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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people



 
 
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  #21  
Old March 20th 04, 03:48 PM
lm
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

On 20 Mar 2004 08:41:50 GMT, (Bebelestrnge)
wrote:


Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: lm

Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT,
(Bebelestrnge


Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from
wind.

Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory
infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I

was
told it comes from a respiratory infection ?


You said you told them not to take the baby out because it was cold.
I'm saying it's not something you needed to advise them about, as the
cold would not have hurt the baby unless they left her out in it.


I guess we just disagree ........which is o.k.



Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger
King?


They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They
spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they
should not do these things occasionally?


You brought it up as an example. Yes, I do think they should get a
break occasionally, but from the day-in-the-life you described, they
don't spend much time with their baby as it is, and rare is the new
parent that gets movie and bowling and restaurant breaks like that.


Yes exactly what I have been trying to explain to my daughter , that the time
they do get to spend with Jaime is not that much 6-7 hours a day for my
daughter and less for Jimmy...........but then again in most families of mother
father and children I guess that is pretty normal ? I agree most parents do not
get these things that often , part of keeping a relationship strong is to take
that time though . We have been trying to help them grow in their relationship
as well, they are crying an awful lot both of them (yeah I know, they should be
) look what they have done . Jimmys' parents are not supportive of him, he has
become like a son to us and he comes to us a lot. We are trying the best way we
know how to help them make it through the stress they are feeling. We let them
do these things when they are not responsible for Jaime.(like this weekend the
baby is at his parents....yeah I know isn't that supporting him, I mean
emotionally his mother is constantly putting him down.They are lectured
regularly here by Mari and myself on how lucky they are to have the ability to
do this stuff and to remember when they get out on their own it may not be an
option due to lack of babysitter and or money ! Another reason I do what I do
is to show them the way it would be to be responsible parents and not act like
two teenagers flitting about without thinking of the baby first, One go get
the BK they so have to have and one stay home safe and warm with the infant? I
could be wrong I have been known to be kinda "Anal" g


Well I guess this is another thing we would have to disagree on
because while you say you keep telling them and showing them and
lecturing them and supporting them and helping them and teaching them,
I would say you're way past the point of all that and it's high time
they have to DO it rather than be taught it. Words are empty at this
point, really, it's time for them to own up to it. Tears or no tears.
IMO the approach you're taking, while it seems the most supportive
now, may be prolonging their transformation from irresponsible
teenagers to parents.

Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?


No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed
to be their first priority.


Exactly what I am trying to point out to them !


I would suggest no longer pointing it out and rather create the
circumstances under which they have to do it.

I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than

adult
parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of
stress and need to unwind too I think.

I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when
the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything
when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going
to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what
it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents.
Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one.

,Major big ole sigh I do do all of that and where do you think I am up

there
butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up

with
much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and
lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a
friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour

home
by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap Yes I am beginning to take more
breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more
responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it.


Major big ole sigh? You're welcome.


LMAO ! Yes Thank you


There are as many ways to raise a kid as there are kids. Take my post
for what it's worth to you and toss the rest. Good luck to you.

lm
  #22  
Old March 20th 04, 08:18 PM
Betty
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people


"Bebelestrnge" wrote in message
...

snip

Yes exactly what I have been trying to explain to my daughter , that the

time
they do get to spend with Jaime is not that much 6-7 hours a day for my
daughter and less for Jimmy...........but then again in most families of

mother
father and children I guess that is pretty normal ? I agree most parents

do not
get these things that often , part of keeping a relationship strong is to

take
that time though . We have been trying to help them grow in their

relationship
as well, they are crying an awful lot both of them (yeah I know, they

should be
) look what they have done . Jimmys' parents are not supportive of him, he

has
become like a son to us and he comes to us a lot. We are trying the best

way we
know how to help them make it through the stress they are feeling. We let

them
do these things when they are not responsible for Jaime.(like this weekend

the
baby is at his parents....yeah I know isn't that supporting him, I mean
emotionally his mother is constantly putting him down.They are lectured
regularly here by Mari and myself on how lucky they are to have the

ability to
do this stuff and to remember when they get out on their own it may not be

an
option due to lack of babysitter and or money ! Another reason I do what I

do
is to show them the way it would be to be responsible parents and not act

like
two teenagers flitting about without thinking of the baby first, One go

get
the BK they so have to have and one stay home safe and warm with the

infant? I
could be wrong I have been known to be kinda "Anal" g




Bev, I am not a teenage mother, or the parent of one, so I am not going to
pretend to know what you and your daughter are going through.
However, With you helping them out so much, and by the sounds of it, pretty
much raising their child, you could be setting them up for a hard fall if,
God forbid, something should happen to you.
If tomorrow you failed to come home, would your daughter and her BF suddenly
be able to be parents 100% of the time?

