Spoiling a baby/attachment parenting

I don't think that you can spoil really young babies. I know that I
personally intend to lavish mine with TONS of attention! ;-)

I guess as they get closer to a year, they can start to learn how to be
manipulative. I say just deal with problems as they arise. At least,
that's what I plan to do. It probably also comes down to personal
preference, and choosing your battles. If you don't really care if the
kid sleeps in the crib or not, then no one else should care (and don't
worry about what they say).

On Mon, 24 May 2004 12:21:35 GMT, "Jill" wrote:

Opinions? Am I doing her harm, spoiling her, creating a monster? IMO--No!
It's my very nature to parent her this way, my instinct. To me, it's just
being sensitive to her needs. And I think her needs are acceptable, normal,
and fine! What do people think she supposed to do, NOT want to be held? But
anyway, MIL/FIL didn't raise their kids in this style and even my parents
tell me we need to put her down and get her used to it.

My sister told me much the same thing, and my mother also. Frankly I
suspect they may have chosen that parenting style because they didn't
have the same resources I do when raising my DS. My sister, with her
first baby, was stuck out in AZ with only her DH -- and I think she
may have had to resume working very shortly thereafter, though I'm not
sure. But not much of a network there, and probably not a
cosleeping-positive DH -- so she just had to deal. Mom was divorced
when I was very young (possibly before my birth, I'm not clear on the
time), and basically had to raise my sister (starting at 2.5 years)
and me as a single, working mother. Again, probably just had to deal
with things, may have made it easier to organize and manage.

My MIL was the exact opposite, which surprised me -- she's so
vehemently conformist, I didn't expect to be encouraged to breastfeed
lengthily or cosleep from her. I'm not sure of her resource
situation, exactly, except that she came from a very large family and
had a large family (by modern standards).

I'm inclined to say, follow your instincts and listen to your baby's
needs. You're not going to spoil a baby so young, period. When
you're ready to stop breastfeeding, well, you will know (for my part I
feel a lot like a mama-cat ready to wean, minus the paw-slapping --
but growly, though still willing to indulge if truly needful).
Likewise, with cosleeping (we started actively phasing it out when he
start kicking a lot, and purposefully). I think it's better to take
parenting as a gentle, subtle shaping of a baby into a civilized
person.



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"Chotii" wrote in message
news

"A&G&K" wrote in message
...

You'll get sick of repeating yourself, but trust your own instincts ...
just
because your parents did something doesn't mean it was right
... alternatively you might need to invest in a pair of my patented
"crap
filters" ... they are free, they tune out all unwanted advice and come
with
the phrase "thanks for telling me" and walking away

Alternatively, there is the slightly more blunt approach:

"You raised your child, now I am raising mine. I am the one who lives with
her, and I choose what behaviors I am willing to accept. In return, I
will
have to live with the consequences. Thank you for your concern."

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Memorize it. Eventually they'll get disgusted and
shut up, but at least they'll shut up.

--angela


Good answer, Angela!!

--
M~Elizabeth

To thine own self be true