what's happening on my computer. Anyone else have experience with any of these types of programs that could offer suggestions? As a parent, it kills me not to trust my own kid, but the need to keep her (and the rest of us) safe takes priority I think. Also, with monitoring software, I could be better informed in case I have to take further action. Advise? Opinions? Thanks. Greg |
#2
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Computer monitoring
Greg wrote:
Greetings all. I'm a father of one teenaged daughter, and another teeneager-to-be (not too soon, thank the Gods!) As with any household, the use of the computer has become quite an issue. Parental controls on my AOL account don't seem to be enough. She still manages to find her way to inappropriate material. Mostly at the urging of her friends (my daughter a bit of a follower). I've decided to go with computer monitoring/keylogging software to see what's happening on my computer. Anyone else have experience with any of these types of programs that could offer suggestions? As a parent, it kills me not to trust my own kid, but the need to keep her (and the rest of us) safe takes priority I think. Also, with monitoring software, I could be better informed in case I have to take further action. Advise? Opinions? Thanks. Greg This is occasionally an issue at our house, with our 12-yo DD. We (the BH and I -- it's the BH's computer) have made it clear to her that what she does on the computer *is* visible to us. In fact, Wednesday I logged into her account right in front of her -- she didn't even know I knew her password! She has on occasion lost her computer privileges -- once for a month IIRC -- because of inappropriate activity (mostly related to chat sessions). Having said that, we don't have monitoring software. As you note, a child can find a way around that, and I prefer not to have the illusion of security that such software might give me. My DD gives off unmistakeable signs when she is abusing her computer privileges. Sometimes I don't notice them at the time, but in retrospect they are always there. It helps in our house that the computer is in a very visible part of the house. There is *no* privacy there. That and being able to log in as her helps keep things in control. So far Scott DD 12 and DS 9 |
#3
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Computer monitoring
Hi -- Although my kids aren't quite that old yet, I teach middle school (grades 7-8). That said, my suggestions would be: 1. Sit down together and write out a list of good computer rules. If you suggest one that your daughter doesn't like, discuss it further. Perhaps she's right! Perhaps she'll convince you to modify the rule. Perhaps when she hears your rationale she'll change her mind. And in the end, you can always, apologetically, say "because I'm the parent". Sign a computer-use contract together. 2. Keep the computer with Internet access in a well-traveled part of the house. Don't let your daughter have the impression that the computer is ever used in private. 3. Make sure you know her password, and that she knows you know her password, and that you'll log in on her account from time to time but only with her present. 4. Give your daughter some of the responsibilities that go with using a computer. For example, she can be responsible for keeping the anti-virus software up to date. She can be responsible for keeping the file system well organized, with all files in appropriate folders and all files meaningfully named. And if you or she want new software, let HER do some of the initial research into which particular brand to get and where to get a good price on it. Finally, if your daughter has not yet taken a good touch-typing class where posture and wrist position are emphasized as much as speed and accuracy, then make SURE she takes such a class ASAP. Carpal tunnel syndrome can strike at any time, and one of my 7th graders has recently had a brush with it! (I'm their first exposure to correct typing skills, so some have taught themselves some horribly anti-ergonomic habits by the time they get to me.) My two cents, --Beth Kevles http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. |
#4
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Computer monitoring
It might help if you defined "inappropriate material." I've felt (so
far) that AOL's content restrictions are actually pretty extreme. For that reason, we've given up trying to use it. A hint on AOL when it comes to computer use logical-consequence punishments. You can set a limit on the amount of time your child can access the internet on AOL. You can set that limit to 0. You can do it remotely, from another computer. This came in handy this sumemr a few times when I needed to shut him down from work. Good luck. It's a problem, I know. -Dawn |
#5
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Computer monitoring
"Scott" wrote in message ... Greg wrote: My DD gives off unmistakeable signs when she is abusing her computer privileges. Sometimes I don't notice them at the time, but in retrospect they are always there. It helps in our house that the computer is in a very visible part of the house. There is *no* privacy there. That and being able to log in as her helps keep things in control. So far I have to agree with Scott. I have two teenagers, one of whom has a MySpace account and blog. The other really isn't that interested in the computer other than to read my blog and see what I've written about the kids. The kid who is very computer savvy has been caught before doing inappropriate things on the computer and has lost privileges for quite some time. It was easy, I just password protected the computer, removed the kids accounts, and the only computer to have internet access is in a VERY visable place where they can't hide a thing. I do check the history fairly often, and I have the password to the MySpace account and know what is on it at all times. Both kids have laptops in their rooms for homework, but they have no internet access and we don't have WIFI just for this reason. I don't believe in monitoring software. I'm pretty sure of what they are and aren't doing on the computer because it's in such a public space in our house. But if things took a bad turn I'd be slapping on password protection pretty quickly and my kids know that from experience. Having consequences that are painful has taught them valuable lessons. We no longer have IM because someone abused it, for example. If you don't want to lose privileges then you have to follow the house rules concerning anything electronic. Marjorie |
#6
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Computer monitoring
You can also get software called VNC (search for it on google). With VNC,
you can see what is on the computer's screen from any other computer on the network. It does slow down the computer that you are looking at, though, especially for games. You can even take over the mouse and keyboard and close windows and stuff. Of course, you should let her know you are using the software and that you will be looking in from time to time without warning. (The software is meant to use computers remotely, not to monitor other people's behavior. But, hey if it works....) I also agree with making the computer in a public part of the house. And I like the middle-school teacher's idea of giving your daughter responsibilities for maintaining the computer and its files. I would add to Ms. Kevles's list, backing up the computer files regularly. Jeff |
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