My son's father died when he (my son) was 2. I was 35 years old, working
and had my life totally together.
Suddenly I was a single parent with almost no support.
That was hard enough for me, I can't imagine having to go through that as a
teenager.
Your daughter may still be a child herself (all teenagers are) but she made
the choice to become a parent, And that means giving up her childhood.
I commend you for trying to help your daughter out as much as you can, but
in the long run you may be doing her more harm then good.

It might be time for you to take a stand, and say "you're the parents" now
you have to act like it.
Trust me, if push comes to shove, your daughter would step up to the plate
and become a responsible parent.

Anyway, just my 2 cents.
Betty


  #23  
Old March 21st 04, 02:50 PM
Bebelestrnge
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

Betty I typed you a very long one and then I very nicely hit the wrong button
and erased it , now this is a first and it was such a good reply that I will re
write it as best I can darn it, but later cause it is my weekend I work nights
and well I just don't have the time to do it all over right now . I wanted you
to know I read your post and I do want to respond to it. Bev
  #24  
Old March 21st 04, 03:03 PM
Bebelestrnge
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Posts: n/a
Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: lm
Date: 3/20/2004 9:48 AM Eastern Standard Time


snip

Well I guess this is another thing we would have to disagree on
because while you say you keep telling them and showing them and
lecturing them and supporting them and helping them and teaching them,
I would say you're way past the point of all that and it's high time
they have to DO it rather than be taught it. Words are empty at this
point, really, it's time for them to own up to it. Tears or no tears.
IMO the approach you're taking, while it seems the most supportive
now, may be prolonging their transformation from irresponsible
teenagers to parents.


We don't disagree lm , I do agree that the basic point here is they need to be
doing this and I am backing out.............I amhere if they need me.

Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby?

No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed
to be their first priority.


Yep agreed

Exactly what I am trying to point out to them !


I would suggest no longer pointing it out and rather create the
circumstances under which they have to do it.


As I type !
more snippage

Major big ole sigh? You're welcome.


LMAO ! Yes Thank you


There are as many ways to raise a kid as there are kids. Take my post
for what it's worth to you and toss the rest. Good luck to you.



Your opinion and advice are very appreciated and has much worth to me, thank
you . Bev
lm








  #25  
Old March 22nd 04, 03:43 AM
Bebelestrnge
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people


Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: "Betty"
Date: 3/20/2004 2:18 PM Eastern Standard Time



snip


Bev, I am not a teenage mother, or the parent of one, so I am not going to
pretend to know what you and your daughter are going through.


We are learning a lot...........
She is learning that I can't do as much as she wants me to , like for instance
tonight she asked me again as she always has "can you check the babies bath
water for me ?" I was doing this ya know ..........
I said what would you do if I was not around and she made one of those teenage
sarcastic sounds and stomped off to bathe Jaime. Oh Well ! this too shall
pass. I am learning to let go some more.


However, With you helping them out so much, and by the sounds of it, pretty
much raising their child, you could be setting them up for a hard fall if,
God forbid, something should happen to you.
If tomorrow you failed to come home, would your daughter and her BF suddenly
be able to be parents 100% of the time?



To be honest Betty , we have not been "raising " Jaime, Loving the heck out of
her and enjoying being able to be a part of her everyday life until they move
out on their own. The schedule we chose to take was for two reasons or maybe
three......
One was it is very important to me that my daughter gets to continue her
education just like the daddy is. She does not have it easy in school she is
learning disabled.
Second would be because Jaime is so young and it is so winter and so bitter
cold , I wanted her to not be drug around out in the cold to a daycare
situation only weeks and monhs old.Those "other" children carry germs ya know

Thirdly yes I am
very much so still suffering from "fear of loss" so every possible protection
mechanism in me is activated.I could not sleep for long periods of time the
first month I had to check and make sure she was breathing ........ ugh. It is
getting better.
My daughter could indeed do it herself I am sure and I have realised she
is using us as much as possible and I think that is the teen in her . Her B/F
has no clue he has to be told to change her,feed her , make formula etc. He is
acting very much like one of those guys that sees it as womens work to take
care of the kids and I am biting my tongue a lot. The point you make about
"what if" I should not come home one day............yeah that could happen and
I agree If I don't let them do it without my two cents they may not know what
to do. I had already decided weeks ago that they would take the baby for her
Drs. appt. and WIC appt. I stayed home .

