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5 year old - sleeping habits
Hi,
In the heat of the moment... My 5 year old sometimes has problems sleeping through the night. She complains she just wants her mother and that she is scared. However, when her mom is working nights, shes fine and doesn't give me any problems. My wife is home more often than not and this leads to many nights where my daughter just wont sleep through the night. Usually I'm the one putting her back to bed. Its driving me nuts and there have been a few nights when I don't get any sleep. I don't reward the behaviour by letting her go to her mom *ever*, I always put her back into bed but tonight I additionally told her every time she gets up, I'm going to take away a toy. So she got up, and so I did. And she got up again, so I did again. I feel really bad for doing this. I dont know whats causing her behaviour and whether I'm punishing her for something *I'm* doing wrong What can i do? TIA |
#2
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5 year old - sleeping habits
wrote in message
ups.com... Hi, In the heat of the moment... My 5 year old sometimes has problems sleeping through the night. She complains she just wants her mother and that she is scared. However, when her mom is working nights, shes fine and doesn't give me any problems. My wife is home more often than not and this leads to many nights where my daughter just wont sleep through the night. Usually I'm the one putting her back to bed. Its driving me nuts and there have been a few nights when I don't get any sleep. I don't reward the behaviour by letting her go to her mom *ever*, I always put her back into bed but tonight I additionally told her every time she gets up, I'm going to take away a toy. So she got up, and so I did. And she got up again, so I did again. I feel really bad for doing this. I dont know whats causing her behaviour and whether I'm punishing her for something *I'm* doing wrong What can i do? TIA guessing a little bit because i don't know your exact situation. i'd try firstly, letting dd know the night-waking & carry-on can't continue, because everyone is getting too tired, therefore it will have to stop but you'll all work together on stopping it. (i've always had success with my sparkly new rules by letting everyone know first, & why the rule is necessary, & getting them on board - it creates success). you may be able to divine why she prefers mum but doesn't mind if mum's at work & you're ok to go instead, but really you're better off to stop the problem rather than get involved in playing-off who goes & all that. if there are "noises", find out what they are & reassure her. if they are just random fears, address them (anti-monster spray, or more goodnight cuddles, or a change in her routine if there's some sort of problem there, etc). if you & dd are into star charts for good sleeping, just go for it. make sure all her encouragement is positive - you're right that "punishing" her for it just makes misery (in this case, yours, because i suppose you know it's just not going to be effective because it's too unrelated to the problem.) she might even benefit from mum putting her to bed, letting her know seriously before leaving that you are both there for her if there's really a problem, but that there shouldn't be problems (you will have addressed that earlier) & going back to sleep is going to be the best thing for everyone. note and praise all the nights she doesn't wake, to confirm for her that waking everyone up is less rewarding and appreciated than sleeping through. give her the opportunity to talk about the problem without judgeing her. is it a reaction to mum working at night sometimes? could the answer be as simple as knowing which nights she's there & which she won't be, or perhaps knowing more about what the night job entails, and why she goes? something like that? has anything changed recently? lastly, it's ok and good to apologise if you have been wrong. when (if?) you return her toys, consider it an opportunity to talk about what you all as a family can do instead, so that everyone can get enough sleep but nobody is upset. kylie |
#3
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5 year old - sleeping habits
0tterbot wrote:
guessing a little bit because i don't know your exact situation. i'd try firstly, letting dd know the night-waking & carry-on can't continue, because everyone is getting too tired, therefore it will have to stop but you'll all work together on stopping it. (i've always had success with my sparkly new rules by letting everyone know first, & why the rule is necessary, & getting them on board - it creates success). We've tried this many different ways. Gah, its so frustrating. you may be able to divine why she prefers mum but doesn't mind if mum's at work & you're ok to go instead, but really you're better off to stop the problem rather than get involved in playing-off who goes & all that. if there are "noises", find out what they are & reassure her. if they are just random fears, address them (anti-monster spray, or more goodnight cuddles, or a change in her routine if there's some sort of problem there, etc). Thats the thing, I don't think shes actually scared of anything. I think she just doesn't like to sleep alone. I think if I go in there every time she cries and cuddle her, she will cry more because thats like positive reinforcement for a bad behaviour. I don't want to give her any negative reinforcement (again) for the behaviour because that won't actually fix whats wrong (whatever that is). if you & dd are into star charts for good sleeping, just go for it. make sure all her encouragement is positive - you're right that "punishing" her for it just makes misery (in this case, yours, because i suppose you know it's just not going to be effective because it's too unrelated to the problem.) she might even benefit from mum putting her to bed, letting her know seriously before leaving that you are both there for her if there's really a problem, but that there shouldn't be problems (you will have addressed that earlier) & going back to sleep is going to be the best thing for everyone. note and praise all the nights she doesn't wake, to confirm for her that waking everyone up is less rewarding and appreciated than sleeping through. give her the opportunity to talk about the problem without judgeing her. Star charts? What do you mean? We always do praise her whenever she sleeps through the night. is it a reaction to mum working at night sometimes? could the answer be as simple as knowing which nights she's there & which she won't be, or perhaps knowing more about what the night job entails, and why she goes? something like that? has anything changed recently? Now that you bring up change... My mother was visiting for about 3 weeks and just left. This behaviour has been really intense since then. lastly, it's ok and good to apologise if you have been wrong. when (if?) you return her toys, consider it an opportunity to talk about what you all as a family can do instead, so that everyone can get enough sleep but nobody is upset. Done and done... kylie I hope tonight goes better. I didn't sleep at all last night (literally). I though this only happens when theyre teeny weeny babies Today it was all I could do to not fall over! Wish me luck! |
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5 year old - sleeping habits
u.int.32.t wrote:
0tterbot wrote: is it a reaction to mum working at night sometimes? could the answer be as simple as knowing which nights she's there & which she won't be, or perhaps knowing more about what the night job entails, and why she goes? something like that? has anything changed recently? Now that you bring up change... My mother was visiting for about 3 weeks and just left. This behaviour has been really intense since then. Sometimes you can make change work in your favor. When you've got a bad habit going on, one way of creating some space to substitute a different habit is to shake up the usual routine substantially. What if she went on a little vacation to stay with a relative while you and your wife went on a little vacation of your own? With *neither* of you there at night, maybe she'd put together several nights of sleeping through and keep it up after going back home. The relative could make a big fuss of what a fun time they were having and institute some fun routines that perhaps you could continue back at home to help the transition--maybe a special stuffed animal or blanket to sleep with or a picture of Mommy and Daddy for her nightstand, or something like that. If you've got a handy relative who'd be willing, it surely can't hurt. Best wishes, Ericka |
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When my son got up in the middle of the night saying he was scared and wanted me I told him a little story that worked. I asked him if he know why his teddy Bear never closed his eyes? When he said "no" I told him "It was because when he was sleeping at night the teddy bear stayed a wake to protect him." Now every night when he goes to bed I say do you have your teddy bear and he gets him and I tuck both them in bed and tell him that daddy and I will see him in the morning. This has worked for me for a year and half now. so you might try that and see if it works. Jennifer |
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