My son's father died when he (my son) was 2. I was 35 years old, working
and had my life totally together.
Suddenly I was a single parent with almost no support.
That was hard enough for me, I can't imagine having to go through that as a
teenager.


sorry for your loss, I can say I know the pain and struggle I went through and
still go through some days..........my kids were much older 18 and 13, Gayles
kids were young adults when she died, I could not imagine having a 2 yr. old
and going through it. I do try to not throw too much on my daughter cause I
still see her grief and I still remember what we went through in the beginning
and It surely scares me . She is on 40 milligrams of Prozac daily for the
depression. We are still on baby steps. I think my problem with letting go is
grief related I am not sure.

Your daughter may still be a child herself (all teenagers are) but she made
the choice to become a parent, And that means giving up her childhood.
I commend you for trying to help your daughter out as much as you can, but
in the long run you may be doing her more harm then good.

It might be time for you to take a stand, and say "you're the parents" now
you have to act like it.
Trust me, if push comes to shove, your daughter would step up to the plate
and become a responsible parent.

Yes I absolutely agree, thank you for helping me learn what is best. It is hard
trying to parent a teen and let go at the same time, matter of fact it sucks.
Bev


Anyway, just my 2 cents.
Betty










  #26  
Old March 22nd 04, 04:06 AM
Joelle
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

Second would be because Jaime is so young and it is so winter and so bitter
cold , I wanted her to not be drug around out in the cold to a daycare
situation only weeks and monhs old.T


Okay as someone who raised two kids in the midwest - 20 degrees is not "bitter
cold" (Try 30 below - now *that* is bitter cold) and there's no reason you
can't take babies out in the cold as long as you bundle them up good and don't
leave em outside.

You are awfully busy telling people how wrong they are that maybe you aren't
taking enough time to consider what they are saying.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle
  #27  
Old March 22nd 04, 04:11 AM
Abel Magana
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Posts: n/a
Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

  #28  
Old March 22nd 04, 05:17 AM
Betty
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Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people


"Bebelestrnge" wrote in message
...
snip


My daughter could indeed do it herself I am sure and I have realised

she
is using us as much as possible and I think that is the teen in her . Her

B/F
has no clue he has to be told to change her,feed her , make formula etc.

He is
acting very much like one of those guys that sees it as womens work to

take
care of the kids and I am biting my tongue a lot. The point you make about
"what if" I should not come home one day............yeah that could happen

and
I agree If I don't let them do it without my two cents they may not know

what
to do. I had already decided weeks ago that they would take the baby for

her
Drs. appt. and WIC appt. I stayed home .


Hi Bev,

I am glad to hear that you are making your daughter and her BF take more
responsibility. Not just for their own good, but for yours. From your
previous posts, it sounds like you are wearing yourself out. You wont be
any good to your daughter or your grand daughter if you end up in the
hospital.

I guess I can understand it being difficult for you to let go of your
daughter.
No matter how old our kids are, they are still our kids and we feel the need
to take care of them.
My mom was in her seventies, and still trying to take care of us kids.

I think it is great that your daughter is continuing her education. When
the time comes for her to start supporting her daughter herself, she will do
it much better with an education then without.

Betty


  #30  
Old March 22nd 04, 01:44 PM
Bebelestrnge
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Posts: n/a
Default I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people

Heh now I'll finish this, I went and hit the wrong key AGAIN ! Must be getting
spastic?
snip

Okay as someone who raised two kids in the midwest - 20 degrees is not
"bitter
cold" (Try 30 below - now *that* is bitter cold) and there's no reason


O.K. something about having my grandkids ..........right , I do know how to
take them out in the cold and never was it an issue for me before......... I am
not the same person I use to be Joelle. I know it. I have said previously I can
be "anal" This is what I mean by that........................I don't like this
"me" I am petrified to lose, I still worry whenever my daughter is away from me
, It is not the normal "worry" it is grief related. I explained this in the
post you are commenting on , you picked out something you could crap on me for
and instead of giving a **** about the point I was making you are treating me
like an Idiot ...thank you, I am not , I am sorry you find this necessary and
Oh Well.


You are awfully busy telling people how wrong they are that maybe you aren't
taking enough time to consider what they are saying.


I didn't realize opening up my feelings to explain so maybe someone can
understand what is in my head and help them to understand what is going on and
maybe they can help me think differently is telling people they are wrong, I
was not trying to do that and don't feel I did. I have taken so much of the
good advice I have received here and have been slowly doing what I should to
help my daughter take more responsibility. I have considered everything
everyone has said including you. I am here for help , I expected all of this to
happen , I have read here for three years I know who is gonna do what beleive
me.........fuggetaboutit. Bev

p.s....why do you think I am here in the first place? I recognised what I was
doing and needed a push in the right direction, talking to other parents
getting good advice and some gentle slaps upside the head yes this is why I am
here I don't have a circle of friends to talk like this with in real life "Oh I
can't believe I said that" No body has any kids around me except family and I
don't go there with these things. ahhhhhhhh double fuggetaboutit o.k.
 




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